"Here's the thing about us women..."

There are so many things I’ve wanted to say to guys over the years.

Things that would no doubt make my life (and the life of the girl who came along after me) so much easier…and pleasure-filled. Or things that I never got the chance to say because the boy decided to break up with me via email instead of growing some balls and saying it to my face and I didn’t want to look like the crazy bitch who can’t handle a break up and then sends back an angry email talking about how bad he was in bed and how he’s clearly over-compensating in his life for his lack of package.

Sorry. Little bit angry right now.

The point is, if I’ve learned anything from all my he said/she said-ing, it’s that communication is key when it comes to the relationship between men and women. They can’t read our minds and we can’t read theirs.  So I started thinking about all the things I’ve wanted to say to boys over the years – everything they need to know when it comes to us ladies – and I asked my guy to do the same.

Hopefully this will clear things up for all of us and we can all live happily ever after.
Now where’s my Nobel Prize? Read More »

30 Rock’s, Tracy Morgan, spoke up in Maxim’s latest issue about his collection of tattoos. Most were standard – a cross, some names, etc. But one seemed to stand out (no pun…you’ll see) a little more than the rest.

Morgan confessed to having the words “Stove Top” tattooed along the side of his wee wee.

Yes, “stove top,” as in the instant stuffing.

“I’m pretty well-endowed. A girl told me to get that because I stuffed her up like a turkey. She said, ‘You should call that Stove Top!’”

Hysterical (and slightly disturbing). I mean, think of the pain of getting a tat down there, the poor tattoo guy that has to do it. And just how many men are doing this!? Of course, it also got me thinking of what other funnies a man could ink downtown.

(Note: It is Friday. We are hungover and ready for the weekend. Please understand that as you read on. We just can’t help it.) Read More »

Rumor has it funny lady Chelsea Handler might be doing a little somethin‘ for Playboy and I, for one, fully support it. (Weird cuz I’m a girl, I know, but hear me out!)

It’s about time funny girls are seen as the sex icons we, I mean, they are!

Take for example, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Sarah Silverman. Those are three very funny and very sexy ladies. I mean, Sarah Silverman graced the cover of Maxim last year. Mind you, it was a little weird with the whole gorilla suit thing, but she still looked sexy. And Maxim also declared Tina Fey as one of the 5 women they aren’t supposed to want…but they do anyway. And I don’t blame them!

Think about it! Women have been attracted to funny guys for-e-ver. People like Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey were never conventionally sexy, but women were falling at their feet. Why? Because they were funny. It is about time men caught on and realized that sexy can mean more than big boobs and long, blonde hair, and that a funny woman can be the sexiest thing of all.

So, rock on, funny ladies, rock on! The world is your oyster.

People Magazine just came out with their Sexiest Man Alive issue and this year’s sex god is none other than Hugh Jackman, looking absolutely gorgeous on the cover.

We always see beautiful women blasted on the covers of Cosmo, Glamour, Maxim…I think it’s about time we gave the guys some kudos for look damn fine their covers.

Here’s our list of the top 10 hottest cover guys (in no particular order since they are all equally d’lish): Read More »

This game is the sh*t! But more addicting than crack: you’ve been warned.

Maxim sums up basically the best gifts of all time for your Dad/Grad.

Charlie Sheen Marries an “Easy” Woman. Obviously.

I feel so bad for this guy. But not bad enough to find his situation completely hilarious.

Watermelon Bombe: It’s not what you’re thinking.

But This Is! Cheers!

Audrina from back in the day. Hot or Not?

Jennifer Aniston is a pothead?! Am I the last person on earth to realize this?!

You don’t have to be rich and white to like SATC...just don’t expect to see yourself represented.

Superhero Fashion: kinda flamboyant. Oh, wait, did I say kinda? I meant VERY.

You know, I kind of like Mr. and Mrs. Mariah Carey

Before you blow $80 on a bra, Mr. Big has something to say

Every Simpsons couch gag. Ever.

I. Hate. Hipsters.

We live in a world that has created kitty tanning beds

Maxim says Ashley is 47th hottest woman, but what about Mary-Kate? Oh, nevermind…

Heath Ledger Joker dolls are big-sell, but what about Cher Barbie?

Who keeps encouraging Lindsay Lohan’s music career?!

Oh, maybe it’s the award-winning Mama Lohan

50 greatest commercial parodies/highlights from SNL

When I read Sloane Crosley’s bio and saw that she listed, “…the cover story for the worst-selling issue of Maxim in that magazine’s history” among her accomplishments, I knew her literary voice was the type that I would enjoy.

Crosley was a writer living in Manhattan, publishing stories in magazines from Playboy to The New York Times until she decided to start writing essays after getting locked out of two separate apartments, in one day.

The collection of essays make for a great read because they’re almost like “speed dating” (to quote Ms. Crosley herself). Her voice, as well as her stories, are witty, honest, irreverent and entertaining.

Take this for example: in one of her essays Sloane reveals a collection of plastic ponies she had accumulated from boyfriends over the years which she kept “semi-secretly” in a kitchen drawer, imagining what it would be like if she died one day and people found them in her apartment…

Pick up the book, I’m telling you — you’ll totally enjoy it.

OR, Participate in her Pony Project on Flickr.

Have your own drawer full of plastic ponies or other “nostalgic” mementos of love gone awry / other hilarious disappointments and minor humiliations? Share your traumatic trinkets with us.

Yesterday one of the most-read articles in the Times was about dating people based on the books they read. The author discussed the many viewpoints on the topic: Is it fair? Does it matter? Why do people do it? Some people thought it was irrelevant to a relationship and others thought it was central.

As I read the article, I couldn’t help but think of the random things I use to get to know and understand potential boyfriends.

I once ended things with a guy because he drove a pick-up truck. I once rejected a first date with someone because he told me he enjoyed watching Fox news. I broke up with someone because he had $10,000 worth of debt. My mom told me my standards were too high, that I was being a snob and that some things really shouldn’t matter in a relationship. I agree with her 100%, but to me these things do matter.

It’s not that I have an aversion to pick-up trucks, or that I am looking for someone who has all the money in the world to spend on me. On the contrary, I once dated someone who drove a giant red pick-up truck (with a tool box in the back!), and I make enough money on my own that I don’t need to depend on others. The truth is that these small things actually tell a much bigger story about the person to whom they belong. Read More »

If Maxim radio host and model Diana Falzone can’t catch a break with the fellas, is there any hope for the rest of us mere Photoshop-less, fluorescently-lit plebians? Well, following that whole Spitzer thing and Glamour Magazine’s jackass blogger, Falzone has had enough–and is starting a revolution! Well, sort of.

Here’s an excerpt from her blog:

“There is only so much infidelity a person can handle before they stop believing in love. In order to keep women of the world from becoming bitter, cynical spinsters I ask that we as a gender stick together and have a weekend without men!…In fact, this Saturday March 15th. Take back your night.

Dress up for yourself, go do something for you, don’t worry about him. Let him sit on his couch playing Halo with his buddies who suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome and wonder, “I wonder what (insert your name) is doing right now?” Let men see that women are not willing to deal with their crap anymore.” Read More »

One is not born, but rather becomes, a dude.

This, at any rate, is the conclusion suggested by a recent report in The Journal of Adolescence, which seems to show that teenage boys are more interested in emotional connection than in sex for its own sake.

The report concerns a survey of 105 tenth-grade boys, who answered questions about dating and sex, along with several more general questions of health and lifestyle. When asked about their reasons for pursuing a relationship, over 80% of the boys responded that they did it because they “really liked the person.”

When asked about their reasons for having sex, the boys were as likely to say that they did it for love as they were to say that they had been motivated by pure physical attraction or curiosity about sex.

This evidence flies in the face of the common stereotypes that young men are supposed to be interested in sex rather than relationships (whereas girls, of course, are believed to prize relationships over sex). And so, not surprisingly, some people refuse to believe it.

Tara Parker-Pope, in her New York Times column on the subject, pointed out that, in her experience, the majority of the backlash to these findings came from grown men, several of whom commented on her original blog post to insist that the boys must have been lying. (As far as I can see, these men failed to provide any realistic explanation as to why the boys would have done so – my own research confirms that the “free pizza if you fake interest in a relationship” strategy is usually ineffective.) Why are these grown men so invested in denying the emotional life of teenage boys?

Well, why wouldn’t they be? Read More »