No, Smirnoff shots don’t count, people.

Here’s how to order a fun, fresh type of cocktail. Sure they might rack up your bill a bit more than those Dollar Pitchers, but they’re guaranteed to slow you down from slugging back shots and pounding brews. And, most importantly, they taste good. Like, really, really good.

Leave your favorites (and least favorites!) in the comments. Oh, and I obviously left off Cosmopolitans. They are just so creepy Sex and the City cougarific.

10. Long Island Iced Tea
Trying to get the most bang for your buck? The Long Island Iced Tea is the way to go! Sure, it may not be the tastiest, nor the smartest option, but it’ll sure give you the most for your money with tequila, rum, gin and triple sec all in one glass.

9. Margaritas (Pomegranate, Raspberry, Strawberry, oooh!)
Spice up your routine by asking for a fun flavor. I’m partial to raspberry, but some bars can even make banana or mango margs. Yumm!

8. Mai Tais
Almond amazingness. Sip these by the pool all day and skip the Cuervo.

7. Mojito
An absolute necessity to perfect if you want to impress your guests. This fantastic minty, sugary drink goes down easy and is one of the best summertime treats.

6. Woo Woo!
Sick of Sex on the Beaches? Simplify with a woo woo and drink up!

5. Cape Codder (simply: vodka cran)
Not a big fan of carbonation? Me either. This is why I stick with the Vodka-Cranberry-Slice o lime classic.

4. Peartini
Seriously, I didn’t even know they made Pear vodka... amazing plus amazing.

3. Passion Pop Rocks Martini
Sounds crazy? Well check out this entire bevy of bizzare beverages! From Ham and Cheese (ew) to Chocolate Truffle (yum), this article lists some of the most nutty drinks ever.

2. Espresso Martini
Mmm Godiva liquer and espresso-y drinks? If you can’t get enough of a caffeine fix from your Starbucks run in the morning, afternoon and, okay, in the afternoon again, bring your love of the coffee bean to the bar and sip on these lovely martinis.

1. Lindsay Lohan
Okay, so I made an exception. This is a shot, but it’s too good not to share. Ask your bartender for a Lindsay Lohan. If he asks what it is, just say, “I need a red headed slut shot with a little bit of coke.” Disco.

I love to have a big, hunka meat right in my face, teasing and seducing me.

I’m talking about dinner, you dirty birdies!

My fave plate of anti-vegetarianism is without a doubt the beloved meatloaf. But that’s one meal that can easily turn bland and pack in the saturated fat like Brit Brit on a junk food binge. Luckily, I came across an amazing recipe that’s gonna knock your flip flops off (if you still have them on; damn you, end of summer weather!).

This ain’t yo mama’s dry, crumbly meatloaf with mysteriously colored ingredients! Not only is this recipe simple and healthy (if you’re trying to maintain that bangin’ bikini bod), you can dress it up with your favorite flavors. In this recipe from Hungry Girl, we take taco night to the next level…the meatloaf level!

Ingredients:
1 pound raw extra-lean ground turkey
2 slices fat-free cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded fat-free cheddar cheese
1/2 cup canned sweet corn kernels
1/4 cup chopped green bell peppers
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup salsa
1/2 packet of taco seasoning mix (I use the entire packet…kicks it up a notch)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Cook peppers and onions for 3 minutes over medium heat in a nonstick pan sprayed with Pam.

3. In a large bowl, combine onions and peppers with turkey, corn, and seasoning mix.

4. Spread half the mixture evenly into the bottom of a loaf pan (about 9″ by 5″) sprayed with Pam.

5. Layer the two slices of fat-free cheese on top of the mixture. Evenly top with the remaining meat mixture and pour the salsa over the top of the loaf (by now you should be craving a strawberry margarita).

6. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes. Top loaf with shredded cheese and return to the oven for another 15 minutes (or until the gooey goodness has melted).

Now that your taco meatloaf is ready to feed you and 5 friends, whip up your favorite margarita and turn up the Ricky Martin playlist on your Ipod (What? You don’t have one too?). Livin’ La Vida Loca!

Whether you’re working it at a beach barbecue or a hot club, a cool drink in your hand is a necessity.  There are the old standby’s like Jack & Coke, cranberry & vodka, and Corona with lime (oh, so many memories…er…lack of memories) that are guaranteed to get you through the evening.  But why just “get through the evening” when you can sail through on the wings of something delicious and interesting?

Say you’re at a hip lounge in some downtown area.  A cute guy catches your eye and walks up to join you at the bar.  He asks you what you’re drinking.  Do you want to reply with something he’s heard a hundred times before (“Uh, Miller Lite?”) or something that will get the conversation (and maybe something else) started with a bang?

After much deliberation and research (and some taste-testing), we have come up with a list of the most fun cocktails for the long, hot summer ahead.  Go ahead, have one of these and let your glass sweat it out along with the poor guy you’re about to attack on the dance floor. Just click on the image to get the delicious deets.

Are you ready for the big family BBQ? Oscar Mayer will supply the hot dogs and we’ll provide the fun. And fun is what you need, especially if you’re dealing with post-grad depression. Bet you thought you’d be able to survive the summer on all that money you got from selling your books.

Wrong.

But have no fear, all you need is one little book and you’re set for navigating life on this side of the college diploma. Well, that and the knowledge that you don’t need to have it all. In fact, it’s bad for you to even try. Just sit back, watch some Chelsea Lately and enjoy the long weekend.

We know we will. After a long-ass week dealing with a Facebook breakup, old people doing gross things, and a whole lot of debating about gay marriage and Plan B, we’re ready to take a few days off.  With a margarita. And a giant cheeseburger. By the pool (slathered in sunscreen, of course).

Happy Memorial Day!

But that wasn’t all we did this week.

We fought with our boyfriend about his love for strip clubs, we threw an end-of-the-year rager…and then spent the entire next day cleaning it up, and we spent a lot of time trying to understand this whole Miss California mess.

We also went in search of a romper for summer, which, thankfully, is a total fashion DO, unlike some things. We can’t wait to wear it tonight; our Facebook profile pic needs an update.  We’re gonna enjoy some margaritas, dance our little booty off, and then come home and convince ourselves that it’s totally fine to eat a giant pizza by ourselves.

After all, school’s out for summer and we couldn’t be more excited!

But what is St. Patrick’s Day without green beverages? Will I be forced to drink average colored beer if I nix the food coloring? Or worse yet, will I get my “Irish and Proud” t-shirt revoked?

Well I’ve got news for whoever wants to go up against this Irish lush – I will not be taken down without a fight! Not while there are plenty of other delicious green concoctions floating around, anyway. So don’t panic, I have some St. Patrick’s day drinks that are just as fun and twice as effective.

The classic Appletini (which I have renamed Apple O’Tini for the sake of St. Patrick’s Day)

1.5 oz of Smirnoff Green Apple Twist Vodka

1 oz DeKuyper Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps

Erin Go Margarita

1.5 oz of Tequila

.5 oz of Triple sec

1 oz Lime juice

Kiss Me I’m Irish (and drunk)

1 oz Midori Melon Liqueur

1 oz Whiskey sour mix

2 oz Sprite

Shamrock Shooter (aka Kamikazee Jello Shots)

1 (6 oz) Package of lime Jello

10 oz Citrus vodka

4 oz Blue Curacao

2 oz Lime Juice

Dissolve Jello in boiling water and add alcohol

Get Lucky Punch

2 (12 oz) cans frozen limeade concentrate

2 (12 oz) cans frozen lemonade concentrate

2 (2 liter) bottles lemon-lime flavored carbonated soda

1 (750 milliliter) bottle rum

2 quarts lime sherbet

A recent issue of Shape magazine suggested eating vegetarian once a week, and I was like, “Heyyy I already do that! I rock!” They also featured a mouthwatering recipe for vegetarian paella. That’s not going to happen. So, whether you’re a carnivore or a herbivore, trying to shave some calories from your diet, or too busy to slave over a hot stove, I give you vegetarian meals in five minutes or less. All you need is a microwave.

1. Boca Meatless Chili

You need:

–Boca Meatless Chili, from the freezer section of your grocery store.

–2 slices of whole wheat bread

*Zap the chili for three minutes, stir, and nuke for one more minute.

*While the chili is in the microwave, pop the whole wheat bread in the toaster.

*Cut the whole wheat toast in quarters, top with tasty chili, and enjoy!

The vegetarian chili is spicy enough to satisfy your taste buds, and for you South Beach Dieters out there, it works for phases 2 and 3. Plus, it packs 20 grams of protein for extra energy. One package is only ONE measly gram of fat and 150 calories, so even with the whole wheat toast, you’re looking at 3-5 grams of fat and just over 300 calories for a totally satisfying meal.

2. Garden Burger Buffalo Wrap

You need:

–One Garden Burger brand veggie patty, from the freezer section

–A low-carb tortilla wrap (I recommend a wheat or spinach flavor)

–One slice Kraft 2% milk Colby-Jack cheese

–Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce

–Lettuce and tomato

*Throw the Garden Burger in the microwave for 30-35 seconds on each side. I usually top the patty with cheese when there’s about 15 seconds left to cook so it gets all melty and delicious.

*Pour a thin line of Red Hot sauce down the center of your tortilla.

*Slice the Garden Burger and cheese into strips and arrange it evenly on the tortilla so you’ll be able to roll it up.

*Top with lettuce and tomato, wrap it up, and prepare yourself for some fiery goodness.

Personally, I am obsessed with Garden Burgers, but other brands, such as Boca and Morningstar Farms also make pretty good vegetarian burgers. The Garden Burger brand packs only 100 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. The cool Colby-Jack cheese (5 grams fat, 50 calories) pairs well with Frank’s spicy sauce, which won’t add fat or calories to the sandwich. Bonus: spicy foods rev your metabolism!

3. Steamed Vegetable Plate

You need:

–One Dole Vegetables Microwave-Ready Bag, from the produce section

–Kraft 2% milk shredded mozzarella cheese

–Bertolli Vodka Sauce

*Pierce holes in the bag of veggies, and microwave for 3-5 minutes.

*While the veggies are “steaming,” heat the vodka sauce on the stove (Okay, I know I said you only need a microwave. If you don’t have a stove, you can heat the sauce in the micro while the veggies are cooling).

*Mix vegetables and sauce together, and sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top. The hot vegetables will melt the cheese.

Since discovering these handy steam-in-a-microwave packs, I’ve cut a LOT of pasta out of my life, which also happens to cut carbs. The vodka sauce is a bit higher in fat than I usually cook with (10 grams of fat for half a cup), but it’s an indulgence I’m willing to allow. The melted mozz is a great finish. For a lower-fat option, use regular marinara sauce.

There are plenty of meat-free products out there that are tasty, convenient, and healthy, so play around with your cooking, er, microwaving. Boca Chik’N patties also make for a mean sandwich, and if you find yourself a fan of Garden Burgers, you can sub them for meat in just about any recipe– I like to top salads with meatless patties, on occasion.

Plus, get your friends on the vegetarian bandwagon by making Boca Meatless Chili nachos, with Baked! Tostitos and Kraft 2% milk Mexican Cheese blend. Congratulate yourself on cutting calories by drinking an ice cold, calorie-packed margarita!

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time.

The day of the barbecue, I went on a mission to find you. You turned up on 3rd Avenue, hiding shyly in the back corner on the wall. With trembling hands, I reached up and plucked you from the rail. I marveled at your simplicity, your lightness. Together, we entered the dressing room, and after a brief congress, proceeded to the checkout line.

Since that day, we’ve been inseparable. Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I just want to put you on. You’re so easy to wear and comfortable, and yet, so outrageously sexy. Every time we go out together, strangers on the street stop to tell us how good we look. And no matter what I pair you with – heels, a belt, sneakers, a pearl necklace, silver fringe earrings, a hoodie – you always roll with it. Glorious isn’t a strong enough word to describe your perfection.

American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress, I just wanted to tell you you’re unlike any other dress I’ve ever had, and you’re worth every penny of the $36 plus tax I spent on you. I will eat salads every day for the rest of my life and hand-wash you in cold water because I want to be with you forever and ever until the end of time.

With love from the bottom of my heart,

Lyndsey

P.S. Ladies, buy this frickin’ dress.

When I Googled “things that are bad for me” and Chicken Pot Pie came up, I was surprised I didn’t eat more of it. I happen to specialize in loving all things bad. I am a bad things virtuoso. I cuss, I eat candy bars for breakfast and I drink more wine than water.

If I thought of Chicken Pot Pie as something harmful, would I crave it every evening? Probably. I look at it as comfort food to eat on winter nights while wearing thick wool socks, something that just fills me up and doesn’t take any serious toll on my health and in turn, I haven’t eaten a Chicken Pot Pie since I was about eight.

When we want what we shouldn’t have, is our want purely psychological because our cravings are forbidden? Just as rules are made to be broken, “bad things” are made to be desired.

For Instance:

Frappucinos– I blame this one on Britney Spears, because anytime she waddled out of a Starbucks her best accessory was her Venti sized Mocha Frappucino (whipped cream included) Why is it bad? 500 calories in a beverage is just too many.

JUNK FOOD– The term junk came around for a reason. Case in point: I spent twenty minutes staring at cookie dough in the grocery store today, simply because I knew I shouldn’t buy a BUCKET of cookie dough because I may have an instant heart attack after I finish the whole thing, uncooked. Or I may get a serious case of salmonella. I’ve never spent 20 minutes staring at grapefruit or kale, because who desires ‘effing KALE?

*Founders Favorite Coldstone Creamery- love it size, 1,290 calories.

*Chiptole Chicken Burrito- 1,270 calories (sour cream included, sorry folks I love my cream)

*Pillsbury Chocolate Chip Cookie- 127 per serving, who eats one cookie? Come on. Who?

*Marie Calendars CHICKEN POT PIE- 550 calories, 34 grams of fat.

*Margarita- 740 calories!!!!! This is enough to send me into a deep, deep, depression.

THATS JUST ON THE FOOD SIDE.

How about all of the bad ex-boyfriends we’ve gone back to? The men we’ve dated and shouldn’t have? The crushes on boys wearing leather and tattooing their arms with pictures of naked women?

[Oh, maybe that's just me.]

The cigarettes we’ve puffed (not to mention the other outlawed greenery to smoke), the crushes on best friend’s boyfriends and the people who bring out your inner crazy girl.

MEN, FOOD, TOO MUCH SEX, TOO MUCH OF…well anything is (apparently) generally bad. If we did a week long experiment, judgement aside, and indulged in all of the bad DELICIOUSNESS, would our cravings for it simmer down? Would we find feeding a “hunger” is actually healthy or would all of it be less coveted?

What bad things do you crave, and why do you think you crave them???

P.S. I forgot to mention how much I ADORE bacon. Thank you and the end.

Even though it won’t get chilly for another few weeks, the mere promise of shorter days, schoolwork, and winter hats constantly ruining perfectly styled hair is enough to make me a little depressed…at least until fall fashions go on sale.

For many of us, Labor Day is a last hurrah; our last 24 hours to wear white pants (which perhaps some of us shouldn’t be wearing in the first place?), last day to barbeque without standing by the grill in a jacket, and last 3-day weekend for a while.

It’s also a party, whether we’re partying with friends or throwing our own personal celebration that consists of doing absolutely nothing—and enjoying the hell out of it.

In honor of Goodbye-To-Bathing-Suits weekend, I’ve found the perfect cocktail to commemorate a summer gone by.

Frozen Watermelon Margarita

* 2 1/2 cups seedless (or seeded) watermelon, cut into 1-inch cubes

* 3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice

* 4 ounces tequila

* 2 ounces orange flavored liqueur

* 1 3/4 cups ice

* lime wheel or watermelon wedge (for garnish)

Stuff all ingredients into a blender and puree until smooth. If desired, add a bit of sugar to the rim of each glass before garnishing with a lime wheel or a watermelon wedge. Serve immediately.

…And remember, not only are the cops out in full force this holiday weekend, but ruining a good time by getting yourself wasted is a lame way to end any celebration. Just ask Andy Dick.