A narrative about four friends at Smith College, an all women’s college in Massachusetts (famous alumnae include Gloria Steinem, Julia Child, Sylvia Plath, Betty Friedan…just to name a few), Sullivan captures the essence of what it means to make friends in the richest sense of the word, while chronicling life on campus and post-graduation adulthood.

Each character is truly distinct, making the novel easy to identify with. Think the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, except more adult. Sally, Celia, Bree, and April are four very different women, but their individuality weaves together beautifully, showing that sisterhood looks past Sally’s love for Lily Pulitzer, Celia’s conservative-yet-wild side, Bree’s Southern Belle charm, and April’s radical feminism to form a life-long bond, even if the girls couldn’t be more uncommon from each other.

Sullivan, alumnae of Smith herself, paints the all women’s atmosphere just as it should be, a unique and tradition-filled roller coaster of emotions. Giving an accurate glimpse of what it means to be a young woman at a college without men, Sullivan does not degrade Smith or the single-sex setting, but instead lifts it up and showcases it in a light that most do not see when they hear “all women.”

Honest and captivating, Commencement tackles the strength it takes to maintain a friendship, especially once Sally, Celia, Bree, and April are on their own as adults. Not sugarcoating the hardships of rape, first loves, untraditional ideals, and fighting for what you believe in, Sullivan doesn’t leave anything out (seriously, topics from marriage to sex-trafficking appear) – showing how hard it can be to grow up, and how hard it can be for young women today.

With rave reviews from everyone from Gloria Steinem to People magazine, and to Entertainment Weekly, Sullivan’s first novel hit home and gave her a place in popular writing today. Whether you are in college now or on your own post-grad, this novel will tug at your heart strings with memories of your own experience and undoubtedly, you will find yourself in the pages of this page turner.

Everyone knows that women mature faster than men. That said, as you wade your way through the college dating scene, you might find yourself growing tired of the undergrads on your floor, and that Sociology grad assistant might start looking mighty fine. Undergrads, grad students…on campus, the possibilities are endless! Here are some of the pros and cons of hooking up with guys gearing up for a Bachelors, and dudes who are striving for a Masters or PhD.

The Maturity Level

Grad students might be attractive if the undergrad who’s crushing on you still hasn’t quite grasped the concept of doing his own laundry. Grad students have been there, done that. At twenty-three and older, they’ve grown up a lot. They probably won’t be engaging in syrup-chugging contests when they have a research project on the horizon.

Still, what about yourself? If you’re trying to make the most of your own undergraduate career, your grad student beau might not be as excited as you are the first time your new fake ID works at the bar and you chug 50-cent Natty Ices for four hours straight.

Point: Grad Student.

The Course Load

Your undergrad guy is taking Racquetball to fulfill his gen eds. Your grad student has thirty hours of lab work scheduled this week and is going to have to bail on the reservations you made for your one-month anniversary dinner. The undergrad is more likely to blow off studying for midterms when a kegger rolls around, but the grad student will be much more weary of jeopardizing his scholarly reputation.

Point: Undergrad.

His Peers

Undergrad Boy hangs out with the kids on his floor. His connections range from his frat brothers to the other kids taking Racquetball for an easy credit to the random kids from Orientation he just happened to click with. The Grad student most likely got the socializing out of his system during his own college career, and hasn’t met many people outside of his own department since embarking on his post-grad journey. That said, if you are chasing an English grad student, expect his social gatherings to involve in-depth discussions of Milton and Blake, and expect the Molecular Biology PhD candidate to have… well… other friends who actually care about Molecular Biology.

Point: Undergrad.

The Taboos

You aren’t going to run into any taboos if you date an undergrad. That is, unless he’s “that guy” who gets so rip-roaring drunk on Friday night that he pees on you in his sleep (come on, everyone knows at least one girl who’s been whizzed on by her drunk mate). However, if your grad student partner is actually a grad assistant, you’ve got a whole new round of issues to deal with. If he’s your current grad assistant, you’re going to have to keep things under wraps, and if his job has nothing to do with you, you still run the risk of him TA’ing for your friend’s class, among other random scenarios.

Still, having a secret affair can be steamy, and if he’s willing to jeopardize his academic career to be with you, it might prove that his intentions are serious. If you are both adult about where each other is coming from, you have the basis of a meaningful relationship. Especially if it means you can wake up dry in the morning.

Point: Grad Student.

The Life Experience

A grad student might be able to give you advice as you ride the ups and downs of the undergraduate rollercoaster. If your grad student guy is in the same field as you, he might also make a good study buddy. On the other hand, the grad student might be too busy writing research papers to be your personal tutor, and an undergraduate boyfriend will ride the undergrad rollercoaster with you, and the two of you can figure out how to win at the game of Life together.

Point: Undergrad.

There are pros and cons to dating any guy, whether he’s older, younger, working on a BA, an MA, a PhD, or a liquor license. Ultimately, a list of pros and cons shouldn’t determine what kind of guy you are looking to pursue. If you have only dated undergrads, just beware that dating a grad student will be an entirely different experience. It might work out well for you, or it might send you running back to the BA-candidate pond, never to look back.

Anyone have any specific tales of trysts with undergrads or grad students?

I am never going back.

First, I’ll explain the downside, and if you can make it past that, then it’s possible an older man might be just what you’re looking for.

If you’re looking for a fling, this is NOT the type of relationship for you, unless otherwise explicitly stated.  (And then you’re saying to yourself, “What?! You’re 35 and you’re NOT trying to settle down?”)

Older men are also more likely to come with baggage — like ex-wives and/or children.

Also, I always have this lingering fear that they will somehow find me, or the things I do, or like, or say, to be utterly childish.  I always have this suspicion lurking in the back of my mind that they’re saying to themselves, “Oh how naïve and cute she is.”

On the other hand, I love the fact that they know how to order at a restaurant — and that they even have a restaurant in mind that they’d like to try.  For that matter, I like the fact that they know what they like and what they don’t like and aren’t still running around experimenting with whatever comes their way.

I like the fact that an older man can take a common sense approach to things, an approach that balances my own headstrong impulsiveness.   I like to listen to their stories of growing up in an era very different from my own.  I like that they know how to actually listen to my stories.  I like reminding them of what it’s like to be young and carefree, and helping them to lighten up a little bit.

Some more positives:

1.    They have JOBS.

2.    They are much more eager to please (in bed)

3.    More emotional and relational maturity

4.    They know more about the world, i.e. can have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects.

Are you a convert yet?

By the way, I am not looking for a father figure.  I have one already, thank you very much, and we are very close.  I am looking for a real man, that’s all.  Someone who isn’t going to play games, and who has moved (hopefully) beyond the immature jealousies and strutting around of younger men.  I like someone who really knows how to hold a woman, and who knows how to relate to her like the individual that she is.

Maybe I just had bad luck. Maybe I just picked the wrong guys my own age.  And as much as it goes against my need for the new and exciting, I like the stability and safety of someone who doesn’t need to have his ego pumped, who has his own life, and wants to be with me just because he enjoys spending the time.  There is nothing more amazing than the connection of two brains on the same level.  You should try it sometime.

Got any stories of your own?  Do you think older men are hot, or are you just getting yourself into hot water?

[Photo courtesy of abc.net]

Regardless of voice quality though, her clothing (and I state the following with the full knowledge that I sound like my Nana) is highly indecent. If Ali’s sole purpose this half hour was to expose as much flesh as possible, she beyond succeeded. I’m talking more copious amounts of mid-driff than usual people. In one scene she actually wears what I believe to be a short, Lycra unitard. After I stopped laughing at my use of the word unitard, I pondered how she manages not to suffocate her vagina.

All thoughts of Ali Lohan’s vajay aside, I snapped back to reality (television, that is) to see a Chris Crocker look alike stalking Dina at the gym. Turns out he’s a choreographer. After checking out his myspace page, DiLo calls him and for some reason feels the urge to say “Yes it’s really me,” and agrees to check out his moves at the Pearl. This is the beginning of what I believe to be a beautiful and staged relationship between a gay man and hetero woman.

Obviously Dina must test his talents by dancing with him personally before declaring that it’s up to Ali, and they should meet. I’m not sure why Ali needs a choreographer at this point, but her impending success must have inspired Dina to live vicariously through another one of her daughters again.

So Dina wants Ali and the Dancing Queen to meet, so she can check out their “chemistry”. To me, it seems like Dina is trying to force another overage companion on her daughter in the form of this choreographer. Ali really has no friends her own age. Not once since the mean girls incident have I even seen her interact with any other 14 year olds. Yet Dina is determined to find people who really and truly understand Ali. Um, why not go to Abercrombie or a Miley Cyrus concert? I think your target audience may be a little more accessible?

While the search for another kindred soul to Ali’s “artiste” persona is on, Cody wonders what his mom looks like while she’s dancing. I have no clue who inspired such madness or horror (joking, joking Dina boo) in my adorable dreamboat, but he is determined to see his mom back in action. He flyers the whole hotel with posters of his mom’s impromptu dance recital to draw an audience to her meeting with “Ali’s” choreographer.

Naturally, Dina acts totes modest/embarrassed at what Cody’s done. However she gives it away by emitting an ethereal, orangey glow of happiness. Wait, that’s her Mystic. But she’s still f*cking escatic. She obliges, heats up the stage and works those platinum extensions! She is pretty damn good, I must agree with Cody, but I highly highly doubt that routine wasn’t pre-choreographed– Rockette or not, she was working those splits a little too easily.

Now that Dina has fulfilled her attention quota for this episode, the focus (sorta) shifts back to Ali. The Maloofs throw her a going away party, to celebrate her finished recording stint in LV. The toast her career, she toasts Dina’s support, I toast the fact that she’s wearing a demure black shift that is sophisticated yet not slutty. Then the fam packs up and peaces out of the Palms in true LoClan style: via pimp green Escalade.

Back at home, Ali resumes her role as moody whiner as she has second thoughts about the reception of her upcoming cd– especially while she’s still label shopping. She talks to her contact at Maloof about her impatience while waiting for the results of her final productions. Meanwhile, Dina has reprised her role as momager extraordinaire, while she simultaneously tries to explain to her daughter the importance of not rushing things, or forcing them, and taking them slow (good luck with that one) and promoting Ali’s blossoming, um, career.

Oh, the conflict never ceases to amaze me–nor do you Dina my love.

Next week: Dina and Michael confirm that Ali is a bratty douchebag after she gets all pouty face about screen testing for a man who looks like a troll and is… making a movie about trolls.

Of course, Peter Pans can be fun because they usually act like kids. They like to go out and play and shun anything to do with responsibility and growing up. They can make you feel young too. But isn’t there a point where we’re supposed to grow up? Can’t growing up be fun?

I for one enjoy growing up. And there was nothing more annoying than my ex who was constantly depressed about getting older. When it came to anything involving responsibility, he cringed and said, “why couldn’t I have just stayed in high school forever? Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

Um, no.

I wouldn’t go back to re-live high school if you paid me in cupcakes. I found myself having to coach the ex along in his everyday life, as if he were a child. And I was his mother. And this is exactly what he wanted. He felt comforted having someone direct him and keep him on track.

I tried to convince him of all the awesome-ness of growing up. The things you can do as an adult that you can’t do as a child: go out without asking permission, make and spend your own money however you want, sex, driving, the list goes on and on. But he wasn’t affected. He just wanted to play and refused to be held accountable for his actions.

In order to live with a Peter Pan, you need to be a Wendy. And Wendy I am not. While we all know what happened at the end of the Peter Pan movie, I don’t think most of us have the patience to put up with the immaturity in the meantime. If your boyfriend thinks he’s Peter Pan, I’d fly away for now and just hope that Tinker Bell comes along soon.

Girls have always been fascinated by the older guy. It’s as if you feel that because you are supposed to (and generally do) mature both emotionally and physically faster than guys, it entitles you to act superior to guys your age and seek out the more mature older guys.

And this is not a movement solely reserved for college grads. Freshman girls love the juniors and seniors. And some of my older colleagues on this site have discussed being in pursuit of law students and others enrolling in graduate programs. Hell, even most of my high school friends were often obsessed with the guys a couple grades above us.

I have more than a few issues with this age thing. For one, I know plenty of seniors and recent grads who regularly act like middle-schoolers, so this assumption that girls are automatically more mature than their counterparts really just seems like an excuse girls use to empower themselves, and justify their search of the older guy.

Sure, most guys (especially those in college) act like they’re five. But we do so because we can. For one, it’s just our nature to act a little silly, especially when surrounded by other guys. But moreover, you girls already deem us immature, so why not at least enjoy it!

Mainly though, I’m irked by this assumption that age equals experience and bedroom skill. It’s simply not true. I mean, I understand the thought process behind it: an older guy would ostensibly have had more partners, and maybe even a couple of long term relationships, and so therefore he must be better in bed. But that line of thinking is entirely based on our assumptions. And much of that assumption has to do with that other number that everyone obsesses so much about. The “magic” number, if you will.

To assume that just because a guy is 28 that he’s had more experience than a 22 year old is flat out dumb. I know guys who slept with every girl they could get their hands on in college, and just as many guys who are nearing 30 that haven’t reached double digits yet.

So why are girls so quick to believe that the older guy is automatically the better guy? It’s a line of thinking that, in my opinion, causes girls to quickly throw away or ignore something that could have ended up being a great thing.

This should go without saying, but the truth is that as a girl, you’re just as liable to find a 20 year old sex god as you are a great older guy. By the same token, there are just many duds between the sheets that are pushing 30 as there are 22 year olds who aren’t discernible from jackrabbits.

The trick is not finding someone who is necessarily older and wiser, but finding someone, regardless of age, whom you truly connect with sexually. So quit limiting yourselves to guys who are older, or turning guys your age down because you think they might be too “immature.” Because once you move out into the real world, you find that age really is just a number.

Girls, take my advice. Keep the guy in his suit, and keep your professional relationship professional.

Summer internships have become a right of passage of sorts, offering invaluable experience (not to mention recommendations) that can shape your future. The easiest way to mess it up, and quite possibly ruin your summer? Hooking up with a full-time employee in your office.

Piece of cake, you say. You wouldn’t want to jeopardize your future, or a potential job offer, so you’ll find some other way to release your sexual energy. Except it’s not always so easy. For one, depending on where you decide to spend your summer, you could be more or less on your own, with not a lot of friends to fall back on.

It’s only natural that if you meet some of the recent grads that your office employs, you’ll attempt to foster friendships out of the office. Toss in a happy hour three times a week, and there’s no telling where things could lead.

Compounding the difficulty of keeping sex out of the workplace is that young male employees are often on the prowl. To them, “summer interns” is just a fancy phrase for girls with whom there’s probably no real future. Put more simply, it’s the ideal situation. So they’ll flirt with you, they’ll hang out around your desk, give you the eyes, make you laugh and do everything else in their power to make you think that they’re into you. And what girl living it up during the summer can really resist being the object of the office hottie’s affections?

What’s the big deal, you ask? Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too? The fact is, office relationships cause nothing but awkwardness. Regardless of whether you want to make a full fledged summer fling out of it or not, the guy is almost always going to feel like you’re now too close to the action. It’s just how we tend to think.

You’ll hook up with your boy, and then notice that he starts to avoid you more and more. He starts taking his lunch breaks at random times. He first avoids your gaze, and then begins to avoid your desk altogether. And unless you’re one of those rare girls that can hook up like a guy (you know, without any emotion or feelings whatsoever), you’re bound to get annoyed, and even upset. Other people around the office begin to notice the palpable tension whenever you and your (soon to be former) crush are in the same room. And it all spirals downward from there.

Bottom line? It’s just not worth it. But you guys are feisty. If you want him, you’ll find a way to get it done. So if you really, really can’t help yourself, at least wait until the end of the summer!