Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list…or that list, because I don’t really do groceries (there is a reason why they deliver pizza) and to-do lists are totally not my scene (if such a scene even exists) and, unfortunately, I haven’t added to that list in quite awhile.
This week I’m focusing on the “click click flash” that consumes your weekend. You go out, someone inevitably breaks out the camera (every 4 minutes) and you start posing like you’re ready for the cover of Nylon. Great idea, but these pictures are going to end up on Facebook for the world to see the next day when you’re sober. Oof. And with today’s technology, you might be even caught in real time.
You’ve been working your game all night, leaning in just enough to show off the magic that is your Victoria’s Secret Deep Plunge push-up bra. Your hair is perfect, your makeup is flawless and you’ve done your signature laugh-and-touch-his-arm move every time he’s said something cute and funny.
Now you’re just waiting for him to lean in and kiss those perfectly glossed lips.
You like this boy; every last thing about him. He’s got the same major as you, you have mutual friends, he wears really great jeans and he even watches The Hills. Could there be anyone more perfect!? You’ve been dreaming about kissing him since the moment you met him and now you’re so almost there. He’s ditched his friends to talk to you in the corner of the party for the last half hour, so you’re pretty much sure this makeout sesh is in the bag.
After screaming into each other’s ears over the “Put It In The Bag” blaring from the speakers, he asks you if you want to go outside to get some air. The butterflies in your stomach start jumping around in excitement. Coyly, you agree to go.
He takes your hand (swoon!) and leads you outside. Your knees are trembling, but you pull yourself together and follow him through the crowd. Once outside, you begin to shiver. Not because it’s cold, but because you just know he’s going to kiss you and you’re at once nervous and excited. Read More »
After four outfit changes, 3 drinks and two near faceplants on the sidewalk (thank you, heels), you finally make it to the party. You’ve got a good buzz going, and an even greater cleavage situation thanks to Victoria and her secrets.
You push your way through the throngs of people, looking for some booze your friends. You stop and do the “Heeyyyyy!” with some people you know along the way, but keep things moving in the direction of the keg calling your name in the corner of the kitchen.
You grab a cup (of the red Solo variety) and get in line. The guy ahead of you is filling three cups – and also happens to be quite attractive – so you offer to help him out a bit. Soon you’re pumping the tap as he fills his cups, sharing a laugh at the drunk girl grinding against the fridge’s expense. He waits with you while you fill your own cup, then the two of you walk together into the living room where his friends are. Read More »
So you’re on your way to Sexy Town with your boy. There is heavy petting, clothes are flying around the room and you’re reeling to go when – oh no – he can’t…do it. He keeps trying to get things working, but it’s too late. The moment (and erection) is lost.
He’s embarrassed and, if you’re anything like me, you’re confused. Is it something you did? Something you said? The way you look? WTF?
Why does this happen? And how often? Is it him or you? More importantly, is it permanent?! There are so many questions and only one person who can answer them: the boy. But it’s not like you’re going to turn to him after his moment of defeat and ask, “What’s the deal with Mr. Limpy?” So, I got the next best thing: my favorite dude. Read More »
Hi sweetie. Long time no see. I take that back. I saw you last Friday. Same place, same hazy look in your eyes, different black dress that falls down to expose your bra. This one doesn’t have vomit on it… yet! Congratulations.
As much as going out and drinking in college is an integral part of your experience, I don’t think you serenading a fraternity with “Like a Virgin” into your half-empty Smirnoff handle (your makeshift microphone) while balancing on a coffee table is necessarily the right way to spend your Tuesday night.
You were very stylish at the beginning of the night. Your dress hung perfectly, eyelashes were curled, hair was straightened, heels were spotless and your jewelry matched. However, after those three, four or five shots of Patron? That sexy little dress you picked up at the Saks sale is riding up and showing off your embarrassing leopard print boy shorts. The mascara you so diligently applied is now running down your face after your tearful breakdown about how much you “love everyone sooooo much” and “like, can’t wait to have you all as my bridesmaids.” You seem to have more hair in your face than in your ponytail and one of your high heels is nowhere to be found. Check yourself, honey. Read More »
[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]
After four long and frustrating years of sexual tension, my high school crush and I finally had our first hot makeout sesh the first week of college. That is if you consider making out with some nature special about tarantulas playing in the background to be hot. Regardless, it happened and I was oh so excited. I didn’t want to take things too far that first night, so I acted coy, pushed him away, buttoned up my shirt and left.
We spent the next week flirting on IM and, since he lived in the dorm next to me, running into each other randomly on the way to class. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t so random. Maybe I spent a lot of time outside hoping he’d walk by. Either way, he called me on a Friday night and asked if he could come over. Read More »
[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]
I hadn’t known John* very well, so when I got a text at 11pm saying “I’m bored, come hang out” I should have immediately seen the booty call red flag. Especially because we had set up a first date for the next night, but John was hot and he cracked me up so I was excited to see him. When I got there, he answered the door and immediately shushed me. You see, his parents were sleeping and John wasn’t allowed to have girls over past a certain hour.
Dating a guy who lives with his parents isn’t so awesome, but we’re all broke college students so I tried to understand as he hurried me through the pitch black living room scattered with baby pictures and Precious Moments figurines. I was a little less understanding when he led me straight into an ottoman. I fell, and not a small fall either. I fell down, on the ground, wincing in pain. But again, I was crushing so I picked myself up grabbed his hand and tried not to think about my scraped knee.
After spending a good chunk of yesterday in a dark, dingy basement bar with no windows, I started thinking.
Thought #1: I’m never drinking again
Thought #2: This bathroom floor is far to gross to lay on while I attempt to rid my stomach of too many green sharkbowls.
Thought #3: Wow, that dude I made out with was really gross. Who knew I had a thing for long beards and mohawks when I’m drunk?!
Thought #4: PIZZAAAAAAA.
Alcohol makes us do some pretty stupid things. Like peeing in public places, flashing people (yes, I saw a girl doing that…at a restaurant), and finding the most unattractive of people simply irresistible. Read More »
They are always exciting and romantic and make me weak in the knees. Well, the ones with people I like, at least. I’m not counting those drunken makeout sessions with some creeper who attacks you out of nowhere while you’re enjoying a night out with the girls.
The first kiss is a pivotal moment in any relationship. After waiting forever (be it weeks, days, minutes…), wondering if he/she wants to kiss you as much as you want to kiss him/her, your lips finally meet and it’s all fireworks and passionate background music.
….Or slobbering sounds and teeth knocking into eachother.
Yeah, we may all want that romantic first kiss scene that we’ve seen in all our favorite movies (Slumdog Millionaire) and TV shows (Full House…with the “ooooo”s coming from the fake live audience), but there are a lot of really bad kissers out there. And somehow we keep finding them.
The question is: is a bad kiss enough to turn you off completely? Does a little (ok, a lot of) drool cancel out the great conversation, cute eyes and fact that he actually brought you flowers? Or is that something that can be worked on?
The first lesson I remember learning was the importance of sharing. I had to share my toys, I had to share my feelings and I had to share my gum with the rest of the class. Now, call me selfish, but I believe that some things in life should not be shared.
STDs, for example. Or guys?
In my mind, once a friend dates a guy, or cozies up with him for more than one night, he’s off the market to the rest of us. I mean, there’s a reason they call it “Sloppy Seconds,” right? But I’ve learned that it’s different for guys; they don’t mind hooking up with someone else’s leftovers. In fact, I know lots of girls who have made their way through an entire group of guys and none of them seemed to mind.
How can that be? Can guys really share hook ups like girls share tube tops? Let’s see what our guy had to say… Read More »
Dear Drunk Girl,
I’ve had quite a few first kisses.
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