Yo Dude,

I’m just going to start this off by saying that I have no game, whatsoever.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I’m pretty shy and don’t really speak up when I want something.  If I meet a guy that is good looking or seems nice, I normally won’t go after him unless he shows some interest first.  Unfortunately, this has landed me in a rut lately and I’m finding myself in a situation that I need to take charge of.

I recently met a guy (who just so happens to be my neighbor in my apartment) and I feel like nothing is going to happen if I don’t do something first.  But the problem is I don’t know what to do!  Asking him to come over and hang out just seems silly to me yet the most logical since we live right next to each other.

Dude, can you help me with my game?  I hate putting myself out there but I want to get to know this guy!  Or any guy for that matter!

Sincerely,
Gameless Read More »

Got a question for La Tuff?! You bet your bootie she’s got an answer for you!! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get those things answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
This is such a typical question but one that pops up all the time, so here goes:

So this summer, I worked with a guy. Drooled over his good looks (along with all my other co workers) but didn’t really get to know him all that well until the very last week, where we met up for coffee. We talked nonstop for 3 hours and I found myself having a better time than expected! I go to a school in another city, so we’ve been texting occasionally for about…4 months now. We see each other every time I come home, pretty much once a month and always have lots to catch up on. I, to be totally honest, don’t know how I feel about him. On one hand, we have good chemistry and he’s smart, funny and I love spending time with him. On the other, he’s 5 years older (enough to feel a little bit of an age gap), not so much into the concept of love and relationships, and just seems to be in another league than me. He always picks me up from home when we hang out, and has paid for dinner but we haven’t ventured onto the topic of dating at all.

I’m a huge wuss so I almost always never make the first move, but I feel like maybe I should this time. The fear of rejection or me not actually being into him makes our current friendship seem more valuable, but I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to explore every feeling fully. It’ll be another month before I see him again, and I don’t want to slip into the friend zone without deciding that’s what I want. Am I kidding myself if I think that maybe he’s not making a move because he wants to wait until I’m back for the summer? What do you think?

Love,
Mixed Feelings Read More »

Alright, we’ve been through this familiar phase one too many times. There’s that cute guy in your English class, you make eye contact, exchange a few words, and then you call every single one of your friends to fill them in with excruciating detail. Then, a few weeks go by, nothing happens, and this routine soon becomes much too unexciting for you.

So…what happens next?

Is it okay to wait for English cutie to make a move, or should you be that bold girl who walks up to him and shatters his expectations? And if you do make that “forbidden” first move, does that mean you’ll be making moves for the rest of the relationship? That you’ll be in charge? That he can just sit back and enjoy the ride?

That’s what some people think, but I am not one of them.

I’m a big believer in going for what I want, because if not now, then when? If that were me, I wouldn’t hesitate in asking English cutie out to lunch because I’ve really got nothing to lose.

The problem is, many people fear “breaking the rules” of typical relationships or taking charge changes each partner’s roles in said relationships, too. Many people also fear that a woman who makes the first move is then in control of the relationship as a whole and no longer needs to be courted or romanced.

I simply do not agree. Despite the fact that I may ask out English cutie, when we do go out, I will still expect him to open the door for me, treat me like a queen, and, most importantly, to make the next move if he likes me back.

No, I am not a stuck up girl who expects every guy to bow down to me. That’s ridiculous. What I mean is that I am confident with myself and I know what I deserve from guys. Simply because I decide to change up the game does not mean that I have decided to lower the level of respect I both expect and deserve. Why? Because having a guy open the door for you does not mean you can’t open it yourself, it means that he thinks you’re amazing enough to go out of his way and do it for you.

Sure, saying that guys need to maintain their respective role in the relationship can conflict with gender stereotypes. I understand that. But does the modern woman becoming more confident and self-assured mean losing the respect that was once there? Are all the go-getter type of women suddenly seen as less respected, intimidating, and less than worthy of a little romance?

The answer to these questions will never be clear cut, but one thing is for sure: regardless of what changes our dating world is going through, it is important to realize that no woman should ever lower her standards just to keep herself in the game. It’s not the things that guys buy you that represent the respect in a relationship, but simply their behavior and mannerisms around you. I’m not saying dump him if he refuses to pay for your dinner or doesn’t bring flowers on the first date, but just follow your gut. Does he make you feel special or are you always initiating the moves?

For example, I once dated a guy where I made the first move in getting his contact information. Yet, after the relationship progressed, I noticed that he always forgot our month anniversaries, only called every so often, and consistently put his friends before me. This was definitely a red flag of disrespect! I was constantly questioning my happiness with him because I was more content hanging out with my friends than going out on a date with him. Not willing to be the relationship ring leader (or the only one who was even really there), I ended things with him. I went into the relationship because it was something I had initiated and wanted, but I left the moment I felt unappreciated.

So ladies, do your thing that makes you unique and exceptional from the rest. Be fearless in making your moves, flirting your way to his heart, and following your gut. But stop for a moment and make sure you’re getting as much back as you’re putting in. It’s fine to take charge (in fact, it’s exhilarating to go for what you want!), but you deserve a whole lot in return.

And to all those guys who can’t take a hint, get this: I may not be shy to ask you to hang out, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to court me like the gentleman you are. Bring on the flowers, dinner dates, cute texts, and late night phone calls…if not, I’ll find someone else to put the moves on.

Oh, sweet November—overnight, Starbucks has switched to holiday cups, Christmas-themed commercials are beginning to air, and I’m starting to get a serious hankering for turkey. I can’t wait to get a spiffy new pair of mittens—maybe designed by Lady Gaga?—and enjoy my last winter in college.

In the meantime, though, this week has given me a lot to think about. Here’s what’s been on your favorite CC writers’ minds over the past seven days:

- Even though getting old might mean that Halloween gets a little less fun, it doesn’t mean that you have to get any less awesome. Unless you join the National Parents Council.

- Hot men covered in cheese? Sounds surprisingly delicious.

- We hope our girl Rihanna isn’t opening up now for less-than-noble reasons. Either way, we’ll still listen to her music—even if there is more ridiculous stuff out there.

- There’s no better time than now to get over your lipstick-phobia, put on a pair of heels (or not), make the first move on the first hottie you see, and take him back to your place for a little one-on-one that’s sure to please. Just don’t be that girl. Please.

Boys. What a confusing subject. More confusing than my European History class and Biological Bases of Behavior class combined, and they’re tough enough alone as it is. You think they feel one way and it turns out they feel the exact opposite; sometimes good, other times bad. If they’re were an award on Most Mixed Messages Sent In One Night, boys would definitely take the cake. And the trophy. And then celebrate with a beer bong.

Right now there’s this guy I kind of have a crush on but I have no idea what he’s thinking so I’m not sure what to do. My sorority and his fraternity always have mixers together, and no matter whom our respective dates are we always end up dancing together in the end. At our last function we hooked up and exchanged numbers, but then, thanks to Swine Flu and a class field trip (yeah, we still have those), I couldn’t see him for weeks. We’ve been doin’ a bit of flirxting (that’s text flirting…start using it) but nothing real has happened so far. I know some people think ladies should suck it up and make a move, but I tend to hang out in the guys-always-make-the-first-move corner.

And he’s not making one. Should I?
I’m torn. Read More »

My roommate has recently become obsessed with the new Weezer song and she’s constantly shouting, “Girl, If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to,
 so make a move, (Make a move) ‘cos I ain’t got all night.”

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready? Read More »