Mario Lopez recently toldPeople Magazine (you know, the magazine that pimps out celebrity baby pictures while unknowingly kicking itself in the ass by illustrating that every baby in this world LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME and is in no way worth 5 million dollars) what his “Dream Girl” would consist of.
Just weeks after splitting up with gf Karina Smirnoff and already casting his net via tabloids, the once and future A.C. Slater tried to make it seem like he wanted the type of girl every guy wants. Good thing I speak Douchebag and can translate the actual meaning of his words.
What He Told People Mag:
“I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of guy,”
What He Meant:
“Commitment is high maintenance. I’m the opposite of that.”
What He Told People Mag:
“I’d like to be with someone who is secure with themselves. She has to understand that I have a lot going on and I’m busy.”
What He Meant:
“I’d like to be with someone who is so self-centered she doesn’t realize when I’m not at home and that I might be cheating on her while I do all my ‘stuff’. I have to host America’s Best Dance Crew and dance around outrageously on the Broadway stage, okay? I’m busy.”
What He Told People Mag:
“I’d like someone who has their own thing going on – their own ‘passion,’ whatever it is.”
What He Meant:
“She can’t want to steal my passion. Stealing other people’s passion and making it your own is totally not cool.” Read More »
So I’m one of those people who doesn’t feel guilty when I don’t give homeless people change. I can walk around with quarters jingling in every pocket, and they can follow me around salivating like Pavlov’s dog, and I’ll keep on talking or singing or counting squirrels without a second look. Now I’m not insensitive, I’ve just become de-sensitized. Even the girl with the bag pipes in the Public Garden and the guy with the banjo at Park Street have become nothing more than background music to whatever I happen to be thinking at the time.
Enter Status Quo.
Over the years I’ve learned I can’t dance. I can drink until I wake up in a toilet bowl, but I can’t even find rhythm there. When I first saw the ads for Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV, I put some T-Pain on iTunes, marked my calendar and waited to experience something as foreign as mud puddle mattress surfing.
And then I saw them. Status Quo. During the live casting episode, as Mario Lopez introduced the East Coast representatives, shots of Beacon Hill and Boston Common flashed across the screen. Six kids jumping and flipping off benches, and I knew those benches, and wait–I knew those kids. Read More »
HAHA! Isn’t it ironic that a question regarding our country’s education is answered by some one who apparently needs a little help in that area? Do you see A.C. Slater’s reaction? Even this guy is about to crack up.
The question asks why kids today are so stupid and aren’t being taught correctly in school, and so, many of them are unable to point out our own country on a friggin map. She could have answered it any other way, liiiiiike…..
“Because our education system is f*cked.”
or….
“Our teachers need to do a better job.”
or even…
“Honestly, I don’t really know or care, but I LOVE this dress I’m wearing! How awesome do I look?!?” Read More »
Mario Lopez recently told People Magazine (you know, the magazine that pimps out celebrity baby pictures while unknowingly kicking itself in the ass by illustrating that every baby in this world LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME and is in no way worth 5 million dollars) what his “Dream Girl” would consist of.
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