Proposition 8 was overturned, and now we have to see that lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres as the new face of JCPenney? Where on EARTH will I shop now? Ladies, we’ve got to do something about this. Let’s protest that crazy talk show host so that her homosexuality doesn’t taint all our kids’ back-to-school clothes and our Christmas shopping.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating the thought process of a member of One Million Moms, a conservative group that’s got their high-leg briefs in a twisted bunch because out and proud Ellen Degeneres is the new JCPenney spokesperson. The group issued a statement following the company’s announcement:

“Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful…By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JCPenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Fox News contributor Sandy Rios, who supports the One Million Moms perspective, summed up this week’s Hot Button Issue while on The O’Reilly Factor: ”The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle and marry her partner, it’s what that represents,” she said. “And the fact that JCPenney is supposed to be middle America, the place where families shop…and people who believe that marriage is between a man and woman and children should not be exposed and propagandized in homosexuality have a moral problem with that.”

Well I’m sorry, Sandy, and the members of One Million Moms, but America—the land of opportunity, the land of the free and the home of the brave—is changing. And for the better. Thank goodness it’s been allowed to change, or else women would never be able to proudly make a buck in any workplace and we’d still stupidly have slaves everywhere who each only count as three-fifths of a person. Though the country has managed to acknowledge the basic human right of being considered an entire person to these minority groups, why can’t such a given be also applied to those who aren’t perfectly heterosexual? Those who choose to be both free AND brave?

If you’re protesting Ellen’s employment with JCPenney, you’re asking that the company discriminates based on her sexual orientation. Hm, discrimination definitely sounds like one of “the negative influences our children are forced to contend with”—you know, the part of society’s “filth” that you should be working to fight, rather than avoiding the hilarious and kindhearted Ellen Degeneres and every product she’s ever endorsed. I’m guessing you’re missing out on the greatness that is CoverGirl LashBlast Mascara and the daily dose of awesome on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Oh man, your kids must have never even seen the movie Finding Nemo! Do you tell them that they can’t go on the Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland because that funny blue fish is the voice of an evil lesbian?!

Oh, and by pushing Ellen down and calling her names, you’re being a bully. That’s right, One Million Moms, all 40,000 of you are guilty of anti-gay bullying.

Thankfully, the group’s protests and cries were no matter for the department store, as the company stood behind their decision. And yesterday, the free and brave Ellen Degeneres addressed her haters and, therefore, her motivators, on her talk show. ”I’m proud and happy to say that JCPenney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.”

On a more serious notes, she continued, “I really want to thank everyone who is supporting me…Here are the values I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.“

To be honest, I’m surprised that One Million Moms even had the time to jumpstart a JCPenney protest. The group has also requested action against Macy’s, ABC’s Modern Family and Mattel. Don’t shop at Target for promoting the destructive program that is Degrassi, don’t watch Dancing With The Stars because the show “aired a definition of ‘transgender’” and don’t support Ben & Jerry’s because of their “tasteless” ice cream flavor names. Thank goodness—that means there’s more Schweddy Balls for me!

Watch Ellen’s full speech now. It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, it’s all things Ellen Degeneres.

Should JCPenney be concerned about losing conservative customers? Or will they gain more respect for taking a stand?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Everyone (namely Britney Spears) loves a good Starbucks Frapp now and then, but what we don’t love is the added poundage that tasty treat leaves on our thighs. Those guys over at the Bux have been catching a lot of flack for their many drinks that have more sugar and calories than a liter of Coke, not to mention those fatty pastries, so they’ve decided to make some “healthy” changes.

This month Starbucks launched a new line of treats that they claim is healthier. They’ve eliminated all artificial flavors, dyes, high-fructose corn syrup and artificial preservatives from the ingredients list wherever possible. Now the bakers use more wholesome ingredients like whole grains, Oregon blueberries and Michigan cherries to revamp the nutritional value for their muffins and baked goods. Some new food items include a blueberry oat bar filled with two types of organic blueberries, a new banana walnut bread made with real bananas (as opposed to that nasty artificial flavor), and a lower-calorie Marshmallow Dream bar. Mmmm.

They’ve even added a few new salads, one of which, the Farmer’s Market Salad, is made with blue cheese, almonds, cranberries, and apples. There are also two additions to the breakfast menu, including an egg-white sandwich as well as a healthy and well-balanced strawberry-banana Vivanno smoothie.

Sounds delightfully healthy, right?

Well, don’t be totally deceived. While the new ingredients are more natural than their predecessors, upon some investigation into the real nutrition facts, I found that the banana walnut bread only contains 30% of those “real” bananas. The “lower calorie” Marshmallow Dream Bar still has 210 calories, and isn’t all that big in size. And the new Gluten-free Valencia Orange Cake has 290 calories, not to mention the Chocolate Chunk Cookie clocking in at a hefty 380!

Does that sound much healthier to you?

I see that Starbucks is attempting to make a change here, but I still agree with the statement made by the Center for Consumer Freedom declaring that “An apple fritter is an apple fritter, not health food, and no matter what Starbucks’ marketing whiz kids say, it will still have 420 calories and 20 grams of fat.”

Do not be swayed by smart marketing, ladies. This new Starbucks menu may look better on the surface, but underneath all those punchy advertisements is a whole lot of hidden fat and calories.

I think I’ll just stick with my Skinny Latte and call it a day. A truly low-calorie day.

Have you tried any of these new foods? Taste any different, for better or for worse? Tell us all about it!

Currently, “Elisa” is interning for a big, flashy 5th Avenue designer. Sounds awesome, right? Well, read the first installment HERE, and then read on...]

Who knew that a “marketing” internship actually meant “free physical labor”??

I told myself that I would start working out this summer, but I never thought that lifting and cardio would start at my internship. Apparently The Designer felt that she needed to repaint her whole store, so a few days ago we had to move everything down to the basement, and then move it back up the next day. Great… and to top it off, she’s OCD with the displays.

Shoot me now.

I now have the responsibility of “checking” the displays every morning to make sure that everything’s symmetric and clean.

Whoopee… go me. And to add to the fun, it’s still inventory week! When will this madness ever end?! How many boxes can this woman have?!

Well… at least now I get to move on to the amazing task of producing these lovely bottles.

Wait… WHY AM I MAKING THE BOTTLES?!

When did marketing have anything to do with the actual production?

This whole week I’ve made countless tiny perfume bottles, many many plastic lotions, and various other beauty products I never thought I’d be making. Not only have I been making beauty products, but now she wants brand new menus for her products… and who gets to walk 4 flights up to print them, AND glue them together? Oh of course, the intern.

To top this week off, I get to do “research” on companies that produce weird rubber stoppers with a metal ball on top. Right. Why are companies only making rubber stoppers or these stupid balls?! I swear she chooses the most complicated components possible for her blindingly white store.

Can’t really complain for now. At least I’m by the computer and able to write this blog… along with facebook chatting, my new favorite thing.

At least there’s one perk so far…

GUESS WHO I JUST SAW?!

That’s right.  Paula Abdul.

[Stay tuned for next week’s installment of CC’s Secret Intern Diaries]

In the tradition of the Thumb Wrestling Championships, the World Rock Paper Scissor Tournament and the National Beer Pong Tournament, we have another contender for the most insignificant and socially irrelevant pseudo-challenge. Ladies and gentlemen, step right up- it’s the National Texting Championships.

I love a fun-spirited competitive romp of cult cultural activities. I’m a thumb wrestling champ and a beer pong aficionado. Many crucial decisions in my life have been decided by a rousing game of rock paper scissors. But I simply must put my foot down with this National Texting Championships.

First of all, it’s sponsored by LG, the phone manufacturer. Secondly, the official rules state that in order to participate in this ‘championship’ game, you must not only own a specified LG device (only four models qualify) but also be a current customer of the Verizon network.

Quite simply, I am growing weary of these corporate conglomerates trying to sell me their products while wrapping them in shrouds concealing their dollar-driven goals. I’m tired of Downy Detergent sending me friend requests via Myspace, and please un-subscribe me from the Clairol Beauty Newsletter. These companies, realizing our eyes are glazed over from the incessant advertising assaults, are trying to find new avenues to snatch our hard-earned consumer cash. Posing as competitions, facebook profiles, articles imbedded with obtuse advertising slants and outdoor cultural events, these corporate advertisers are stealthily sneaking into our world.

Whether its co-opting our culture or riding a trend wave, advertising execs have managed to creep into our subconscious through the power of association. Sponsorship is nothing new- we’ve all rolled our eyes when our favorite concert venue or sports stadium adopts a new corporate-enhanced title. In midtown Manhattan, we had bathrooms sponsored by- I kid you not- Charmin Toilet Tissue. But this new strategy of your friendly multi-billion dollar commercial establishment hits a new low. These media maneuverings are designed solely with backdoor marketing in mind. Does Oreo really need its own YouTube channel?

The National Texting Championships might draw some media attention or a collection of big-eyed and eager contestants who are strangely-proud of their text per minute ratios. I, for one, won’t be participating. I’ll be over here, thumb wrestling for the chance to go next in beer pong.

[Photo courtesy of slashphone.com] 

Courtesy of Cosmo’s leading lady Kate White and some unknown marketing company that have polled 1,001 women on the meaning of their lives, we now have classifications about what type of 20-something we are!

Because thank God, I was wondering where I fit in to the world.

Are you a “Go for it Girl” that knows what she wants and won’t settle for less? Are you a “Restless Explorer”, someone who is just “indecisive” aka reformed slacker?

Are you a “Pleasure Seeker” that thinks girls just want to have fun? Or are you a “Housewife Hopeful” that just wants to pop out well-mannered babies?

Oh, the choices! The decisions! I just can’t decide!

I guess I would be a self-proclaimed “Go for it Girl” although right now my face could grease a cookie sheet and these sweatpants I’ve been wearing for three days (I took them off for a date—natch) have egg yolk on them from my splooging egg sandwich this morning.

But I sorted my boyfriend’s laundry and started the dishwasher so doesn’t that mean I go for it? And later I’m planning on getting laid so doesn’t that mean I REALLY go for IT?

Uh, I think so.

And as Ann Curry so wonderfully pointed out, it’s the superwoman syndrome of our predecessors, that first class of feminist “Go for it Girls” that have turned 31% of us into little Anne Hathaway spawns from The Devil Wears Prada.

But remember what she did in the end? She tossed her sidekick into the fountain and told Anna Wintour Miranda Priestly to f*ck herself.

And then she wrote a tell-all “fiction book” turned movie and made millions.

I guess that sort of going for it isn’t that bad. As long as you aren’t a housewife hopeful, a Paris Hilton pleasure seeker or a slacker restless explorer.

So go for it, 20-something!

Just don’t fit into the other lame—I mean undesirable—sixty nine percent.