Well boys and girls, we’ve come to the fourth and final installment of “What the hell did I get myself into?”: Online Dating Edition. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, and I am sad to say (spoiler alert) that I did not find a boyfriend. Cue the tears, cue Adele, and cue me shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down my throat. I’m okay though really. No tears for this girl. I might sound a little cocky when I say this, but the reason I didn’t find a boyfriend wasn’t because I couldn’t get a guy to look in my general direction. I got several messages from men throughout the day, everyday for four weeks. I had many guys interested in “me”, and I put “me” in quotation marks because I’m not sure how many of the guys really wanted to get to know me or just have sex with me (and I guess I’ll never know!). The reason why I didn’t come out of this challenge with the desired end result is because I realized that I don’t want a boyfriend.

I repeat: I do not want a boyfriend.

I am not saying that I don’t have those moments when all I want to do is cuddle up with someone cute and have him play with my hair while I drift off to sleep. I have a deep desire to eventually find “The One” and have a marriage and a family. I will never let go of that dream. I will always have that dream. I think what I am saying is that I do not have a desire to pursue that dream right now.

I came across several men that were sweet and sexy, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was really into Mitch for a few weeks, but I soon realized that there was no chemistry there (I know, that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true!), and he also looked way too much like my ex-boyfriend. I thought I could get over it, but I cannot. After our second date, he leaned in for a kiss. I accepted. When I opened my eyes, I saw my ex. I did not see Mitch. My sight was blurry. Once I re-focused, I knew it wasn’t going to work. Not only because Mitch was a clone of my ex but because I wasn’t putting my whole heart into it. I wasn’t fully there. I did not want a boyfriend.

Though I didn’t get my “happy ending”, being a member of OK Cupid did open my eyes to a lot of things that I had never really thought of before. One huge revelation was that there are so many men out there. And yes, there are going to be some creepers and guys you’re not attracted to, but let me tell you, there are a lot of guys on OK Cupid (and other dating sites, I’m sure!) that have attractive, sweet, educated men that are looking for the same thing that women are. You might wonder, “Why is he trying online dating? What is wrong with him?” The answer is nothing! You’re completely normal (minus the standard level of crazy that each and every girl possesses, let’s be real) and you’re searching through dating profiles on OK Cupid too! Therefore nothing wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with you.

Some people just need a little help.

I hope you guys enjoyed my small stint in the online dating world and learned a thing or two in the process.  I definitely wouldn’t steer people away from online dating after doing this one-month challenge because my mind has truly been changed about the whole process and stupid stigma that comes with dating on the internet. It’s not as scary as you think. It’s not pathetic. It’s not desperate. It’s just another way to meet a person that you might build a relationship with and maybe fall in love. Now what doesn’t sound good about that?

Two lovely ladies at Columbia University developed the idea to start a dating site, DateMySchool.com, strictly for us collegiate lovers. That’s right, with this site you can breathe easy: there won’t be any creepy 50 year old friend requests or pokes from your younger brother’s annoying friends. To become a member of the site you must have a working .edu email address. Now you can automatically check “gives a damn about his education” off of your dating checklist!

So what do we think of this DateMySchool.com? Personally, I think it’s a pretty clever idea. On Facebook, anyone can say that they attend I’mTotallyNotInSchool University, and we’d never know if they were telling the truth or not. The collegiate exclusivity is what attracts me to the site, but in the long run, it’s this exclusivity that may also be its downfall. For one, the site was designed for and originally available only on a select few Ivy League campuses, in a very Facebook-esque manner. Now the site has launched at plenty more schools, but will require some money (from college students who are probably the largest financially challenged group of citizens in the country, or from investors who may potentially be too old to have an active university email address) for growth and expansion.

On top of the money issue, are formal dating and college necessarily compatible? It seems to me that the more informal path, the Hang N Bang scenario, is more common among college students who seem to have less time for traditional dating yet just enough downtime for a casual hook-up. So there’s always the chance that the site will lose momentum simply because people either won’t be interested in it’s stress on “dating,” or because they’re using it simply as a channel for high-speed hookups.

It’ll surely be interesting to see where the site goes. Facebook gained its popularity when it became public, so the creators of DateMySchool.com may need to come up with some innovative way to make the site more inclusive if they’d like for the site to take off in numbers. What are your thoughts on online dating for college students only?

While I’m happy I was never a member of such a shallow and douchey organization (mostly because I would have been one of the many kicked off, thanks to my love of anything frosted), this move to improve the service for members got me thinking about my own online dating experiences.

I’ve been a member of an online dating site for a year now. I have yet to find the love of my life, but I have had a few good dates… and way too many creepy interactions to count. Seriously, these sites will let anyone with a computer and $29.99 a month to join. And I mean anyone. I’d like to believe that there is someone out there for me and that taking my dating online will increase my chances of finding him, but it’s nearly impossible to stay optimistic when this guy is sending me messages daily.

So maybe BeautifulPeople.com took things a tad too far (What – only thin people can be considered beautiful??), but as long as we’re on the subject, I’ve got a few online daters of my own that should get the boot. You listening, JDate?

1. The Creepy Guys: Including (but not limited to): 55-year-old men who hit on 21-year-old girls; anyone who refers to me as “baby,” “sexy,” or “hottie” in an email; guys who send photos of their genitalia (TRUE STORY); and guys who email asking for photos of my genitalia.

2. Only-One-Pic Guy: There are two types of guys I’ll never trust: those without Facebook profiles and those with only one picture posted to their online dating profiles. Whatcha hiding, man?

3. “Sexy” Shirtless Guy: If there’s one thing worse than a guy with no pics, it’s the guy who whips out his iPhone in the bathroom and does “sexy” shirtless poses in front of the mirror. I’m looking for love here, dude, not a guy who loves his (hairy) self.

4. Foreigners: I’ve got nothing against foreign men – how can you not love a sexy accent – but I just do not understand the weirdo guys from Russia, Japan and other non-English speaking countries who email me in their native tongue. How did you find me? Why are you flirting with a girl on the other side of the world who has no idea what you’re saying? Is it considered sexy in your country for men to wear really tight pants, unbutton the top 5 buttons on their shirt and show off gaudy gold chains?

5. Looking for a Booty Call Guy: There are far cheaper and easier ways to get in a girl’s pants than a monthly membership to this site, sir. Have you ever tried a bar? And if you’re just looking for a little cyber sex, there’s an AOL chatroom with your name (or “Sexy Singles Looking To Mingle 48) on it.

Now before you start calling me perverted, let me show you what I mean.

Your Boyfriend
Um, duh. This one is obvious, but you can’t expect a plain romp in the hay to get you off the hook this
Christmas; you’ll have to spice it up a bit. Normally, I’d recommend getting yourself to a sex shop to pick up a new toy or some sexy lingerie, but it might be a little to late for that (are sex stores even open on Christmas Eve?). Instead of buying something special, you’ll have to do something special this year. Need some ideas? Try one (or all) of these sexy sex tips on for size. Even better, why not get the gift that keeps on giving, like Cosmo’s latest iPhone app? It gives you a new hot sex position every day, making it the best $1.99 you ever spent. And if that’s not your thing, maybe just put on your sexiest lingerie (or left-over Halloween costume… same thing, usually) and give him a strip tease that he’ll never forget.

Your Coupled Friends
Let’s be honest, what your coupled college friends need is alone time. And if that friend also happens to be a roommate, that is the cheapest gift you can give! Print out a few coupons for some “alone time” and let her redeem them whenever she wants. All you have to do is find somewhere else to sleep. Boom! Best gift ever.

Or, if you’re lookin’ to spend a little more and you’ve got some time between baking with mom and wrapping with the siblings, hop on over to Barnes and Noble where they have tons of great stuff for couples. A few of my faves: “365 Sex Positions: A New Way Everyday for a Steamy, Erotic Year” and “Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games.” Hot, hot, hot. Don’t be surprised if the BFF’s BF calls to thank you.

Your Single Friends
A subscription to EHarmony or Match.com could be a great way to help them shake up their dating routine and meet some new people.  Although, it could also be really insulting. If your single friends are just lookin’ for some instant gratification, perhaps something a little more “personal” would be nice. Whether it’s a giftcard to Babeland or a comprehensive list of good places to find some porn (note: ask your guy friends for help with this one), they’ll love it. And you.

Your Mom
Moms love romance novels, plain and simple. Buy her a few on Amazon.com, print out a picture of the cover and the descriptions, and handwrite a note that says “Sorry, these should be coming in soon. I ordered them a week ago but Amazon keeps messing up the order!!” She probably won’t buy it, but she’s your mom; she has to love you anyway. Especially after she gets to escape in those sexy stories.

Your Little Sister
Remember when you first started thinking about sex, but had no one to answer your millions of questions or drive you to CVS to pick up some condoms? Well, your little sis won’t have this problem because she has you. This Christmas, be there for her and let her know she can come to you for anything (especially if you go to college far away and are only home a few times a year). Disclaimer: NOT a good present for your five-year-old sister.

What are some of the best sex-inspired gifts you’ve ever given?

"What the eff am I supposed to do with a pap smear?!"

Oh, how I love Christmas morning.

There’s nothing quite like waking up to the smell of slow-roasting, honey-baked ham and my dad’s own personal off-key rendition of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” But, let’s be honest, as much as I love food/my family/blah blah blah, I (like most of you reading this) like getting presents the most. But, if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn in my 23 yrs. as an expert-present-opener, it’s that some presents (or maybe, some people?) just SUCK, plain and simple.

Believe me, as a poor college girl, there’s almost nothing I won’t take (or take and then pawn), but there are some presents that even I wouldn’t appreciate hiding out under my (fake) Christmas tree.

1. Smooth Away pads. From the boyf. Equally as awful: A gift card for (facial) laser hair removal. From anyone.
2. A Weight Watchers membership. Self explanatory.
3. A pap smear. Remember, CBS cares.
4. Self-help books: Namely, “Why Men Love Bitches,” or “He’s Just Not That Into You”… from the long-term boyfriend.
5. A gift card to Match.com. Because I wasn’t depressed enough about being single during the holidays. Or for the past 4 years.
6. Over-the-counter sleeping pills. This sends a message loud and clear. And that message is: everybody needs their beauty sleep…especially you.
7. Paris Hilton’s Pefume. Any of the 7 she’s come out with. Eu de Toilette has that name for a reason.
8. Proactiv. Thanks for informing me that the 11 minutes I spend every morning with the cover-up is time wasted.
9. Re-gifts. Uh, thanks bro, but I gave you this Saved By The Bell box set last year.  See? The card I gave you is still attached.
10. Spanx. Butt pads. A water bra. You get the idea…

You ever get a bad gift? What was it?

This is real. We're Facebook-Official.

Okay, so as if the world of flirting/dating/hooking up in dark corners wasn’t already confusing enough, we now have Facebook thrown in the mix. You can poke the cutie from Calculus, send some racy “private messages,” and maybe even send a condom or two his way.

But when you actually really like the guy, and have even gone on a couple dates (aka met for lunch in the caf or taken a stroll through the plaza) the whole Facebook situation gets ten times more complicated.

And that brings us to the “relationship status.”  It sits in the corner of our profiles taunting us. “You’re still single??” it screams (accompanied by Facebook ads luring you to Match.com). But when you are seeing someone it’s even worse, nagging you day after day. “Are you official yet?! It’s been a month! Come on already!”

I don’t know how I feel about this little option. I won’t deny that it’s exciting to finally make the official switch to “in a relationship,” but the extra pressure it adds to my love life is a major negative.

Obviously, I’m torn.

Love It:

The fact that making a relationship Facebook official clears up a significant amount of issues surrounding a new relationship. First of all, there is none of that sitting up late at night with your roommate, dissecting his text messages and the way he hugged you goodbye. Does he want a commitment? Is he not sure? Of course he’s sure! He just changed his relationship status!  It sort of brings us back to those Pleasantville days when a guy simply pinned his girl and that was that; when you have been “Facebook officialed” you’re a couple. Done.

Ah, dating has become so black and white.

And when it finally does happen you can inform all of your 1,345 friends instantly. No need to pick up the phone and tell everyone you’ve finally met a great guy when his entire life history, complete with photos, is only a friend request away.

And I have to admit, it is freakin’ exciting. Being able to finally tell that little relationship box, and the rest of the online community, that you are officially “in a relationship”! You will be bombarded with little red number notifications, since everyone “likes” this new change. And it will feel great.

Loathe It:

How official is official anyway?! Is it enough that we text during class and make out every Friday night? And what if you think it’s official, but you have yet to receive the relationship confirmation request. What can you really say to clear up the confusion? “Uh…hey, I was wondering, can we be Facebook official yet?” If this isn’t pitiful, I don’t know what is.

Then there’s the rejection; what if you just want to have fun, and the guy totally jumps the gun and makes it official? (Or vice-versa – we can’t deny that we tend to fall a tad too quickly).  You don’t want to hurt his feelings (because you totally want to have him available for a booty call at all times of the night) but if you accept, everyone else will think you are a couple, which would severely hinder your chances of meeting other cute guys on campus.

Finally: the break up. As if they aren’t awkward already. Now you have to have 1,345 people feeling sorry for you and sending their condolences. Not to mention all your girlfriends “liking” it and leaving comments like “you deserve better anyway,” and “were going to get WASTED tonight!!” Some of these breakups are actually really painful for both parties, and making it unofficial on Facebook totally trivializes it. Not to mention that both of you have to deal with reading the others friends’ plans to take your ex-significant-other out to get wasted and hook up.

And when is it appropriate to make it un-official anyway? Is the next morning too insensitive? Does waiting a week make you seem desperate and clingy? It seems like there isn’t a right answer. Breakups take time, and Facebook doesn’t have “in the process of moving on” as a relationship option.

What does everyone else think? Do you love being able to solidify your relationship via Facebook or does it make the dating even more stressful (if that’s even possible)?

I’ve learned a ton of useful things at college, and I hate to say (sorry Mom and Dad) that most of most of this knowledge I’ve acquired outside of the classroom. One pivotal lesson I’ve gleaned from my 3 years in school: dating in college is hard.

Coming from a school with a 60/40 ratio of girls to guys, with a large slice of that 40% uninterested in boobs, I’ve got very few choices. The pool of college boys has been unimpressive and disappointing to say the least – I’m sick of random hookups with frat boys (yes, it’s true) and trying to get a college boy to commit.

I know there are some great guys out there, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. I’ve heard tons of success stories about online dating, but honestly, I’m a little nervous.  I’ve dabbled in the online pool, but I’m still not sure it’s the right thing for me.

Help! I’m torn.

Love it:

There are SO many different online dating sites out there. Whether you use Match.com, eHarmony, or in my case, Jdate (give me a break, I won a free trial via Twitter), there’s definitely an online dating site for you. After a long day slaving away at my internship, it’s nice to come home to an inbox full of interested guys. It’s an amazing ego boost!

Even better, when you use the Internet as your matchmaker, the dating pool gets about 500 times larger. You’re no longer limited to the gay/too proud to admit they’re gay guys you meet in your PR class. And you can stalk a hottie’s profile and know right away if you share common interests. That means it’s easy to discard (and remove from your “matches”) the losers via obvious red flags like shirtless vanity shots, photos with tons of girls, or a bio that spends way to much time discussing the guy’s mother.

I love reading about a guy’s little quirks before I even meet him – it makes striking up that first conversation so much easier. Hell, if I could scan a room full of guys at a party and know instantly that the cutie in the blue polo shirt secretly likes word games, I’d totally start talking to him.

Loathe it:

If you think you’ve met the creepiest guy of all time in your bio class, well honey, you haven’t tried online dating yet. In addition to the clean-cut, dog-loving, recent Harvard grads, there are tons of creepy, old, pedophiles that would just love to strike up a conversation with a cute girl like yourself. Oh, and they sometimes ask to video chat.

Hey, I’m trying to keep an open mind, but to me, telling a girl you’re lonely and want to… err… get to know each other better by video chatting is just a little creepy. Seriously dude, get a dog.

And that’s not even as bad as the guys who don’t wave the creep/freak flag until you are actually on the date. Like that one guy who didn’t bring money and forced me to pay for the date. Awesome. As much as I love laughing about a horrible date with friends or writing about it on my blog, sometimes I’d rather just be home watching More to Love than wasting my time on this dud.

There is also the fact that people present themselves much differently online than in real life (I’m talking to you, Mr. I Gained 30 Pounds and Grew a Rabbi Beard But Never Changed My Photo), that coming home and chatting with new guys online nightly is super time consuming, and, don’t forget, that giant stigma attached to finding love online.

Grrrr.

As I write this, I let out a huge sigh of frustration. Dating is hard, and maybe online dating is really no different than dating in a traditional sense. Maybe this post should have been titled “I’m Torn: Dating,” because honestly, I’m getting a little jaded. What would you guys do – suck it up and keep meeting guys around campus, or take the plunge and have the Internet find “Mr. Perfect” for you?

Last Christmas, a nice family got together to take a photo for their yearly holiday cards. Last week, that same family discovered their photo…in Prague…being used for a local grocery store chain’s advertising campaign. Weird? Weird.

That little sitch got us thinking about all the photos we post online. Truth is, you never know who can get their grubby little paws on your stuff once you’ve handed it over to the world wide web, especially considering you can never really take it down. Who knows what weird company (CollegeCandy.com) is going to pick up your drunken selfie and splash it on billboards (or websites) nationwide?

It can happen to anyone, even you, drunk girl dancing on a table in the bar. Just look how simple it is:

“Supercuts. Now offering the Kate Gosselin ‘do for dudes!”

“24 Hour Fitness – Specializing in eliminating muffin tops since 2001.”

“VH1 is now holding auditions for Rock of Love Bus 28″

“Match.com. We have a match for everyone. Even you.”

“Dr. Schwartzenstein has been performing successful sex changes since 1981.”

“Alcoholic’s Anonymous can help.”

“Get Tested.”

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/06/15/your-pictures-are-for-the-taking/feed/ 9 ccandystaff beer goggles kate gosselin hair muffin top two girls making out amie-awkward-family sex changes Drunk_Girl get tested http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/07/sexy-time-online-lovin/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/05/07/sexy-time-online-lovin/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 13:00:03 +0000 Elizabeth - UC Berkeley http://collegecandy.com/?p=29139 ]]> When you think of internet dating, you probably think about your best friend’s 59 year-old father and his many (failed) attempts to meet “the one” on Match.com.  Even if we were dismally lonely, I highly doubt most of us would allow ourselves to get so far as to post our own profile for the viewing pleasure of a middle-aged audience.  But what if the dating site was geared towards college students?

Now don’t get me wrong, people can still do shady s**t even if they are a 22 year old Dartmouth student.  The first “dating site” I saw that was remotely geared towards college students was the Craigslist personal ad section.  No offense to any of the upstanding gentlemen on Craigslist, but I think it’s a little odd to post an ad for yourself on the same site that you advertise the cactus that your roommate peed on at your last house party.  Plus, as we all know, thanks to the “Craigslist Killer,” it’s not exactly the safest way to meet people.

So what’s a lustful but “sick-of-all-these-douche-bags” kinda girl supposed to do?  Well StudentLove.com has the answer.  (It may not be the right answer, but it’s an answer.)  In order to join their dating site, you have to have an .edu email address, so it does a pretty job of keeping out the Scary Larrys.  But just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good way to pick up the hotties.  Here is my oh-so-technical analysis of StudentLove:

Pro: You can see the guy’s picture before you go out with him.
Con: Sometimes you would just prefer to not to see a picture…

Pro: Members can search by state and by school so you can avoid the long-distance instant message relationship.  (PS Does anybody actually do that anymore?)
Con: Stalking can become an issue when the guy that won’t stop sending you love haikus realizes that you go to the same school.

Pro: You can widen your dating pool by putting yourself on a more public forum.
Con: It’s just a tad embarrassing when your friends (not to mention your ex-boyfriend) find your profile you made describing yourself as a “Sexy kitten ready to pounce.”

Pro: You can find love that lasts forever.
Con: You can find STIs that last even longer.

**Confession:  I was too weak sauce to actually make a profile, so I would love to hear your experiences with internet dating – good or bad. The funnier the better!

Every time one of those redonkulous video ads pops up on my browser, I want to punch whoever made them in the face. Because those guys aren’t on Match.com. Those guys have never needed an online dating site to help them find a chick (or a dude, as the case may be). Those guys are hot. Those guys have fantastic smiles. Those guys are actors.

According to this little article, the success rate of the online dating industry is 22%. Of course, the ads for EHarmony and Match.com don’t want you to know that. They want you to think hot, happy people are all over their websites. They want you to pay money to find these hot, happy people with fantastic smiles.

But I gotta say, after doing my own (ahem) research, I have found the amount of hot guys on dating sites to be alarmingly low. There’s certainly no body building Brad Pitt lookalike hoping to video chat with me. There’s someone who wants to chat about how it’s cool to be a nerd or make vegan cupcakes, but sadly, this someone cannot hold a candle to those dudes in the video ads.

What do you think? Is internet dating really as easy / successful as people say? Or is it just false advertising?