Dear Facebook Ads,

I’m not sure when we became best friends, but it appears you know quite a bit about me. I don’t remember telling you, come to think of it, but it looks like you got the word that I am newly single. I have deduced that you know this because you are running special ads for me, like: “single again?” and “Going through a break-up?”

How kind of you! I was hoping that you, anonymous Facebook ads, would help me fix my love life!

It’s nice that you take note that my tied down friends need no such help from you, but that because my status is “single” I am a candidate for your therapy! Do I need a second chance with my ex? I sure do, Facebook advertisement! At 20 years old I am a miserable spinster! I desperately need your advice on how to win my man back – the man that I got rid of on my own accord – so, please, tell me how! Never mind the fact that you just assumed I was the dumped; I will take your advice anyway. Really? I can just enter my e-mail and you will send me tips? I can watch helpful videos? What ever would I do without you!? Read More »

Listen clearly: I don’t want this to discourage you girls in LDRs or in any relationship for that matter, but something happened to me that is absolutely mortifying and humiliating and just unbelievable.

I’m the girl that was in an on-and-off relationship with a guy for eight years. Eight years. Eight long years of ups and downs, break ups, makeup sex, happy times, sad times, etc. He was my best friend. This year things changed a bit; I started college and he moved across the country. But we knew we’d be ok; we lasted this long didn’t we?

Before I left for school I visited him for three wonderful weeks. It was all lovey dovey and perfect. He was constantly telling me tat he loved me like he has for eight years, and we were going to get married, and blah blah blah.

When I got to college (about a month ago), I realized how much I disliked the school and told him how I wanted to go to New York next semester. He was really supportive and reminded me I could always transfer out there. Awww.

And then I didn’t hear from him for a few days. And then a few more days went on without contact. So I started to freak out. When I finally got a hold of him he told me we were fine, he missed me and loved me, and not to worry. So I didn’t; I figured we were back to normal.

But apparently we weren’t. No phone calls, no texts. He didn’t answer my calls or my texts. I was being ignored. I sent a long text explaining that he should want to talk to me because I was his girlfriend, and we needed to talk things out. I told him how I wasn’t mad (even though I was furious), and I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend. No answer. I got drunk (great solution to everything, eh?) and ended up calling fifteen times and sending four texts (according to my call log). Again, no answer. Read More »

I owe Mark Zuckerberg a thank-you note for the many hours of procrastination and ability to do brief background-checks on guys my friends or I have dated, but my love for the Facebook pales in comparison to my adoration of the best application ever.

I admit, I was what a communications professor would have categorized as a “laggard” of technology users (See? You use these random bits from class sometimes!), and I absolutely, passionately, vehemently loathed the applications on Facebook. A good friend of mine went so far as to title the profiles with superwalls, superpokes, the ability to throw sheep at people and start zombie fights as “MySpaced out profiles,” and we would roll our eyes together at how lame our generation had become. Was it not enough that we had integrated Facebook into our daily lives, making it a verb and using it to evaluate our acquaintances and friends alike? Lame, indeed, twenty-somethings. And so I was a staunch hater of all things that were not on the original Facebook.

That is, until I discovered Scrabulous. Read More »

This just in: the “Facebook Music” platform will serve as the social networking giants first step into the music space.The new platform is set to be announced at ad:tech in New York City next week. Leading up to this announcement Facebook has been holding top-secret meetings with high-level representatives at each of the four major music labels.

Here’s how it works: Read More »

I don’t really see the point of having a private profile on Facebook. It’s like having a security system in the suburbs — it’s needless protection. And also anti – social!

Private profiles are especially aggravating when all I want to do is see the profile of my ex – boyfriend’s new girlfriend and it’s locked down like Paris Hilton circa last week.

What makes you so special that you have a protected profile, hmmm? You’re not a celebrity or a minor socialite. You’re not even that pretty!

Sorry. I digress. Read More »

Aw, remember when it was thefacebook.com and you would get emails saying that so-and-so had “changed your wall?” Those were the good ol’ days. Facebook has ballooned into a beast of social networking– but not a scary beast, more like a clean, organized, sterile, happy monster.

After the minifeed debacle of last fall, I deactivated my account in protest, only to reactivate it a month later and subsequently embark on a three-month oscillation between the two. I still don’t really like the site. I don’t like that people can see when I’m online, I don’t like the chosen shade of blue and I don’t like that I’m never tagged in pictures and that no one ever writes on my wall anymore, which makes it look like I don’t have any friends…

I digress. Last night, Facebook unveiled some new little things for us to enjoy, such as the reorganization of icons and tool bars to allow more efficient social networking/stalking. Mark Zuckerberg has learned a thing or two and will only introduce modest changes like these over large periods of time by incorporating user feedback.

In any case, to my chagrin, The Facebook remains an overlord of the Internet. Luckily, I also have my gritty, disaffected Myspace page for when The Facebook going gets rough.