I survived most of my years in college by borrowing clothes. Most weekends I had another girl’s shirt on my back because I never had any “going out clothes” or the pocket change to spare on them. But some girls had closets and dressers and hampers full of amazing shirts that, after a few drinks, they were always willing to share. And to keep up the barter, I always returned them (sooner or later) back in their original state (after cleaning the spilled beer and cheese sauce).

It wasn’t until I graduated in May that I realized what few pieces of clothing I have. So in honor of populating my closet, I’m sharing this find that will also help you populate yours. Among the many adorable choices on fumblinfoe.net (discovered in the newest Marie Claire) is this going out top that’s weekend perfection.

It’s not just that the sparkles won’t rub off. It’s not just the v-neck or the skinny straps. It’s not just the exposed zipper on the back. And it’s not just that it’s black and slimming while reflective and hot.

It’s all of the above.

The top has a bra-like underwire on top that gives some hidden lift, and it covers juuust enough while still giving a scandalous dip that, in combination with the glittering effect, will be sure to catch everyone’s eye. Better yet – it’ll be sure to catch your eye in the morning when it’s scrunched in the corner of a dorm room, be it yours or someone else’s.

If you can’t wait for the weekend, this top is just as awesome for wearing to class. If paired with a solid, plain cardigan, it can certainly be pulled off for the day-to-day and you won’t have to worry once about leaving a trail of glitter behind you. The shirt on its own is a statement piece, though, so even on the weekends be sure to pair with an understated accessory (a necklace or a black bracelet) and only plain jeans.

Adding this top to your wardrobe will be sure to turn the tables and your friends will be knocking down your door looking for something to borrow. But beware of  who you lend it to- it doesn’t look like the kind of shirt that will easily wash free of spilled beer and cheese fries.

[See what else Julia is jonesing for by clicking right here.]

With all that in mind, I’m certainly open to hearing tips on how to successfully snag a dude. So when I saw an article on marieclaire.com called “How to Date Like a Man,” I was intrigued.

The piece starts out pretty innocuously: “When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused,” writes Erin Dailey in her first paragraph. Okay, so far, so sensible. Looking confident and carefree is definitely more attractive than looking frightened and meek. It’s a little irksome that Dailey genders confidence as a masculine trait, but whatevs, I won’t fight it.

After that, though, things start to get a little iffy. Dailey tells women that once they’ve found a hottie, they should “look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why aren’t you? Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a wide-screen.”

Hm… I don’t know about this one. It seems like if you’re giving a guy a crazy, unblinking stare, he’s most likely going to think, What’s up with Captain Bug Eyes? and back away slowly. That sample thought—“You should be attached to my lips by now”—and the title of this section of the article, “Eye Your Prey,” also give this piece of advice a seriously creepy vibe. Dailey sounds like she’s decided to make Samantha Jones her personal man-handling guru, which makes her suggestions seriously suspect.

And things just go downhill from here. Dailey’s next bit of wisdom is to “fake interest” in whatever the dude is talking about, since “no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t.” Ouch, man. Why bother chatting up a guy if you have to feign enthusiasm for whatever he’s talking about? How could you form a relationship with someone you find totally boring? This just sounds mean.

Finally, Dailey tells us what to do after we have sex with the dude (because you should have sex with him immediately, since “that’s pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you.” And presumably letting him get to know you is like, too time-consuming or something?): “Never exchange all your information. This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to.”

See, if you do give him your real cell number, “he will call you.” But… isn’t that the point? How are the two of you going to go out on another date if he can’t get in touch with you? I’m not the only one who thinks this sounds totally bizarre, right?

Maybe this article is actually supposed to be brilliant satire, and I’m too dense to recognize it. Maybe the title is just a little misleading; if it were changed to “How to Date Like a Douchebag,” or maybe “How to Score a One-Night Stand,” these tips would make a lot more sense. As advice for the date-seeking woman, though, Dailey’s piece falls flat. It’s also kind of offensive to guys, since in her eyes, “dating like a dude” means acting like a total a**hole. Thanks but no thanks, Marie Claire.

At least their cover model did…

Dawson’s got a new job!

Vince Vaughn has officially put a ring on it.

The cutest sweater dresses around.

Welcome back, Kanye West!

Wanna save money on groceries?

[This post is courtesy of our gal pal, Marie Claire.]

With Amy Poehler’s new sitcom, Parks and Recreation,MC premiering this month, and Tina Fey ruling Hollywood from atop a pile of Emmys, funny women are having a moment.  rounds up the pioneers, the visionaries, and the chemically imbalanced to talk about how we got here.

Can a pretty girl be funny?
MARGARET CHO (Lifetime’s upcoming Drop Dead Diva): I remember seeing beautiful girls do stand-up, and it was a disaster every time. Not only were people not gonna listen to you because you’re a woman, if you’re good-looking, people really don’t want to listen to you.

SUSIE ESSMAN (Curb Your Enthusiasm): I’ve had to give some young female comics advice about what they’re wearing. Like, you can’t wear something too provocative — it’s too confusing to the men in the audience. They don’t know if they wanna f**k you or laugh at you.

JOAN RIVERS (comedian): Phyllis Diller used to dress like a fool. Totie Fields was a big fat woman. In the beginning, women comedians were all grotesque in one way or another.

PHYLLIS DILLER (comedian): When I started, I had a broken nose, my teeth were crooked, and I was very skinny. And you know what? It all helped.

ESSMAN: I always wondered if Roseanne would have been accepted by the country, being as strong as she was, if she weren’t fat. Lucy was beautiful. But she played dumb, dumb, dumb.

SUZANNE SOMERS (Three’s Company): [When I was fired from Three’s Company], a producer said to the ABC people, “She’s a blonde. I trained her, I’ll train another one,” like I was some sort of seal … [But] a comedy is musical. It took me two years to understand the rhythm, the beat, the timing, but once I heard the music, oh, my God, I so got it.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

It all started 10 years ago with a drunken kiss, which quickly led to drunken sex. She was the cool, pretty receptionist at the glossy music magazine where I was interning. But after a few more heated nights together that summer, my gig ended, and so did our trysts. I initially dismissed our encounters as nothing more than clumsy, alcohol-fueled experimentation — little did I know things were going to get much more complicated.

Prior to that fateful fling, I had been straight as a ruler and extremely confident about my figure. I’d always been robust (185 pounds), and proudly so. Constant attention from men — be it coy advances or vulgar catcalls — kept me feeling like a wanted woman. I was certain that my large breasts, tiny waist, and curvaceous hips were irresistible to members of the opposite sex. These assets — in any size and shape — were just so alien and intriguing to them.

Naively, I assumed that connecting with women would feel even more comfortable, like coming home. We are wired the same, after all. But losing my lesbian virginity at 22 actually stirred up insecurities and fiercely competitive body issues I hadn’t known since junior high. Given that our bodies were so similar (shapely, supple, soft), it was like having sex with a distorted mirror image of myself. Not only could I see what I looked like from a multitude of angles and positions, I also saw all of my flaws, reflected, in a sense, in hers (stretch marks, cellulite, jiggly bits). By the time we collapsed on opposite sides of the bed, I had taken enough mental notes to fill an entire spiral notebook: Keep back arched and stomach sucked in at all times; while lying down, bend legs to avoid unflattering thigh spread; whenever possible, sit upright to prevent breasts from running off in opposite directions… Scared straight by the experience, I waited another six years before kissing another woman.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

[Photo courtesy of hollywoodgrind.com]

Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It’s all part of the process to make a great dish.

And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:

Safe, but threatening

Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel “comfortably threatened” it can lead to a steamy experience.

Spontaneity

Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?

Attraction

I’m not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren’t attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they’ve had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn’t that great.

The Intangible Spark

What is it about that certain someone that gets our blood rushing, and makes us hot? Life would be boring if we could answer this question.

Emotional Connection

People can enjoy sex with a limited emotional connection, but most of us need to have a deep emotional connection to have good sex. For me, unless I am really into a girl, sex is kind of ho-hum, and I’m left wondering why I even did it. Good sex is more than just orgasms and touching-it needs to stimulate the mind and spirit.

Read the rest at Marie Claire.

Own The Room

When’s the last time you saw a guy walk into a bar or party looking useless and confused? Okay, so it was yesterday. Were you interested in him? No? Shocker. That’s because most guys walk into a place with a purpose. Unless they’re looking for a space to park their binder filled with original Star Trek drawings, they’re looking for friends or women. And you should look the same. When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused.

Eye Your Prey

Got your eye on someone? Good. Don’t shy away. Look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why aren’t you? Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a wide-screen.

Fake Interest

Look, no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t. But what you have to do is pretend that you do. Ask about their life, their job, their parents, anything to keep them talking. Because the more fake interest you show in them, the easier it is to disarm them. Guys are used to talking about themselves, as are we all, but if you actually fake an interest, they kind of don’t know what to do. Like puppies trapped in a cage in the window of a pet shop, they are addicted to the interest you show in them. Tap the glass. Watch them lick your fingers.

Read the rest at MarieClaire.com.

So, apparently that’s Beyonce.

I know, right? I didn’t recognize her either. Her face looks completely different, her right boob is computer generated, and check out that waist! Did she have some ribs removed? That’s gotta be airbrushing, right?

RIGHT?!

I mean, no one’s body can look like that naturally. And I hope this cover doesn’t inspire women to try.

I’ve been a fan of the Olsen twins since Full House, and a closeted fan ever since their enrollment to my school, New York University, was met with open hostility and disdain. I couldn’t get enough of it—their grandma-chic outfits that look like they were put together by a casual stroll through a high-end Salvation Army, their oversized sunglasses that look like they weigh more than the both of the them combined, even their movies that I watched like I watched Lifetime movies, with secret delight.

But after reading Ashley Olsen’s interview in the September issue of Marie Claire, I think I may finally be ready to come out of the closet with my Olsen love. Because, well, it turns out Ashley is kind of…cool. Quirky, a bit strange, and maybe not exactly “the coolest girl in the world,” as Marie Claire dubs her in the title of the article, but surprisingly self-aware and likable.

My only brush with Ashley took place in an NYU bathroom, after which I promptly texted my friend, “Oh my god, I just peed next to Ashley Olsen.” But save for that, and scattered incidents of getting peeks of her crazy outfits on campus, she has remained an enigma to me. Until now. Some juicy facts that I learned about my favorite Hollywood waif:

- That clothing lines she works on? She actually, uh, works on them. Unlike a lot of celeb-turned-designers, her involvement with designs for The Row and Elizabeth and James is not limited to showing up to the launch for some photo-ops.

- Birthdays are tragic for the twin. In fact, she used to cry every year on her birthday, until her 21st. In my experience, childhood birthdays are usually the ones to enjoy, but hey, I guess if you’ve been working since you were nine months old, you might have something to cry over.

- Don’t expect to see any paparazzi shots of her frolicking on the beach with her beau du jour. Ashley’s got a secret boyfriend and she’s happy to keep it that way. He must really be something—I haven’t had a secret boyfriend since 2nd grade, when I “went out” with the boy who ate paper.

- She’s not jumping on the nip-slip and crotch-flashing bandwagon anytime soon. In fact, as much as she’s prefer to go without, Ashley says she wears bras especially because of the paparazzi.