After a long weekend of PBRs, cheap white wine and Corona lights this Independence Day, I’m really ready to up my drinking game a bit and start ordering drinks that I’ll actually enjoy.

No, Smirnoff shots don’t count, people.

Here’s how to order a fun, fresh type of cocktail. Sure they might rack up your bill a bit more than those Dollar Pitchers, but they’re guaranteed to slow you down from slugging back shots and pounding brews. And, most importantly, they taste good. Like, really, really good.

Leave your favorites (and least favorites!) in the comments. Oh, and I obviously left off Cosmopolitans. They are just so creepy Sex and the City cougarific.

10. Long Island Iced Tea
Trying to get the most bang for your buck? The Long Island Iced Tea is the way to go! Sure, it may not be the tastiest, nor the smartest option, but it’ll sure give you the most for your money with tequila, rum, gin and triple sec all in one glass.

9. Margaritas (Pomegranate, Raspberry, Strawberry, oooh!)
Spice up your routine by asking for a fun flavor. I’m partial to raspberry, but some bars can even make banana or mango margs. Yumm!

8. Mai Tais
Almond amazingness. Sip these by the pool all day and skip the Cuervo. Read More »

Why, this is fantastic. Finally, there’s a way to get my bagels and lox fix at the bar (because isn’t that what everyone craves after 6 shots to the face?!). And no, not just at some swanky place that has waiters going around with hors d’oeuvres. A distillery in Wasilla, Alaska (note: the very same town that brought you Sarah Palin), has actually created smoked salmon flavored vodka.

Yes, Salmon.
Vodka.

I’m all about vodka (I’m an equal opportunity drinker) and I like me a nice piece of lox from time to time (usually on a big, delicious bagel), but I’m sure I’m not the only person who thinks this pairing is more disturbing than Spencer and Heidi. I mean it doesn’t even go with Red Bull! And how would one order a salmon vodka cocktail?

“I’ll take the smoked salmon vodka on the rocks, please. Oh, and could you line the rim with cream cheese? And maybe throw in some capers while you’re at it? Thanks.”

Absolutely sick. I mean, what’s next? Cheeseburger vodka? Taco vodka? Baked-ziti pizza vodka? At least those could double as both a cocktail and a post-cocktail late night snack. Think about all the calories you’ll save when you can drink your burrito! But salmon vodka? Only in Alaska.

“Trick or Treating” may be for little kids, but try to tell any college student that the holiday is reserved for elementary schoolers and they will eat you alive.

Halloween parties are freakin’ awesome. And it’s a known fact that us college kids will be running rampant all over the country come Halloween night. What other chance do we get to play beer pong as Kanye West and Taylor Swift (stopping the game mid-toss with a “Imma let you finish…” before snatching the pong ball from each other)?

But dressing up as a slutty ____ (insert anything here….no really, anything), isn’t the only way to celebrate.

If you’re going to throw a party or be a guest at one (and that covers pretty much everyone) why not go all out and make one of these awesome Halloween cocktails? We’re all suckers for themed parties, so why not do it up big? After we graduate, its not going to be acceptable anymore (not that that means we won’t still do it).

So ditch the wine coolers and the beer keg (mmm perhaps that can stay…) and get creative for the holiday. [Click on the images to get the ghoulishly tasty recipes!] Read More »

Whether you’re working it at a beach barbecue or a hot club, a cool drink in your hand is a necessity.  There are the old standby’s like Jack & Coke, cranberry & vodka, and Corona with lime (oh, so many memories…er…lack of memories) that are guaranteed to get you through the evening.  But why just “get through the evening” when you can sail through on the wings of something delicious and interesting?

Say you’re at a hip lounge in some downtown area.  A cute guy catches your eye and walks up to join you at the bar.  He asks you what you’re drinking.  Do you want to reply with something he’s heard a hundred times before (“Uh, Miller Lite?”) or something that will get the conversation (and maybe something else) started with a bang?

After much deliberation and research (and some taste-testing), we have come up with a list of the most fun cocktails for the long, hot summer ahead.  Go ahead, have one of these and let your glass sweat it out along with the poor guy you’re about to attack on the dance floor. Just click on the image to get the delicious deets. Read More »

When you go out drinking with your friends, the last thing that you’re probably thinking about is how many calories you’re consuming with each drink you take. Ok, maybe you’re thinking that when you mix yourself a low-cal vodka shot at home, but once the alcohol is flowing, calories are far from the forefront of your mind.

But listen up: the calories in some of your favorite cocktails are plentiful!

Each Cosmo you down has over 250 calories, while a Long Island Iced Tea contains around 700 calories!  And you know you never drink just one. But don’t worry, ladies; you don’t have to cut out your alcohol-related fun. There’s plenty of low-calorie options for you out there and being the generout bar-and-tight-jean-loving girls that we are, we’re going to share them with you. Read More »

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], and this week we are giving in to our love of older men. You know him as Bond, James Bond, but Daniel Craig is more than just a hot crime fighter. He’s also a hot cold-blooded murderer, and a sexy English Jesuit priest who wants to kill the Queen. Yeah, we definitely wanna eff him.]

Personally, I never thought they could ever get a hotter 007 than Pierce Brosnan. But, oh, how wrong I was. With baby blues like that, I will not allow the fact that Daniel Craig is 40 to get in the way of my desire to eff him until kingdom come.

The things I would do the Daniel Craig are X-rated. Not that he’d mind; he seems to like gettin’ a little dirty. Not only is he the most delicious piece of eye candy I’ve ever seen, he’s also super talented, with a ton of great movies under his belt (…even if everything else under there is a little…er….less than expected).

Though he had a pretty long career across the pond, we in the States first saw Craig alongside Angelina Jolie in 2001′s Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (it’s a good thing that bitch didn’t snag this one, too!) I instantly fell in effing love with his sweaty, sticky, and rugged look. It was that role that got the attention of women everywhere, and led to his current stint as the hottest James Bond ever.

Seriously, this man puts the Bond in Bondage.

Since seeing Casino Royale I have been counting down the days until I could see him in that tux again (and picturing me ripping it off him, too…have you seen this man’s body? Sweet Jesus.) And the day has finally come. (Editor’s Note: HELL YESSS!)

Craig’s newest Bond film, Quantum of Solace, comes out tonight and I can’t effing wait. I don’t know anything about the plot or the co-stars, nor do I care that my boyfriend messed up some dude’s house during the filming; all I know is that Daniel Craig leaves my martini shaken, not stirred.

[Our writer, Kelly, has made it her goal to quit smoking and share her experiences with you. We have been following her for two weeks now. Here is her latest progress.]

Well, I’ve been trying to refrain from smoking at all, but – geez – it is tough. Last week wasn’t too bad – I smoked maybe one or two a day and had a day or two where I didn’t smoke a cig at all. Even better, I didn’t even crave one – score!

But, then, I went to a Halloween party last weekend where I buckled and smoked about ten cigarettes in one night. I know, bad girl, Kelly; but honestly, with all the liquor, I just let myself go with the smoking…again. There’s something about needing a smoke with my vodka soda, or my glass of red wine that I just can’t seem to shake. Am I the only one?

After my lovely smoking binge of Friday, I tried to calm down the rest of the weekend. And I did. I smoked only one or two cigarettes a day for the rest of the weekend.

On my way to work on Monday, though, I almost put my car in park and asked the guy in traffic behind me, who was smoking a cig, if I could bum one. Then I realized how crazy and pathetic I would have looked, so I stopped myself. I didn’t have a cigarette that morning, and I didn’t have one for the rest of the day. I made a conscious decision to either go big – and do it as close to cold turkey as I can until I can finally withdraw myself from the cravings – or not do it at all. And not doing it at all is not an option. Read More »

When last night’s episode of Gossip Girl opened with a spoofy Eliza Doolittle dream sequence, I wanted to throw up in my mouth. However, what unraveled over the next 42 minutes (not including commercial breaks) was one of the juiciest, drama-filled, completely-untrue-to-high-school-life episodes of the season.

I freaking loved it.

All of our favorite Upper East Siders are getting ready for college. Which makes me think: my alcoholism peaked in college in a Keystone-Dubra-Keg Party blur. These “high schoolers” drink martinis for breakfast. What will happen to them after graduation?

So, obviously the GG writers have to come up with an elaborate scheme to get everyone to Yale for College Admissions Day. What better way to do so than by having Blair slam Serena, and Serena fight back by flaunting her hot Blake Lively self for the Dean of Admissions? You know something’s gonna go down when the kids’ Headmaster advises them to “present yourselves in the best possible light.” Yeah, right.

To put it in a nutshell: Chuck wants to join a secret society. Nate’s dad has a bad rap at Yale, so Nate pretends to be none other than Dan Humphrey in order to shack up with a collegiate hottie (Ladies– would you EVER shack up with a high school boy on a school tour? To answer my own question, I guess I’ve never seen a minor who looks like Chace Crawford…). Oh, and did I mention that Yale has decided to change it’s “stuffy” image, hence the interest in Socialite Serena? More on what I DID NOT find believable later.

In typical Chuck Bass fashion, blindfolded, non-English-speaking prostitutes show up in threes to *cough* impress the members of the secret society Chuckie so desperately wants to join, but what these guys really want is a piece of Nate Archibald. Hmmm. So Chuck sets up poor Lonely Boy to get beaten and tied, half-naked, to a gazebo. (Editor’s Note: Is tying a skinny kid in his boxers to a statue really the best a secret society can do?) Where was this when I was scoping out potential unis? Read More »

Tatum O’Neal pulls both the “Don’t you know who I am?” AND “I’m just researching a role” card

The Jezebels Liveblog the rather underwhelming MTV Movie Awards

Away Message Breakup

Any internet hackers out there want to grant my biggest wish and take this site down?

National Masturbation Month may have ended, but when has that ever stopped you before?

Radiohead may be right, but Prince is crazy. Plus he’s Prince. …Just give up now, RH.

All M. Night Shyamalan wants is for Hollywood to F*ck off. I just want M. Night to make a movie that doesn’t suck.

Read Nabokov on your lunch hour. Impress everyone

Shaken, not stirred.

Cameron and Diddy? Whatever.

That bitch wore my famous Nini Ricci expensive dress! I hope she dies.

[Chasing Chastity is a series by C. Ryder. You can read Parts I, II, and III here!]

“Well, thanks again for lunch, Jack.”

“Sure.” He looked at his watch. “Oh, sh*t, I have a meeting. Gotta go!”

“Bye.” He scurried off, leaving me alone in a cafeteria filled with chattering secretaries and yawing businessmen – the tables were divided according to sex. I NEED A

DRINK. THIS BIZ WORLD . . . UGH., I thought sullenly.

As soon as I walked through the front door of our Tudor home, I could see that Jack had contacted me through gmail chat. I poured myself some scotch into a crystal tumbler, sighed with frustration, and sat at my husband’s wooden desk.

Jack: hey

me: hey. What’s up?

Jack: just glad to see that you got home safe

me: thanks

Jack: ok, gotta go

me: all right then, have a good day

Jack: by the way, you looked very nice today…glad to see that the retail worked for your already lovely image

me: well, i try

Jack: good job! let’s have a dinner date next week. Cara is gonna be out of town, and i’m dyin’ to buy you a martini!

me: thanks

Thinking that our conversation was over, I stood up, patted my dog’s head, and headed to the bathroom. But Jack pinged me again.

Jack: if only i were younger, and we were both single! Read More »