Hi Dude,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, and we really get along phenomenally. We have a lot in common, including our sense of humor, we love to go on adventures and the sex is fantastic. Marriage came up in conversation the other day, because one of his friends is unhappily married. During the conversation he revealed that he didn’t believe in marriage and would never marry. He said he had too many friends who are unhappily married and constantly complain that the sex is boring, and they wish they could sleep with other people. I’m not saying I want to marry this guy or anyone any time soon, but I do want to get married eventually. Is it worth sticking in this relationship if those are his beliefs? Should I be with someone who thinks they should only be with someone as long as the sex is sizzling? Does he really mean that, or has he just never been in love with someone enough to realize that there are many other reasons to stay in a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase?

Thanks,

Not Yet A Bride

Dear Not Yet A Bride,

Ouch! I mean, OUCH! You’re in a swamp filled with sh*t on this one. Sorry to be explicit but damn, girl, this is not the easiest terrain to wade through, and you’re right in the thick of it…Please disregard all nature-based metaphors used in the prior sentences, I’m in the middle of reading Swamp Thing #8. Multitasking!-it’s what makes us adults, seriously.

I’ve had this conversation myself at one point with a certain lady-friend of mine, so I’m talking from experience rather than just out of my ass on this one. Lots of couples last long-term despite differences over a lot of things: Who’s the best Bond, best Doctor, whose family is crazier, why she never takes out the f*cking garbage, is the cat cuter than both of you combined (yes, she is), but there’s one difference that usually sinks a relationship at the end of the day: Marriage.

Some people are ready now, some aren’t, some say they could be, and some claim they never will be, and are any of these statements 100% concrete? No. He could want to in 5 years or maybe it’ll take 10 years. There are plenty of marriage horror stories that we all hear about. Ever notice how you generally only hear about the bad parts of a marriage? Or stories at least about bad marriages and not so often about good ones? Way of gossip, I guess. Those horror stories are enough to give the most grounded person pause these days, so it’s not surprising that right now he can’t envision himself married. Those are issues he’ll have to work on, and either you can put some faith into him being able to do the work, or you can walk away when you decide you’re ready for the next step, and he’s not.

There’s no definite way to know if you’re completely wasting your time by staying with this guy for much longer. A lot of us change our minds with maturity and experience of a healthy long-term relationship. It does take time, and it takes a bit of work on our parts, but it does happen. The reverse happens to. The question, really, is how long are you prepared to wait?

It could take a year, five years, or even ten years before he gets comfortable with the idea of getting married and that’s thinking he actually will. You have to make the decision for yourself when enough’s enough. If, should you become ready, he can’t or won’t get ready, that’s the point when you consider using those walking boots. Until then, keep the lines of communication open, and see how it plays out. Sounds like you two have a real nice thing going. Don’t leap five moves ahead before you see what the next move is first.

To touch on your other point: you should only stay with someone who believes a relationship is working while the sex is sizzling if all you want is sizzling sex. Otherwise, that’s A. not realistic thinking and B. not mature thinking. Take that belief for what it’s worth: not much.

Runaway groom,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My best frenemy is getting married. Ok, fine. I was happy for her. The problem is she asked me to make a speech. Tuffy, this girl is not someone I can say something nice about. We have a lot of the same friends so I can’t back out of giving the speech, but we have had a lot of problems in the past.

She dated my ex boyfriend after I broke up with him even though I told her I wasn’t ok with it. She caused a lot of drama with our mutual friends in the past. I dont want to even go in to it here, but trust me this girl is not nice.

But we have a lot of the same friends. And we have been friends since the beginning of high school.

Tuffy, I honestly do not have any thing nice to say. What should I do?

Frenemy Read More »

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a senior in college and have been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. He’s my high school sweetheart. I know, we’re so cute! We just got engaged and are getting married when I graduate (he’s two years older and is already working).

Now that we’re engaged, I want to go on birth control, but I’m not sure what to try. What do you recommend?

Thanks, Tuffy!

Engaged! Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a problem that most girls would kill to have. My boyfriend of three years proposed to me.

The problem is, I don’t think I want to go through with it. I’m graduating college in June. He graduated last year and moved back home with his parents. Since then, he’s been working at the mall near where he grew up. It’s only an hour away from school so I still see him all the time, and he seems really happy.

But that’s the problem. He seems really happy just working at the mall. I want to have a whole career and I think I have a chance at getting a job at the firm where I’m interning. I thought the two of us had similar goals, but, since the summer, I’ve come to realize we don’t. He wants to just go to work and come home and hang out, but I want to have a real career and if I have to work late or weekends, I’m fine with that. He gets really sad if I ever stay late at my internship. He says jobs are so you can afford to live, but I see my job as more than that.

We started dating when I was a freshman, and while I like him a lot, I just don’t think he’s “the one.” I feel like we’re better as friends. I’ve known this for a while, but I really care about him a lot (he was my first for pretty much everything, and he’s a really good guy), but I didn’t want to hurt him so I guess I just kind of let it keep going. He’s a good person and I could see myself with him but I just don’t think I’d be happy. Read More »

Clearly girlfriend is trying to get out of that

I’ll admit, I love watching Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings and any show where they make insane wedding cakes. But the idea of actually going through with it all: The commitment to one person for the rest of your life, the lack of freedom, the planning of two lives becoming one..is my barf bag around here somewhere?

Sure weddings are fun to go to, and seeing people who are happily in love is great. But the whole publicly tying yourself to another person for the rest of your life, that’s the part I’m all set without.

It’s not like I watched my parents’ marriage fail or saw a lot of messy break ups when I was younger. Honestly, every single adult marriage in my life has been successful, it’s just not my thing.

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost all of college (we’re seniors) and he’s my perfect guy. I never believed in soul mates until I met him. We get along great, we have so much in common, we have almost all the same friends, and it’s just a great situation.

Perfect, right? Well, I thought so.

We’ve  been making plans to move in together, and he seemed totally fine with that, but a couple of week ago I mentioned in passing something about getting married (I know, I know) and he threw a major curveball at me. It turns out that he won’t marry me–unless I convert to Catholicism.

I never knew this was a big deal for him. He doesn’t seem to be very religious (I’ve never seen him go to church except Christmas and Easter) and he’s never brought this up before. But when we talked about it a couple of weeks ago he was really clear that I would need to convert or else it wasn’t going to work.

I thought about it for a while. I’m not religious so I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe I should just do it for him. But then I started getting kind of mad. Why do I have to pretend I believe in something that he never even told me he cared about before? I think it would really upset my parents and, actually, I think it would really upset me, too. I don’t think I should have to pretend to be something I’m not.

I don’t know if I should be mad or break up with him before it goes any further or convert or what. Also, don’t you think it’s kind of suspicious? He can move in with me but he can’t marry me? Is this BS because he just doesn’t want to marry me?

I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Until then, I am

Not Converting

Read More »

So it’s Monday morning. You’re already late. There are a million things you should be doing right now. But really, you just want to sip your latte until you’re more awake and hold off on starting this week a little bit longer, right? Right.

Well, don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. If there’s one thing us college girls are good at it’s procrastination. And if there’s one thing that never fails to provide the perfect means to procrastinate it’s YouTube. Whether you want to watch laughing babies or fuzzy animals, crazy teens, or talented pre-teens, YouTube has it all. The perfect way to kill time, to brighten your mood, and to make your Monday better.

This weekend, I had a lot of reasons to procrastinate. So I put my free time to good use and compliled a list of my top ten favorite YouTube sensations. Enjoy. Read More »

With our favorite Black Friday Thanksgiving holiday gone, we are officially entering the holiday season. For some, this means testing your strength when it comes to pushing away another cup of peppermint hot chocolate mocha frap latte machiatto with extra whipped cream. For others, it’s another opportunity to cuddle up in front of a fire (or an MTV reality show marathon) with a special somebody.

And it turns out, that whole “cuddling” thing might be better for all of us than a trip to the gym or a daily vitamin.

I’ve recently come across tons of articles telling us how important love is. MSN even cites a University of Pittsburgh study that showed women who were in a healthy marriage had lower risks for cardiovascular disease. Another study states that in a good relationship, participants were shown to have less anxiety, lower blood pressure and even a longer life. One of my favorite facts found on U.S. News says that when you’re in a happy relationship, you produce less of the stress hormone known as cortisol. Having less cortisol is better because this hormone works against the immune system, making you more prone to sickness and colds!

Yes, being in love prevents sickness.

But for all of us single ladies who may not have a love prospect to smooch under the mistletoe, don’t think we’re at any disadvantage. Although these studies focus on married couples, I think the overall message is this: as long as you are happy, you can be healthy. Read More »

How to have sex without regrets.

I can’t find one boyfriend, but he marries his 4th wife.

7 easy ways to get healthier.

College girls finally close the marriage gap.

Justin Bieber’s laser tag scandal.

Looks that should be left behind in college.

OMG. Michael Lohan. You’re the worst!

Just ANOTHER perk of having famous parents

Hangover cameos are the new rehab.

Yesterday, two years after Prop 8 – a proposition to ban gay marriage in California – was passed, Federal Judge Vaugh Walker released a 136-page document deeming the proposition unconstitutional. To say it was a big day for the gay and lesbian community in this country is an understatement. In fact, to say it was a big day for this very straight woman is an understatement, too.

Having been raised in a liberal household before attending an extremely liberal college, I literally cannot understand the idea of banning gay marriage. Say what you will about the whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” thing, making it illegal for a gay couple to get married is unfair, unjust and in opposition to the morals and ideals this country was built on. Read More »