Oh man. Wednesdays kill me. Yes, it’s the middle of the week, but it’s only the middle of the week!  2.5 more days to go. And no good drink specials at the bar. What I wouldn’t give for a Boxed-Wine Wednesday right about now.

But wait! There is good news. Finally, something to be excited about on a sad, sad Wednesday morning:

Happy Endings.

Yeah, you read that right. And no, I am not talking about a giant piece of carrot cake (with extra frosting) after a great meal. I am talkin’ about happy endings. You know; the kind that every man dreams of when he goes in for a massage. Those infamous acts that are quite popular in East Asia.

I am talking about ORGASMS, people. Orgasms that you don’t have to get dressed up for. Orgasms that you don’t have to wear heels for. Or work for. Or bat your eyelashes for.

Orgasms you can just….order. Read More »

Sometimes I work out these elaborate sex scenes in my head. It’s like I’m a porn star-but even cooler cause I have more creative moves and not so much lip liner. I’m usually on my way to meet some potentially sexy dude when these fantasies take place. They’re like confidence assemblies in my mind. I’m usually wearing lacey panties and have embodied Shane from The L Word, except I’m straight. So me and sexy dude meet up, and invariably, we flirt over drinks. Alcohol does its job at making me even more sold on the idea of crazy sex moves while making me more incapable of them simultaneously.

Ohhhh, alcohol.

Lets skip to the part where sexy dude and I are about to do it. Read More »

Let’s just get right into this. I’m calling Daisy the Blow Fish/Skank Spice/Stripper with the Plastic Face for the win.

The show starts with the elimination that we saw from the previous episode, with Bret telling Ambre and Daisy to pack it up for Cancun. Bret’s excited because VH1 planned some great stuff at the Me by Melia Cancun.

Once they arrive and get setteld, the three go to dinner. Bret has questions for the ladies – but Daisy pulls out a list of questions of her own and Ambre and I are suprised at her reading and writing abilities. Blow Fish asks Bret about how he’s always referring to their physical attraction and Bret says that it’s because Daisy is still a “mystery” to him. There’s no mystery in Hep C, Bret.

Ambre tells Daisy that she leads with her sexuality and I don’t think that Daisy understands what that means.

Bret moves on to tell Ambre that her “win at all costs” attitude throws him off – and then she throws me off by kissing Bret. Was that to shut him up? Is Ambre all about her TV hosting career?

Anyway, Ambre and her two-toned hair have a date the next day, Daisy the day after.

So the next day as Ambre’s about to go on her Bret date, Daisy tells Ambre that it hurt her feelings when Ambre said that she leads with her sexuality. “I’m not afraid to be sexy.” It turns into Daisy telling Ambre that Ambre’s feeling inadequate and then Daisy tries to imitate Ambre’s walk. Ambre walks like a hunchback? Oh, Daisy, Ambre and the rest of the female population wish that they could be like you. Read More »

I can honestly say that I find nothing better in life than a manicure/pedicure combo for the beautiful price of $25. Those Korean / Vietnamese women and men really know what they’re doing! Warm towels, massages, my favorite Essie colors (Wicked for the toes and Waltz for the fingers, obviously!) and Maury Povich playing the background; it is simply heaven.

Unfortunately, my last trip to my favorite neighborhood nail shop –the difference between it and the other 20 salons on my street I could not tell you, besides the fact that it is closest to the Dunkin Donuts where I get my morning brew – left me with less than a happy ending. (I am not speaking of that kind of happy ending.)

I have no problem with the fact that most of the people who work at this particular nail shop have a difficult time with English. I have been getting my nails done at shops like this for years, so it really comes as no surprise. But, until this particular day, I never realized just how much there is to learn about communicating in English beyond just verb conjugation. Read More »

Girls have been begging me for years to take the plunge.

My ex used to tell me, “I see guys in there all the time… it’s so not a big deal.” And my response has always been the same: “show me one guy that I know, or even one guy who’s even remotely like me that goes in there, and if they tell me it’s not a big deal, then I’ll do it.”

I’ve still never received that confirmation, and I still don’t know any other guy who’s ever done it, but I nevertheless decided yesterday that it was time to suck it up and get it over with.

And so…I got a pedicure.

Most of you reading this probably don’t think this is a big deal at all, but I assure you, it is. Think about it… outside of New York City, Los Angeles, and Miami, how many of you actually know a straight guy who is NOT a metrosexual and yet still gets pedicures? Not many of you. Maybe most guys just don’t know any better and still assume that the overall point to getting the pedi is getting your nails painted, but for whatever reason, the serious stigma continues to exist that getting a pedicure somehow shows a sign of homosexuality.

However, I’m here to let everyone know (and girls, you certainly have my permission to show this article to your nappy-footed boyfriends) that getting a pedicure really isn’t a big deal at all. Read More »