"...I just farted."

I am pretty confident in my long-term relationship knowledge. Actually, at this point, I am pretty much an expert, as I am going on 8 years.

Yes, I heard the gasp. Someone just dropped her plate. Someone else is chocking on her Ramen. It isn’t common that you come across a college girl who is one half of a committed relationship, especially one with their high school sweetheart. But here I am. I do exist.

That being said, I know what it means to be a “real” couple. I’ve gone from the butterflies and blushing to knowing what he is thinking without even saying a word. We’ve been at this so long we’ve hit every milestone….more than once. And I’m talking about them all, from the biggies (like the first Valentine’s Day to meeting the parents) to the ones that people often forget, but which are the actual gauges of how serious your relationship really is.

The Fart
Undoubtedly one of the most important markers (and most disgusting, might I add) is farting. Yes, I had a couple excruciating years of holding them in every time we were together, and if one slipped out on accident I immediately blamed the dog. But there comes a point where you are comfortable enough with the other person to just let em’ rip  (of course my boyfriend probably wishes I was not this comfortable, but that’s besides the point). Read More »

She loves him, but will she love me?!

I remember the first weekend I went home with my boyfriend; it was the dreaded “introduce-my-girlfried-to-my-mom-and-hope-they-don’t-hate-each-other” weekend. Matt kept telling me his mom was a really nice woman and that she’d love me, but I was terrified. She already knew that I was having “explicit relations” with her son, and she’s retired Navy, so I had convinced myself that I was walking into a deathtrap.

All I really had to go on were my friends and family members who had HORRIBLE experiences with boyfriend’s/husband’s moms. My mother and my grandmother can’t be in the kitchen together without someone trying to hit the other with a frying pan. My sister was called a whore by her religious future mother-in-law the first time they met because she had brought a Cosmo along for the 6 hour drive to meet her. Even my good friend Sarah’s boyfriend’s mom hates her because Sarah’s dog bit her on their first meeting.

So it took a lot of convincing from my dear BF to stop my hands and voice from shaking before walking into the house to meet his momma. (Too bad he couldn’t assist with the pit stains that had formed in my fit of fear…)

And low and behold, we got along great!!!! I was so thankful! We were both theatre and band kids in high school, we both like crafty things (knitting, crocheting, sewing, etc), and we even have the same taste in movies and TV. When we left, Matt told me that he could tell his mom really liked me. Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

This past weekend, my bf invited me to have Easter dinner with his family. After already weaseling my way out of both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, I knew I was going to have to come up with a GOOD excuse this time. Unfortunately, he caught me off guard and I think I stammered something along the lines of “Er… can’t…. brother… stay home… babysit… sorry!” into the phone. His response? “Great! Bring him with you.” Crap. So in honor of my 2 hours of awkwardness (kidding!!! uh..sorta), here is how to manage: Read More »

So it’s Thanksgiving.

If you are single, that means it is a day to fill that lonely void with family, football, frosting-covered desserts. If you are in a relationship, that means it is time for some meeting of the parents, whether your boy is meeting yours, or you are heading home with him for the holiday.

You meeting his parents? You will do fine – moms always love their son’s girlfriends.

Is he meeting yours? Well, that is a whole different story.

Many of us don’t think much of this moment; we just want our parents to meet the new dude in our lives. But to guys, meeting the parents is huge. Momentous. Monumental. OhMyGodSheWantsToGetMarried!!!

At least that’s what I gathered from my ex boyfriend who ran to the hills when I invited him to my parents’ for dinner. I thought maybe he didn’t like burgers, but as one of my male advisors explained, the meat was the least of his problems. It was the dinner guests that were the real issue.

Why is it such a big deal? Why can’t guys just man up and handle a free dinner? Let’s see what a guy had to say… Read More »

Due to the fact that I am a Jew, I had to miss the live episode of The Hills. As I sat at Rosh Hashanah dinner reflecting on the history of my people I couldn’t help but check my watch – every five minutes – as the 10 o’clock hour ticked on by. I sped home when dinner ended and boy am I glad I did.

Tonight’s episode was fantastico… and full of total a-holes. Read More »

To me, (to most people I think..) meeting the parents is a big deal. If I actually like someone enough, if I actually foresee a guy being in my life longer than a few dates, then maybe at some point I will bring him to my parent’s house and subject him to my family.

I think giving your significant other a heads-up of things to avoid before the grand introduction is the right thing to do. (I.E. wearing that OSU Beavers t-shirt is a bad call, and under NO circumstances ask my dad about his TV.) And I would like to assume this philosophy is a common ideal – the whole wait until you are sure someone is decent and going to be around for a while before you dive into “the family introduction”, and give them a short prep-course before the big event.

But, if I were to assume that I would be wrong.

This weekend I was completely blindsided by an impromptu Meet the Parents. And by impromptu I mean, my current gent and I were (unbeknownst to me) 15 minutes away from from his parents house and he suggested we stop in to “pick something up.”

Meet the parents?? This was a bold strategy considering we have only been dating a few weeks, and as I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and then looked down at my outfit, my nervous panic of the potentially “big step” in a relationship was dwarfed by the panic over my appearance. This was not an appropriate first-impression-look I had going on.

I am a person who takes first impressions very seriously. Ideally, when meeting the parents I like to have ample time to prepare; actually wash and style my hair, put on some make-up (not too much of course), and pick out a respectable outfit (maybe a nice cardigan…). Basically I like to make sure parents don’t look at me in horror and wonder if their son needs an eye exam, which I am sure is the exact feeling my new guy’s parents had after one look at me. Read More »