Did you know that in addition to being Asparagus Month and National BBQ Month, May is also National Masturbation Month? Yes, there is an entire month dedicated to doing the act solo (potentially with BBQ sauce and asparagus spears). National Masturbation Month was started by Good Vibrations (a sex store) in 1995 as a way to protest the firing of U.S. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders, who had suggested that masturbation be part of sex education.

It’s always National Masturbation Month in my world, but to celebrate the actual month, I’m going to go into my room and lock the door, I thought I’d share a few fun facts about spanking the monkey with you.

So let’s get down and dirty:

- 89% of women admit to masturbating.

- 4 out of 10 women prefer masturbation over sex.

- Studies suggest masturbation may be good for you.Cervical infections might be reduced with frequent personal stimulation. Also, masturbation has been proven to be a great form of stress relief, a mood booster, a natural sleep sedative, a chronic pain reliever (like those debilitating cramps) and a natural energy booster (take that, Red Bull!).

- Female porcupines have been witnessed using wooden sticks to masturbate.

- 48% of women masturbate once a week and 22% masturbate daily.

- 53% of women and 17% of men use vibrators to masturbate.

- Contrary to popular belief, vibrators do not desensitize you, no matter how often you use them.

- At this very moment, 797,151 Americans are masturbating. That’s more people than the entire population of Alaska

- Who holds the World Record for masturbating the longest? Masanobu Sato who lasted 9 hours and 58 minutes in San Francisco’s 2009 Maturbate-a-thon. (Yes, that’s a real thing and yes, that’s totally absurd.)

Even in 2011, masturbation is still one those dirty little secrets most people tuck away into their closets (behind that ugly cat sweater their grandmother bought them for Christmas) but it shouldn’t be! Now, I’m not telling you to go all Eve Ensler and proclaim how much you love your woman self all day, but I am saying that you shouldn’t be embarrassed of having a little solo fun. Or a lot of solo fun.

Especially for such an important national holiday.

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Sex is like ice cream – it’s sweet, it’s sticky and it’s always better with hot fudge and whipped cream. Oh wait, that’s not where I was going with this. Let’s start again..

Sex is like ice cream – everyone’s got a favorite flavor. While some like Cookies ‘n Cream, others like Rum Raisin. And while some people like sex the good old fashioned way, others like to shake things up. Some like background music, others like a little dirty talkin‘. Some girls like a guy who is soft and sensual, while other girls crave hot, tie-me-up-and-take-control passion.

But no matter what we like, whether it’s lying there and enjoying the show or hopping on top for some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, there are some things guys can do that just don’t fly between the sheets. Or on the desk. Or in the bathroom stall. Or….you get the point:

The Jackhammer (also known as: The Rabbit): Come on, dude. This is sex, not road repair. Whoever thinks pounding a girl’s sensitive lady bits like he’s a jackhammer and she’s a 12-inch-thick piece of concrete should have his penis removed. If I wanted my vagina to hurt for 3 days, I’d take a Spin Class….at least then I’d burn some calories.

Porn Lingo: Dirty talk is one thing; who doesn’t want to hear how hot they are or how much the guy wants to sleep with them? Porn talk is quite another. Nothing makes a girl cringe faster than the words “pussy” and “moist,” and if you want this to end well (read: not with blue balls), you’ll steer clear of that kind of chatter.

Pelvic Exams: It’s no secret that we ladies need a little more attention to our nether regions in order to reach our blissful happy place. (Sidenote: To some guys, this IS a secret that no one’s told them.) I’m all about a little manual stimulation, but I want it to feel good, not like my yearly exam with Dr. Kaplan. That means a soft touch, fingertips only, not going elbow deep to the point that I can feel your hands in my throat. You do know where the clitoris is, right?

Sneak Attacks: Oh really, you think I’m not gonna notice you try to enter through the exit?

Too Many Questions: With all the things a guy can do wrong, it’s a welcome change when he takes interest in what we want. Of course, asking so many questions that we need to pull out a Power Point Presentation and a laser pointer to get things movin’ is a bit of a mood killer. I want to sleep with a guy who’s good at what he does, not a guy who needs GPS directions to my happy place. If we’re doing more talking than doing, I’d rather just do it all myself.

Forceful Direction: Guys like blow jobs. They like them in the morning, in the car, in the shower, in the house with a mouse… We get it, k? We don’t need you pushing down on our heads to send the message. If I want to give you one, I will. Shoving my head down south and messing up my ‘do is not going to increase your chances, bud.

What makes a guy want to go at it alone (well, besides everything)? Let’s see what He has to say.

Oh, and if you’ve got anything to add to the Do Not Do list, sound off below!

I write a lot about the things we can do to improve our sex lives, but what better time to make the conscious decision to improve our sexy encounters than the start of a brand-spankin’-new year? So here is, ladies, gents and everyone in between: my thoroughly thought-out list of sexy resolutions for 2011 – just a little something to kick start your awesome, sex-positive, and sexually fulfilled new year!

Quit faking it. If for some reason you’re still faking your orgasms, now is the time to knock it off, and start aiming for the real thing. Faking it accomplishes nothing (your pleasure > your partner’s ego), and I think all of my readers deserve some full-blown 100% orgasms. If you need some help getting there, check out the next couple of resolutions I’ve got for y’all….

Invest in a good sex toy. Whether you’re doin’ it alone or with a partner, there’s something to be said for investing in a good sexy aide. While they’re a little pricier than some other toys, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the We Vibe and pretty much all of the glass products from Love Style. And hey, if you’re into being green, you can even buy environmentally friendly sex toys now! Environmentally friendly and orgasm inducing – does it get any better?

Find your G-spot. While it’s arguable that this magic spot even exists, you owe it to yourself and your sexual pleasure to make the effort and go exploring. Either by yourself or with your partner, 2011 is the time to really try to figure out what you like. It’s nearly impossible to instruct another to do what you like if you don’t know what that is yourself.

Take some time. Instead of leaving sex and/or masturbation to the very end of your to-do list this year, make a conscious effort to spend some time alone or with your partner and enjoy your sexuality. Set aside an evening – or at least a few hours – every week where phones and laptops are shut off, and the focus is shifted to you and/or your partner, even if you’re kissing or doing a little solo meditation. I know that with work, school, and trying to remain social, this task isn’t easy – but it’ll be worth it.

Shake the heteronormativity. For those of us that fit into what the media tells us is the “norm” – white, straight, middle-class – it’s important to remember that there are a lot of people out there that don’t fit that very tight mold. Whether we’re writers, filmmakers, or just big into talking, remembering that not everyone is straight and white will help to make those who don’t fit into that stereotype to feel a lot more comfortable and welcome.  Using words like “partner” instead of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” and trying not to automatically make the assumption that not everyone is heterosexual and cisgendered, we make just a little step in the direction of inclusivity.

Skip the taboo. I’ve come to the realization recently that people only keep secret things that they’re ashamed of. While I don’t think it’s necessary to shout the intricacies of our sex lives from the rooftops, I think being honest about our sexual behavior and not being ashamed of our choices is a big step towards creating a more sex-positive culture. And who wouldn’t want to live in a society where sex is seen as something to embrace, instead of something to hide?

Quit the slut-shaming. One of my new year’s resolutions is to take sex-negative terms like “slut” and “whore” out of my vocabulary. By using those words to describe someone’s outfit or behaviour, we’re only contributing to sex negativity and making people feel guilty about their choices. To quote Tina Fey in Mean Girls, “calling each other sluts and whores just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.” Well said, Ms. Fey.

Learn. No matter how much you think you know about sex, there is always more to learn. Visit an expo, attend a seminar, or read some books – as with anything, knowledge is power, and the more you know, the greater your sex life will continue to be. I’m always shocked to learn that women my age still don’t know some really basic things about sex (like how the pill works), and it’s that kind of lack of knowledge that puts people at higher risk for the not-so-great aspects of sexuality.  Not to mention that ignorance breeds fear, and having an idea of what’s going on with your body is always a good idea.

Have a fun, safe and sexy new year, my lovely readers! What are your sexy resolutions for 2011?

After walking around and exploring the booths for a good hour or two, we settled into the seminar room and hung out for almost six hours, listening to facilitators talk to the crowd about different areas of sex and sexuality. We also wandered through the dungeon a few times, and yours truly even submitted to being flogged by a lovely lady who asked if I wanted a “back massage” — it was splendid.

We ended up spending nearly nine hours there, and at the end of the day walked away with a whole wealth of sexy knowledge. Here’s a few things I learned from my day at the expo:

During a seminar on “turning toys into tools” (for the bedroom), the guy presenting talked a lot about what he liked to call the “double tap.” Basically, the concept was that whatever you’re doing to your partner, make sure you’re doing something else as well. For example, use your tongue and your hands, or have sex and kiss their neck. Apparently this is a good way for those ladies who have problems climaxing to finally get there.

Glass toys are apparently the best. Not only are they incredibly clean and durable (they’re non-porous so there’s nowhere for the bacteria to hide while you’re cleaning it), but from what I hear, they also contribute to some mind-blowing orgasms. When you have an orgasm, your PC muscles contract, and usually when you’re having sex with a man or using a softer toy, whatever it is that’s causing you to orgasm just kind of absorbs the contractions. But glass stays rigid against the contractions, making them seem a whole lot stronger. Sounds pretty awesome. Oh, and it’s medical grade glass, so chances are that even if you throw it against something, it’s not going to break (though you should probably get a new one anyways).

Another great investment: ben wa balls. These little balls go inside your vagina and they just stay there until you take ‘em out. They help to strengthen those PC muscles that play a huge role in orgasm, and also, because they have even smaller balls rolling around inside of them, have little non-mechanical vibrations that happen as you walk around and go about your day-to-day business. Because of those vibrations, if you put them in at the beginning of the night – like before a date – by the time you go home you’ll be rearin’ to go. Strong PC muscles and an even greater desire to have sex? Sign me up!

What I’m getting at here is that if one of these expos rolls into your town, I would definitely suggest spending the day browsing sexy toys and learnin’ all about sex. Not only was it was a good time, and I promise you’ll learn a thing or two. And if you aren’t lucky enough to live in a town that hosts something like this, there are always books….

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (but most don't involve parental units) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I saw him at my first sorority mixer. He was the social chair of his fraternity and from the moment he checked my name on the guest list, I was in love. He looked dreamy in his designer jeans and flip flops, his hair perfectly floppy. And he knew my name. Well, at least for that moment.

I spent a year cyber-stalking him, convincing my sorority to plan more events with his house and then pussying out whenever I had the opportunity to talk to him. He was older, wiser, and definitely a highly sought after guy campus wide; there was no way he’d ever notice me.

And then, like a gift from heaven, we ended up in a summer term class together.

The class was small, only 30 people. When I walked in the first day (looking like a hot, sweaty mess thanks to my crappy house’s lack of A/C) and spotted him, I could barely contain my excitement. Finally! An excuse to talk to my knight in khaki cargo shorted armor. If only I didn’t have pit stains…

He looked up at me and waved (OMG OMG OMG He recognizes me!). I waved back, then walked to his side of the room and sat down. We ended up talking for most of the class (at least when the professor wasn’t droning on about how “summer term is not some blow off” and listing off all the group assignments we had coming our way), then did so again the next day. And the day after that. He Facebooked me. I Facebook-stalked him. He invited me to a house party he and his “boys” were having. I jumped around my room in my underwear and immediately started planning my cute-but-not-too-over-the-top outfit for class the next day.

Two weeks later, when the first (of many) group projects was assigned, he asked if I wanted to work with him. It took every fiber of my being not to jump up and scream.

That weekend, we decided to meet up at my place to start researching. My roommate had friends from home taking up every inch of common space in our house, so McDreamy and I hunkered down in my room. More specifically, on my bed, as there was really nowhere else to sit. Laptops in hand, we got to work. Then took a two hour break to shoot the sh*t. Then did some more work.

And then, before I knew what the hell was going on, my laptop was on the floor and we were making out like 7th graders in a bar mitzvah coat room.

Things started to heat up so we pushed the textbooks and pens off the bed (after I got stabbed in the leg) and got to it. My shirt came off. His shirt came off. I threw it on the floor, pushed him on the bed and jokingly jumped on top of him.

“Ouch,” he pulled away. “What is digging into my back right now?” He reached behind him to find the painful offender. And when he finally got it, I was mortified.

There, in his hand, was my vibrator.
My small, pink vibrator.

The room got painfully silent. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t form words. The guy I was in love with for over a year, who was finally IN MY BED (topless) and KISSING ME (topless), was now holding a my vibrator and staring blankly at me.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to crawl under the covers and never come out. I wanted to believe that maybe he thought it was a neck massager. But of course he didn’t. He knew exactly what he was holding in his hand.

After what seemed like 13 hours of silence (but was probably more like 13 seconds), he started laughing. Like, really laughing. So hard that I had to get off of him… then curl up in the fetal position next to him.

All I could think about was how I was going to have to do the entire group project by myself because I couldn’t face him again. Or, worse, have to withdraw from the class and take it again the following semester. Or maybe even transfer schools to the other side of the country.

But it turns out none of that was necessary, because the next thing I knew McDreamy was kissing my back. And four weeks later, despite that little snafu, we were officially dating.

Yeah, it wasn’t my finest moment (and I’m probably not gonna share that story with the grandkids), but at least we got the embarrassing moment thing out of the way early on.

It wasn’t until I stopped having sex that I realized how sexualized everything has become. Every TV show, every movie, every magazine picture, and every song is some way related to sex. To quote Superbad, “You know what kinds of foods are shaped like dicks? The BEST kinds.” It’s true, phallic (and yonic) symbols are everywhere (and a lot more noticeable when you’re not getting laid) – thanks a lot for that, Freud.

I’m going through what some may call a dry spell. While that’s half-true, I’d like to say it’s more of a self-imposed period of celibacy. Spending the last month and a half in my hometown (where there are ZERO prospects, by the way) and slowly-but-surely losing faith in the male species has lead me to decide that making a conscious decision to take a break from sex will save me not only from sleeping around but also from making any spur-of-the-moment bad decisions.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it turns out that going without is not quite as easy as I first expected. Due to my current living situation, it hasn’t only been sex that’s been put on the back burner, but also masturbation and any other kind of physical intimacy (except for those nights when my best friend Emma lets me spoon her… that’s nice).

The thing is, as much as it sucks not getting laid in longer than I care to think about – there is a bit of power in deciding not to have sex. Unlike Josh Harnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights, this decision of mine hasn’t made me want to jump everything that moves. It’s actually made me be choosier about who I want to have sex with.

Maybe the problem in promiscuity lies not in the fact that people are having sex like crazy all of the time, but that we think we need to have sex like crazy all the time. This idea that we need to have sex on a regular basis to keep at bay our primal instinct to bone is the kind of mind set that leads to sleeping around and bad decisions.

I know it sounds like I’m being sex-negative here, but read any of my other articles and I assure you, that’s not the case whatsoever. All I’m saying that being sex-positive isn’t necessarily directly related to having sex. If there’s one thing we can control in our lives, it’s who we chose to have sex with (excluding violent, awful crimes).

So far, this plan has worked out okay for me (in that I haven’t imploded yet or anything). Taking a break from sex can be a good thing, really. And think on the bright side – after a sexy break, I can only imagine how great sex is going to be. Eventually I’ll find someone worthy enough to have that mind blowing back-in-the-game sex with, but for now, I’m okay with not getting any.

Although, some alone time would be nice…

We at CollegeCandy are huge proponents of masturbation. We love it so much we’d shout it from the rooftops… that is if we were willing stop doin’ it and actually climb up to the rooftop.

The topic maybe a bit taboo to many, but it shouldn’t be. Besides the mere pleasure of it all, there are so many wonderful benefits of a little self-stimulation: it helps you sleep, it helps with cramps, it helps your sexy time encounters….

It’s also really, really, REALLY fun.

Especially when you have a fun toy to do it with. Enter OhMiBod, the vibrator that connects with your iPod and pulses to the beat of the music. It’s pretty much the best combo since chocolate and peanut butter, or since Cole Haan teamed up with Nike. We’ve talked about it before, but it just got better.

Yes, the OhMiBod has gone wireless!

Gone are the days when you’re literally attached to your iPod (because no one wants to be tied down). The new Freestyle uses a wireless signal to connect you to your favorite jams in a way you’ve never experienced before.  Rock out (and get your rocks off) with hotties like Justin Bieber, Jason Derulo or old school Backstreet Boys. Or, if you’re feeling saucy, try some Rolling Stones and Metallica. You’ll never listen to music the same way again. And if you’re not sure what music goes best with this gift from Gods, the people at OhMiBod have got you covered. Just buying one of their revolutionary toys gives you access to their specially designed OhMiBod playlists.

But there’s more. And this, my friends, is not for the newbies. Allow me to introduce you to the Club Vibe, a portable little guy that will make going out a lot. more. fun. Basically, you attach this to your pants (or skirt) and it picks up the pulsing of the music in the club (or concert?) and transfers it to….well, you get it. It’s totally discreet, so you can shake your groove thing/get your groove on without anyone knowing.

Honestly, who needs to deal with beer goggles and a walk of shame when you’ve got this?

Masturbation shouldn’t make you squirm (well, squirm in a bad way) – it’s totally natural, totally acceptable and, with these toys, it’s totally awesome. If you’re in the market for somethin’ new, these little guys have the CollegeCandy stamp of approval.

It’s no secret that everyone wants honestly in their relationship, but there are some things we just DON’T want to know (or want them to know!).  Much like you wouldn’t disclose to your man exactly what happened between you and his roommate freshman year, here’s a list of things we definitely do not want to hear from guys we’re gettin’ down with:

1. His “Number”: I admit that sometimes I get curious and I’m tempted to ask, but I resist! I really don’t wanna know how many other chicks he’s gotten naked with, especially if I’m into him.

2. Bowel movements: Even if the relationship is years old, there should still be a little mystery in the bathroom. He should tell his frat brothers about what he’s doing/did/about to do (in graphic detail) in there, not me.

3. Anything positive about his ex: I don’t care if she was pretty, smart, a good cook, or great in bed. It’s best not to mention her at all, but if he must, we prefer to hear that she was some variation of a crazy person who didn’t fulfill his needs and has much, much smaller boobies. Also…

4. He still talks to his ex: This is basically guaranteed to bring out the crazy jealous b*tch in all of us.  It’s okay if they’re still friends, but we don’t need to hear that she texted him the most HILARIOUS thing today and blah, blah, blah.  Just avoid an argument and stay mum, okay?

5. How often he masturbates: I’d like to think he stops that once he’s gettin’ the real deal from me. And I’d really like to keep it that way.

6. How often he watches porn: I don’t want to feel pressure of trying to live up to Jenna Jameson in bed.

7. That we’ve gotten fat: If he notices, then there’s basically a 100% chance that we’ve already noticed. And panicked. And taped a picture of Adriana Lima to the fridge. We’re critical enough of ourselves, so any comments about our body from a guy besides how much he loves our T and A will send us over the edge.

8. How hot he thinks our friends are: My friends and roommates are attractive, and I’m sure any guy who spends a lot of time with me will notice.  But I don’t want to know about it.  Nor do I want to know about the fantasy involving a threesome with me and my BFF.

9. Where he learned his bedroom moves: I appreciate the great sex, but I want to throw up at the thought of all the practice it took for you to acquire your um…skill.

10. What his friends think about me: And, yes, that includes if they think I have a nice ass. That’s just asking for awkward interactions down the road.

God I’m tired. Watching two hours of The Biggest Loser followed by two hours of American Idol can really take a lot out of a girl. Especially when that girl hadn’t even cracked a book before that reality TV sh*tshow began. And when that girl had about 200 pages of reading to get done after that marathon ended.

If the Starbucks guy could feed me that Americano through a vein in my arm, we’d be golden.

But until I find a barista with an affinity to intravenous caffeine use, I am just going to have to find something else to get my brain moving on this not-so-fine Hump Day. Like a fun round of “Would You Rather?” Last week we dreamed of a world of haute couture; this week we’ve got something a bit more cringe-worthy to ponder.

So think long and hard – really, really think about this one, peeps – and choose your answer. Then, if you dare, tell us why you made that difficult choice in the comments section below.

Here goes:

Would you rather have to go to the hospital still “connected” to your guy because you somehow got stuck together OR have to go to the hospital because using a carrot as a pleasure stick wasn’t such a great idea?

Things to consider: the call for help; explaining your situation to the doctors, nurses and your parents; wasting food when there are starving children in Africa.

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.).

My patient Adrianna had so much pain just from foreplay that she avoided sex until she was twenty-nine. (Every Christmas she would send me a card with the Virgin Mary on it and sign it “Love, the Virgin.”)  Always in serious relationships, she would put it off until that inevitable moment when she knew she would either have to lose her virginity or break up with the guy. Every year, when she reached that fork in the road, she broke some poor guy’s heart, rather than ‘fessing up to her fears.

Then she met Ed, and he swept her off her feet.  After he proposed, she approached me, begging me to help her give it all up to Ed.  Here’s what I told her to do:

How To Lose Your Virginity As Painlessly as Possible

1. Purchase a good sexual lubricant like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly.

2. Begin to prepare weeks, even months in advance. (Note: preparation also includes getting comfortable and intimate with your own body!)  The vagina is an elastic organ designed to fit a baby through it.  Your virginal vagina may not like being stretched by an erect penis, but it’s willing to negotiate. Begin by starting to dilate the vagina with the smallest thing you can insert into your vagina comfortably – a pinkie finger, a junior sized tampon, or a thumb. Lube it up and gently insert it inside the vagina.

3.  Notice the muscles that surround your vagina. Are they tense or relaxed? Does the object or finger slide easily into the vagina, or does it hurt? Make a conscious effort to release the tension from those muscles. Hold the object in for 10 minutes.

4. If that doesn’t hurt at all, try gradually increasing the size of what you insert into your vagina- a super-plus sized tampon, two fingers, or a small dildo. Repeat the exercise with the larger object until you find something that begins to stretch you and feel uncomfortable. When you reach that point, hold the object still for 10 minutes, and repeat this every day until it no longer hurts. (Don’t forget the lube, which is key). You may bleed during some of these exercises, which is nothing to worry about, as long as the bleeding is slight.

5. When you notice that it no longer hurts to insert that object inside, go bigger. Keep increasing the size of what you place into the vagina until you can accommodate a dildo that mimics the size of your partner’s penis.

6. Once you can keep the dildo in place for 10 minutes without pain, try moving it in and out of you, mimicking what your partner would do during intercourse. Go slowly, and make sure you have control of how the dildo moves. Feel free to play around with other types of sexual stimulation or other sex toys during this process. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun! Feel free to invite your partner in for the party, if you feel comfortable. If not, make it a private affair until you’re ready for the big night.

7. When you can do this without pain, you’re ready for the main event. Encourage your partner to have fun with foreplay. The more aroused you feel, the less likely it is to hurt.

8. Spend a moment taking deep, relaxing breaths. Concentrate on relaxing the muscles around the vagina to make way for your lover to enter you. Visualize your vagina as a flower gently opening to receive the love you share with your partner.

9. When you’re ready, lube up and try a woman-on-top position, which gives you more control over the depth of penetration and the speed of the thrusting. Take it slow. Listen to your body. Warn your partner that you may not be able to finish the job. If need be, you can ask him to stop and take care of him in other ways, if you know what I mean.

Remember: practice makes perfect. It gets better with time – I swear. If your first time isn’t glorious, don’t be discouraged. My first time was God-awful, but in time, our bodies learn what to do and you’ll be making beautiful music in the sack before you know it.

Hope it helps!

Wishing you a gentle, safe, loving, nurturing cherry-pop,

Dr. Lissa