Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a senior in college and have been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. He’s my high school sweetheart. I know, we’re so cute! We just got engaged and are getting married when I graduate (he’s two years older and is already working).

Now that we’re engaged, I want to go on birth control, but I’m not sure what to try. What do you recommend?

Thanks, Tuffy!

Engaged!

Dear Engaged,

First of all, congratulations!!! You’re right, that’s super cute. Go, girl!!! Secondly, a disclaimer: Tuffy ain’t no doctor, mmmkay?! So go to your OB/GYN to get REAL advice! But in the meantime, here’s what I got:

I’m going mostly by Planned Parenthood, so you can check out the link here:

(BTW!!! If you don’t have insurance and need to see an OB/GYN, Planned Parenthood is a great resource!!! Clicky click that link!) Basically, if you’re going to have sex and you don’t want a baby, you have to use protection. If you’re also worried about STDs (which MOST of you should be!!!), you need to use a condom and that’s pretty much that. You could kind of use a female condom, but those seem to be slightly less effective and have a few downsides (may be uncomfy, can slip inside you during sex, etc.). CONDOMS, people. CONDOMS!!! There are also a bunch of options you can use WITH condoms to prevent pregnancy.

Some women like the diaphragm. It’s fairly effective but it doesn’t protect, of course, from STDs. It’s like a little cup you insert in your hooha. It’s nice and inexpensive and each one lasts for about two years.

Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular birth control pill. Be careful when you go on these, since they do pump you full of hormones and some people have serious side effects. (Read up here.) Really wonderful for some women, really harmful for others. Remember, the pill does NOT protect against STDs!!!

Similarly, there’s the sponge. It soaks up the spermies and kills ‘em. Check but not as effective as we’d like.

Then there’s the patch, which is quite effective (for pregnancy, NOT STDs!). You have to wear it. Like an accessory. Same hormonal risks, but, again, great for some.

The shot: Depo-Provera. Very easy, lasts three months a shot. A little more expensive because it’s more convenient.

NuvaRing: an insertion thingy. VERY effective but pricey and a little risky. Read up, kids.

Aaaand the birth control implant. Very expensive up front but lasts three years. Mostly pretty safe, from what I understand.

I mean, basically, you just have to do your research and talk to your doctor. I applaud you for being responsible!!!!!!!! Please, kids, protect your bodies and your futures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Or smash.

While every college girl shares many of the same college experiences (selling books, sexiled, one shot too many), she also carves her own path and has her own unique adventure. Have you ever wondered what it’s like for other girls? What it’s like to go to an all-girls school? To go to fashion school? To double major? Well wonder no more. Our one-of-a-kind CollegeCandy writers (and readers!) are sharing their unique experiences and opening our eyes to different college worlds.

Are you doing something spectacular/different/interesting that you want to share? Send your ideas over and perhaps you could be telling your story right here.

I guess I haven’t had what most people would call a normal college career.  I’ve definitely had my share of the normal college experience – dumb freshmen antics, frat parties, enough beer pong to last a lifetime, all-nighters, roommate drama, last minute papers, and really great friends – but there is one thing that makes me different.

On July 10th, 2010, a few months before my senior year, I will be a wife.

Yeah, check that. Read it over once more.  I expect more than a few WTF’s on that one.  I certainly received them when I casually went over wedding details with friends last spring in several of my classes.  For the people that know me really well, it didn’t come as much as a surprise.  I’ve had my wedding planned since I was about eight years old, wanted to be a mom when I grew up with the aspiration to pop out about twelve kids.  But after I entered college never-been-kissed and jumped into a world of man trouble that led me to some severe man-hating, I didn’t think it was going to happen.  So on New Year’s 2008, when I had firmly resolved to swear off men all together to foster greater focus and better grades, God or fate or whatever decided that it was time I meet “the one.”

I guess you can say Paul’s one of those people I should have known but never really did.  We had countless connections and had indeed met a couple times, like, seven years ago when I was an awkward fourteen-year-old who thought he was honest to God the sexiest beast to ever walk the earth, and he was a sex-pot twenty-year-old who was living his life to its fullest.  But it wasn’t until that fateful New Year’s eve when a friend called to see if I could go grab a bite to eat spur of the moment before we all split off for our evening festivities, that Paul really came into my life. He and I hit it off (despite the fact that he had grown a ridiculous fu manchu and kind of looked like one of the village people) and I expressed to my friend that I would totally date him if he shaved off that God awful mustache.  Five days later he was at my door for our first date, clean shaven and charming as ever.  The rest is kind of history.  We had our share of road bumps, but by November we knew that we wanted more than a relationship; we wanted a forever.

The plan was to wait until after I graduated before tying the knot, as that seemed the practical response.  Winter passed and spring break came, and while most of my contemporaries were getting black-out drunk and taking off their bathing suits for cameras or drunk randoms in hotel rooms, I was in Utah picking out my engagement ring.  He told me I had to wait until the right time and we figured on a long engagement.  Naturally I already had the whole wedding planned by then, and Paul and I couldn’t have been more excited for the year to pass and bring new beginnings of all sorts for the both of us.  But after spending an afternoon talking about how we wished we were married RIGHT NOW and no longer wanting our goodnights to mean goodbye, we decided that instead of waiting a whole year and a half before we were husband and wife we were going to do it this summer.   There were a few naysayers in the lot, people who wanted to make sure I was graduated and situated and all that jazz, but ultimately everyone has supported me in my decision to get married.

A few weeks later Paul proposed on my favorite beach at sunset, which honestly came as a complete surprise due to a lot of well planned sneakiness on his part. He traced significant events in a our relationship, beginning with when we were acquaintances, then dating, then official, then best friends, then in love, then knowing we wanted marriage, and now (dun dun dun) officially engaged.

My friends spent the next few months studying for finals and writing papers and partying. I spent them trying on dresses and ordering linens and tasting cake, preparing for a life with my best friend in the whole wide world.  It’s been one of those crazy awesome experiences that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  A lot of people think I’m too young, too naïve, too inexperienced to leap into a life changing decision that could ultimately lead to another divorce statistic, but I know me and I know Paul, and there is nothing I want more then to wake up every morning to his scruffy smiling face.

And, yes, maybe I am missing out – my college career has been very different from what most would expect, especially here in beautiful San Diego – but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I’ve been waiting for him my whole life, and to call upon the wisdom of Billy Crystal, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”  And that’s what I’m doing.  It means instead of parties and bars I’ll be spending my evenings cuddled up on the couch with my hubby, probably either beasting Ultimate Alliance 2 for the third time, watching a movie, or finishing homework.  It means instead of calling mommy and daddy and asking them for money (which I don’t do anyway), we’ll be working our asses off making ends meet and saving for a house.  It means instead of panicking about where I’ll be after college I’ll know that no matter what I’ll be right by Paul’s side, where I belong.

[A special thanks to reader Megan for sharing her story with all of us!]

Let’s face it: we all make stupid decisions. Like choosing a fifth over a review session, or bringing that guy home…who stole our iPod in the morning. That’s part of college life… and a big part of what makes it so memorable. But there are some choices that have longer lasting repercussions; things we do now that will haunt us later.

So here are the 11 things from your 20’s you will most definitely regret when you’re 40.

11. Risque Internet Photos: What’s the point of having technology if you can’t use it to send a naughty pre-shower photo to your BF? Nothing will turn him on quite like a naked photo popping up in his inbox while he’s brushing up on his Stats knowledge. You trust him, so what’s the worst that could happen? How about a break up? Or the “forward” button? No matter what you think, those photos are going to come back and bite you in the (naked-with-a-spot-of-cellulite) ass. Just show him the real thing and let him turn to his imagination (or internet porn) for a mid-class pick me up.

10. Trendy Tats: You totally love butterflies/stars/unicorns now, but I can bet money that you won’t want them plastered on the top of your foot or your lower back forever. No one wants to see a mom with a rose tattoo on her left shoulder, so think before you ink.

9. Choosing guys over your girls: You get caught up in your relationship sometimes and blow off the girls. Fine, we get it. But when sometimes turns into “What the hell ever happened to Mary?” there is a problem. Especially when Mr. Douche Bag finally breaks up with you and you come crawling back to the girls with a tub of Edy’s and a box of tissues and they aren’t there to wipe the snot from your cheek. Do you really want to spend the rest of your days holed up in a dirty apartment watching your man play Rock Band and chug Natty Light? Learn the balance, honey.

8. Getting married too young: I’ve seen it too many times – people graduate, freak out and hold onto whatever they can of their youth. And they get married.  And become super lame married people. It may be pure bliss now (and lots and lots of kitchen-ware), but just think about all the awesome stuff you will miss by being tied down in your twenties, all that freedom: to travel when you want, to take a job wherever you want, to sleep with whomever you want, to party as late as you want, to discover yourself, to sleep with whomever you want…. Plus, do you really want pictures of your friends doing keg stands in your wedding album? I thought not.

7. Smoking: Mmmm tobacco. It feels so good when it hits (and consequently blackens) your lungs. Especially after you’ve had a few Rum and Diets. And you look so cool doing it. But you know what doesn’t feel good? Chemo. And you know what doesn’t look cool? Your wrinkley face or your kids stealing the pack from your tobacco stained purse and trying it for the first time. When they are 6. This sh*t will kill you, so stop it. Right now! Seriously, put down that Marlboro Light, sister.

6. Not traveling enough: Trust me on this one – you will never have the time, money or freedom to travel like you do now.  Pretty soon you’ll be working late nights and counting down the minutes until the that will be chock full of grocery runs and Bed, Bath and Beyond trips. Try finding time in that busy schedule to jet-set to Europe and “find yourself.” Pack your bags and see the world now, before you’re too old to experiment with drugs in Amsterdam and enjoy a ping pong show in Bangkok.  Pick up a travel book and start planning!

5. Bad Credit: You can’t live without that Coach bag right now. You just have to have that DVF dress for the date party. Everyone else has an iPhone and you want one too. You’ll just charge it and worry about it later, right? Wrong, bitches. Ruining your credit now on stupid stuff (yes, I am telling you that bag is a stupid investment) will totally eff things up for you in the future. Things like getting a house, a car, a boyfriend (bad credit is a total turn-off) and sometimes even a job. Spend wisely, ladies. That bag is going to be out of style in .25 seconds anyway.

4. Not finishing school: Do we really even need to mention this one? Could you think of anything you’d regret more when you are 40 and working the checkout lane at your neighborhood Wal-mart? That is, assuming, you can even get that job in this economy.

3. Pre-vacation tanning: You tell yourself that you just want to get a base tan before Spring Break in Cabo. Sure, you will look fiiiine in that white shift dress for the 6 days after you return, but that wrinkley, skin cancer-ed mess is not going to look so hot when you’re 40 and you look like a Sharpei.

2. Stilettos: Part of becoming a woman is rockin’ the hottest pair of the highest heels. They make your legs look sick (that’s a good thing), make the men beg, and your jeans are too long to wear with anything lower. Why wouldn’t you wear them? I’ve got one hyphenated word for you: hammer-toes. You want to spend the later part of your life looking at that in a sandal?  Make your Feet Happy with these ultra comfy and cute socks..

(Editor’s note: I was going to put a picture of a gross foot here, but you Google “gross feet in sandals” and tell me how it makes you feel.)

1. “It feels better without condoms” sex: You’ll probably regret this one right off the bat as you spend your senior year chasing a kid around the dorms, but you’ll seriously regret it later when you look back at your life and realize how much you missed out on because you were busy changing diapers and bouncing a kid on your knee. Oh, and no one likes a woman with a bumpy vagina. I’m just sayin’; those genital warts will never go away.

Whoever said Thanksgiving was a time for family harmony obviously never met the Van Der Woodsen family. I mean, my god, how insanely brilliant was that Thanksgiving feast! It was like the best 7 minutes of Gossip Girl ever. From Vanessa yelling at her uber annoying mom, to Jenny and Erik (“I think your sweet potatoes are bland.” BURN!), to all that extramarital affair business down at the other end of the table, I was jumping off my futon! And to have Jason Derulo playing in the background as it all went down?

I almost died.

And the episode just kept getting better and better.  The only sore spot was that awful puppy-dog look Dan kept giving Vanessa.  Mr. Humphrey, a quick word of advice: do not get involved with that one again. Not only will you risk that awesome friendship, but you will have girls around the country shielding their eyes and yelling “Stop!” whenever you and Vanessa kiss onscreen.

I know – she’s gotten a lot cuter and her fashion choices have definitely improved this season, but I’m still not lovin’ her. It’s bad enough she gets to roll around naked with Chuck Bass in real life; don’t make me steal my other TV boyfriend in Gossip Girl life.

But enough about those two; the real drama award of the day goes, once again, to Serena Van Der Woodsen.  WTF is up with this girl? She’s making it incredibly difficult for me to like her anymore. (I’m pretty sure her wardrobe is the only reason I’m holding on.) It’s like she’s trying to make the worst decisions of all time. OK, I get it. Tripp is sexy, but hooking up with a married man is something I’ve been frowning on lately (especially since I started studying Clinton and Lewinsky in my journalism class). And does she have any idea how ridiculous it would look if some Congressman left his wife and his career for an 18-year-old girl who never went to college?! Although, seeing as she’s still sporting those awful press-on nails, it doesn’t seem like Serena understands ridiculous anymore.

If only Lily had known what she was inviting into her home when she invited Maureen’s woman’s intuition over for Thanksgiving.  That is one crazy wife…she’ll do anything to keep her man.  And that means running away with him, blackmailing with make-out elevator videos, and maybe hitting Serena in a car?  But we’ll find that out next week.

Maybe Serena should just stick to college boys… you know, like poor Nate Archibald.  Instead she’s treating Nate like nothing almost happened last week, hooking up with his cousin (in a freaking elevator) and running away with him instead. Maybe Nate should have told her his feelings without his shirt on…

Oh sorry; got carried away there for a moment. Anyways, this episode left me with a lot of burning questions and they all better be answered fast:

Where was Lily when she was supposed to be engaging in some mother-daughter bonding?
What does Erik have up his sleeve to ruin Queen Bee Jenny?
What on earth is in that damn letter from Doctor Van Der Woodsen?
And how on earth could Lily Van Der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey (whatever her name is…) be wearing the same jacket at Tripp’s wife? This is the UES, after all.

We better get some answers soon.  Otherwise, there will be some serious Christmas drama on the horizon.

You know you love them.
XOXO.
GGR (Gossip Girl Recapper)

PS. DOROTA IS PREGNANT!  HOW CUTE IS THAT!!!!

Then I went on Facebook and stalked Karo in hopes that 1) I could meet him and 2) I could date him. (Funny, cute and Jewish? He was like my knight in shining college apparel.) That was back in the days when you had to have a .edu address to be on Facebook (I’m old), so I couldn’t find him. But I did see his stand-up show, where I laughed so hard I peed a little. And that is a true story.

Not familiar with Aaron Karo? Well, you should be. He’s totes gourmet. While at Wharton, Karo would send emails to his friends “ruminating” on college life. Those friends forwarded the email to their friends. Then those people sent it on to their friends. Soon, Karo had a million subscribers and a brand new career path as a stand-up comedian/author.

And he’s still going. Karo’s newest book, “I’m Having More Fun Than You” just hit the stores yesterday. In it Karo discusses the perks of being single when everyone else you know is getting hitched. Whether your friends are getting married or just act like it with their LDBF of 4 years, you will relate, laugh and maybe even pee a little. Or a lot-tle

Anyways, I finally tracked Karo down. The good news is he agreed to let me interview him. The bad news is he lives in L.A., which is way too far for a booty call.

5 Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What is your most hysterical/ridiculous college memory?
I stayed out of (serious) trouble [in college], but my most ridiculous memory is a tie. On one hand is the time the football team won the league championship, we tore down the goalposts, then used them as battering rams to break out of the stadium after they locked us in. On the other hand was the night I took one of my fraternity brothers to the ER after he jumped off a ledge and cracked his head open – only to find the rest of my fraternity already there assisting another guy who had punched his hand through a window. Good times.

2. What are five things you can’t live without?
DVR, Blackberry, LOST, alcohol, and the Yankees.

3. What’s your motto/advice you live by?
Work hard, play harder.

4. What’s your favorite song to belt out at the bar/in the car/for karaoke?
My fraternity brothers still make fun of me for playing “Still Not a Player” by Big Pun every day for a year. I still love it.

5. Ten years from now you will be….
Hopefully still answering interview questions on college web sites.

5 Questions Just for Aaron Karo:

1. What do you miss most about college?
Not having to worry…about anything. Any concern you could possibly have in college pales in comparison to what we have to deal with after college.

2. What do current college students have to look forward to in the real world?
The one benefit of graduating during a recession? Low expectations.

3. You went to school to get into business and now you’re doing stand-up. Why did you change your path? What advice do you have for college students who changed their minds about their futures and are now totally freaking out?
I didn’t change my career path as much as many people think. I’m still in business – just for myself. In fact, I use my business degree more now than I ever did on Wall Street. People would be surprised by how much the seemingly irrelevant stuff they learned in college comes in handy later.

4. What is the biggest thing/truth about guys that college girls just don’t get?
One – we are morons. Even by college, we have not yet learned the nuances of attracting women so we just go at it caveman style. We don’t know any better. Two – we are dicks. Not so much because we’re assholes, but because, as college guys, we’re surrounded by like-minded dudes who encourage boorish behavior. At least that’s the excuse I’m going with.

5. Tell us about your new book – what inspired this book? What lessons can people take from it? (Because there has to be a lesson in there, right?)
The book came about when I got closer to turning thirty. I realized that all of the women around me wanted to get married more… while I actually wanted to get married less. So that inspired this humorous take on why single people are having more fun than people in relationships. There is in fact a lesson – that one of the advantages of being single that isn’t talked about much is that you get the opportunity to learn about yourself. I believe that only once you’ve been single for a while and put yourself out there can you really know what you want in a relationship. Also, the blow jobs are pretty good too.

Pick up “I’m Having More Fun Than You” and the entire Karo collection on Amazon. And for a good laugh/something else to procrastinate that paper a little longer, visit Karo’s site, Ruminations.com.

I thought I would be at least 25 before this became an issue. I’m a bridesmaid. Yes, blah blah, happy occasion, etc, etc. But let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

First, I have to lose enough weight that the size 4 dress I ordered actually fits (I got a little overzealous after my skinny pants fit.) Second, I am the only bridesmaid who does not have a long term boyfriend. Meaning I either attend several wedding functions as the only solo gal, or I shell out some major cash dollaz for one of my guy friends to fly out to the wedding with me. Both options are giving me ulcers. Third, I’m jealous. Not that my friend is happy (because I’m amazingly glad she is) or because I want a husband (oh no, no, absolutely not), but because she has her whole life figured out…and I’m still deciding which kegger to go to tomorrow night.

I guess she’s an adult. And while my Harry Potter posters and cupboard full of Lucky Charms would have you believe otherwise, I guess I’m sort of, kind of an adult too. And if this is the beginning of adulthood, I’m so far really bad at it. One of my best friends from high school is getting married. My other two best friends (the other lovely bridesmaids) are at least in relationships that will give them the emotional skills to one day be married. I’m busy trying to casually find out if the hot guy I work with is single so that I can maybe flirt with him.

Why do they get to be real people when I’m still like an 8th grader with a legal ID?

I know, I know…I’m only 21, which is quite a few train stops away from Spinsterville. But at this rate, I’ll finally enter a long term relationship while they’re sending their kids off to college. Are they moving too quickly, or am I moving too slowly? I asked my rational side her opinion on the matter while moping over a bag of Taco Bell (maybe I should’ve ordered the size 6 dress).

It’s a little hard to accept, but when the four of us went off to college, we all had different experiences which made us different people. I still love them, but my three best friends became the “quiet, settled” down types. I became the “overly extraverted, borderline ridiculous” type. And while they may be ready to settle down in a year or two, I would be gnawing my way through the white picket fence just to get out of there.

It’s a perfectly good answer; we all lead different lives, we’re all moving at different paces. They’re not weird for getting married to people they truly love and care for, and I’m not weird for not being married when I’ve just legally been allowed to drink a PBR. And yet I still can’t help but feeling exactly how I did when I was the last one to get a date to prom: incapable of normal social function.

Has my emotional development somehow been stunted, or have I just not found the right person? Who knew being a bridesmaid would give me such an existential crisis…

Originally, I was going to write an empowering and witty article about all the physical and mental benefits of being single.  Then I started my research and found…there were none.  Seriously.  Every study points in exactly the opposite direction.  Apparently, the healthiest thing we can do is get married.  Like, immediately.

Not gonna lie, I was kinda disappointed when I found out.  But then I reconsidered…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get married right now, especially considering all these health benefits.  I could even print out the list and slap it down on the desk of that gorgeous guy in my photography class, saying “Eh? Eh? C’mon, it’s healthy.”  He won’t be able to resist, obviously.

In case you plan on executing a ninja-style attack on a cute guy like I do (that is, in fact, how I pick up all my boyfriends), I’ve made you a handy-dandy list of reasons to print out and share with your friends and crushes.  So here you go – all the reasons and benefits of getting married NOW!

Decreased Risk of Alzheimers/Dementia – Your risk of developing alzheimers, dementia, or any sort of cognitive impairment is halved when you’re married (compared to if you are single, divorced, separated or widowed).  Can’t argue with that…or, actually, you can ’cause you’ll be married and still have all your cognitive thought processes in place.

More Money – If you’re a modern woman, you’ve probably thrown a few bucks into the pot when you’re out on a date.  It’s just polite and what’s a few nights of paying for dessert or drinks gonna hurt?  Well, your bank account, for one (or at least mine).  When you’re married, you’ll have a larger pot to pull from and will therefore be able to save a lot more, too.

Less Smoking/Drinking – When you get married, you’ll obviously spend way less time at the bars because you’ll have already snagged yourself a winner.  This means less drinking and smoking (supposedly).  Also, there will be less Bridget Jones-esque nights spent on your couch in your flannels, drowning your sorrows in tobacco and wine while watching the Lifetime network (again, supposedly).

More (Safe) Sex – Assuming your ninja attack on the hottie who sits behind you in class works out, you’ll have free reign on bedroom fun time.  Who could resist?  Also, you’ll be doing less of the skanking-it-up-at-the-bar move (hopefully), which means less of  chance to catch herpes and whatnot while still getting laid on a regular basis. Win!

Less Physical Pain – If you’re married, you tend to suffer less from back pain and headaches. Awesome!  I’m assuming this is because your husband will do all the heavy lifting for you while moving into your new dorm room in the fall.  Also, they can take your finals for you because you will be legally one person.  So many benefits, it’s almost like having a personal assistant (or EXACTLY like having a personal assistant!).

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.

After all, I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just meet guys and immediately classify them by their fraternity affiliation. I have no idea who anyone is or how to tell the difference between a genuinely awesome guy and one who meets and murders girls off of eHarmony.

Am I going to have to depend on being set-up by friends (not relatives) from now on? Even worse, do I need to get professional head shots taken so I can use the Millionaire Matchmaker service (and make my grandparents proud)?

Another thing I’m going to have to figure out.

Don’t get me wrong; I love Tough Love. Well, the show. I’m not quite sure I could handle someone pointing out my major flaws on national television (though I did attempt to audition for the next season…). Anyways, I think Steve Ward is great and knows his sh*t (and looks great in a pair of jeans) and really helped those women learn how to love themselves and be loved.

But don’t you think dating would be so much easier if we could all get some video feedback from the guys that we like? Wouldn’t it be magical if we didn’t have to spend hours decoding the emails/texts from the boys to figure out what they really mean? Maybe the fact that all those wonderful relationships blossomed in this fantasy land where the women knew exactly what their guys were thinking contributed to the fact that not one of them worked out in the real world…

But let’s take a step back and talk about the season finale!

There are only 6 girls left in boot camp and Steve decides to send them on overnight getaways. With boys. And they have to invite them. Most girls know who they are going to invite, but our drunk friend Natasha has no one to call. I thought for a moment that maybe she would luck out and get to take Steve on an overnight romantic getaway, but no – he set her up with someone else.

Taylor decided not to take the trip at all and to leave boot camp with a new love: herself. Awwww. Hopefully all that self love will translate into a new wardrobe that doesn’t consist of leopard dresses or turquoise bedazzled stilettos. What? I think I would love myself more if I wasn’t dressed like a tranny…

The rest of the girls take off on their adventures. All of the trips were super romantic, which left me feeling very uncomfortable watching. There were so many intimate moments that should be left to the lovebirds and the lovebirds only – like Abiola’s foot massage and Jessa’s hot tub experience – and I felt like a guy with a mustache and a white van peeping in through the window.

Or when Jody and Shane started making out on the strip and she basically ate his face. Awk.

When the girls finish their dream dates, they return to the mansion to say their goodbyes to Steve-o. He puts them all in the hot seat to talk about their experiences, but he did do a little grillin’ with Jacklyn and her love triangle. Now, I’ll never understand Jacklyn. I’ll never get why guys like such a moron, why she lines her eyes like that, or why she would ever (ever, ever, ever) choose anyone over Brock. Did you see that bangin’ body?

Steve tried to get her to choose the right guy and she made a pretty good case for herself that she would, but homegirl gets off the plane and takes the ring from her scrawny Southern ex. And loses Brock. She learned nothing from Steve and really was only obsessed with getting married – even to someone who said such hurtful things to her. I don’t know why she spent the entire dinner party last week explaining to her ex why he wasn’t right for her only to go back to him, but it doesn’t matter now. She made a crappy decision, and now Brock is out there for the taking.

Along with the rest of the Boot Camp Boys. Not one of those relationships panned out which means only one thing. No, not that Steve’s approach doesn’t work. It means that a trip to L.A. is in order.

I don’t really need Steve’s Tough Love; I just need all those leftovers.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are over. Again.

There’s still time to decorate your dorm for Easter.

Save time with these multi-tasking beauty products.

Going away for the holiday? Check out these celeb airport trends.