It has been about 2.5 months since I rendezvoused with a man in bed (or anywhere, for that matter).

At first I was okay with it; I kept busy with work and friends. Then, I was a little less than okay with it; I kept busy with cake and cigarettes. Then, I became beyond unhappy with the never ending sexual drought.

It got so bad that during a family dinner – where everyone in attendance was paired off besides me – my dad went around the table taking pictures of all the couples and said, “Lauren, hold up your right hand” when he got to me.

Seriously, people. I can’t make this shit up.

So, I did what any self respecting and sexual young woman would do; I turned to my good friend, The Pocket Rocket, to keep myself busy. And now I am blissfully happy.

And is there anything wrong with that? Read More »

Gonna switch it up a little bit today… I have a couple of questions to answer, but afterwards, I’m going to pose a question to ya’ll, to see if I can’t get to the bottom of something that I’ve recently found particularly vexing.

Today, we’re going to deal with the world of wonders that is the internet. Yahoo! (C’mon, that was a funny pun, right?)

Laura S. asks, “Is partaking in an online sex chat with someone other than my boyfriend considered cheating?”

Well, first things first… do people still partake in online sex chats? I remember back when I was like 12, and the chat rooms on AOL were still a novelty, we’d all get a kick out of pretending we were a young girl and chatting up 50 year old pedophiles (We were easily entertained. Back off).

But even with the rise of internet dating, I guess I’ve missed out on the attraction of a sex chat. I mean, if it’s a video chat, that’d be one thing. But plain old chatting? Meh.

Anyway, back to the question at hand… as a guy that’s cheated on more than a few occasions, I’d hate to think that having internet sex with someone that you’ll probably never meet is tantamount to screwing your boyfriend’s best friend’s brains out. I’m not sure why you’d do it, or what pleasure you’re getting out of an online conversation that your boyfriend can’t provide in person, but as long as it’s relatively innocent, I don’t think it could be considered cheating. Read More »

Asexuality. Is it a real thing? If so, what does it actually mean?

In an article by David Jay in American Sexuality Magazine, he explains what asexuality is, and how a person can have a satisfying relationship while identifying as an asexual individual. Jay should know—he’s speaking from first hand experience.

“One of the quirks of being asexual” Jay says, “is that classifying and prioritizing relationships becomes a mite tricky.” In his article, Jay explains how he sees himself as a bit of an ‘intimacy ho’. Unlike some asexuals who prefer a solitary lifestyle, Jay admits to desiring relationships (sans the sex) from many, many different people.

Upon learning early on that a meaningful relationship had to include sex, Jay rebelled. There had to be a way, he thought, to feel what he wanted to feel without the socially inflicted constraints.

“It wasn’t long before my close friendships started to look and act like dating, and it wasn’t much longer until they broke away from that and started to become something else entirely” he writes. “Relationships, I realized, can be fun, in much the same way that I imagine sex is fun for sexual folk. New types of pleasure started popping up all over, and it seemed like there would never be time to explore them all. They ran the gamut—from the intellectual to the physical, from the deeply empowering to the utterly frivolous.” Read More »

There is a new sleep disorder that seems to be sweeping its way across the country.: Sexsomnia. According to the headline on msn.com, “People with this rare disorder engage in sexual activity while asleep, but don’t remember it later.”

The disorder covers all aspects of sex, from rubbing to touching to full blown sex. Those who “suffer” from sexsomnia (which I would argue are the spouses/bedmates who have to deal with having sex with someone while they snore) claim to have no idea what they are doing and don’t remember it in the morning.

Which leads me to wonder if I have Sexsomnia…or if I can claim I do after returning from the bar and finding myself next to an extremely unattractive person in the morning. I mean, there have been many occasions where I woke up in the morning and had no idea if I had sex the night before. And there have been plenty others when I wish to the God in heaven that I did not. Read More »

Ah, the G-Spot. The ellusive, why- the -hell -can’t -any -guy -seem -to -find -it sexual jackpot. While men seem to be able to just thrust around for, I dunno, a nanosecond before they’re fine, us ladies are left…only slightly close to something maybe kinda near an orgasm.

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. There are some guys out there that will put some effort into making sure their woman is satisfied. I think it’s more that they like to hear that they’ve made you happy then actually making you happy, but I’m a little bitter right now towards men. Forgive me.

If you’re just desperate to enhance your sexual experience, you can now spend $1,800 every four months for the G-Shot, an injection meant to expand your G-Spot. The collagen that women have been injecting into their lips for years to create a more pillowy, Angelina Jolie look can now be used to blow up that special place. It expands the money spot into the size of a quarter, and though results may vary, it just might possibly better your booty time.

Now, I have a couple of qualms with this. One—have these women never heard of the clitoris? Has it not been scientifically proven that the woman’s clit is the equivalent to the man’s dick? Is it that hard to have your man, or yourself reach on down there and rub a little? Or what about just a really great, extended foreplay session? Read More »

Is your vibrator too confusing? Does it take too much energy to turn the thing on and hold it? The traditional shape freaking you out?

I didn’t think so. But just in case it was, some lovely people have gone and developed THE CONE.

What’s this new device? It’s a vibrating cone. Yup. That’s all. The website claims there are “16 built-in programs”, and that The Cone is the “biggest thing to happen to the sex toy industry in a long, long time!”, but to me, it just seems like a cone that shakes. (besides, 16 programs? Are we trying to have orgasms, or install new shit onto our computers?!)

I will admit, however, that the website is pretty damn interesting. As soon as you go there, you’re greeted with bumpin’ club music and all the information you could ever want. Plus, there’s even a movie you can watch and a link where you can talk to users of The Cone all over the world! (I’m not sure how long those conversations will last…but…who knows?) Read More »

Vibrators.

We all use ‘em. You may not admit it, but you do. Don’t worry; I won’t tell.

Yet, considering how many are sold in the world every year (like a bajillion), there are very few women who actually know their history. I was quite curious to discover the origins of my favorite piece of technology (yes, I love it more than my iPOD) so I did a little research.

Turns out, the vibrator has a long and interesting history.

Back in the early 1800’s, doctors discovered that hysteria in women could be treated by increasing blood flow from the uterus to the brain. Their tactic? Bringing women to orgasm…by hand.

Well, shockingly, the doctors got pretty popular. Apparently hysteria was spreading. The doctors got quite tired “treating” the women, so some invented a machine that would do all the work for them. Thus, the vibrator was born.

When the 1900’s rolled around, entrepreneurs realized the potentially huge market for handheld vibrators. Women suffering from hysteria (or from inexperienced lovers…like most of the boys I’ve met in college) could save a lot of money treating themselves at home versus seeing their doctor weekly.

In 1902, the vibrator was only the fifth take home appliance ever invented. The sewing machine came before it. The iron came after. In fact, the vibrator was the catalyst to the creation of the small electric motor used in most small appliances today. Had women not had the urge to pleasure themselves, we may have never had blenders! Read More »

I don’t want to sound all creepy (or pathetic), but I thought I was pretty knowledgeable when it came to masturbation. I mean, I know how to do it. I know different toys to use. And I do it on occasion (some occasions occurring more frequently than others).

So you can imagine my shock when I was informed about this new little double duty ditty.

Ok, I have heard of many uses for a pump:

1. Filling a tire

2. Filling a gym ball

3. Making your lips look plumper (if you are really weird)

But for self induced sexual satisfaction? This is quite new to me. And slightly new to the rest of the world. Apparently, this form of masturbation has been used in small circles nationwide for years, but has only recently hit the mainstream (i.e. Lover’s Lanes across the country). Read More »

So I’m sure you’ve all heard of Wikipedia; I mean seriously, who hasn’t? But did you know that there is a wonderful site out there, on the savvy World Wide Web, that also follows the “wiki” format and is titled WikiAfterDark.

What is it? It’s an informative website—similar to Wikipedia–that dedicates itself to educating the public about all different issues pertaining to sex. Now for those of you who don’t know me very well—and that is most of you—this is the website for me; I just happen to love the topic of sex maybe more than anything in this world—okay, okay, outside of sunglasses and Patrick Dempsey.

But anyways…the feature article that most recently appears on this website’s introductory page is about women and masturbation, and all that we should know when pleasuring ourselves. For those of you who just whispered to yourselves, “Ew—not me!” pa-lease, stop kidding yourselves!

Read More »

Masturbation. Couldn’t someone think of a cooler term to describe getting yourself off? It sounds so … mechanical.

Regardless of the actual word, I masturbate. Yeah, I said it. And sadly, most girls really won’t throw it out there like that. For some reason guys can just talk about jerking off as if it’s part of their morning routine — “I brushed my teeth, took a shower, wacked off, got dressed and went to class.”

Um, that never happens if you’re a girl. It’s more like, “I’m heading to bed early tonight” a.k.a. “I’m horny and I have a date with my vibrator.” Sure, my friends and I have had that conversation where you let the cat out of the bag, and they all admit it too. But there’s always that friend who’s like, “Guys, that’s gross, I don’t do that.”

Yeah, right! How the hell have you never touched yourself? It’s part of being a girl; it’s only natural to explore your body. And if you want to enjoy sex, you should seriously learn what turns you on.

So for all of you that are in denial of your female anatomy and afraid of getting a little “dirty,” I found a great article to help you out. Just read it. Give yourself an orgasm and learn what you’ve been missing.