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	<title>CollegeCandy &#187; mafia</title>
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		<title>I Love Your Style: Adrianna La Cerva</title>
		<link>http://collegecandy.com/2010/03/17/i-love-your-style-adrianna-la-cerva/</link>
		<comments>http://collegecandy.com/2010/03/17/i-love-your-style-adrianna-la-cerva/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Mar 2010 15:00:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Cristina-Michigan State University</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Fashion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Style]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Adriana La Cerva]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[animal print]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fashion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fashion inspiration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[italian]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[leather]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mafia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[red heels]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sopranos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[style inspiration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stylist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the sopranos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[whack]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wife beater]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Being an Italian-American myself, I've always been drawn to things that rep' my ethnicity, whether its contributions like calzones, or "contributions" like The Jersey Shore.  But if there's one thing Italiano that I could never take my eyes off of, it was a little show called The Sopranos. <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=collegecandy.com&amp;blog=860993&amp;post=56565&amp;subd=collegecandy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em><em><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-56630" title="cerva" src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/cerva.jpg" alt="" width="301" height="301" />Who or what inspires your style? Many of us use movie characters (like <a href="http://collegecandy.com/2010/03/10/i-love-your-style-margot-tenenbaum/">Margot Tenenbaum</a></em><em>) or celebrities (like <a href="http://collegecandy.com/2010/02/24/i-love-your-style-courtney-love/">Courtney Love</a></em><em>) as style inspiration, even though, most of the time, they are being dressed from head to toe by the best stylists. Which we don’t have. And sometimes it’s damn near impossible to work their Hollywood looks into our not-so-Hollywood lives. I’ve made it my mission to tap into the mind of a fashion stylist and show you how to take your style inspiration – whatever it may be – and make it more you!</em><br />
</em></p>
<p>Being an Italian-American myself, I&#8217;ve always been drawn to things that rep&#8217; my ethnicity, whether it&#8217;s contributions like calzones, or &#8220;contributions&#8221; like <em>The Jersey Shore</em>.  But if there&#8217;s one thing Italiano that I could never take my eyes off of, it was a little show called <em>The Sopranos</em>.</p>
<p>Unlike most people, however, I wasn&#8217;t obsessed with the drama, the people getting whacked; it was the style that kept me coming back week after week. (OK, and that other stuff, but Adriana La Cerva, too!)</p>
<p>Adriana La Cerva is the fiancée of Christopher Moltisanti, the nephew and protégé of the boss himself, Tony Soprano.  Long story short, after getting caught up with the Feds and having no choice but to rat out her family-to-be, she ends up getting whacked.  And somehow she still looks bad-ass during the process.<span id="more-56565"></span></p>
<p>What I love about Adriana&#8217;s style is that it&#8217;s too-short, too-tight and too-much-animal-print, but still maintains some type of ethnic family values. You know exactly who she is when you look at her and, quite frankly, you know she&#8217;s hot. I love her look because it doesn&#8217;t encompass a certain era, but a certain heritage, pairing her too-short, too-tight leather dress with her gold cross.  Her look says, &#8220;I&#8217;ll work at a strip club, but I still eat pasta with my family on Sunday, too.&#8221;  She&#8217;s the kind of girl who will wear short-shorts and midriff-top instead of a skirt and polo to the play tennis, because the over-the-top Mafiosa look somehow totally works.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s just how things got done around there and you didn&#8217;t mess with that, capish?</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-56628 aligncenter" title="la cerva total" src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/la-cerva-total.png" alt="" width="473" height="328" /></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><em><strong>Outfit Details</strong>: Tank &#8211; <a href="http://www.target.com/Mossimo-Black-Microrib-Fresh-White/dp/B002UCEIVS/ref=br_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;frombrowse=1&amp;searchView=grid5&amp;searchNodeID=1293453011&amp;node=1293453011&amp;sr=1-3&amp;searchRank=salesrank&amp;searchPage=1&amp;searchSize=30&amp;id=Mossimo%20Black%20Microrib%20Fresh%20">Target</a>, $9.00; Skirt<a href="http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&amp;category%5Fname=btms%5Fskirts&amp;product%5Fid=2074683915&amp;Page=all&amp;pgcount=25"> &#8211; Forever 21</a>, $22.80; Shoes &#8211; <a href="http://www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Poppet-Suede-Mary-Jane-Strap-Shoe/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=675781&amp;cid=4172&amp;Rf-100=Shoes+-+Heeled&amp;Rf-800=-1,52.650&amp;sh=0&amp;pge=0&amp;pgesize=200&amp;sort=-1&amp;clr=Taupe">Asos,</a> $68.38; Necklace &#8211; <a href="http://shop.guess.com/ProductDetails.aspx?style=56799-21&amp;image=5679921-SLV&amp;root_category%7C=&amp;category%7C0=&amp;browse=1&amp;pt=Department.aspx&amp;rpt=ProductListing.aspx&amp;rlid=product">Guess</a>, $28.00; Jacket &#8211; <a href="http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&amp;category%5Fname=outwr&amp;product%5Fid=2070938529&amp;Page=1&amp;pgcount=100">Forever 21</a>, $24.80</em></p>
<p>Just like most style inspirations, taking signature aspects Adriana&#8217;s style and pairing them with modern pieces is the safest way to be inspired by her look without looking like you&#8217;re coming from a <em>Jersey Shore</em> theme party. So instead of going all out with a stripper-meets-Guidette leather mini dress, I opted for a leather mini-skirt and dressed it down with a simple ribbed tank up top. It still gives off a harder, fiercer, edgier look, but doesn&#8217;t make people wonder what you&#8217;re charging for the night&#8230;.</p>
<p>Animal print is pretty big right now (which is great news for anyone who wants to look like Adriana, as she had quite a love affair with the stuff), so if you&#8217;re feeling really bold, throw this fun leopard mini trench on top. And, of course, nothing complements a leather skirt quite like a pair of sexy, sky-high red heels (that also happen to be a way safer alternative to cement-shoes, if you catch my drift.) Oh, and if you wanna show the world your heritage, I&#8217;m loving this long, multi-strand cross. It&#8217;s modern and classic all at the same time and tops of this look perfectly.</p>
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		<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
	
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			<media:title type="html">Cristina-Michigan State University</media:title>
		</media:content>

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			<media:title type="html">cerva</media:title>
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			<media:title type="html">la cerva total</media:title>
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		<item>
		<title>Candy Dish: The Real Housewives of New Jersey Have Something to Say</title>
		<link>http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/27/candy-dish-the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-have-something-to-say/</link>
		<comments>http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/27/candy-dish-the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-have-something-to-say/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 May 2009 14:00:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>CC Staff</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Buzz]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[american girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[budget style]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jerry OConnell]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mafia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[real housewives]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[real housewives of new jersey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[red bull]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[red bull cola]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sandals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[summer style]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[• <a href="http://jezebel.com/5270262/real-housewives-star-denies-mafia-connection">The Real Housewives of NJ</a> aren't in the mafia, OK?
• So<a href="http://www.hollywire.com/the-news-dump/red-bull-cola-youre-liquid-cocaine/"> that's</a> why Red Bull cola works...
• <a href="http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2009/05/omg-alert-bloomers-are-back-wi.html">Bloomer's</a> are back?
• <a href="http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-american-girl-to-introduce-jewish-doll/">American Girl</a> goes Jewish.
• Jerry O'Connell changes our views on <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2009/05/26/jerry-oconnell-feels-the-need-for-speedo/">the Speedo.</a>
• <a href="http://www.fabsugar.com/3193749">15 affordable sandals</a> you need now.<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=collegecandy.com&amp;blog=860993&amp;post=30638&amp;subd=collegecandy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-30641" title="housewives nj" src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/housewives-nj.jpg" alt="housewives nj" width="340" height="204" /><a href="http://jezebel.com/5270262/real-housewives-star-denies-mafia-connection">The Real Housewives of NJ</a> aren&#8217;t in the mafia, OK?</p>
<p>So<a href="http://www.hollywire.com/the-news-dump/red-bull-cola-youre-liquid-cocaine/"> that&#8217;s</a> why Red Bull cola works&#8230;</p>
<p><a href="http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2009/05/omg-alert-bloomers-are-back-wi.html">Bloomer&#8217;s</a> are back?</p>
<p><a href="http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-american-girl-to-introduce-jewish-doll/">American Girl</a> goes Jewish.</p>
<p>Jerry O&#8217;Connell changes our views on <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2009/05/26/jerry-oconnell-feels-the-need-for-speedo/">the Speedo.</a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.fabsugar.com/3193749">15 affordable sandals</a> you need now.</p>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
	
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			<media:title type="html">ccandystaff</media:title>
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			<media:title type="html">housewives nj</media:title>
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		<title>5 Things That Should Be in Your Closet!</title>
		<link>http://collegecandy.com/2008/08/29/5-things-that-should-be-in-your-closet/</link>
		<comments>http://collegecandy.com/2008/08/29/5-things-that-should-be-in-your-closet/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:00:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Alex - Lakehead University</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Back to School]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Style]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cardigan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[denim]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flannel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fringe]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lindsay lohan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mafia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Nicole Richie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Olsens]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[paul bunyan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[plaid]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[short sleeve cardigan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vneck tshirts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wardrobe]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wide leg jeans]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:center;"></p>
<p>With classes starting, like, now (eek!), here are 5 foolproof items that will carry you throughout the year. Versatile, comfortable and reasonably priced, it&#8217;s a wonder you don&#8217;t already own them!</p>
<p>1. Short-Sleeve Cardigan</p>
<p>The collegiate look is in this year. It&#8217;s just a fact. And for those of you who aren&#8217;t exactly fond of the whole prep-school-blazer look, here is a much more subtle option. The short-sleeve cardi is super functional, being worn with a tank top or tee &#8230;</p><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=collegecandy.com&amp;blog=860993&amp;post=11357&amp;subd=collegecandy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/closet.jpg" alt="closet.jpg" /></p>
<p>With classes starting, like, now (eek!), here are 5 foolproof items that will carry you throughout the year. Versatile, comfortable and reasonably priced, it&#8217;s a wonder you don&#8217;t already own them!</p>
<p>1.<strong> Short-Sleeve Cardigan</strong></p>
<p>The collegiate look is in this year. It&#8217;s just a fact. And for those of you who aren&#8217;t exactly fond of the whole prep-school-blazer look, here is a much more subtle option. The short-sleeve cardi is super functional, being worn with a tank top or tee during the warm months, or a long-sleeve tee once it gets cold in your neck of the woods. Pick up one in a neutral color and see it become a wardrobe staple.<span id="more-11357"></span></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/sweater.jpg?w=239&#038;h=239" alt="sweater.jpg" height="239" width="239" /></p>
<p>2. <strong>V-Neck Tees</strong></p>
<p>Admit it &#8211; when you think of a v-neck tee, most of you recall images of either a) a hairy-chested mafiaoso or b) Lindsay Lohan wearing too-big shirts while frolicking around LA. So, needless to say, the v-neck has gotten an undeserving bad rap. But it is so much more than a uniform for the Godfather and drug addicts! V-neck is probably the MOST flattering cut of all. It skims over thin girls beautifully and if you&#8217;re bigger, it draws attention upwards, away from your tummy. Lots of stores, even Target, have caught on, so you really have no excuse not to pick one up.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/vneck.jpg?w=210&#038;h=322" alt="vneck.jpg" height="322" width="210" /></p>
<p><strong> 3. Plaid</strong></p>
<p>If just the word plaid brings to mind images of Paul Bunyan, it&#8217;s about time to get over it! Take one look at the fall runways and you will see plaid everywhere. And this trend couldn&#8217;t be easier to pull off. Add a bag or a pair of plaid flats to a neutral outfit for a bit of spice, or if you&#8217;re feeling adventurous, rock a plaid shirtdress. Even more functional, how about a bomber jacket, in the traditional lumberjack red check? The options for this one are endless.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/plaid.jpg?w=281&#038;h=268" alt="plaid.jpg" height="268" width="281" /></p>
<p><strong> 4. Wide Leg Jeans</strong></p>
<p>Although skinnys are certainly not gone (and I am so happy about that!), wide leg styles are making a HUGE comeback! Light washes give off a 70&#8242;s flair and are super cute paired with a tie blouse, while dark washes, a black top and a pashmina scarf simply scream chic. Check out your favorite jean store, such as American Eagle or Abercrombie for your own pair. The chain stores have already picked up on this one and so should you!</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/wide.jpg?w=168&#038;h=330" alt="wide.jpg" height="330" width="168" /></p>
<p><strong> 5. Fringe</strong></p>
<p>Keeping with the 70&#8242;s theme, leather fringe has been all over the runways. The most popular ways to wear this are going to be with over-the-shoulder satchels and suede boots. If you&#8217;re a bit more out there, how about a fringed vest? Your local thrift store is sure to have a few options in stock. Top this one off with a headband across the forehead, like <a href="http://img.timeinc.net/people/i/2006/stylechannel/blog/060904/nicole_marykate_400x300.jpg">Nicole Richie or one of the Olsens</a>, and you&#8217;ll rule the school.<img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/boot.jpg" alt="boot.jpg" align="left" /><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/bag.jpg" alt="bag.jpg" align="left" /></p>
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			<media:title type="html">Alex - Lakehead University</media:title>
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		<title>This Better Not Be My Nanna</title>
		<link>http://collegecandy.com/2008/07/16/this-better-not-be-my-nanna/</link>
		<comments>http://collegecandy.com/2008/07/16/this-better-not-be-my-nanna/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:30:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>CC Staff</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[HaHa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wired]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[computer screen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[digital camera]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flickr]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GILF]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grandma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gross]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[leather]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mafia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mature]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MILF]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[old]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[photos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[photos online]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[provocative posing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[website]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.collegecandy.com/haha/10477</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p><a href="www.flickr.com"></a></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="www.flickr.com"></a></p>
<p><a href="www.flickr.com">Flickr</a> is a crazy little website.  Pictures from all over the world, from crappy and boring &#8220;here&#8217;s me on the lawn, now here&#8217;s me laughing on the lawn&#8221; photos to beautiful, artist renderings of pristine landscapes &#8212; everything is contained, and easy to find, on this user friendly website.</p>
<p>Why, Flickr is so simple and easy even your grandma could do it!</p>
<p>And someone&#8217;s grandma certaily has.</p>
<p>I really can&#8217;t say how our office stumbled across <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/leather_chrissy/">this set of photos</a>&#8230;</p><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=collegecandy.com&amp;blog=860993&amp;post=10477&amp;subd=collegecandy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="www.flickr.com"></a></p>
<p style="text-align:center;"><a href="www.flickr.com"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/16/2291829034_5034e7ca68.jpg?w=454&#038;h=304" alt="2291829034_5034e7ca68.jpg" height="304" width="454" /></a></p>
<p><a href="www.flickr.com">Flickr</a> is a crazy little website.  Pictures from all over the world, from crappy and boring &#8220;here&#8217;s me on the lawn, now here&#8217;s me laughing on the lawn&#8221; photos to beautiful, artist renderings of pristine landscapes &#8212; everything is contained, and easy to find, on this user friendly website.</p>
<p>Why, <em>Flickr</em> is so simple and easy even your grandma could do it!</p>
<p>And someone&#8217;s grandma certaily has.</p>
<p>I really can&#8217;t say how our office stumbled across <a href="http://flickr.com/photos/leather_chrissy/">this set of photos</a>, but I <em>can</em> say that after searching through about 100 of them, I have never wished there was eye sanitizer more than at this exact moment. I mean&#8230;what.the.hell.IS.this?!<span id="more-10477"></span></p>
<p>She calls herself a MILF (but judging by the photos she really could be a GILF), she has single-handedly killed off an entire herd of cows in order to cover her body with piece after piece of uber tight leather, her &#8220;provocative&#8221; posing looks more like she A) got clubbed in both kneecaps by the mafia, B) is getting arrested by invisible cop ghosts, or C) is just standing around staring at the wall, and she doesn&#8217;t show her entire face but certainly shows enough to be recognized (if god is merciful not by her kids).</p>
<p>In today&#8217;s society, anyone with a camera and the ability to upload hundreds upon hundreds of pictures can become a star, and &#8220;LeatherChrissy&#8221; certainly seems to have the panache to rocket her &#8220;mature MILF&#8221; status to computer screens <em>everywhere</em>.</p>
<p>My brain is currently malfunctioning (too many images I never wanted to view have been viewed), so I can&#8217;t quite figure out what the moral to this story is&#8230;but I guess if I had to take a guess?  Don&#8217;t leave gran home with the digital camera.</p>
<p>[<span style="font-style:italic;">PS: someone in our office was certain LeatherChrissy was </span><a href="http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c39216b5a0ab0116b5a819a20010">this lady</a><span style="font-style:italic;">...I don't think so.  Because if it was, the earth would be exploding right now from incomprehensible ridiculousness</span>]</p>
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			<media:title type="html">ccandystaff</media:title>
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		<title>An Open Letter to Katie Holmes (in hopes that one day she&#8217;ll see the light)</title>
		<link>http://collegecandy.com/2007/09/13/an-open-letter-to-katie-holmes-in-hopes-that-one-day-shell-see-the-light/</link>
		<comments>http://collegecandy.com/2007/09/13/an-open-letter-to-katie-holmes-in-hopes-that-one-day-shell-see-the-light/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jess - NYU</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[HaHa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cult]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dawsons creek]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay celebrity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[katie holmes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lobotom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mafia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pregnant]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[religion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scientology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[staten island]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tom Cruise]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ultrasound machine]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://collegecandy.com/haha/5224</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:center;"></p>
<p>Dear Katie,</p>
<p>Remember when you used to smile?  I mean, really smile.  Not that Tom-Gets-Mad-If-I-Don’t-Grin smile. Remember when you dressed your age and actually spoke?</p>
<p>Where did those days go?  Has Tom done something to your brain?  He hasn’t <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobotomy">lobotomized</a> you, has he?  I wouldn’t put it past that guy to have a complete lobotomizing room in his basement.  Has he given you shock therapy?  I know he wanted to buy <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10309963/">his own ultrasound machine</a> at one point, maybe he &#8230;</p><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=collegecandy.com&amp;blog=860993&amp;post=5224&amp;subd=collegecandy&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:center;"><img src="http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/13/katie_holmes_wallpapers_2.jpg" alt="katie-holmes-nude" /></p>
<p>Dear Katie,</p>
<p>Remember when you used to smile?  I mean, really smile.  Not that Tom-Gets-Mad-If-I-Don’t-Grin smile. Remember when you dressed your age and actually spoke?</p>
<p>Where did those days go?  Has Tom done something to your brain?  He hasn’t <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobotomy">lobotomized</a> you, has he?  I wouldn’t put it past that guy to have a complete lobotomizing room in his basement.  Has he given you shock therapy?  I know he wanted to buy <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10309963/">his own ultrasound machine</a> at one point, maybe he just had them throw the shocks in for free?</p>
<p>I was looking as some pictures of you recently, and I’ve noticed that all the joy has seeped away from your face.  I’ve also noticed that you’ve started to dress like my mom—if my mom was super rich.  This unsettles me because I’m pretty sure we’re the same age. <span id="more-5224"></span></p>
<p>You know, I was never your biggest fan (your cutesy act never really worked for me on <a href="http://www.dawsonscreek.com/">Dawson’s Creek</a>, and after that I couldn’t ever picture you as any other character), but I feel like it’s my duty as a female, as a woman who knows what it’s like to have dreams, to urge you to break free of the crazy bastard you married and run far, far away.</p>
<p>I bet he tells you you’re career will be ruined if you ever leave him.  At night, while he sits by the fire thumbing through old <a href="http://www.xenu.net/">Scientology</a> textbooks and you’re waiting out those required ‘<em>being a wife to Tom Cruise</em>’ hours, I bet he tells you that leaving him would be useless.  Much like a cartoon villain, he tries to suppress your desire to live.  He may even sing a song about <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=Vi4o2cG_SsI&amp;mode=related&amp;search=">these evil mind games</a>, a la Disney.</p>
<p>But I’m writing this to tell you that it’s not true!  What you don’t know is that the country is rooting for you.  Women everywhere are secretly horrified at what’s happened.  We can’t imagine what it must be like to be linked for all eternity to a man who’s obviously gay and <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5883772879840922003">crazy</a>, but so rich he can almost single-handedly keep a weird cult in mainstream religious society.  It must be frightening, Katie.</p>
<p>Escaping can happen.  Mexico.  Australia. There are places.  Honestly.  I know a guy in the Mafia who can help you out.  Call me.  You don’t mind Staten Island, right?</p>
<p>Be strong, Katie.  And always remember that a true husband never requires separate beds—or that you wear a <a href="http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/04/holmesSPLASH060406_300x450.jpg">basketball under your shirt</a> to convince the world of the power of his sperm.</p>
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			<media:title type="html">Jess - NYU</media:title>
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