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Guys want Spanx, too!

The last decade brought about a wave of liberating changes for women. We stopped wearing pants. We (successfully?) raised children on our own (by choice, or by force). We kissed girls..and Russel Brand (and we liked it. A LOT.). We are so amazing, in fact, that men are starting to get a little jealous.

With every new year in the 2000′s (is that what we’re officially calling them?), new products for men come out that bring us one step closer to finally closing the gender gap that has existed since the beginning of time…and confirming the fact that Freud totally had the penis envy thing all wrong.

Makeup
Each morning we spend a glorious half hour (or more) skillfully covering our imperfections. First there’s foundation, then cover up and blush. Then we highlight our eyes with the perfect shades of shadow and make them pop with some mascara. Finally, we plump our lips, apply some gloss and smile at the beauty we’ve created in the mirror (which covered up the horror that was staring back at us upon waking up) before we happily flounce out the door looking shiny and new.

To be honest, I’ve always sorta felt bad for guys because they didn’t have the same luxury. If they have a zit, it’s there for the world to see.

But not anymore. Men have finally caught on. And not just emo rockstars. Companies devoted to makeup for dudes are popping up all over the place. In fact, seven out of ten men even admit they use women’s beauty products as part of their daily regime. So that’s where all my cocoa butter went!

Mantyhose
Pantyhose are the epitome of womanhood. They control the muffin top, tuck in the tummy and make it possible to sport our summer dresses in winter. They also happen to be horribly uncomfortable and might be the most annoying thing about being a woman. And now men get to join in on the fun! I’m not really sure why dudes want some of these to call their own – does this mean man-skirts are on the horizon? – but they’re here.

Extra Padding
Women have totes got the “if you don’t got it, fake it” thing down to a T. We know that if our boobs are too small, or we don’t got enough junk in our trunk, there’s a simple solution: padding. We’ve been sporting the padded bras for years and some of us have even gone so far as padded undies. And now the boys are finally catching on. I guess they were feeling a little left out (in addition to a little peeved when they got home and saw the heat – or lack thereof – we ladies were really packin’) so they joined in on the padded fun. Enhance away, boys!

Spanx

If women can suck, tuck and trim those waistlines with the aid of a (very difficult to slip on) undergarment, it’s only fair men can too, right? Welcome the BodyShaper Max t-shirt for the boys. This little guy will flatten out that beer belly and take care of the moobs giving the illusion that the guy looks like this under that bedazzled graphic tee.

Now all we need are high heels for the shorties and we’ll be equal at last.

Naturally, I was intrigued (come on – who wouldn’t be?). And the article was everything I expected: weird, uncomfortable and awkward. Sort of like a pair of pantyhose.

Apparently, men felt a little left out of the pantyhose/Spanx craze, so they decided to make it their own. Enter Mantyhose: a thicker, more durable pair of hosiery that lifts, sucks and warms its wearer.

Which is a man.

Men appreciate the new designs because they are made specifically for their bodies and their needs. And, according to one mantyhose fan, “It’s nice because they are specifically made for men, so I felt less weird about it.”

Ok, tell yourself that, buddy. You are still wearing pantyhose, and the fact that they are made for a man doesn’t make me feel any less weird about it.

I understand men wanting to have some of the luxuries that women have (like boobs, or access to a woman’s locker room), but hose? They are a product of the devil. Why hose!?

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Too cute for words.

Now, we have Manscara.

Looks like makeup for the male species is making its mark and not going anywhere. I suppose we have Pete Wentz to thank for that. Perhaps all you dudes should go a little easy on him? I mean, he is totally doing you a service right now. And ladies…don’t hate on the Dude Makeup just yet; there are so many wonderful things that come from it!

1. Cover up those imperfections. The idea of your man wearing a little makeup is far superceded by the fact that you don’t have to be embarassed about his narsty skin anymore.

2. You can share! We are all looking for ways to save a little moolah these days, and this is a great one! You only have to pay for half of a mascara, and Lord knows how expensive that stuff can get.

3. He finally understands why you take so long to get ready. And he will be right there next to you slowly applying that Guy Liner.

4. He will appreciate just how much it takes for you to spruce up for him. Putting on makeup gets old (fast) and guys never understand just how much work it is. Give them a little to play around with and the will learn (fast) that it is not such a cakewalk.

5. Blackmail: Even if makeup for men is becoming more popular, there is a (large) chance your boy may not want his boys to know. But you know. And he knows you know. And he knows you could spill the beans if things don’t go your way. Mwahahahahaha.