Dear Dude,

I’ve got a bit of a dilemma on my hands.  I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve come close, but no guy ever wanted to be more than a fling or something other than a friend. I have, not unlike a recent post to you, been perpetually pushed into the friend zone. Something of a specialty of mine.  I suppose in compliment to me, most guys I’ve hooked up with (I mean PG level hookup only..I’m not the type to go all the way without a relationship) in the past have always wanted to maintain an active friendship with me and are usually making the bigger effort. All the while making it clear they want nothing else.

This has been fine and it’s nice to have guys as close friends I can rely on, and feel wanted by in a respected way.  What becomes a problem is my position as not only a friend, but I tend to become a pseudo-girlfriend without any of the actual benefits or titles thereof.  Time and time again I will befriend a guy, we’ll be close and I somehow become the one he calls every Friday or Saturday night to chat. At one point, one of my best guy friends and I were around each other so much most people assumed we were dating.  Normally I’m happy to have close friendships like this; after all it gives me company too and I appreciate the friendship that’s there.

But every time without fail, no matter how long we’ve been friends, as soon as another girl enters the picture as a potential love interest or relationship everything drops off the map. A guy friend I talked to every week or for ages, all of a sudden I don’t hear from for months. No explanation, no real responses to my messages/texts, nothing. At least two of these cases it’s only me that the guy seems to be ignoring more, not his guy friends. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (He dumped me - why won't he stop texting?!) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dude,
I have this co-worker that we have been close friends for about 3 years. We live in different areas and are in different offices for the same company. Anyway, about 6 months ago we started flirting and he said that he has always liked me and been attracted to me, stated that he was shy and that it was why he never said anything before. Two months ago we made out, once. After, we continued our friendship like nothing happened. He emails me almost daily and calls me regularly, but hasn’t made an effort to get together.  I went to his office for work this last week and he made several comments about how good I smell and that I have beautiful shoulders. He never made a move though.  I just need some insight; is he shy and is into me, or should I just forget about it and move on?

Sincerely,
Sarah Lacking Insight Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,
Without sounding conceited, I’m smart, funny, pretty and I’ve got an hourglass figure. My problem is that I’ve got a whole lot of personality and apparently I’m intimidating to guys. Whenever I go to parties, I get hit on but it never goes anywhere because although I act really outgoing, I’m secretly shy when it comes to guys and, ironically, I am attracted to guys who are also shy.

None of my friends would believe it, but I can’t for the life of me ever think of what to say to a guy. I’ve tried visualizing them as girls, but it never works, I just can’t get comfortable around them. Part of my problem is that my best friend, who I’ve known since I was a kid, is gay, but I didn’t figure that out until recently. When we hang out together, it’s like we’re two girls. Now every time I’m with a guy, I expect it to be the same level of ease, but it never is. Even with my guy friends, I’m not at ease and would never call them to hang out alone.

Can you think of anything to help me out? I’m getting desperate here.

Thanks,
Tongue Tied.

P.S. I always find out their interests and steer the conversation onto that topic, but I still can’t seem to make anything of the flirtatious encounters.  Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,

There’s a lot of questions about guys and girls being ‘just friends’, so I have one for you. I’ve been friends with this guy since senior year of high school and we are now juniors in college. The two of us are sharing an apartment next year (just the two of us) and we hang out one-on-one all of the time. We have never gone romantic, but we have gotten physical, like wrestling around on my bed and cuddling. He quizzes me on ‘my type’ of guys but will also say my sister/friend/housemate is hot (when we are alone). He says he’s confident with people but he has also said that he lacks confidence in the sex department. I really like him but I’m worried that I never take a hint when he is flirting with me and I turn him away. So, whatcha think? Should I bring up my feelings to him?

Thank you,
The Friend

P.S. We’re both single and haven’t dated anyone since we’ve known each other.

Read More »

My roommate has recently become obsessed with the new Weezer song and she’s constantly shouting, “Girl, If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to,
 so make a move, (Make a move) ‘cos I ain’t got all night.”

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready? Read More »