When real-world guys just don’t do it for us (like when they string us along and make us think they want something only to send us an IM saying they’re not looking for something serious….Sorry, I’m bitter), we love to escape to our favorite TV shows and live vicariously through the ladies with great boyfriends, even with all the baggage and dramz. There’s just something about leading men that makes us go crazy with adoration/jealousy/excitement/OMG-THEY-FINALLY-GOT-TOGETHER!

Oh, and the guys on TV are usually so. damn. cute.

But with all the amazing TV shows out there and their equally amazing hunks, how do you pick one to swoon over? I know, it’s a tough choice, but this guide might help you decide which boy is right for you:

Warning: Possible spoilers ahead if you’re not caught up with these shows!

If you like…a bad boy with a heart of gold:

Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls)

When Jess first arrives in Stars Hollow, it’s obvious that he and Rory are going to collide somehow. And when they finally do, after a tumultuous season full of romantic tension, it is awesome. I’m extremely biased, but Jess is, and will forever be, the ultimate TV boyfriend. Sarcastic and mysterious, yet intelligent and (in his own way) caring, Jess is simply the ideal man. Who can resist a leather jacket-clad guy with a Hemingway novel in his back pocket?

Ryan Atwood (The O.C.)

At the start of the series, we get a taste of how bad boy Ryan is going to shake up the posh community of Newport Beach, California that leaves us begging for more. He meets Marissa Cooper, the girl next door, and thus begins a whirlwind romance. Ryan eventually steals Marissa from her banal beau Luke, and our hearts sing when they share their first kiss. Although he comes from a troubled past, he’s really a sweet guy with a caring heart underneath it all.

If you like…a loveable geek:

Seth Cohen (The O.C.)

Seth Cohen made being a nerd a cool thing when the show first debuted. From Batman comics to Dynasty Warriors video games, Seth just screams geek. And yet, Summer still falls for him, as do we all. It’s inevitable, really; he’s sweet, sensitive, and is just too damn cute to resist when he starts rambling. Plus, a Spiderman-style upside down kiss? Isn’t that every girl’s fantasy…and not just mine?

Jim Halpert (The Office)

It’s a familiar story: two best friends who have feelings for each other and, after a long, tormented struggle, finally get together and live happily ever after. Somehow, the writers of The Office managed to skillfully weave such a fairy tale storyline into the mockumentary aspect of the show. They also managed to make Jim absolutely perfect while still grounding him in reality. He’s smart, funny, adorable, and a total sweetheart, even if he is a bit on the dorkier side. But, like Pam, we love him that way!

If you like…the artistic type:

Lucas Scott (One Tree Hill)

Whether you wanted him to end up with Brooke or Peyton, you have to admit that Lucas Scott is one fine specimen of a man. He may have been an athlete in his high school heyday, but in his heart he’s always been a writer. He has the brooding artist thing down perfectly – and it never fails to make us swoon! It’s no surprise that three women on the show (plus the millions of fans out there) all want a piece of him for themselves.

Charlie Pace (Lost)

What is it about a boy with a guitar that drives us crazy? Well, if he’s Charlie Pace, we have other reasons to swoon like mad. It’s easier to overlook his troubled past when you see him with Claire, caring for her and for Aaron as if he were his own son. In addition to being a brooding artist, he’s a real sweetheart. And the accent…oh, that accent!

If you like…someone out-of-this-world:

Max Evans (Roswell)

Roswell may have been a short-lived and little-known show, but the romance between human Liz Parker and alien Max Evans was cosmic in scale. Imagine dating an alien with amazing powers such as healing! Not to mention the complex inner-workings of Max Evans that made him a completely human character in a different way. He’s shy and quiet, more of the sensitive type, and completely in love with Liz. If only I had a guy like that! I could watch the pilot’s opening scene over and over…

Bill Compton (True Blood)

The recent vampire trend has graced both the silver and small screens with un-dead hotties. (Editor’s Note: Anyone else think those two words would never be strung together in a sentence?) But the hottest of them all has to be Bill Compton of True Blood. Besides being, well, gorgeous, he’s a well-mannered gent who dearly loves his human girlfriend and will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Sure, his language is a bit antiquated, but he can’t help it; he was turned into a vampire when he was a soldier in the Civil War. And I happen to think his old-fashioned vocabulary adds to his charm. I don’t know about you all, but he could call on me any time he wants to!

If you like…a guy who’ll make you feel good better:

Derek Shepherd (Grey’s Anatomy)

McDreamy truly lives up to his nickname on Grey’s Anatomy. He’s a charming, handsome, intelligent doctor – and, conveniently, a bachelor (after his divorce goes through, of course!). Meredith really hit the jackpot with Derek, even if she doesn’t always realize it. Their relationship is proof that something good can come of a drunken one-night-stand, although you have to make sure to go to the bar near the hospital where all the doctors hang out.

Christopher Turk (Scrubs)

Turk and Carla’s romance on Scrubs is often overshadowed by Turk and JD’s bromance, but if you look hard enough, you see a sweet love story. Turk may be somewhat of a buffoon (especially when JD is in the picture), but at heart, he’s a great guy and loves Carla. Plus, a sense of humor is an absolute necessity when it comes to a guy. Turk has plenty of it, so if you like to clown around with your man, he’s not a bad choice at all. He can also be quite sentimental when the situation calls for it.

If you like…a party animal:

Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl)

When it comes to Chuck Bass, you either love him or hate him. Although he often is a disgusting pig of a man, you have to admit that he has style. Chuck Bass parties only with the best, so if you’re sole purpose is to have a good time, get on the guest list to one of Bass’s bashes. If he likes you, he’ll make sure you have the time of your life. In fact, he’ll guarantee it. Oh, did you feel that shiver down your spine?

This is nowhere near an exhaustive list of the best TV boyfriends. Who are some of the guys you’d like to steal from their leading ladies?

Chris Pine and Audrina Partridge: It’s official.

Penis bling? Awesome.

People caught masturbating. So funny.

Wanna kiss Robert Pattinson? Got $20,000?

RedTagCrazy - our newest shopping obsession.

We have all complained, at one time or another, on the quick spiralling freefall that is this season’s Grey’s Anatomy. Between the ghost sex and the impromptu training operations that would have no doubt been a felony in any other show, it all gives this writer pause. If these are the story lines that we saw, what are the plotlines that got turned down?

1. Having a ghost friend is a great idea. It worked for Ghost Whisperer, and Jennifer Love Hewitt is nowhere near as hot as Katherine Heigl. It only makes more sense that a hot ghost with a hot star = ratings galore. I think they missed out on an even bigger opportunity: Izzy is a ghost orgy with Denny and all the patients that ever died at Seattle Grace.

2. McDreamy is just perfect in every way: he’s sexy, he’s funny, and he’s the most talented surgeon ever to grace this planet. Too good to be true, right? Exactly. We never knew anything about Derek’s life before he came to Seattle Grace…until now. Turns out Derek used to be Dayna, a talented female surgeon in New York who was getting nowhere in her career thanks to the Glass Ceiling. Dayna was sick of being picked over in favor of male surgeons, so she decided to take matters into her own hands by performing gender reassignment surgery…on herself. Yes, she’s just that good. You didn’t think a man could have hair that good, did you?

3.  TV dramas love guest stars and Heidi Montag is a media whore – a match made in heaven. Speidi heads to Seattle for another posed photo shoot when Spencer decides that Heidi’s 92 pound frame is just too large. He can’t handle the ounce of fat on her thighs, so he convinces her to get lipo. While in recovery, the hospital is bombed and Heidi is responsible to perform life-saving surgury on all of the doctors at Seattle Grace. In a bikini. Which she then turns into a music video.

4. You’ve heard of Iron Chef – now check out Iron Doctors. The staff at Seattle Grace invite the doctors of County General (ER) for a test to see just which hospital is better. Tonight’s ingredient predicament: a bus full of geriatric S&M enthusiasts crashes into an airplane that had to make an emergency landing on the highway on their way to a convention. We’ll have to wait and see who can remove all the spikes, chains, gags and melted leather chaps and save the most people in 60 minutes.

5. Dr. Yang heads outside to wait for the next big case when an icicle falls off of the roof and stabs her in the side. Oh wait….

This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. We’ve had some wonderful times, you and I—all those steamy scenes in the elevator at Seattle Grace come to mind. However (and I say this with a heavy heart), it is past time to part ways. I simply cannot devote an entire hour out of my week to you anymore. At one time, I happily planned my Thursday evening around seeing you, but now? I hardly recognize you. You have changed in the last two years, and while I first stayed out of loyalty, that is no longer reason enough.

It’s not me, it’s you. I mean that in the nicest way possible…you’re really not my type anymore. I’m sure there are some who would find Izzie and Denny having passionate ghost-sex thrilling, but it’s just not for me. In the words of McDreamy, there should be more kissing. And between actual, live humans.

There used to be excitement. Addison Shepherd’s arrival at the hospital had me reeling. I nearly fell off the couch when Meredith put her hand in the body cavity with the bomb. Izzie’s romance with her heart patient (while he was still living, anyway) made me long for my very own Denny. When he died I cried in a manner unseen since Titanic. You used to incite a windstorm of emotions. I never knew what I was feeling. Did I want MerDer to work? Was Burke the right man for Cristina? And what about Finn?

Then, the third year of our relationship began. The McNaming went out of control. Meredith drowned and saw dead people (although at least she wasn’t having sex with them). She and McDreamy couldn’t make it work despite the fact that they were actually working before Addison showed up. Somehow a lot of issues showed up in the year she was separated from Yummy McButterpants. And George and Callie getting married? Burke leaving Cristina at the altar? The hits just kept coming. I thought the final straw might have been Izzie and George having sex, but I kept watching, hoping for redemption. And for the image of those two smooching to be replaced by something else. Anything else.

Really, Grey’s? Really? You were once known for being an upstart, an amazing show that came out of nowhere and shocked us with witty dialogue and the drama of a surgical unit. There were train derailments and car accidents. Events that while unlikely, were believable and relatable. And now, we have the interns performing an illegal appendectomy and Cristina being impaled by an icicle. Again. Really??

At the beginning of this year together, I had hope. The chief gave me hope. And then you cruelly crushed that hope. What happened to taking initiative? No more laurel-resting? It was supposed to stop and it most certainly hasn’t. Meredith is just downright whiney now, Izzie is a mess, Karev is no longer the loveable bad boy. Quite frankly, the only redeeming storyline is the meeting of Little Sloane and Little Grey. But it’s not enough.

So with a heavy heart, I write to you and say it is time to separate. I will have my Thursday nights free and you will have your ghost-sex and whiney lead.

With regrets,

Meregan

Don’t get me wrong– I like being single. I’m pretty independent. I can still study and interact with other humans. I function. But when it comes to the menfolk, I get easily distracted. And attempting to stay celibate in college is like asking Whitney Houston to get clean in a crack house. So, thinking that the best offense is a good defense, I’m using a plethora of methods to stay on track and focused.

These are the ones that didn’t work.

Fattening Food I started eating pizza every day. Like, a lot of pizza. There’s this place down the street from my house that serves whole pies for five dollars. (I get the “Oahu,” which is just fancy-pants for Hawaiian. Eating an entire pie in less than three minutes almost helps you forget you’re totally pathetic.) And the first few days I was feeling all blob-like and disgusting, but that’s actually passed. Because after a few weeks I’ve plumped up a bit, and now my skin glows (read: has a greasy sheen) from the extra calories. It kind of makes me want to have a baby. Which is bad. Bad, bad, bad.

Doogie Howser, M.D. Initially, I thought using viewings of Doogie Howser, M.D. on Hulu to stop thinking about dating was a great idea. I mean, the Doogster’s like the definition of innocence and purity. I was so, so wrong. Doogie Howser is really freaking earnest and adorable, and also kind of good looking in an (obviously) boyish way. I don’t care that he’s sixteen, or that our fictional relationship is very, very illegal. I want to be his date to the junior prom, and then I want him to give me an emergency appendectomy. And then I want to scrub myself with a wire brush for being such a perv.

Office Hours “Hey, Dr. McQueen. Can we talk about the upcoming exam for a little bit?” This is how it starts. This is how it ALWAYS starts. Because cute professors are still fun, but they’re off-limits. It’s like having only a bite of a chocolate bar — not harmful, and just enough to hold you over. And then you’re drinking too much and feeling a little restless, and then you’re leaving voicemails on Dr. McQueen’s work extension where you slur, “I’m not wearing any panties,” and then his wife is all “Who is this girl?” and then you’re having meetings with the Dean of Students, and then you’re forced to drop out of British Modern Lit because of the restraining order. It’s all very exhausting.

Knitting I saw this on Grey’s Anatomy. I think somewhere in the second (third?) season, Meredith uses knitting to distract herself from the fact that she can’t keep off McDreamy and every other random dude at Joe’s Bar. Her routine lasts maybe five minutes before she drops the yarn in favor of some loving. I should have learned from her mistakes. This is mostly because knitting is one of those things that only really cool artsy girls do (which I am not), and also because knitting needles are clearly phallic, and therefore unconsciously distracting. Knitting is also super boring. Mer didn’t stand a chance, and nor did I.

New ideas to help me stay off dudes this for this week: buying a cat, raking leaves, learning to juggle. We’ll see which ones work. Wish me luck.

So we watched the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy last night and we just don’t know how we feel. Izzie is annoying us already and Yang getting pierced by an icicle? In September?It all seems so….ER.

But the 2 hour episode wasn’t a total wash. Not with McDreamy and McSteamy roaming around the hospital. It really is a good thing there are two of them – you have a much better shot of having at least one of them in every scene. You have sweet, moral Derek saving lives in one scene, and then arrogant, brooding Dr. Sloan yelling at interns in the next. Scrumptious.

It really does make the 2 hours so much more bearable.

We just can’t tell which one we like more. Or if, like Chase and Ed, we’d take em both in a heartbeat.

What do you think?

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Heidi Montag is, like, totally a feminist hero

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On to the drama.

So last night was all about Bailey, who we usually know nothing about. But it’s never been more clear that her marriage is in shambles because of her obsession with her job.

Now at first, when her baby boy Tucker rolled in on a stretcher, I was ready to blame the husband. I mean, was that some kind of desperate and sick attempt to get some attention? Thankfully not, but I wasn’t cool with him blaming Bailey for the whole incident. I mean, dude, sh!t happens. I’m hoping that the healer was able to calm down the marital conflict there.

And while we’re on the subject, the healer woman interested me. I know most people probably thought her energy, shakra mumbo-jumbo was total bull but I wouldn’t write the practice off. Just think about how therapeutic yoga and meditation are — both of which are based upon using the body to increase well-being. It’s deep stuff.

And something even more deep is the Merideth/Derek fiasco. Is it all really coming to an end? Does McDreamy really adore another woman? I seriously doubt that he’s done with Mer Mer; feelings do not just disappear. But I do think he needs to move on and knows it. Merideth is like a dead end. He wants to take their relationship to the next level and she’s too self-involved to go with him. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned how much I can’t stand her. McDreamy wants to marry you!!! Get over yourself. Maybe the healer will rid her of her stone of a heart.

I have a feeling this healing woman is going to be in the next few episodes, which I’m kind of excited about because I need to know what happened to Karev when he was growing up.

The plot thickens.

I guess we all saw the Izzie/George thing coming. (I mean I totally predicted that would be over within a few episodes.) I did, however, expect Izzie to do the breaking-off, not little Georgie. Although I’m deeply relieved that they finally called it quits (because of how painfully apparent it was that they weren’t going to work out), they did both lose their best friend, which is kind of sad.

Then we have McDreamy and Mere Mere. This has been one long ass rollercoaster of committment issues, confusion, and emotional unavailability (to name a few) and you’d think I’d be happy that Derek is finally realizing how Merideth really can’t give him everything he wants. But I’m not, I’m more like, “Noooo, Derek! She’s finally coming to her senses and seeing what an amazing catch (yes, I said catch) you are. Don’t give up now!”

Then again, Merideth realizing that she doesn’t want her Doctor seeing other ladies might be a short-lived wish, since we know how indecisive she is. I dunno, I couldn’t help but feel like my father is cheating on my mother when I saw Derek locking lips with that Rose chick. I mean come on! I’m not ready for this saga to be over.

Now Bailey; her personal life is almost never brought up. I almost forgot that she was married and it was sure news to me that her hubby was a stay-at-home daddy. Regardless, this entire situation, although understandable, came out of nowhere. Unless I missed something, there was indication that these two were having issues. But maybe that was the point. She was so consumed with doing her job, that she didn’t even really think to talk about (or talk to for that matter) her man. Now that she’s having some serious marital issues, I’m assuming they’ll be lots more said about this one.

And last, we have Lexie. Considering Seth Green literally bled to death right in front of her, I’d say she handled to whole situation quite well. This was her first experience losing a patient she was becoming friendly with, almost emotionally invested in (we definitely have an Izzie #2 on our hands). Above all, it seems that she and Mere Mere may finally share a little sisterly love. But that really all depends on Merideth.

Until next time…