No, Smirnoff shots don’t count, people.

Here’s how to order a fun, fresh type of cocktail. Sure they might rack up your bill a bit more than those Dollar Pitchers, but they’re guaranteed to slow you down from slugging back shots and pounding brews. And, most importantly, they taste good. Like, really, really good.

Leave your favorites (and least favorites!) in the comments. Oh, and I obviously left off Cosmopolitans. They are just so creepy Sex and the City cougarific.

10. Long Island Iced Tea
Trying to get the most bang for your buck? The Long Island Iced Tea is the way to go! Sure, it may not be the tastiest, nor the smartest option, but it’ll sure give you the most for your money with tequila, rum, gin and triple sec all in one glass.

9. Margaritas (Pomegranate, Raspberry, Strawberry, oooh!)
Spice up your routine by asking for a fun flavor. I’m partial to raspberry, but some bars can even make banana or mango margs. Yumm!

8. Mai Tais
Almond amazingness. Sip these by the pool all day and skip the Cuervo.

7. Mojito
An absolute necessity to perfect if you want to impress your guests. This fantastic minty, sugary drink goes down easy and is one of the best summertime treats.

6. Woo Woo!
Sick of Sex on the Beaches? Simplify with a woo woo and drink up!

5. Cape Codder (simply: vodka cran)
Not a big fan of carbonation? Me either. This is why I stick with the Vodka-Cranberry-Slice o lime classic.

4. Peartini
Seriously, I didn’t even know they made Pear vodka... amazing plus amazing.

3. Passion Pop Rocks Martini
Sounds crazy? Well check out this entire bevy of bizzare beverages! From Ham and Cheese (ew) to Chocolate Truffle (yum), this article lists some of the most nutty drinks ever.

2. Espresso Martini
Mmm Godiva liquer and espresso-y drinks? If you can’t get enough of a caffeine fix from your Starbucks run in the morning, afternoon and, okay, in the afternoon again, bring your love of the coffee bean to the bar and sip on these lovely martinis.

1. Lindsay Lohan
Okay, so I made an exception. This is a shot, but it’s too good not to share. Ask your bartender for a Lindsay Lohan. If he asks what it is, just say, “I need a red headed slut shot with a little bit of coke.” Disco.

Yes, Salmon.
Vodka.

I’m all about vodka (I’m an equal opportunity drinker) and I like me a nice piece of lox from time to time (usually on a big, delicious bagel), but I’m sure I’m not the only person who thinks this pairing is more disturbing than Spencer and Heidi. I mean it doesn’t even go with Red Bull! And how would one order a salmon vodka cocktail?

“I’ll take the smoked salmon vodka on the rocks, please. Oh, and could you line the rim with cream cheese? And maybe throw in some capers while you’re at it? Thanks.”

Absolutely sick. I mean, what’s next? Cheeseburger vodka? Taco vodka? Baked-ziti pizza vodka? At least those could double as both a cocktail and a post-cocktail late night snack. Think about all the calories you’ll save when you can drink your burrito! But salmon vodka? Only in Alaska.

Halloween parties are freakin’ awesome. And it’s a known fact that us college kids will be running rampant all over the country come Halloween night. What other chance do we get to play beer pong as Kanye West and Taylor Swift (stopping the game mid-toss with a “Imma let you finish…” before snatching the pong ball from each other)?

But dressing up as a slutty ____ (insert anything here….no really, anything), isn’t the only way to celebrate.

If you’re going to throw a party or be a guest at one (and that covers pretty much everyone) why not go all out and make one of these awesome Halloween cocktails? We’re all suckers for themed parties, so why not do it up big? After we graduate, its not going to be acceptable anymore (not that that means we won’t still do it).

So ditch the wine coolers and the beer keg (mmm perhaps that can stay…) and get creative for the holiday. [Click on the images to get the ghoulishly tasty recipes!]

Fun Extras:
Okay, so us girls obviously appreciate cute little extras to help make a party festive. Here’s some easy ways to up the authenticity factor of your Halloween bash this year!

Eyeball Ice Cubes

Also, try freezing your ice cubes with fake bugs, severed fingers or tiny plastic babies inside! (Yea, we know it’s super creepy, but, come on, it’s Halloween!)

Syringe Jello Shots

So much more fun then the traditional jello shot! Plus you know everything hits you quicker when injected! (Note: do not actually inject the shot into your arm. Just makin’ sure….)

Glowing Swizzle Sticks

Use them for stir sticks to make the cocktails glow!

Bloody/Slime Rimmed Glasses

It’s disgusting, yes, but also totally tasty!

Whether you’re working it at a beach barbecue or a hot club, a cool drink in your hand is a necessity.  There are the old standby’s like Jack & Coke, cranberry & vodka, and Corona with lime (oh, so many memories…er…lack of memories) that are guaranteed to get you through the evening.  But why just “get through the evening” when you can sail through on the wings of something delicious and interesting?

Say you’re at a hip lounge in some downtown area.  A cute guy catches your eye and walks up to join you at the bar.  He asks you what you’re drinking.  Do you want to reply with something he’s heard a hundred times before (“Uh, Miller Lite?”) or something that will get the conversation (and maybe something else) started with a bang?

After much deliberation and research (and some taste-testing), we have come up with a list of the most fun cocktails for the long, hot summer ahead.  Go ahead, have one of these and let your glass sweat it out along with the poor guy you’re about to attack on the dance floor. Just click on the image to get the delicious deets.

But listen up: the calories in some of your favorite cocktails are plentiful!

Each Cosmo you down has over 250 calories, while a Long Island Iced Tea contains around 700 calories!  And you know you never drink just one. But don’t worry, ladies; you don’t have to cut out your alcohol-related fun. There’s plenty of low-calorie options for you out there and being the generout bar-and-tight-jean-loving girls that we are, we’re going to share them with you.

1.  Mojito – They’re cool and refreshing on hot summer days, and a much better choice than frozen margaritas  (which can be around 400 calories).  They also happen to be mostly booze, so you aren’t wasting calories on mixers (and, bonus, a little goes a long way).

2.  Slender Wine – This new wine is going to be in this year’s Academy Awards goodie bags, and has no calories and no added sugar.  It comes in red, white, and blush varieties, and for only about $10 a pop, you can afford to try all three!

3.  Budweiser Select or MGD 64 -  If you’re a beer girl, then try one of these low-cal and low-carb beers that both claim to have the same taste as their full-calorie counterparts. We haven’t tried em yet, but they’ve got to be better than heavy and calorie-laden Beast, right?

4.   Sour Apple Martini – Cosmopolitans and chocolate martinis, while delicious, are high in calories, but not all martinis are that bad.  A sour apple or even a regular martini has less than 200 calories.

5.  Diet soda cocktails – Switching to a diet mixer in any of your favorite cocktails (Rum and Diet Coke, or Gin and Diet Tonic) will save you TONS of calories, and won’t affect the taste too much.

Personally, I never thought they could ever get a hotter 007 than Pierce Brosnan. But, oh, how wrong I was. With baby blues like that, I will not allow the fact that Daniel Craig is 40 to get in the way of my desire to eff him until kingdom come.

The things I would do the Daniel Craig are X-rated. Not that he’d mind; he seems to like gettin’ a little dirty. Not only is he the most delicious piece of eye candy I’ve ever seen, he’s also super talented, with a ton of great movies under his belt (…even if everything else under there is a little…er….less than expected).

Though he had a pretty long career across the pond, we in the States first saw Craig alongside Angelina Jolie in 2001′s Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (it’s a good thing that bitch didn’t snag this one, too!) I instantly fell in effing love with his sweaty, sticky, and rugged look. It was that role that got the attention of women everywhere, and led to his current stint as the hottest James Bond ever.

Seriously, this man puts the Bond in Bondage.

Since seeing Casino Royale I have been counting down the days until I could see him in that tux again (and picturing me ripping it off him, too…have you seen this man’s body? Sweet Jesus.) And the day has finally come. (Editor’s Note: HELL YESSS!)

Craig’s newest Bond film, Quantum of Solace, comes out tonight and I can’t effing wait. I don’t know anything about the plot or the co-stars, nor do I care that my boyfriend messed up some dude’s house during the filming; all I know is that Daniel Craig leaves my martini shaken, not stirred.

Well, I’ve been trying to refrain from smoking at all, but – geez – it is tough. Last week wasn’t too bad – I smoked maybe one or two a day and had a day or two where I didn’t smoke a cig at all. Even better, I didn’t even crave one – score!

But, then, I went to a Halloween party last weekend where I buckled and smoked about ten cigarettes in one night. I know, bad girl, Kelly; but honestly, with all the liquor, I just let myself go with the smoking…again. There’s something about needing a smoke with my vodka soda, or my glass of red wine that I just can’t seem to shake. Am I the only one?

After my lovely smoking binge of Friday, I tried to calm down the rest of the weekend. And I did. I smoked only one or two cigarettes a day for the rest of the weekend.

On my way to work on Monday, though, I almost put my car in park and asked the guy in traffic behind me, who was smoking a cig, if I could bum one. Then I realized how crazy and pathetic I would have looked, so I stopped myself. I didn’t have a cigarette that morning, and I didn’t have one for the rest of the day. I made a conscious decision to either go big – and do it as close to cold turkey as I can until I can finally withdraw myself from the cravings – or not do it at all. And not doing it at all is not an option.

I know what all of you non-smokers must be thinking: it’s such a disgusting habit and can give you cancer, so why do people smoke in the first place? I know you’re right, but it’s more than just a bad habit to me. When I’m stressed, a smoke calms be down; when I’m out for cocktails with my girlfriends, a smoke feels great with that dirty martini; and so on.

But, I will prevail. I will keep trying and keep you informed. If you have any tips on how to kick this habit and go cold turkey, fill me in. I want to be done with cigarettes by Christmas – sort of, like, a present to myself. Think I can do it?

Tatum O’Neal pulls both the “Don’t you know who I am?” AND “I’m just researching a role” card

The Jezebels Liveblog the rather underwhelming MTV Movie Awards

Away Message Breakup

Any internet hackers out there want to grant my biggest wish and take this site down?

National Masturbation Month may have ended, but when has that ever stopped you before?

Radiohead may be right, but Prince is crazy. Plus he’s Prince. …Just give up now, RH.

All M. Night Shyamalan wants is for Hollywood to F*ck off. I just want M. Night to make a movie that doesn’t suck.

Read Nabokov on your lunch hour. Impress everyone

Shaken, not stirred.

Cameron and Diddy? Whatever.

That bitch wore my famous Nini Ricci expensive dress! I hope she dies.

I do not think I’m an alcoholic. I do, however, feel like I’ve racked myself up some pretty reliable points for drinking frequently, and usually for free, in New York City.

I’m in a band. And all of my friends are in bands. You know what that means? It means shows…which means drinks. And my friends who aren‘t musicians, who work in offices, tend to like to buy me rounds at Happy Hour time–which usually precedes one of those aforementioned shows.

These factors combined with my sometimes modeling and myopenbar.com lead to a steady intake of alcohol on my part. And REALLY, I am okay with this.

However, I woke up today feeling especially hung over. My stomach felt like I imagine it would if it were working diligently to digest batteries. My makeup was caked across my pillowcase and the volume of god knows what kind of dirt under my nails made me afraid to look in the mirror. It was just another, typical night out on the town for me last night. Wine and beer and whiskey and martinis. Lost cash. Expensive cab rides. Shameful drunk snacking back at my apartment and finally the relief of passing out, but ONLY after an embarrassing drunk dial and even more embarrassing emotional drunk IM.

I woke up this morning and I challenged myself out loud to my roommate.

“You know what, dude? I’m gonna take the next week off from drinking.”

She laughed.

“No, seriously, if I can’t f*&cking go ONE WEEK without alcohol, then I’m going to check myself into rehab.”

And suddenly, she realized that the same would be true for her too if she could not tame her recklessness for just one week.

We made a pact; a deal with the devil’s advocate if you will, and we have set out to prove that we haven’t all but dismissed the self-control we once had.

Although I didn’t physically WANT beer all day; the simple fact that I wasn’t “allowed” to have it DID, in fact, lead me to a creepy, lingering position over my refrigerator door more than once today…I hung over the door, passing glances over to the Stella on the bottom shelf while trying to convince myself that I had just opened the refrigerator for grapes. Or hummus. Or ANYthing but alcohol.

My plans tonight, which I canceled, would have been fun and I would have followed through with them had it not been for my overflow of work. However, the thought DID occur to me that it wouldn’t be as much fun to go out tonight if I couldn’t drink.

As the evening persisted, I discussed the coming weekend plans with my friends…slowly explaining to each friend that I WOULD be out this weekend; but I wouldn’t be drinking. Between chuckles and winks on AIM, all of my friends bid me farewell and decorated my confidence with their sarcastic “Good Luck!!!!“s.

It will only be a week. Seven days. 168 hours before I can drink again. This shouldn’t have to be anything tragic. But regardless, I will be detailing my detox days to you. And while I’m at it, I think I might take a close look at how much money I saved this week. And hell, maybe I’ll check out whether or not I drop a pound or two–I’m confident I consume thousands of calories in drinks normally…

Deem me an alcoholic if you wish, but for all intensive purposes, THIS week shall be the final judgment in that.

And since Halloween falls on a Wednesday, why not throw a little study break soiree?! (or maybe just a soiree- studying is so overrated)

so get on your slutty nurse/baseball player/ninja turtle costume and get into the kitchen!

Gummy Worm Ice Cubes (from Martha Stewart).

Sure this idea was made more kids but who says we can’t spruce up our vodka tonics with these creepy cubes?

What you Need:

Gummy Worms

Ice Cube Tray

Water

(and a selection of alcohol (or non alcoholic) beverages and mixers.

Directions:

Breed gummy worms in ice and infest a cold Halloween drink. Put the worms in an ice-cube tray, letting them stick out of the top and sprawl over the edges, and fill tray with water; freeze. Add cubes to a clear beverage, and watch as kids squirm with delight.

Berry Scary Martini (from Martha Stewart)

Serves 1

1 cup ice

1 ounce black vodka

2 ounces cherry juice

Fresh raspberries and blueberries, for garnish

Combine ice, vodka, and cherry juice in a cocktail shaker; shake vigorously. Pour into a martini glass. Thread raspberries and blueberries onto a cocktail skewer, and place in drink. Serve immediately.

Spider Cupcakes (from allrecipes)

What You Need:

1 (18.25 ounce) package chocolate cake mix

1 pound black shoestring licorice

1 (16 ounce) can white frosting

48 pieces candy corn

48 cinnamon red hot candies

1/4 cup orange decorator sugar

Directions:

Prepare cupcakes according to package directions. Let cool completely.

Cut licorice into 3 inch sections. Working with one or two cupcakes at a time, so the frosting doesn’t set before decorating, frost the cupcakes with the white frosting. Insert licorice pieces into the outer edges of the cupcakes to make the legs of the spider, 3 legs on each side (4 takes up too much space). Place two pieces of candy corn on the front of the cupcake for fangs and use two red hots as eyes. Sprinkle with decorator sugar. Repeat with remaining cupcakes.

and if going all Martha isn’t your thing? Pizza, Beer and Candy corn should do the trick!

Happy Halloween!