Earlier this month, we were asking where chivalry had gone – and I’m down with that, I’d like to know where the little sucker slipped of to, too. But what I want to talk about now is, if chivalry is gone, do we really want it back? And should we expect it?

No matter how you slice it, chivalry always smacks of gender inequality. And yeah, it’s a lot harder to complain about inequality when you’re the one benefiting from it, but shouldn’t we still stand up against it? Are we hypocrites if we don’t? Add to that the fact that most of the little things we ascribe to the idea of chivalry (flowers, love tokens, professions of undying love) are all essentially just methods of winning over or even buying our affections. Isn’t that something that we in the post-feminist era should rebel against on principal?

We’ve fought for years to say that we’re just as good as men, that we shouldn’t be treated differently – and now, like it or not, this lack of chivalry is basically just guys treating us exactly like they treat each other. Hello, feminist victory here!

But at the end of the day, say what you like about feminism, we aren’t all the same. Genders are different, not better or worse, but different and we will always, in some ways, want and need to be treated differently. Beyond that even, when you really break it down, chivalry is a respect thing – it’s good when a guy will respect you enough to at least offer to pick up the tab at dinner or hold out a chair for you. I mean, ultimately, chivalry is as much manners as anything else, and what’s wrong with expecting a guys to have manners?! There’s nothing inequitable or anti-female about wanting and expecting a certain level of manners and courtesy!

OK, on one side, I’m a Southern girl and I was brought up with a definite emphasis on manners so chivalry has always been up there on my list of things a good guy should have. But, at the same time, I’m also a modern girl and I really don’t care who opens the door – if you get there first, open it – no big, right? Are these contradictory ideas? Can we really have our cake and eat it too?

What do you think ladies? Does the idea of chivalry just hold us back? Or are we taking the whole gender equality thing too far when we can’t even be treated special?

Duke it out!

Anyway, these lists (lately) have been pretty mild and have settled down since my hipster-hating era. Let’s chalk that one up to me getting laid more frequently these days. Hurray! (Although, hipsters, I still am NOT impressed.)

This is not one of those lists. This week I have been pretty ticked off about, I don’t know, everything? I’d like to blame my new birth control but who knows? It could just be the weather or the fact that I fell on my face in front of about thirty people the other night when I attempted to drunkenly pounce someone and now my knee really, really hurts and I’m cranky about it and the only way I can make myself feel better is to dress up celebrities on Stardoll.com (Yes, I am aware that I’m 21 and, no, I do not care).

It does not matter. Here are the top ten things that annoy me, without fail.

10. Empty boxes left in the pantry or snack drawer at work
What the eff? When I want a granola bar and I see a box in the cupboard, I expect there to be a granola bar INSIDE the box. How hard is it to throw away an empty box after eating the last delicious S’Mores Luna bar? Seriously.

9. Ironing
Okay, can anyone else relate to this? I just feel like I’m pushing wrinkles to different spots. Extra annoying if I’m not even ironing my own clothes because for some reason I’m the designated laundry bitch in my relationship. I feel like Paris Hilton trying to be domestic – no skills.

8. Crowds
I live in the best place for that, New York City! The capital of crowds. I love when my grocery store is the size of most public bathrooms and everyone is playing bumper cars with their shopping carts. Also, a special thank you to the lady who stood in front of the dairy section for a good 10 minutes trying to decide between butter or margarine and caused a traffic jam in the entire refrigeration section because her demon child decided to take control of her cart. Thank you for making my Fairway shopping experience even more unpleasant than usual.

7. Pants
If I had it my way, I would wear a dress every day. But I can’t because of this stupid…

6. Freezing Cold Weather
It’s this time of year that I really start to envy old people. They all get to fly down to Florida and they get that cute name of “snowbirds” while I’m stuck wearing two hundred layers and six scarves and freezing my ass off. However, even this week, Florida has gotten stuck with this crappy cold weather too. (Haha! Take that, old people!) I don’t know who to point a finger at here: Global Warming or myself for ever deciding to live above the Mason Dixon line.

5. When People Don’t Respond to Texts
Okay, I understand you’re busy. But if I just need to know if I left something at your apartment, is it that hard to answer YES/NO?! Seriously. Just answer! I know you’re only occupied by eating Doritos and playing Madden.

4. No Manners
I admit, I am not always the most censored human being (shocker, right?) but I’ve been inundated with people with zero tact lately. Also an unfortunate function of New York City, it seems like everyone is born with a case of “I have a problem with everyone” itis. Seriously, would it kill you to smile? I would head back to the Midwest to see some kinder personalities, but then, of course, I have to deal with a whole crapload of #6.

3. People Who Are Good at Everything
And look really pretty at all times. And they’re really nice and involved in every activity and they saved the dolphins and they’ve been to every country in the world and they have the perfect life and the perfect job and the perfect family and they don’t even brag about it, they’re just amazing and why CAN’T I BE THEM?

2. When Gmail/Facebook Crashes
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

1. Ugg Boots
and Northfaces, slow walkers, undercooked meat, overcooked meat, orange pad thai, cold coffee, runny noses, rain, snow, humidity, the flu, swine flu, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Survivor, spilling, falling, hangovers, nausea from the pill, pantyhose, public transportation, cabs, getting almost killed by delivery guys on bikes, reruns, the phrase “Just sayin’!”, Sweetheart Sammi from Jersey Shore, traveling, Green Bay losing, and no more holiday cups at Starbucks.

This list could go on but now I’m really angry and need to eat a spoonful of peanut butter to calm myself down.

While I will never deny that my cell phone has allowed me the opportunity to amuse myself during a boring class, I understand that there is a time and a place for texting.  Please learn when it is appropriate to have a relationship solely with your keyboard.  In case you need some help, I have given some strict guidelines below.  Adhere to them or you will end up friendless. For real.

During a Broadway show: Whoever says that the little light from a cell phone in a darkened theater is not distracting to other people around them is LYING. Broadway tickets cost over $100, and it is never okay to distract an audience from someone’s beautiful voice with your clicky texting sounds. Furthermore, in small theaters the actors can see you texting. You can’t get much ruder than that.

During a movie: While significantly less expensive than most live theater, the continuous “click click click” sound and the cell phone light make me want to take my $12 Diet Coke and dump it all over you.

As an excuse not to call: While a couple of text messages are always appreciated, they do not replace a conversation. If you have a story to tell, don’t text it; pick up the phone and call.  It’s not that loving texts and cute stories are not appreciated, but it shows a lot more effort and care to have a ten minute phone conversation than to exchange 30 texts and have everyone around cringe at the endless vibrations.

Repeatedly during dinner: Maybe it is just that my mother forbade me from text messaging during the first two years of my cell phone’s existence, but I don’t think that when you are sitting down to a meal you should be staring down at your lap at your phone.  Are family dinners no longer sacred?

When you are with other people:  This is even truer when it is just you and one or two friends hanging out and you can’t just disappear in a corner for a little while. The best thing to do is to shoot of one text saying “With friends, ttyl,” so that your electronic friend knows you are not ignoring them but doesn’t suddenly expect you to sit there texting the whole night.

People always tell me that it’s rude to not answering text messages, but if something is really important, then it should be spoken, not communicated in a way that requires emoticons.  Please adhere to these rules so that we can all live in a world where face-to-face communication in still valued.

Thank you.

Let’s face it, you can mind your manners all you want but there’ll always be that jerk that comes along and pushes you off the swing set anyway *cough-Ryan-M-from-first-grade-cough* So here are some quick guidelines of how to deal with the Ryans of this world:

During a confrontation…

1. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
If someone’s walking straight at you and expect you to get out of their way, remember that it wouldn’t kill you to move over. Yeah, it’s a pain in the butt and yeah, that person is completely rude, but is it worth ruining your day over?

2. Stay calm under pressure.
As Miss Manners, I really can’t condone rudeness; however, I do understand that everyone has bad days and sometimes people honestly don’t know that they’re being rude. So if you catch an attitude at the get-go, they might see it as you being rude first. Never fight fire with fire. No matter what, speak calmly and rationally and perhaps they’ll realize how ridiculous they sound in comparison.
DO NOT: Act patronizing. If your calmness comes off as patronizing/douche-y, that’ll only set them off again. No one likes to feel stupid and you’ll just push their buttons if they feel like you’re looking down on them.
OR: Start a shouting match, especially in public. Then both of you are being rude. Plus it’s hard to be rational when you’re screaming/being screamed at.

3. Address the rudeness.
Say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, but it was really rude of you to steal my swing like that.” If they haven’t realized by now that they’ve been rude, now they know. And if they’ve already realized it and just don’t care, this will hopefully shame them into acting dignified. Stick to the facts and explain to them exactly what’s wrong with the situation.
DO NOT: Apologize unless you mean it. We can all tell when an apology is insincere and, trust me, it doesn’t make anyone feel better [especially if it was sarcastic].

4. If all else fails, leave.
Walk away from the situation. It isn’t the “weak” way out as some drunken frat boys may argue; it’s the adult thing to do. Be the bigger person and let it go. Yes, even if you’re right. You aren’t backing down, you’re walking away, which is much more mature.

PS: Violence is not the answer, kids. Make love, not war.

So, have you gotten into any confrontations lately? Did you do the right thing? How did you handle it? Tell me about it!

Miss Manners says: Nope. It’s better and more respectable if you’re upfront with the guy rather than lead him on out of pity/kindness.  And, let’s be honest, you don’t want to have to screen your calls for the next 6 months out of fear that he’s not moving on….

Try one of these tactics to deliver the news instead:

Lie. Ahhh… The cornerstone of all etiquette: the white lie. Apologize and tell him that you have a boyfriend or tell him you dropped your brand new Blackberry down the toilet (true story). Yes, of course lying is bad and oft looked down on, but sometimes a white lie is more forgiving than the truth – as long as you don’t get too crazy with your story (“I have a penis”) and nobody gets harmed in the process.
Be wary of: Betting caught in your lie. Trust me, it’s pretty humiliating and you could end up with the “bitch” label. And news of a bitch spreads fast.

Politely excuse yourself… and run to the nearest restroom/exit. Say, “I’m sorry but I have to go,” with an air of finality so he gets the hint.
Be wary of: Him NOT getting the hint and waiting outside the bathroom door for you. Creepy? Yes. Possible? Definitely.

Try the truth (nicely). My preferred method, of course, as long as it’s delivered with tact. You don’t have to be mean about it. An apologetic, “You’re just not my type” will get your point across and you won’t have to worry about it/him haunting you in the future.
Be wary of: Hurting him – although, to be honest, any method of rejection will probably bruise his ego. And while you never want to be a mean heart-stomping bitch, it’s time to do what’s best for you and not worry about the weird creeper in the process.

So in conclusion, rejection is a dirty business, but in some cases it just has to be done. Don’t ever feel like you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with because etiquette deems it so. If you don’t want to give that turd your number, don’t.

Anyway, I’m dying to hear about your rejection stories/tips. Leave a comment and tell me all about it!

Things are starting to fall back into their old routines, but it’s not the same. You’re an adult now, a house guest in your own home. Your house doesn’t really feel like your pre-college home anymore and the rules have all changed… or have they? Check out these Home-for-the-Summer House Rules:

Curfews. Yes, I understand that most of us are way too old to have curfews. This isn’t about that. It’s rude to stumble in at 1 in the morning and wake up the entire house. And regardless of whether you’re 12 or 22, you should probably give your parents a heads up if you’re planning to stay out late. Your parents will always be your parents and if their baby is still out “missing” with no warning, they’re going to worry/call the cops.

Chores. Just because you’re an ‘adult’ now (especially because you’re an adult now) doesn’t mean you can laze around all summer. Your mother is not your maid. If your parents are feeding you and letting you live rent free for the summer, the least you can do is pick up after yourself and help around the house. Chances are, the rents have realized that you’re going to be around for awhile and they’ve already put you to work anyway.

Visitors. Again, clear it up with your parents before you invite your entire sorority over for a midnight bash in your basement. Even if it’s just a couple of study buddies who want to hang for the night, be respectful about it. Poor granny might be trying to sleep in the other room!

Smoking/Drinking/Drugs. You need to accept that you’re not on campus anymore. “Experimenting” the way you do in school is not okay during summer break… especially not at 10 am in your living room. It’s disrespectful and it makes your parents question whether or not they’re wasting money on your education.

Er… Sleeping Buddies. I’m not knocking it, but I really don’t know why you’d want to have sex with someone while your parents are in the room down the hall. I mean, if that’s your thing and your parents are perfectly cool with you having sex under their roof, then, by all means, enjoy it. But make sure they’re okay with it. (Note: I have no idea how to broach this topic.) If you get the green light, remember to always warn them when you have a guest over – you don’t want your daddy to bust in swinging a bat because he heard some strange “thumping noises” coming from your room.

Sadly, the rules have not changed. Your parents can still pull the whole, “You live under my roof, you live by my rules” speech and as long as that’s true, you can’t do a thing about it. But don’t worry – only a few more months til jailbreak!

The clock has officially struck 5 (for us, at least…sorry West Coast), the booze is officially in hand, and we’re ready for the weekend! And, quite frankly, we deserve it. It’s been a busy week around here and we are really effing tired.

We learned what doesn’t mix well with alcohol, and that beer is really good for us!

We figured out why we can’t stop eating. (Though we still wonder why we can’t stop drinking…)

We spent a lot of time looking in the mirror; we are too narcissistic for anyone else to love us, after all.

We screamed at people for annoying us with their technology, and learned what is appropriate and what is not when it comes to using it.

We contemplated abstinence (sorta…), but only because we just do not want a baby and the birth control pill can kill us.

We tried to get our BF to cuddle with us by indulging his very naughty sexual fantasies.

Oh yeah. We also entered the CollegeCandy contest to see No Doubt for free.

And now we’re dunzo. And drinking. There is nothing quite like a delicious summer weekend. Especially when you know the cure for hangovers.

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

These days, it seems like the etiquette rules of the past just can’t keep up with the changing face of communication. Now, I like my cell phone as much as the next person, but there are some things you just shouldn’t do with a phone…

- Having a cell phone lets you talk whenever, whereever, but that doesn’t mean you should. It’s rude to talk on the phone in restaurants, movie theaters, libraries, lecture halls, opera houses (does anyone actually go to those?), etc. Keep your phone on silent. Duh.

- What’s more, it’s rude to talk loudly. I don’t mean the “slightly-above-normal-speaking-level” loud. I mean the “STRAIGHT-UP-SCREAMIING-INTO-YOUR-PHONE-LIKE-IT’S-A-MEGA-PHONE“ loud. If you have to scream, take it somewhere private. Otherwise, realize that the other person will hear you whether you’re screaming or whispering (preferably, talking normally). Plus it makes you look super crazy if you’re walking down the street screaming into a hidden Bluetooth.

- Ahh… Bluetooth. Useful for driving, useful when your hands are full, but not so useful for anything else. For goodness sakes, take it off your ear when you’re not on the phone. The thing is silly-looking and it’s completely unnerving to try and hold a conversation with someone who could be on the phone with someone else. Plus the blinking light is extremely distracting. Take it off.

- Loudspeakers are completely unnecessary (not to mention, obnoxious) in public. There’s no reason why anyone should have to listen to both ends of your conversation. Common decency, people.

- Yes, I know the Crackberrys, the iPhones, and the G1s are super addictive, but that doesn’t mean they should be permanently glued to your hand – or your ear! When you’re with someone, be with them. It’s rude to constantly text in the company of others (“Stop trying to be sneaky, I know what you’re up to. This isn’t high school, I can see you texting behind that menu.”) and even if you’re not texting, just fiddling with your phone makes the person talking to you think that you’d rather be somewhere else.

Maybe I’m selfish but when I’m with someone, I want them to focus on me. Not their email, not the playoff scores, not their online shopping. ME. Put the phone away (not on the dinner table next to the rolls, oh dear.) And if you absolutely MUST keep your phone on because you’re waiting on an important phone call, warn me first. I don’t want to be halfway through my pasta only to be interrupted by Daddy Yankee‘s “Gasolina.”

What about you? Is it just me or do cell-phone divas annoy you? Any other obnoxious things that people do with their phones that gets under your skin? Share!

For those of you who spend their flights on iPods, reading, or trying desperately to occupy themselves while stuck in a metal tube for a few hours with a hundred strangers, there are a some rules you should observe. So, sit back, relax, and listen up. Here comes the airplane etiquette:

Chatting With Your Neighbor:
If you happen to be a very social person, remember that your neighbor is not required to talk to you.  Just because someone happens to be sitting next to you (and your thighs may be touching) doesn’t mean that you two need to share your life stories and become BFFs.  And if this is something they don’t quite seem to understand, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them (politely) that you are too busy/sick/tired or whatever to talk. Or just put your earphone in (with or without the music playing) so they get the hint.

Arm Rest Possession:
I am pretty sure there is nothing more uncomfortable than sharing a 3-inch armrest with a large, hairy man. Wait, I take that back. Wrestling a large, hairy man for the armrest might take the cake. Common courtesy on arm rest possession is as follows: If you are on the aisle, take the outer-most armrest. If you are in the window, take the outer-most armrest. Let the poor sucker in the middle have both of the inside guys. After all, poor guy has the worst seat on the plane, let him have something.

Using the potty:
Restrooms on airplanes always have a line. If you are waiting in it, do not loiter in front of someone else’s seat so they have to lean over to avoid you. Also,  remember that the restroom is not a changing room or a place to perfect your make up before landing.  Get in, quickly do your stuff, get out (otherwise everyone on the plane will think you were doin a #2 and that’s just embarrassing).  Make it fast – there will be bathrooms in the airport for all the other stuff.  Also, on your way to the bathroom, it is acceptable to very gently wake your neighbor if you don’t have an aisle seat.  Nobody wants to wake up with your ass in their face while you’re climbing over them (especially not Eminem).  Since you have about two centimeters of room to work with, you have to work together.

General Respect:
The key to being a good passenger is respect.  Respect the other passengers by not invading their space, annoying the hell out of them (kicking their seat, opening and closing your tray, getting up every 20 minutes), or disrupting their flight experience.  Respect the flight attendants by following their instructions (if they haven’t said you can put your seat back yet, then don’t!) and staying out of their way when they’re serving food and drinks.  Respect yourself by not getting wasted on the flight (alcohol is much more potent at high altitudes) and arriving looking like a hot mess.

Oh and, just from personal experience, if you plan on watching a movie, screen that shiz before you turn it on. Full frontal + kid sitting behind you = really awkward situation… and some pissed off parentals.

I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I always leave salons with bad hair cuts. (Although I must admit the last one was my fault- it should have tipped me off right away when I realized the hair stylist did not speak a word of English.) Anyway, last week reader Josie asked us to feature an article on hair-salon etiquette: “manners pertaining communication with your hair dresser from conversation to tips, how to react if you don’t get the expected results, etc.” So here’s to you Josie..

Small talk. For most women (and some men), their hairstylist is their therapist, best friend, psychic, and lover (you know, hypothetically speaking) all rolled into one. What you tell them is completely up to you, but remember that while there is practically an unwritten rule about the stylist-stylee confidentiality, your stylist isn’t legally obligated to keep quiet. Just because you trust her to give you a killer hair-do, doesn’t mean you can trust her to not tell everyone about your cheating on your taxes, boyfriend, calculus exam, whatever. In fact, salons are havens for gossip, so just be careful.

On another note, if you don’t want to talk to the person cutting your hair, you really don’t have to. I’ve been there; once you run out of small talk (“Yes, it is hot outside, isn’t it?”) and have nothing more to add to the conversation, the silence gets pretty awkward. If you ever find yourself in this predicament, politely escape via magazine. Relax. It’s okay; just make sure to glance up now and then to make sure your hair is coming along the way you’d like.

Bad haircuts. What should you do if you end up with a bad cut? Ask them to fix it. And by “ask” I mean “tell.” Yes, it might be a pain in the butt for them to redo your hair, but remember that you’re paying them for the service. If your hair doesn’t come out exactly the way you want it to, it’s not rude to expect someone at the salon to fix it. It’s better for them if you speak up and get a haircut you love than to walk out unhappy and tell everyone where that mullet came from.

Note: This isn’t a free pass to be bitchy or to start crying and threaten her with the scissors. If you’re unhappy with the results, calmly explain to the stylist what’s wrong with the look, why it isn’t what you asked for, and offer up a suggestion on how to fix it.  This can usually be avoided by bringing a photograph/sketch of the exact style you want from different angles or explaining beforehand your definition of “just two inches.”

Tipping.

I hope that helped clarify some things. I’ve had my fair share of salon disasters (going in for red hair…coming out with purple?), so I’m pretty confident in these tips.

And once again, if you’ve got any etiquette conundrums, questions or gray areas you need help sorting out, let me know in the comments. I’ll be sure to help you out in next week’s column!