If you own jeans like this, burn them. Now.

Dear Mom Version of Me,

As you might remember, back in 2010 Nick Cannon knocked up Mariah “I love butterflies and my cleavage” Carey….with twins. As you’ve probably tried so hard to forget, the musical duo decided to commemorate the occasion with nude pictures. (Check out the full story here...if you dare.) Yeah, sorry for reminding you.

Barely unable to keep down my breakfast after hearing this, I decided that for the sake of my unborn children I should make a list of every awkward and embarrassing idea that might seem rational when I’m a (HOT!) mom, but in reality will scar my child for eternity.

Please read this and be advised. Also, for the love of god, please be married, successful and over 30. Thank you.

1. Elastic waist pants. I understand the allure of pants without zippers; I own leggings for goodness sake. Once you reach mom status, it’s time to embrace a flattering fit with structure, because Tina Fey was serious when she talked about Mom Jeans. They’re really, really bad.

2. Minivans. Please don’t ever, EVER purchase a minivan. Besides the fact that they’re impossible to see over for other drivers, and look like giant marshmallows barreling down the highway, I cannot accept the fact that I will ever need to herd a group of children around in 4-row monstrosity. Let’s keep motherhood real in something easier to park, thank you very much. Read More »

Big changes for Law and Order: SVU!

The best of the best: Maybelline beauty.

80% sure Mariah is with child.

The 12 coolest mascots in college football.

Don’t eat that: the worst foods in America.

The Situation’s got a vodka line now.

A lot of stuff happened this week, and thankfully, none of it involved cheating! I know, I couldn’t believe it either! But there are lots of babies on the way, so hold tight. I guess Hollywood’s finest has to procreate in order to keep this dangerous cycle of hot mess going.

Crucial:

1. Celine Dion and husband Rene Angelil are expecting twins! The couple already has a son together, Rene-Charles, and have been trying for some time to get pregnant again. Celine reportedly went through multiple failed in vitro attempts and a miscarriage, so having twins is a blessing. Congrats!

2. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may be expecting. While pregnancy rumors with these two have been flying around for months, they might actually be true this time! Mariah’s been sporting a bump recently, and hubby Nick tweeted this week, “If & when my wife is ready to make ANY announcements about private matters she will do it personally. Thanks for being respectful GodBless.” If true, get ready for a new child star!

3. Glee’s own Sue Sylvester, Jane Lynch in real life, got married to partner Dr. Laura Embry this week in Massachusetts! The two live in California where gay marriage has not been legalized so they had a small, intimate ceremony in MA. Awesome! Read More »

Liam Hemsworth might be single, ladies!

What’s wrong with Zac Efron?!

This might explain the origins of 16 and Pregnant.

Look cool in hot weather.

Looks like there might be some mini-Mariah’s running around soon.

That’s one way to override a SCRAM bracelet, Lilo…

No, she’s not preggers. They are adopting.

McSteamy or McSnorty?

Fall fashion = lots and lots of brown.

Chris Brown pissed the wrong woman off.

Man tries to breastfeed.

Are Tori and Dean dunzo!?