Here’s a little known fact about men and flirting: There are two types of male mindsets regarding the subject, dudes who assume you are always flirting with them, and dudes who assume you never are. It’s split 49%/49%/2% (2% of guys don’t flirt, they just think about legos and spank it later).

Of course, there are guys who are your friends. They don’t think you’re flirting with them when you talk to them, because you’ve established parameters. But this label is only applied to really good friends. Guys you’ve known for awhile. That dude you’ve been talking to all semester in math class? Doug? Yeah, I just talked to Doug. He was at the meeting. He’s not friends with you and your playful conversations about the professor’s righteous beard are him establishing ground work to ask you out.

This isn’t sinister. Doug just thinks you’re hot. Or maybe you talked to Doug first. Whatever the f*ck, who cares.

Of course, if you’d mentioned your F*CKING BOYFRIEND AT SOME POINT OVER THE LAST 9 WEEKS Doug might not be so presumptuous, but that’s for another time. No, don’t do it now. It’s too late to mention your bf now. Irregardless of your inability to slip that compound word in the hundreds of minutes you two have spent snickering, the point remains: Doug took your ‘Hey can I borrow a pencil’ as a ‘maybe we’ll have sex.’

This isn’t Doug’s fault. He’s just a type A male flirter. It’s not just you. It’s every girl, ever, in his age range, many men he meets (“DUDE, THAT GAY DUDE WAS ALL ABOUT THIS ASS”), and certain animals (“That turtle was totallying giving me the look”). Read More »