I first learned of Aaron Karo when I was a junior in college. My friend bought me Karo’s first book, “Ruminations on College Life” for my birthday. I read it in one day. And laughed so hard I cried.

Then I went on Facebook and stalked Karo in hopes that 1) I could meet him and 2) I could date him. (Funny, cute and Jewish? He was like my knight in shining college apparel.) That was back in the days when you had to have a .edu address to be on Facebook (I’m old), so I couldn’t find him. But I did see his stand-up show, where I laughed so hard I peed a little. And that is a true story.

Not familiar with Aaron Karo? Well, you should be. He’s totes gourmet. While at Wharton, Karo would send emails to his friends “ruminating” on college life. Those friends forwarded the email to their friends. Then those people sent it on to their friends. Soon, Karo had a million subscribers and a brand new career path as a stand-up comedian/author.

And he’s still going. Karo’s newest book, “I’m Having More Fun Than You” just hit the stores yesterday. In it Karo discusses the perks of being single when everyone else you know is getting hitched. Whether your friends are getting married or just act like it with their LDBF of 4 years, you will relate, laugh and maybe even pee a little. Or a lot-tle

Anyways, I finally tracked Karo down. The good news is he agreed to let me interview him. The bad news is he lives in L.A., which is way too far for a booty call.

5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What is your most hysterical/ridiculous college memory?
I stayed out of (serious) trouble [in college], but my most ridiculous memory is a tie. On one hand is the time the football team won the league championship, we tore down the goalposts, then used them as battering rams to break out of the stadium after they locked us in. On the other hand was the night I took one of my fraternity brothers to the ER after he jumped off a ledge and cracked his head open – only to find the rest of my fraternity already there assisting another guy who had punched his hand through a window. Good times.

2. What are five things you can’t live without?
DVR, Blackberry, LOST, alcohol, and the Yankees.

3. What’s your motto/advice you live by?
Work hard, play harder.

4. What’s your favorite song to belt out at the bar/in the car/for karaoke?
My fraternity brothers still make fun of me for playing “Still Not a Player” by Big Pun every day for a year. I still love it.

5. Ten years from now you will be….
Hopefully still answering interview questions on college web sites.

5 Questions Just for Aaron Karo:

1. What do you miss most about college?
Not having to worry…about anything. Any concern you could possibly have in college pales in comparison to what we have to deal with after college.

2. What do current college students have to look forward to in the real world?
The one benefit of graduating during a recession? Low expectations.

3. You went to school to get into business and now you’re doing stand-up. Why did you change your path? What advice do you have for college students who changed their minds about their futures and are now totally freaking out?
I didn’t change my career path as much as many people think. I’m still in business – just for myself. In fact, I use my business degree more now than I ever did on Wall Street. People would be surprised by how much the seemingly irrelevant stuff they learned in college comes in handy later.

4. What is the biggest thing/truth about guys that college girls just don’t get?
One – we are morons. Even by college, we have not yet learned the nuances of attracting women so we just go at it caveman style. We don’t know any better. Two – we are dicks. Not so much because we’re assholes, but because, as college guys, we’re surrounded by like-minded dudes who encourage boorish behavior. At least that’s the excuse I’m going with.

5. Tell us about your new book – what inspired this book? What lessons can people take from it? (Because there has to be a lesson in there, right?)
The book came about when I got closer to turning thirty. I realized that all of the women around me wanted to get married more… while I actually wanted to get married less. So that inspired this humorous take on why single people are having more fun than people in relationships. There is in fact a lesson – that one of the advantages of being single that isn’t talked about much is that you get the opportunity to learn about yourself. I believe that only once you’ve been single for a while and put yourself out there can you really know what you want in a relationship. Also, the blow jobs are pretty good too.

Pick up “I’m Having More Fun Than You” and the entire Karo collection on Amazon. And for a good laugh/something else to procrastinate that paper a little longer, visit Karo’s site, Ruminations.com.

I thought I would be at least 25 before this became an issue. I’m a bridesmaid. Yes, blah blah, happy occasion, etc, etc. But let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

First, I have to lose enough weight that the size 4 dress I ordered actually fits (I got a little overzealous after my skinny pants fit.) Second, I am the only bridesmaid who does not have a long term boyfriend. Meaning I either attend several wedding functions as the only solo gal, or I shell out some major cash dollaz for one of my guy friends to fly out to the wedding with me. Both options are giving me ulcers. Third, I’m jealous. Not that my friend is happy (because I’m amazingly glad she is) or because I want a husband (oh no, no, absolutely not), but because she has her whole life figured out…and I’m still deciding which kegger to go to tomorrow night.

I guess she’s an adult. And while my Harry Potter posters and cupboard full of Lucky Charms would have you believe otherwise, I guess I’m sort of, kind of an adult too. And if this is the beginning of adulthood, I’m so far really bad at it. One of my best friends from high school is getting married. My other two best friends (the other lovely bridesmaids) are at least in relationships that will give them the emotional skills to one day be married. I’m busy trying to casually find out if the hot guy I work with is single so that I can maybe flirt with him.

Why do they get to be real people when I’m still like an 8th grader with a legal ID?

I know, I know…I’m only 21, which is quite a few train stops away from Spinsterville. But at this rate, I’ll finally enter a long term relationship while they’re sending their kids off to college. Are they moving too quickly, or am I moving too slowly? I asked my rational side her opinion on the matter while moping over a bag of Taco Bell (maybe I should’ve ordered the size 6 dress).

It’s a little hard to accept, but when the four of us went off to college, we all had different experiences which made us different people. I still love them, but my three best friends became the “quiet, settled” down types. I became the “overly extraverted, borderline ridiculous” type. And while they may be ready to settle down in a year or two, I would be gnawing my way through the white picket fence just to get out of there.

It’s a perfectly good answer; we all lead different lives, we’re all moving at different paces. They’re not weird for getting married to people they truly love and care for, and I’m not weird for not being married when I’ve just legally been allowed to drink a PBR. And yet I still can’t help but feeling exactly how I did when I was the last one to get a date to prom: incapable of normal social function.

Has my emotional development somehow been stunted, or have I just not found the right person? Who knew being a bridesmaid would give me such an existential crisis…

Originally, I was going to write an empowering and witty article about all the physical and mental benefits of being single.  Then I started my research and found…there were none.  Seriously.  Every study points in exactly the opposite direction.  Apparently, the healthiest thing we can do is get married.  Like, immediately.

Not gonna lie, I was kinda disappointed when I found out.  But then I reconsidered…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get married right now, especially considering all these health benefits.  I could even print out the list and slap it down on the desk of that gorgeous guy in my photography class, saying “Eh? Eh? C’mon, it’s healthy.”  He won’t be able to resist, obviously.

In case you plan on executing a ninja-style attack on a cute guy like I do (that is, in fact, how I pick up all my boyfriends), I’ve made you a handy-dandy list of reasons to print out and share with your friends and crushes.  So here you go – all the reasons and benefits of getting married NOW!

Decreased Risk of Alzheimers/Dementia – Your risk of developing alzheimers, dementia, or any sort of cognitive impairment is halved when you’re married (compared to if you are single, divorced, separated or widowed).  Can’t argue with that…or, actually, you can ’cause you’ll be married and still have all your cognitive thought processes in place.

More Money – If you’re a modern woman, you’ve probably thrown a few bucks into the pot when you’re out on a date.  It’s just polite and what’s a few nights of paying for dessert or drinks gonna hurt?  Well, your bank account, for one (or at least mine).  When you’re married, you’ll have a larger pot to pull from and will therefore be able to save a lot more, too.

Less Smoking/Drinking – When you get married, you’ll obviously spend way less time at the bars because you’ll have already snagged yourself a winner.  This means less drinking and smoking (supposedly).  Also, there will be less Bridget Jones-esque nights spent on your couch in your flannels, drowning your sorrows in tobacco and wine while watching the Lifetime network (again, supposedly).

More (Safe) Sex – Assuming your ninja attack on the hottie who sits behind you in class works out, you’ll have free reign on bedroom fun time.  Who could resist?  Also, you’ll be doing less of the skanking-it-up-at-the-bar move (hopefully), which means less of  chance to catch herpes and whatnot while still getting laid on a regular basis. Win!

Less Physical Pain – If you’re married, you tend to suffer less from back pain and headaches. Awesome!  I’m assuming this is because your husband will do all the heavy lifting for you while moving into your new dorm room in the fall.  Also, they can take your finals for you because you will be legally one person.  So many benefits, it’s almost like having a personal assistant (or EXACTLY like having a personal assistant!).

My grandparents are determined to get me married off  to someone with a respectable profession before I’m 23. They’re convinced that if I haven’t met the right corporate lawyer or hedge fund banker by then, I’ll recieve a one-way nonrefundable ticket to spinsterhood. So it was a huge surprise to me that it took two whole weeks in New York before my grandmother’s friend’s law-student grandson “asked for my number.”

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.

After all, I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just meet guys and immediately classify them by their fraternity affiliation. I have no idea who anyone is or how to tell the difference between a genuinely awesome guy and one who meets and murders girls off of eHarmony.

Am I going to have to depend on being set-up by friends (not relatives) from now on? Even worse, do I need to get professional head shots taken so I can use the Millionaire Matchmaker service (and make my grandparents proud)?

Another thing I’m going to have to figure out.

Don’t get me wrong; I love Tough Love. Well, the show. I’m not quite sure I could handle someone pointing out my major flaws on national television (though I did attempt to audition for the next season…). Anyways, I think Steve Ward is great and knows his sh*t (and looks great in a pair of jeans) and really helped those women learn how to love themselves and be loved.

But don’t you think dating would be so much easier if we could all get some video feedback from the guys that we like? Wouldn’t it be magical if we didn’t have to spend hours decoding the emails/texts from the boys to figure out what they really mean? Maybe the fact that all those wonderful relationships blossomed in this fantasy land where the women knew exactly what their guys were thinking contributed to the fact that not one of them worked out in the real world…

But let’s take a step back and talk about the season finale!

There are only 6 girls left in boot camp and Steve decides to send them on overnight getaways. With boys. And they have to invite them. Most girls know who they are going to invite, but our drunk friend Natasha has no one to call. I thought for a moment that maybe she would luck out and get to take Steve on an overnight romantic getaway, but no – he set her up with someone else.

Taylor decided not to take the trip at all and to leave boot camp with a new love: herself. Awwww. Hopefully all that self love will translate into a new wardrobe that doesn’t consist of leopard dresses or turquoise bedazzled stilettos. What? I think I would love myself more if I wasn’t dressed like a tranny…

The rest of the girls take off on their adventures. All of the trips were super romantic, which left me feeling very uncomfortable watching. There were so many intimate moments that should be left to the lovebirds and the lovebirds only – like Abiola’s foot massage and Jessa’s hot tub experience – and I felt like a guy with a mustache and a white van peeping in through the window.

Or when Jody and Shane started making out on the strip and she basically ate his face. Awk.

When the girls finish their dream dates, they return to the mansion to say their goodbyes to Steve-o. He puts them all in the hot seat to talk about their experiences, but he did do a little grillin’ with Jacklyn and her love triangle. Now, I’ll never understand Jacklyn. I’ll never get why guys like such a moron, why she lines her eyes like that, or why she would ever (ever, ever, ever) choose anyone over Brock. Did you see that bangin’ body?

Steve tried to get her to choose the right guy and she made a pretty good case for herself that she would, but homegirl gets off the plane and takes the ring from her scrawny Southern ex. And loses Brock. She learned nothing from Steve and really was only obsessed with getting married – even to someone who said such hurtful things to her. I don’t know why she spent the entire dinner party last week explaining to her ex why he wasn’t right for her only to go back to him, but it doesn’t matter now. She made a crappy decision, and now Brock is out there for the taking.

Along with the rest of the Boot Camp Boys. Not one of those relationships panned out which means only one thing. No, not that Steve’s approach doesn’t work. It means that a trip to L.A. is in order.

I don’t really need Steve’s Tough Love; I just need all those leftovers.

Let’s face it: we all make stupid decisions. Like choosing a fifth over a review session, or bringing that guy home…who stole our iPod in the morning. That’s part of college life… and a big part of what makes it so memorable. But there are some choices that have longer lasting repercussions; things we do now that will haunt us later. Coed Magazine covered the 10 things guys will regret when they’re 40 and it got us thinking. They hit on a lot of biggies, but there are some things that we ladies have to worry about that weren’t included.

So here are the 11 things from your 20’s you will most definitely regret when you’re 40.

11. Risque Internet Photos: What’s the point of having technology if you can’t use it to send a naughty pre-shower photo to your BF? Nothing will turn him on quite like a naked photo popping up in his inbox while he’s brushing up on his Stats knowledge. You trust him, so what’s the worst that could happen? How about a break up? Or the “forward” button? No matter what you think, those photos are going to come back and bite you in the (naked-with-a-spot-of-cellulite) ass. Just show him the real thing and let him turn to his imagination (or internet porn) for a mid-class pick me up.

10. Trendy Tats: You totally love butterflies/stars/unicorns now, but I can bet money that you won’t want them plastered on the top of your foot or your lower back forever. No one wants to see a mom with a rose tattoo on her left shoulder, so think before you ink.

9. Choosing guys over your girls: You get caught up in your relationship sometimes and blow off the girls. Fine, we get it. But when sometimes turns into “What the hell ever happened to Mary?” there is a problem. Especially when Mr. Douche Bag finally breaks up with you and you come crawling back to the girls with a tub of Edy’s and a box of tissues and they aren’t there to wipe the snot from your cheek. Do you really want to spend the rest of your days holed up in a dirty apartment watching your man play Rock Band and chug Natty Light? Learn the balance, honey.

8. Getting married too young: I’ve seen it too many times – people graduate, freak out and hold onto whatever they can of their youth. And they get married.  And become super lame married people. It may be pure bliss now (and lots and lots of kitchen-ware), but just think about all the awesome stuff you will miss by being tied down in your twenties, all that freedom: to travel when you want, to take a job wherever you want, to sleep with whomever you want, to party as late as you want, to discover yourself, to sleep with whomever you want…. Plus, do you really want pictures of your friends doing keg stands in your wedding album? I thought not.

7. Smoking: Mmmm tobacco. It feels so good when it hits (and consequently blackens) your lungs. Especially after you’ve had a few Rum and Diets. And you look so cool doing it. But you know what doesn’t feel good? Chemo. And you know what doesn’t look cool? Your wrinkley face or your kids stealing the pack from your tobacco stained purse and trying it for the first time. When they are 6. This sh*t will kill you, so stop it. Right now! Seriously, put down that Marlboro Light, sister.

6. Not traveling enough: Trust me on this one – you will never have the time, money or freedom to travel like you do now.  Pretty soon you’ll be working late nights and counting down the minutes until the that will be chock full of grocery runs and Bed, Bath and Beyond trips. Try finding time in that busy schedule to jet-set to Europe and “find yourself.” Pack your bags and see the world now, before you’re too old to experiment with drugs in Amsterdam and enjoy a ping pong show in Bangkok.

5. Bad Credit: You can’t live without that Coach bag right now. You just have to have that DVF dress for the date party. Everyone else has an iPhone and you want one too. You’ll just charge it and worry about it later, right? Wrong, bitches. Ruining your credit now on stupid stuff (yes, I am telling you that bag is a stupid investment) will totally eff things up for you in the future. Things like getting a house, a car, a boyfriend (bad credit is a total turn-off) and sometimes even a job. Spend wisely, ladies. That bag is going to be out of style in .25 seconds anyway.

4. Not finishing school: Do we really even need to mention this one? Could you think of anything you’d regret more when you are 40 and working the checkout lane at your neighborhood Wal-mart? That is, assuming, you can even get that job in this economy.

3. Pre-vacation tanning: You tell yourself that you just want to get a base tan before Spring Break in Cabo. Sure, you will look fiiiine in that white shift dress for the 6 days after you return, but that wrinkley, skin cancer-ed mess is not going to look so hot when you’re 40 and you look like a Sharpei.

2. Stilettos: Part of becoming a woman is rockin’ the hottest pair of the highest heels. They make your legs look sick (that’s a good thing), make the men beg, and your jeans are too long to wear with anything lower. Why wouldn’t you wear them? I’ve got one hyphenated word for you: hammer-toes. You want to spend the later part of your life looking at that in a sandal?

(Editor’s note: I was going to put a picture of a gross foot here, but you Google “gross feet in sandals” and tell me how it makes you feel.)

1. “It feels better without condoms” sex: You’ll probably regret this one right off the bat as you spend your senior year chasing a kid around the dorms, but you’ll seriously regret it later when you look back at your life and realize how much you missed out on because you were busy changing diapers and bouncing a kid on your knee. Oh, and no one likes a woman with a bumpy vagina. I’m just sayin’; those genital warts will never go away.

Save the date,  Spiedi’s really getting married.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are over. Again.

There’s still time to decorate your dorm for Easter.

Save time with these multi-tasking beauty products.

Going away for the holiday? Check out these celeb airport trends.

So it’s Thanksgiving.

If you are single, that means it is a day to fill that lonely void with family, football, frosting-covered desserts. If you are in a relationship, that means it is time for some meeting of the parents, whether your boy is meeting yours, or you are heading home with him for the holiday.

You meeting his parents? You will do fine – moms always love their son’s girlfriends.

Is he meeting yours? Well, that is a whole different story.

Many of us don’t think much of this moment; we just want our parents to meet the new dude in our lives. But to guys, meeting the parents is huge. Momentous. Monumental. OhMyGodSheWantsToGetMarried!!!

At least that’s what I gathered from my ex boyfriend who ran to the hills when I invited him to my parents’ for dinner. I thought maybe he didn’t like burgers, but as one of my male advisors explained, the meat was the least of his problems. It was the dinner guests that were the real issue.

Why is it such a big deal? Why can’t guys just man up and handle a free dinner? Let’s see what a guy had to say…

First Lohan, now Trump.

Or should I say, Trumpberg? Trumpstein? Schwartztrump?

Ivanka Trump has sought out a rabbi to take her on her journey to Judaism. Why does she want to be a Jew? Why not? We are wonderful people: kind, generous, family oriented, and we know how to eat. And, hello, have you ever had matzoh ball soup? Yeah, that’s all us.

Oh, and she is also in love with some Jewish guy who won’t marry her unless she too celebrates Hanukkah, Yom Kippur and all that jazz.

I think it is wonderful that Ivanka has found love (and a real estate empire) in Jared Kushner, but the whole thing makes me wonder just how far women should go to be with the guy they love. I used to get sh*t from my friends for changing my hair/music selection/weekend plans for the guys I was with, so I can only imagine how they’d feel if I changed my entire belief system.

I know that love is a wondeful thing, that it is hard to find, and that we should hold onto the one we got, but there has to be a line, right?

Would you convert for someone you love?

[Photo courtesy of Gawker.]

Dear Engaged Friends,

So, congratulations! Have you picked a date? Done the dress shopping? Gone cake tasting? Picked the esteemed members of your bridal party? Great! So if we could take a minute to shift the focus over to me? Yeah.

You’re freaking me out.

Early, early, early 20s are not a time when the general “you” should be worried about marriage, especially when I can’t even decide whether I want to go to grad school or work or what. And yet, you’re kind of making me think I should be worried. I mean, isn’t everybody in the dating game right now, yourselves excluded? Aren’t most pople our age single? Don’t you know that marriage is supposed to be forever and divorces are really expensive and, frankly, so are weddings (especially on the east coast—eep)?

And also, are you going to get all judgy all of a sudden? I’m still the delinquent “single friend” who can’t land a boyfriend for more than a couple months at a shot, I have no life direction as yet (but we’re hoping, any day now, for an epiphany)… Are you going to keep giving me that “I’m judging you without trying to seem that way” look while continually asking how my dating life is going? Because I can tell you already: I’m really not going to meet anyone anytime soon. I’m pretty sure I’m bad at the dating game and I probably can’t even find someone to commit to being my date at your wedding to keep me from looking as alone and pathetic as I apparently am…

No, it’s fine. I’ll be at the bar, don’t worry about it.

Wait; you are having an open bar, aren’t you?

I’m sure it’s not your intention to make me feel bad here, and your wedding is really just about the two of you and eternal love and sunshine and daisies and what-not. But until this whole engagement situation I really thought I was just normal and average for a twenty-something. But… marriage. Wow. You kids aren’t screwing around. You’re getting your lives together. I just settled on my major last week, thought that was a big deal, but here you are stealing my thunder, not parting til death and throwing yourselves bachelor and bachelorette parties that I can’t even afford to attend. Oh and also, thanks for registering at Crate & Barrel; I can maybe afford to buy you a serving spoon or can opener.

In any case, I guess it’s not your fault, and I don’t exactly blame you… but you’re kind of bringing out the worst in me. You make me feel inadequate and kind of uncomfortable. And alone. And poor. Can you maybe just make an extra vow to some of your friends to not become the lame married couple? To stay fun and pleasant like you were when you were just boyfriend-and-girlfriend? To not make the rest of us feel awkward for being single, and to not judge us for our lack of awesomeness in relationships?

Thanks.

And again, mazel tov.

Love,

K

PS—If you want me in your bridal party, peach is not a color option.

[Photo courtesy of home.att.net]