Everyone raise your glasses for I would like to make a toast!

Today marks the 140th birthday of our good and loyal friend, Vaseline.  Here is to all of those good times we’ve had when we’ve needed you most. I keep you by my bed, in my bag, and in the car. I pick you up, dip my finger in your gooey residue and primp and prime to my utmost pleasure. You’re cheap, you’re handy, and you’re my BFF.

Cheers.

Seriously, after finding out it was Vaseline’s 140th birthday today, I went to find my own container and rubbed that shiz all over my elbows in celebration. This stuff is the best and, like any cheap vodka, it’s a college girl’s BFF.

Why, you ask?  Let us list the ways.

1. It makes your eyelashes grow: As long as you aren’t shacking up with the cutie you’ve been studying with, lather Vaseline all over your purty eyelashes overnight and watch them thicken and grow like a Chia pet come morning!

2. To Soften your weines [pronounced: wee*niss]: Vaseline is a great pick-me-up for dry elbows.

3. To Pimp out your cuticles: Store a mini-Vaseline container in your purse and utilize for emergency dry cuticle moments. And if you just really want an excuse to not take notes in lecture.

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Note: This is NOT me and my friend. We're girls.

Last year for Halloween my best friend and I dressed up as Ernie and Bert, complete with yellow and orange face-paint.  Can you say ‘hottest costumes ever’?  The guy I was hooking up with didn’t seem to think so.  I had seen him out earlier in the night and when we texted later to meet-up (read: hook-up) he said, “I’m on my way over. Wash that sh*t off your face before I get there.”

Ouch.

You mean you don’t think I’m hot when I’m wearing bright orange face-paint? Harsh. But I wasn’t ready to end my Halloween night hookup-less, so I proceeded to the bathroom to scrub “that sh*t off my face.”  But it turns out that washing off layers of face-paint that took a half hour to apply was tricky. And when he finally did show up I just looked like Bert…with a melting face.  If only I had been prepared with the right equipment to return to my natural skin color ahead of time.

Whether you are putting on face-paint, false eyelashes, or just regular makeup that is heavier than usual, it’s all gonna need to come off at the end of the night (especially if you want some Hallow-sexin).  So arm yourself ahead of time with these helpful heavy-duty makeup removal products and you’ll have your real face back in no time.

To Remove Face Paint/ Heavy Makeup
Cold cream is your best option. Yes, it’s gonna feel gross, but so does a face full of giant zits in the morning from improper makeup removal or, worse, a face that has been scrubbed raw trying to get that ish off. If you want your skin to be truly clean, cold cream is the way to go.  Just use a cotton ball and apply the cold cream to your entire face (or other painted areas).  Let it sit for a few minutes and soak up that nasty makeup.  Then use a facecloth and warm water to rub off it all off. Follow up with a little rinse with water and you’re face is fresh and ready for bed (or booty).

Another option is to use baby oil applied and removed in the same way.  Even baby wipes are a decent option for face-paint removal.  (All of these products can be found at your local drugstore). Read More »