Move over, Patti. There's a new matchmaker in town.

We all know that relationships don’t last long in Hollywood.  Could it be because celebrities are completely blind to their perfect matches?  You can’t let things like addictions and insane exes get in your way of true love, guys!

Here at College Candy, we’ve scoured the internet, read through all the tabloids, and racked our brains for the most perfect star-studded couples.  Using a highly-scientific method, we’ve taken various criteria into account – hot-mess status, history of violence, etc.- and calculated the most compatible romantic matches.  Take a look at who’s no longer on the market! Read More »

Last weekend I spent a full day catching up on the happenings of The Millionaire Matchmaker. (Don’t judge…) In one episode, ball-buster Patti Stanger duked it out with Rabbi Something-or-Other-Stein on the topic of morality in regards to her infamous club.

The Rabbi’s argument was that Patti’s club is superficial and that if it is exclusive to millionaires, then those who join the club are essentially marrying for money, and not for any of the “right” reasons.  Patti defended herself insisting that her services provide men with the tools they need to have a successful relationship, and provide women with the comfort of knowing that their potential mate will be able to give them a safe and secure life if a match is made.

My first thought: If only this were the topic of discussion on the Bimah at my own Bat Mitzvah, I may have been able to stay awake.
My second thought: Wait a second, Rabbi may have a point.
My third thought: Uh oh, does this make me a crazy feminist?

Well I’m not ready to stop shaving my armpits quite yet, but I do think The Bearded One has a point. Read More »

The iPhone is awesome, hands down.  If you have it, you’re addicted and constantly using it for either an amusing application, Google maps, texting, or, you know, just a phone call.  If you don’t have one, you want one (like me!). Badly.

Even with all the apps already available, most notably the ones that make you fat, there are still things that we wish the iPhone could do for us.  Like laundry.  Or take the garbage out.  Too bad Apple hasn’t come out with some sort of external thumb feature…

But we don’t need an iThumb for some of the apps we have in mind. Things that every college student needs and aren’t currently available in the App Store. You know, like:

Text Breathalyzer – Everyone knows that texting while drunk leads to an extremely awkward morning after.  When you’re hung over, getting hit with the realization that you sent something along the lines of  “i kjus tluv u n i wan t be foreverrrrr” to your douchy ex-boyfriend (that may or may not be an exact copy of an actual text…don’t judge me) just makes things worse.  Well, worry no more with the Text Breathalyzer!  You just blow into the breathalyzer attachment and if you’re over the limit, the iPhone will lock down the text feature (or, if you choose, only let you text certain people).  Problem solved! Read More »

My grandparents are determined to get me married off  to someone with a respectable profession before I’m 23. They’re convinced that if I haven’t met the right corporate lawyer or hedge fund banker by then, I’ll recieve a one-way nonrefundable ticket to spinsterhood. So it was a huge surprise to me that it took two whole weeks in New York before my grandmother’s friend’s law-student grandson “asked for my number.”

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.
Read More »

Last night’s Tough Love episode made me realize a few things. First, I need to move to L.A. to marry Steve Ward. Second, OMFG, I love Steve Ward. And third, judging a guy based on his footwear is not cute. It’s crazy.

In an effort to show the ladies of the house that there are some things they do that are just not OK to share (or to take part in at all), Steve set up a game show where he shared the girls’ secrets and asked guys what they thought. Turns out letting your cats choose your BF is weird (no way!), but having a giant tattoo around your vagina is not (huh?).

Now, I get the purpose behind this test, and I agree with the guys for the most part (wearing a tiara in your apartment is indeed weird), but did you see the type of dude making up that audience? It looked like Steve Ward hijacked an L.A. Ink tour bus and dumped them in the “Cute or Crazy” studio. What do these guys really know about women?

After getting torn apart by a group of burly men, the women were set up on dates and given another test: to share a secret. Well, everyone but Jessa, who ended up on a date with Steve (that lucky bitch) strapped to a lie detector test. And, well, I guess she shared a secret, too: that she doesn’t like Steve.

WHAT?! Read More »

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you? Read More »

You looove your dog Oliver. He’s your best friend. He is the sweetest, cutest, fluffiest, the most dependable, a cuddler, so smart, so friendly to everyone. He is the best dog EVER!

“You just have to meet him,” you find yourself saying to your newest gal pal.

And so she does. She comes over, excited to meet Oliver, thinking she is about to meet the BEST dog ever. Only Oliver isn’t friendly. He isn’t playful and he isn’t sweet. You fully expected him to do that cute thing he does when he curls up on your lap when you guys are watching The Hills and your BFF’s heart to melt like yours does. Only he doesn’t. He walks to the other side of the room, turns his head the other way and lays there like a blob.

Then he poops in her shoe.

“Wow this is so not like him,” you say to your friend, totally embarassed. “Oliver really is a GREAT dog. He never treats people like this. I don’t know what happened!”

Now take your dog’s name and replace it with the name of your close guy friend.

Because this is what happens (minus the shoe-poop…hopefully) when you try to set your GREAT, fantastic, super cuddley, great-personality guy friend up with one of your great, fantastic, adorable gal pals.

Except when she meets him, although great at first, he turns out to be a total d-bag. Because, he is afterall, a guy. And a guy treats his best girl friends a whole lot differently than he does a lot of the girls he meets, even if she is your friend. Read More »