Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a senior in college and have been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. He’s my high school sweetheart. I know, we’re so cute! We just got engaged and are getting married when I graduate (he’s two years older and is already working).

Now that we’re engaged, I want to go on birth control, but I’m not sure what to try. What do you recommend?

Thanks, Tuffy!

Engaged!

Dear Engaged,

First of all, congratulations!!! You’re right, that’s super cute. Go, girl!!! Secondly, a disclaimer: Tuffy ain’t no doctor, mmmkay?! So go to your OB/GYN to get REAL advice! But in the meantime, here’s what I got:

I’m going mostly by Planned Parenthood, so you can check out the link here:

(BTW!!! If you don’t have insurance and need to see an OB/GYN, Planned Parenthood is a great resource!!! Clicky click that link!) Basically, if you’re going to have sex and you don’t want a baby, you have to use protection. If you’re also worried about STDs (which MOST of you should be!!!), you need to use a condom and that’s pretty much that. You could kind of use a female condom, but those seem to be slightly less effective and have a few downsides (may be uncomfy, can slip inside you during sex, etc.). CONDOMS, people. CONDOMS!!! There are also a bunch of options you can use WITH condoms to prevent pregnancy.

Some women like the diaphragm. It’s fairly effective but it doesn’t protect, of course, from STDs. It’s like a little cup you insert in your hooha. It’s nice and inexpensive and each one lasts for about two years.

Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular birth control pill. Be careful when you go on these, since they do pump you full of hormones and some people have serious side effects. (Read up here.) Really wonderful for some women, really harmful for others. Remember, the pill does NOT protect against STDs!!!

Similarly, there’s the sponge. It soaks up the spermies and kills ‘em. Check but not as effective as we’d like.

Then there’s the patch, which is quite effective (for pregnancy, NOT STDs!). You have to wear it. Like an accessory. Same hormonal risks, but, again, great for some.

The shot: Depo-Provera. Very easy, lasts three months a shot. A little more expensive because it’s more convenient.

NuvaRing: an insertion thingy. VERY effective but pricey and a little risky. Read up, kids.

Aaaand the birth control implant. Very expensive up front but lasts three years. Mostly pretty safe, from what I understand.

I mean, basically, you just have to do your research and talk to your doctor. I applaud you for being responsible!!!!!!!! Please, kids, protect your bodies and your futures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Or smash.

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a problem that most girls would kill to have. My boyfriend of three years proposed to me.

The problem is, I don’t think I want to go through with it. I’m graduating college in June. He graduated last year and moved back home with his parents. Since then, he’s been working at the mall near where he grew up. It’s only an hour away from school so I still see him all the time, and he seems really happy.

But that’s the problem. He seems really happy just working at the mall. I want to have a whole career and I think I have a chance at getting a job at the firm where I’m interning. I thought the two of us had similar goals, but, since the summer, I’ve come to realize we don’t. He wants to just go to work and come home and hang out, but I want to have a real career and if I have to work late or weekends, I’m fine with that. He gets really sad if I ever stay late at my internship. He says jobs are so you can afford to live, but I see my job as more than that.

We started dating when I was a freshman, and while I like him a lot, I just don’t think he’s “the one.” I feel like we’re better as friends. I’ve known this for a while, but I really care about him a lot (he was my first for pretty much everything, and he’s a really good guy), but I didn’t want to hurt him so I guess I just kind of let it keep going. He’s a good person and I could see myself with him but I just don’t think I’d be happy.

I already said yes to getting married. He proposed in front of a bunch of our friends and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. But now I’m panicked because I KNOW I do not want to marry him but now it’s so much worse! Help!!!!!!!

Fiancee

Dear Fiancee,

Wow, that does suck.

Okay, well, obviously you can’t just “let it keep going.” I mean, you really canNOT marry the guy. That would be sucky for you and VERY unfair for him.

See, really, you should have told him how you felt when you were originally feeling it. Because NOW it’s like you’ve been lying to him.

But don’t freak out!! You have to do it, but you’re going to do it in the nicest way possible.

Meet up with him and just tell him the whole truth. (Well, I wouldn’t mention not liking that he’s happy at his job; that might come off as condescending. Say the other stuff: how you love him but you just don’t think this is the right thing right now.) He’ll be mad. You’ll probably both cry. But, ultimately, it’s the right thing to do, and hopefully someday he’ll respect you for it.

And more importantly, you won’t end up with someone you know isn’t the one and he won’t end up with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.

You know this sucks. And you know it will keep on sucking. But once you do it, I promise life as a whole will suck less.

And then, in fact, you can both start fresh and find someone who’s right for you.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Clearly girlfriend is trying to get out of that

I’ll admit, I love watching Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings and any show where they make insane wedding cakes. But the idea of actually going through with it all: The commitment to one person for the rest of your life, the lack of freedom, the planning of two lives becoming one..is my barf bag around here somewhere?

Sure weddings are fun to go to, and seeing people who are happily in love is great. But the whole publicly tying yourself to another person for the rest of your life, that’s the part I’m all set without.

It’s not like I watched my parents’ marriage fail or saw a lot of messy break ups when I was younger. Honestly, every single adult marriage in my life has been successful, it’s just not my thing.

Sure I’ve been in my fair share of relationships but they all start and end the same way. First he is thrilled that I like my space and don’t want to be with him 24/7, then slowly (but surely) he starts to freak out wondering what’s wrong with him and it just goes down hill from there.

Some people are just cut out to be single for the rest of their lives, and that is fine by me. I enjoy being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without checking in with anyone. Plus anyway, rings don’t really look good on my fingers.

And it isn’t like I’m shunning all relationships, the opposite actually. I’m one of those strange people who actually likes dating, well kind of..the bad ones make for funny stories. But if I magically find that certain someone, if I find someone who meets my long check list, then sure I’d want to stay in a committed relationship with them. But why do we need to put some kind of label on it, isn’t the fact that we love each other bond enough?

Now I promise I won’t go on a tangent about how much I hate labels, but while we’re on the subject… I’ve always felt that marriage is for the world to acknowledge that you are together. I honestly couldn’t care less if the world knows I’m with the love of my life; the only person I care who knows is the person I’m with (and if they don’t know then that would be an awkward conversation).

So yes, marriage is nice for some people– and for some people it’s their end-all goal– but for me? I’m set with kickin’ it solo or tying my life together with someone through a few simple words and a piece of paper.

(Oh and just because I’m not getting married, does not mean I’ll be a cat lady. Want proof? Check it out here!)

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost all of college (we’re seniors) and he’s my perfect guy. I never believed in soul mates until I met him. We get along great, we have so much in common, we have almost all the same friends, and it’s just a great situation.

Perfect, right? Well, I thought so.

We’ve  been making plans to move in together, and he seemed totally fine with that, but a couple of week ago I mentioned in passing something about getting married (I know, I know) and he threw a major curveball at me. It turns out that he won’t marry me–unless I convert to Catholicism.

I never knew this was a big deal for him. He doesn’t seem to be very religious (I’ve never seen him go to church except Christmas and Easter) and he’s never brought this up before. But when we talked about it a couple of weeks ago he was really clear that I would need to convert or else it wasn’t going to work.

I thought about it for a while. I’m not religious so I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe I should just do it for him. But then I started getting kind of mad. Why do I have to pretend I believe in something that he never even told me he cared about before? I think it would really upset my parents and, actually, I think it would really upset me, too. I don’t think I should have to pretend to be something I’m not.

I don’t know if I should be mad or break up with him before it goes any further or convert or what. Also, don’t you think it’s kind of suspicious? He can move in with me but he can’t marry me? Is this BS because he just doesn’t want to marry me?

I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Until then, I am

Not Converting

Dear Not Converting,

Okay, this is like–really deep. So–noseplugs, readers.

There’s sort of two possibilities here, neither of which works out in your favor:

(1) It’s bullshoop and he doesn’t want to marry you

or

(2) He is genuinely religious and just doesn’t really practice.

Let’s look at #1 first, because it’s much easier (although maybe suckier).

So, let’s say it’s bullshoop and he doesn’t want to marry you. In this case, it’s like–well, frankly, NC, you’re coming right out of college. No rule says you have to get married at 22. Why not wait a little while and feel it out?! What’s the flooping rush?!

I mean, there’s a 50% divorce rate in the USA, right?! CAN’T WE ALL PLEASE DATE A LITTLE LONGER AND MAKE THINGS EASIER ON OURSELVES?! The fact is, you can never REALLLLLLLLY know another person, no matter how close you are or how much you love them (or even how much you stalk them). But the better you get to know them (read: date for a few years AS AN ADULT at LEAST), the better chance you have of actually, you know, staying together.

And you reallllllly don’t know what living together (especially with adult responsibilities, like rent and jobs) will be like until you do it. You might find out your lifestyles aren’t compatible after all.

So, in other words, if #1 is the reason, I’d say give him a year or two before you mention the marriage thing again. If he’s still resistant–well, then you can think about dumping him. Because, frankly, you should NOT marry someone who doesn’t want to marry YOU.

Okay, now let’s say it’s #2 (reminder: “He is genuinely religious and just doesn’t really practice.”). This is more complicated.

Because, like, you can’t change how you feel.

That sounds dumb, right? But, unfortunately, it’s true.

Just as you, rightfully, feel unable and in fact dishonest about completely changing your worldview, so too does Monsieur Religiouspants find it distasteful to change HIS worldview. And, sorry to say, that’s completely fair.

Well, the truth is, if he really can’t get past the fact that you two are not the same religion, and you really feel strongly about not changing that–then the two of you shouldn’t be together.

I would hope, to be honest, that, if everything else really is as perfect as you say, I would HOPE that you two could find a way to work things out. For instance, you could decide to raise the kids Catholic for him and attend church services with him, as long as he understands that you can’t in good faith (ha! Tuffy!) pretend to be something you’re not.

However, this is a very idealistic look at the situation. Chances are, if it’s an issue of his worrying that you, and possibly he, will be damned, he’s not going to be able to commit. Religious is a very personal and very touchy subject. You have to respect each other’s beliefs.

Frankly, honey, I hope you can work this out. (And I hope he’s not just bullshooping you to get out of marriage, that sneaky bashtard.) Tuffy herself is in an interfaith relationship, and we’ve been able to make it work by respecting each other and trying to participate in each other’s shoop without losing our own.

But, ultimately, you have to be honest with yourselves: Are you both willing to make a compromise on something that’s so important to each of you? Only the two of you can decide that.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

[Want more tough love? Get it.]

So it’s Monday morning. You’re already late. There are a million things you should be doing right now. But really, you just want to sip your latte until you’re more awake and hold off on starting this week a little bit longer, right? Right.

Well, don’t worry. I’ve got you covered. If there’s one thing us college girls are good at it’s procrastination. And if there’s one thing that never fails to provide the perfect means to procrastinate it’s YouTube. Whether you want to watch laughing babies or fuzzy animals, crazy teens, or talented pre-teens, YouTube has it all. The perfect way to kill time, to brighten your mood, and to make your Monday better.

This weekend, I had a lot of reasons to procrastinate. So I put my free time to good use and compliled a list of my top ten favorite YouTube sensations. Enjoy.

10. Baby Bopping to Single Ladies. Most adorable baby ever. Who would think that Bryonce’s video would have been such a hit with such a younger crew? I bet if he’d been at the VMAs, this baby would have been up there with Kanye in second.

9. David after the Dentist. Nothing quite like a little dental surgery to put things into perspective. I still laugh watching poor David struggle with “feeling funny,” with his worries that this might last forever, with his inability to count his fingers, and with the age old question we’re all asking every day, is this real life?

8. Greyson Chace. The boy that Ellen hopes will be the next Justin Bieber. She found his cover of Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi and was so impressed that she started her own record label just to sign him. The boy hasn’t exactly risen to fame yet, but given some time he might just get there.

7. OMG, Shoes. What could one possibly say about this video? Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. OMG, Shoes. Yes, I think that about covers it, don’t you?

6. The sneezing panda. Shortly after discovering this video, which I watched time after time, when I finally stopped laughing, I showed it to my mother. She watched it once, laughed, and said, “Damn kids, they can just never give you a moment of peace, can they?” Clearly, this YouTube video crosses species.

5. The Charlie bit me video. As an older sibling I stand by Charlie’s older brother. Younger siblings get away with murder, biting you and torturing you and really hurting you when everyone else just thinks they’re being cute. You may have the rest of the world fooled, Charlie, but I’ve got my eye on you.

4. The girl that did the cover of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. Only ten years old and Maria Aragon is already singing like a pro. Lady Gaga was so moved by the video that she was brought to tears. And days later, while being interviewed the girl got a surprise call from Mother Monster herself and the two sang together. You really can’t beat that, can you?

3. The girl that needs a job before she can get married. I’m not sure how this little girl got so wise at such a young age, but I couldn’t be prouder watching that video. Maybe feminism isn’t lost on the next generation, after all.

2.  Evoluton of Dance. A 6 minute dance sequence that takes us through the eras, reminding everyone of just how ridiculous those seemingly super cool dance moves will look in a few years. It’s hilarious, but personally, I’m waiting for the remake that includes both the Macarena and the single ladies dance. Think Jud Laipply can teach me how to Dougie?

1. Justin Bieber. The Biebs took the number one spot if only because he really is the most successful YouTube sensation of all time. Where would the world be if he had never sung his heart out on YouTube? If Usher had never signed him? Teenage girls would still be obsessing over the Jonas Brothers!

Okay. So that’s my top ten. What are your favorite YouTube videos of all time?

[Check out Jenn's other musings-in-the-form-of-a-list here.]

And it turns out, that whole “cuddling” thing might be better for all of us than a trip to the gym or a daily vitamin.

I’ve recently come across tons of articles telling us how important love is. MSN even cites a University of Pittsburgh study that showed women who were in a healthy marriage had lower risks for cardiovascular disease. Another study states that in a good relationship, participants were shown to have less anxiety, lower blood pressure and even a longer life. One of my favorite facts found on U.S. News says that when you’re in a happy relationship, you produce less of the stress hormone known as cortisol. Having less cortisol is better because this hormone works against the immune system, making you more prone to sickness and colds!

Yes, being in love prevents sickness.

But for all of us single ladies who may not have a love prospect to smooch under the mistletoe, don’t think we’re at any disadvantage. Although these studies focus on married couples, I think the overall message is this: as long as you are happy, you can be healthy.

Love comes in many forms and even if you don’t have yourself a honey bunny on a farm, you’ve got plenty of people in your life to love. Yes, your BFFs and your family can keep you healthy too. This season, I challenge you to focus on these more long term relationships. Forget about trying to find someone to kiss as the ball drops on New Year’s Eve and embrace the love you’ve already got in your life: the people who have been around you since day one (as opposed to the random guy who might not make it past 8am on January 1st). These are the people that can make us all healthy and happy.

As these studies have shown, love makes you feel awesome. Whether it’s with one person or with a big group of friends, love makes the world go round! And it keeps you healthier as it turns. But, who needs an article to tell you how great love feels? You don’t need a PhD to know that being in a great relationship makes you happy, bubbly and warm n’ fuzzy inside.

Instead of worrying about which hometown ex you’re going to snag for the holidays (because the stress will literally make you sick), focus on how much fun it’s going to not worry about any of that. Hit the mall with your  friends, snuggle up on the couch for some QT with the family, have a holiday cookie exchange with your high school besties – just spend time with the people you love.

You’ll feel better. Science says so!

How to have sex without regrets.

I can’t find one boyfriend, but he marries his 4th wife.

7 easy ways to get healthier.

College girls finally close the marriage gap.

Justin Bieber’s laser tag scandal.

Looks that should be left behind in college.

OMG. Michael Lohan. You’re the worst!

Just ANOTHER perk of having famous parents

Hangover cameos are the new rehab.

Yesterday, two years after Prop 8 – a proposition to ban gay marriage in California – was passed, Federal Judge Vaugh Walker released a 136-page document deeming the proposition unconstitutional. To say it was a big day for the gay and lesbian community in this country is an understatement. In fact, to say it was a big day for this very straight woman is an understatement, too.

Having been raised in a liberal household before attending an extremely liberal college, I literally cannot understand the idea of banning gay marriage. Say what you will about the whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” thing, making it illegal for a gay couple to get married is unfair, unjust and in opposition to the morals and ideals this country was built on.

America is (supposedly) a country that accepts all people, and that includes both straight and gay. We create laws to keep order and safety, but the law proposed by Prop 8 does neither. It is based on hatred, bigotry and ignorance. Will allowing gay couples to get married wreak havoc on our country? Are they more dangerous than straight couples? No and no.

Let’s be real: we have much larger issues to focus on in this country (um, the economy/the war/rebuilding New Orleans post Katrina…) than worrying about who is getting married. And it’s nice to see that someone with a voice has finally realized that too.

While we are still a ways away from having equal rights for the gay community, yesterday’s ruling gives me hope that one day – in my lifetime – we will live in a country that doesn’t ban gay couples from prom; doesn’t oppress millions of innocent people; gives everyone the right to love who they want to love, no questions asked; and has the (obviously fabulous) Neil Patrick Harris/David Burtka wedding televised.

I can’t wait for that day.

Another day, another dollar.

But I say; another day, another US Weekly Cover of Jennifer Aniston walking around in khakis, a white tee and aviators.  I’m serious, this woman is still plastered everywhere on the glossy pages of gossip magazines.  Didn’t she and Brad Pitt cut the ties half a decade ago?  Exactly what is the appeal keeping her around?  Because if you tell me it’s because of the infamous ‘Aniston Cut,’ I was over that when the Friends finale aired, in 2004.

She’s a single woman sans children.  And the press are still featuring her cover after cover for this “news coverage.”  However, Aniston seems to be supporting the single and childless wrath by staring in new movie called ‘The Switch’ where a single 40-year-old woman [Aniston] seeks a sperm donor to get pregnant.  This movie is only supporting and encouraging her life as a single woman without children. Is this real life?

Dear Jen: Don’t do this to yourself.

However, this only means bigger and better possible headlines for Aniston in the future.  If she’s encouraging ‘Aniston Stars in Movie About Single Woman Scrounging for Sperm Donor’ why can’t we have a little fun?  The current headlines, which barely span past ‘Pitt Wants Aniston Back‘ or ‘Aniston & Jolie: It’s War‘ are getting a little stuffy don’t you think?   Let’s take a guess at the top headlines for Aniston’s wholesome future in tabloids.

‘Jen Storms Into Jolie-Pitt Palace & Kidnaps Pax, Jolie Doesn’t Notice for Weeks’

Since Aniston’s plan to steal Brad Pitt from Jolie is clearly not working; she needs to take matters to another level. By holding Pax hostage.

‘Jennifer Aniston Adopts An Entire Country, Heart Still Yearns for Brad Pitt’

Since Aniston hits headlines craving a child by Brad Pitt more than I crave a Smart Water Gatorade after a struggle fest on the elliptical, this is bound to be the next step in her search for motherhood.

‘Aniston Hasn’t Worn Khakis In Weeks, In Ploy to Look More Like Jolie’

In an apparently constant struggle to look more like the slutty tantalizing Jolie, Aniston tosses her khaki pants and leather belt for an all black wardrobe. Say it isn’t so! Did I feel the planet just tilt a little?

‘Aniston Won’t Stop Sexting Jon Voight’

Well, if stealing from the Pitt-Jolie litter ain’t workin, and homegirl misses her khakis, girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

‘John Mayer Claims Jennifer Aniston Used Him to Call Brad During Sex’

This is low, real low.  Aniston probably pulled Mayers elastic thong swimsuit back and snapped it in the phone speakers so Pitt could hear. “Here that Brad?! That’s the sound of lust and passion!”

Move over, Patti. There's a new matchmaker in town.

We all know that relationships don’t last long in Hollywood.  Could it be because celebrities are completely blind to their perfect matches?  You can’t let things like addictions and insane exes get in your way of true love, guys!

Here at College Candy, we’ve scoured the internet, read through all the tabloids, and racked our brains for the most perfect star-studded couples.  Using a highly-scientific method, we’ve taken various criteria into account – hot-mess status, history of violence, etc.- and calculated the most compatible romantic matches.  Take a look at who’s no longer on the market!

Spencer Pratt and Kelly Bensimon

Between The Hills and Real Housewives of New York, these two bring the crazy coast to coast.  Am I the only one wondering why King Spencer hasn’t found his queen in Kelly?  Imagine the insane conversations!  They would just babble on and on and talk over one another until next thing you knew, healing crystals were flying across the room and they fell to the floor having passionate, angry sex.

Lindsay Lohan and Lil Wayne

One word: LiloWayne.  Great celebrity nickname or greatest celebrity nickname?  Just picture it- their eyes meet across the jail cafeteria, sparks fly (or perhaps that was a stray bullet), and before you know it they’re running from the law hand in hand.  Post-incarceration they’ll shun conformity, opting instead to continue in their boozy, drug-addled ways.  It’s a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, what romance!

Kate Gosselin and Jake Pavelka

I can see this either going really, really well or oh-so horribly wrong.  They’re both control freaks, that we know.  But they’re also fame whores who claim to value family and respect and love above all else. Thanksgivings would be off the charts- kids running everywhere dismantling the house, Vienna sobbing over the phone, Jon busting in with three underage girlfriends.  Kate and Jake can go hide in the pantry, binge eating animal crackers and fake cursing.  Gosh darn gee wiz!

Denise Richards and Scott Disick

Uh, he’s gotta be a better dad than Charlie Sheen, right?  Denise and Scott can commiserate on how they barely made it out of abusive relationships- physically with Charlie, emotionally with Mama Kardashian.  And I say barely because I believe Scott was briefly forced into employment for a period of time…thankfully that didn’t stick.  Now they can bask in the flash of the cameras while they gallivant down Rodeo Drive spending their settlement money.

John Stamos and Miley Cyrus

He likes the youngins, she has no concept of what is or isn’t appropriate behavior for a seventeen year-old.  Sure, Uncle Jesse is old enough to be Hannah Montana’s father.  Think it’ll matter to anyone?  If the feds question the legality of this match-up, her parents will say, “She’s just being Miley!”

Chelsea Handler and Big Black

But only if they can adopt the chain smoking Indonesian baby.

Johnny Weir and Tim Gunn

Ohmigod, can you just imagine the outfits!  Johnny needs someone to detox him from glitter and Tim would do well to let loose a bit.  Once they worked their magic on one another, it would be a hysterical, fashion-forward pairing.  And the wedding, don’t even get me started on all the possibilities.  Heidi as best man!  That strict German skating coach as officiant!  I need to sit down for this…