I can’t believe I almost missed tonight’s episode of The Hills. The biggest episode of the season! Not only did Whitney get the job at DVF (which was a total shock to me!), but Spencer finally got Heidi drunk enough to marry him!

Good thing she had that random white dress on hand!

I really need to focus most of my attention on the Pratt wedding (because, let’s be honest, there is much to be discussed), but first I must say this: for the first time in the history of The Hills, tonight’s episode made me cry. Yes, laugh at me if you will, but Whitney’s dad was so cute and I couldn’t help but cry when he gave her a goodbye speech. Oh, and I also cried when Whitney got out of the limo at the airport. What was with that flannel babydoll dress? Did she learn nothing since her first day at Teen Vogue??

But none of that matters, because Spencer and Heidi got married. In Cabo. Drunk. I don’t know which part of the evening was worse:

- The fact that Spencer “knows what Patron does to [Heidi]!” and just kept giving her more until she agreed to marry him.

- When Spencer told Heidi, “I’m madly obsessed with you…I pretty much keep you from the whole world.” That guy is seriously one step away from Mark Wahlberg in Fear.

- Or when Spencer told Heidi that she makes him a nicer person. Anyone else want to know what he was like before Heidi? The Joker?

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No matter how much money or pink bunny costumes Hef gave her, Holly Madison wants to be with a baby-makin’ machine.

What former A-list rockstar is going blind?

The little boy and the lobster – cuteness that cannot be exaggerated.

Think twice before you post those drunk photos of yourself on Facebook.

Target is making it possible for us to dress like Michelle Obama.

This is possibly the most disgusting-looking cocktail on the planet.

This site makes us want to spend the day watching football on the couch.  Sports are cool!

9 shameless celebrity election videos

Uhhh, these people might have taken their Halloween decorations a little too far.

Ben Kweller has seen dead people.

We love Ashley Tisdale’s new dark hairdo!

Play nice boys! Mark Wahlberg wants to knock out Andy Samberg.

Hugh Jackman: the real Joe Six Pack?

Taylor Momson is not rexy, she’s just skinny!

Americans have terrible taste in movies.

Sarah Palin confirmed an SNL visit. Watch out, Tina.

McCain is gets a second chance on Letterman.

Cosmo’s hottest men on earth. (Editor’s Note: WHERE IS PIVEN?!)

5 things men buy to overcompensate make us think they are too cool for school.

Where in the world are the Jolie Pitts?

Gossip Girl heads to college.

Pumpkin Picking: the ultimate (celebrity) fall activity.

Paris Hilton lookin’ really good. (I know, I can’t believe it either!)

Mark Wahlberg hates SNL.

Tampons to go!

Shocker: Froot Loops is not good for you!

These days, most of us tune into SNL purely to watch Tina Fey KO Sarah Palin each week, but every once in a while, the show that used to be hilarious churns out something so weird and strange that you just have to laugh.  Not as hard as you used to — but I mean, at least you’re laughing.

Take a look as Mark Wahlberg talks to animals, and then watch the weirdest sister of them all after the jump…

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Something Old: I Heart Huckabees (2004)

Something New: The Happening (2008)

The Connection: Mark Wahlberg, a.k.a. Marky Mark, Funky Bunch ringleader and damn fine panty model

Mark Wahlberg is the sh*t. Born in the ghetto of Boston to a family of eleven, Wahlberg dropped out of school, did a bunch of drugs, got thrown in jail, was crazy ripped upon release, became a heartthrob rapper, modeled for Calvin Klein, started doing some acting, and now produces not one but two excellent award-winning television shows. Seriously, how rags-to-riches American dream can you be? Plus, he’s crazy hot.

I repeat, Mark Wahlberg is the sh*t. His new movie, The Happening, however, is not.

This is not Wahlberg’s fault. The Happening’s crappiness can be attributed 100% to the film’s writer and director, M. Night Shyamalan. Inspired by such cinema classics as The Birds and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Happening is the story of a mysterious disease (of sorts) spreading across the East Coast, causing the infected to become disoriented and commit suicide. People begin fleeing the urban areas where the outbreaks first occur and head to the country, only to find that they’re not safe anywhere. (Dun dun DUNNN!) Read More »

EW.com has decided that it’s time to finally answer the question of “Hollywood’s Hottest” by putting it up to YOU, the reader.

While some may favor the old-school charm actors like Paul Newman and Clark Gable, there’s no discounting the boys of today like do-gooder Leonardo DiCaprio and bad boy Mark Wahlberg.

Do you agree with their choices? What about the EW’s readers choices? It’s pretty obvious that choices like Eric Bana and Joaquin Phoenix are there for the right (gorgeous!) while dudes like Jon BonJovi and Gerard Butler make the list cause they’ve got something to sell (or a career to save!) but, who knows? When it comes to hotties…to each their own!

Who’s missing? Who doesn’t deserve to be in the running to become Hollywood’s Ultimate Hottie? Check out the Ultimate Hottie Gallery after the jump! Read More »

Ryan Gosling, my future husband, walked away from a major film project this week, citing simply “creative differences”. The Peter Jackson helmed “ The Lovely Bones” will begin shooting today with Mark Wahlberg replacing Gosling.

“Lovely Bones” is based off of the popular book of the same name by Alice Sebold, centering on a murdered 14-year-old girl watching the way her death has affected everyone close to her. Gosling was slated to play her father, and decided to gain some weight to help him seem age appropriate.

According to the Los Angeles Times, when Gosling walked onset, bearded and heavier than usual, Peter Jackson became slightly bent out of shape. The director was “still expecting some movie star allure” from Gosling, “not paunch and a beard”.

First of all, if it’s Ryan Gosling, it doesn’t matter if he’s got antennas and three arms—he’ll still give an amazing performance and be alluring while doing it. Besides, when did a beard and a little paunch hurt anyone? Has anyone seen Vince Vaughn lately? How about Benicio Del Toro? Tom Hanks? Read More »