Seeing these guys on screen makes my heart hurt, because I know deep down that never in my life will I have the chance to meet them, let alone see them in the buff.

But now I’m realizing that maybe I don’t want to. And maybe those boys aren’t quite as perfect as I once thought. In fact, they’re actually kinda gross.

Hairy asses? Pit stains? Digging for gold (in both nose and anus)? Sure, Gerard Butler is hot, but even he can’t make a booger look cute. And I don’t even want to think about running my hands through Grenier’s hair…down there.

Ew.

It’s pictures like this that make Madonna’s arms look sexy.