[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:

“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”

Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.

For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?

Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me…. Read More »

[I don't think we really need to say this, but this post contains spoilers. If you didn't sit on your couch with a box of cereal and a 2-Liter of Diet Orange Crush watch last night's episode of The Bachelorette and somehow managed to avoid any media already telling you what happened, you might wanna stop reading right now....]

Those of you who follow what I write for College Candy (here’s lookin’ at you, Mom) may know that I’m a fan of the open letter.  Tonight I have been inspired, once again, to compose one such masterpiece of the written word in honor of our Bachelorette, Ali.  Here goes.

Dear, dear, dear Ali.

Hi.  How are things going?  You hangin’ in there?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Tonight looked tough for you.  I mean, gosh, they really should have explained to you beforehand how this show works.  You do in fact have to ask guys to leave each week and then, at the end, ultimately choose one lucky lad to be your husband.  Girlfriend, forget how in each episode it seems to come as a shock to you that you need to send someone (or a few someones) home, but I honestly can’t see you winding up engaged after all this.

Will it be a repeat of that sleazy Brad’s season in which he sent both finalists packing?  Quite possibly.  Sure, you’re blonde and bubbly and have an annoying little laugh so America will ultimately forgive you, unlike Brad, but honey, you’re still dumb as bricks. Read More »

She loves him, but will she love me?!

I remember the first weekend I went home with my boyfriend; it was the dreaded “introduce-my-girlfried-to-my-mom-and-hope-they-don’t-hate-each-other” weekend. Matt kept telling me his mom was a really nice woman and that she’d love me, but I was terrified. She already knew that I was having “explicit relations” with her son, and she’s retired Navy, so I had convinced myself that I was walking into a deathtrap.

All I really had to go on were my friends and family members who had HORRIBLE experiences with boyfriend’s/husband’s moms. My mother and my grandmother can’t be in the kitchen together without someone trying to hit the other with a frying pan. My sister was called a whore by her religious future mother-in-law the first time they met because she had brought a Cosmo along for the 6 hour drive to meet her. Even my good friend Sarah’s boyfriend’s mom hates her because Sarah’s dog bit her on their first meeting.

So it took a lot of convincing from my dear BF to stop my hands and voice from shaking before walking into the house to meet his momma. (Too bad he couldn’t assist with the pit stains that had formed in my fit of fear…)

And low and behold, we got along great!!!! I was so thankful! We were both theatre and band kids in high school, we both like crafty things (knitting, crocheting, sewing, etc), and we even have the same taste in movies and TV. When we left, Matt told me that he could tell his mom really liked me. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

Please take a look at Ben Stiller. The man is a perfect specimen–striking features, cool demeanor, pee-your-pants funny (okay, maybe not such a good trait if you’re trying to hook up with him, but you get my point).  Can you think of anything unsexy about Ben? Well, just in case you’re having trouble working up your mojo, I’ve compiled a few reasons why he’s my boy-toy of the week.

Why do I want to eff Ben? Let me count the ways:

1) He’s really effing smart (“How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?”–from Zoolander).

2) He’s really effing humble (“I couldn’t believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn’t know my name.”–from There’s Something About Mary).

3) He can play hard to get (“If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch!” –from Meet the Parents).

4) He’ll show you who’s boss (“You can’t be my boss! Nobody’s my boss! I’m my own boss! I created myself!”–from Dodgeball).

5) He knows the meaning of sacrifice (“Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarrassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.” — from Along Came Polly). Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

This past weekend, my bf invited me to have Easter dinner with his family. After already weaseling my way out of both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, I knew I was going to have to come up with a GOOD excuse this time. Unfortunately, he caught me off guard and I think I stammered something along the lines of “Er… can’t…. brother… stay home… babysit… sorry!” into the phone. His response? “Great! Bring him with you.” Crap. So in honor of my 2 hours of awkwardness (kidding!!! uh..sorta), here is how to manage: Read More »

Six people are left and we haven’t seen a shot of the group bed in a while. I wonder where everyone is sleeping.

Bo got his stitches out and these reality dating shows need to give me a counter at the bottom of the screen so that I know how many days have passed.

The group goes on a field trip to a tattoo parlor. Tila wants to know how far they’ll go for her because based on who “proves their love”, that’s whose family she’ll meet. Everyone has to get a tattoo, piercing, walk on broken glass or sit in the electric chair.

Lame. Brittany wants to get a tattoo and I forbid you to get Tila’s name tattooed on your body. Of course Tila is disappointed when Brittany takes time to think about it. Screw you; YOU get a tattoo, Tila. Kristy gets a star tattoo on her neck. I’m sure that the cameramen are disappointed that it’s not on her ass. Is she really a model?

George is going to walk on glass. Please drink a 40 before you do that. OH MY GOD. Tila is only interested in these people when they eat animals genitals or bleed for her. I cannot believe that he’s not cut.

GET OUT – Tila is going to walk on glass -0 and that’s because the glass is fake. Seriously? That’s stupid. George is going home for being a baby. Read More »