Dear Guy-I’ve-Decided-I-Like-Enough-To-Introduce-to-My-Parents,

Congratulations, you’re the first boyfriend to officially make it this far. Sure, there was that one guy who met my mom by accident at a funeral and that other one who kinda ran into my dad at a tailgate, but those weren’t pre-planned situations. I was able to fake some extreme emotion — saddness and black-out-ness, respectively, in these instances — pulling myself and the guy in question away from the parentals before any serious meet-and-greet sh*t went down.

You see, the idea of having anyone meet my mother and father is one of the scariest things I can think of. As I write this I’m literally having a small panic attack, shaky hands and all. So, high fives to me for letting you cross this very real checkpoint in our relationship and a giant pat on the back to you for putting up with my crazy ass.

Just for the record, you shouldn’t be scared. It’s not that my parents are weird, it’s all me. They’re quite the opposite, actually; on the whole Richard and Phyllis are nice, normal, friendly people who will likely welcome you with open arms and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I’m the one who will be holding my breath the entire time while worst case scenarios run vividly through my mind.

To help me get through this, I’m going to need you to be calm. Like calmest you’ve ever been. Because I’m going to be a complete nervous wreck, and it’s up to you to keep me from running away. You see, I don’t just want my parents to like you. They like the mailman. They like the kid who bags our groceries at Shop Rite. “Like” is not good enough for me. I want them to be absolutely crazy about you, if simply for the fact that I’m absolutely crazy about you. Reach that lofty level of approval and any doubts I ever had about our relationship will magically vanish. Gaining their enthusiastic endorsement is your ultimate Get Out of Jail Free card.

So how do you win them over in a big way? If you can be confident and funny and charming, but also kinda humble and down-to-earth, too, that would be great. I have a really big extended family, and they’re a wild and loud bunch. Should you meet them as well, being able to engage their attention and hold your own is major. Don’t be intimidated. No one’s going to pull you into their bookshelf-lined study to grill you on your intentions, but chances are they will force-feed you more food than you’ve ever seen in your life. If you love me, you’ll be good and ask for seconds. Also, be sure to have a couple entertaining life stories up your sleeve. I’ve got an uncle who goes hunting in Alaska and Africa and far-off islands, another who is one of the country’s top surgeons, a little brother who once ran into Petey Pablo at Rite Aid. Needless to say, the men in my family are pretty cool. Be dazzling in your own right, and you’ll fit in just fine.

Above all else, relax and know it’s going to be okay. Remember, I’m freaking out more than you are, right? So let’s just get drunk and go find a spare bedroom to make out in.

Get ‘em, tiger. You’ve totally got this.

Click here to see what He Says about meeting his parents for the first time!

Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

Hey Dude,

So I’ve got a BIG problem, and I don’t have any clue what to do. I’ve been dating this guy for almost 8 months, and we’re crazy about each other. We’re basically that couple that’s so in love no one can stand to eat around us. Here’s the problem: I’m fairly certain my ultra conservative, Republican dad is going to hate him. How do I introduce him to the family as someone I am really serious about?

Sincerely,

Dating A Lefty

Dear Dating A Lefty,

Be afraid! Be very afraid! There’s nothing more frightening than taking a boy home to meet the parents, especially when your dad is Glen Beck – I mean Robert DeNiro – I mean Hulk Hogan – I mean…you get the idea. Dad’s and daughters tend to have a certain special bond between them. In your dad’s eyes you’re his little girl, and though he must acknowledge that you’re old enough to be an adult and certainly having relationships with guys, the idea of you having sex CANNOT ever enter his realm of consciousness. It will go unspoken for your entire lives. (Unless you’ve got a really open dad.) And what does the boy you bring home represent? SEX.

So how do you prepare for this momentous event? Well, you have to take care of both sides of the introduction you’re about to make. The one thing that ruins first impressions is a surprise. You’ve got to be totally upfront with your folks about who this guy is, how long you’ve been dating, that you care about him, and basically tell them everything you think they might hate about him BEFORE he shows up. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are arguments to be made against this.

If you point out everything you think your dad may hate, he’ll start looking for them, right? Well, yes. But at the same time you’re diffusing a situation before it becomes a situation. That’s why I recommend full disclosure. And by full disclosure, I mean you have to include how much you care about him, the positive qualities, the fact that it’s serious, and that you want your dad to give him a chance. Being upfront is the best policy.

Be upfront with your boy, too. Let him know he’s walking into a potential mind field. On the one hand you might spook him, but at least he’ll be on his guard and ready for what comes what may.

With both sides knowing what to expect when they meet, there will be less pressure X factors to be concerned with.

At the end of it all, it comes down to a simple handshake between the two men in your life. “Dad, I want you to meet ‘Stormageddon’ and ‘Stormageddon’ I want you to meet my dad,” and they’ll take it from there. All you can do at that point is try to avoid politics for the first couple of interactions and tell your boy to leave his Obama CHANGE shirt back at the dorms.

Bringing Folks Together,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to editor [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Even for the most outgoing, meeting your significant other’s parents can be a really intimidating experience. You never know exactly what to expect: if they’re going to be a bit, well…different, or maybe they’ll be just like your parents (only cooler).  The best thing EVER is when there is a language barrier (seriously, it’s a struggle).

My favorite is the inevitable grilling you always receive, whether it’s intentional or not, it’ll happen. What’s your life plan? Should you tell the parents the real way you two met—at a sloppy fraternity dance party, or explain it was a chance meeting at the library instead? And so on and so forth. So many questions… so so many.

So arm yourself with this appropriate dress (read: stylish but with no cleavage or serious thigh action), pick up some flowers for mom and chocolates for dad and march right on over to the family dinner and charm ‘em. Let’s hope it goes over smoothly, remember: you can’t milk a cat, geniuses pick the color green and being careless about an open flame will not win you any points. Now that that’s covered and you’ve snagged the dress, you’re all set.

Check out this Shoshanna number, pair it with black flats and blazer!

[We're teaming up with our friends at Rent the Runway to bring you an awesome, new look every week. If you like what you see, you can go right to the site and rent it yourself. Need some outfit inspiration? Leave a comment below and we'll work hard to find an RTR outfit that works for your needs.]

In college, a lot of relationships begin with “talking” which I always thought was really strange. I remember the first time I heard about it when I asked a friend if she was dating said frat guy and she said, “No, but we’re talking.” And I thought, “Well I sure hope you’re talking if you’re hooking up every night.” The term “talking” has come to mean dating-and-kind-of-exclusive-but-not-really-in-a-relationship. We live in a world where we have -ishes (those that are boyfriend/girlfriend-ish) so how do you know when you’re actually in a serious, exclusive relationship? Here are some tell-tale signs in no particular order:

1. Regular texts, phone calls, or other modes of communication: A hookup buddy is not going to text you and ask how your day is going or tell you good luck on your psychology test. If you’re with someone who is in pretty much constant communication with you, it’s a good sign that you’re actually dating.

2. Public Displays of Affection: Friends with benefits don’t hold hands, kiss or show any signs of PDA because, well, when you’re not in bed, you’re just friends. Now, some people are finicky about PDA and just won’t do it so if your guy is shy about it, that’s okay.

3. You eat almost every meal together: Yes, fourth meal at Taco Bell counts. If he’s asking you to get Taco Bell, sober, for a study break, that’s a decent indication you’re more that just talking. It’s normal for you to call each other and decide on where you’re going to eat that night.

4. Spending multiple nights a week at each others’ places: You’re over there on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and he’s at your place Tuesdays and Thursdays. You keep a toothbrush and have clothes in each others’ apartments. He has your favorite brand of orange juice squeezed in (hehe) between cases of beer.

5. You have a routine: He picks you up from class, you two go to the library to study, get dinner, hang out, have fun, sleep, repeat.

6. Opinions matter: You ask his opinion on things and vice versa. You actually care what he thinks about you taking that job or dropping that ridiculously hard class. His thoughts matter to you and create an impact on your decision-making. You’re in a relationship.

7. Friends with the friends: His friends are important to him, so the fact that he told them about you is good. And if they like you that’s great. If you’ve become sort of friends with them, even better. Now, that doesn’t mean you should hang out with his friends when he isn’t there unless it’s a mutual friend that you shared before said relationship. Girl hanging out with his friends without guy is shady business.

8. Meeting the parents: If either one of you has been introduced to the family, that’s a big step and isn’t something for just a casual fling. Meeting the parents is not something to be taken lightly. He’s definitely serious about your relationship if he’s taking you home to Mom and Dad.

9. You talk about feelings and stuff: You won’t talk about how you feel with a hookup. If he talks about his feelings toward you and discusses the elusive future, it’s more than “talking.”

10. He introduces you as his girlfriend: Well, there ya go.

While these are some indications of being in a relationship, they aren’t set in stone. If you’re confused about the status of your -ish, then you need to talk about it. Yeah bringing up “that talk” is scary and could end whatever is going on if you’re not on the same page, but it’s better you know early on before you fall too deep. Communication is key in relationships, and if you’re “talking” to someone and you’re unsure of what’s going on, then have the talk!

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:

“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”

Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.

For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?

Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me….

For us ladies, though, meeting the parents is a different sort of huge. We don’t need to worry about winning anyone over; just throw on a cute dress and some understated makeup (not the sort of thing we wore when we won our boy’s affections, if you know what I’m saying), be polite and sweet, and we’re in like Flynt. Who doesn’t love their son’s sweet girlfriend? What mother isn’t excited to find out that her baby boy has settled down and found himself a nice girl? As long as we don’t show up in nipple tassels and knee pads (or accept their Friend Request on Facebook), it’s a walk in the park.

What makes this moment a biggie for us is the fact that we’re MEETING HIS PARENTS. OMG. This is huge! This is serious! HE REALLY LIKES ME! He wouldn’t just invite anyone to meet his parents. There’s no way I’m just a booty call. He likes me! He so loves me.

Yeah, this moment isn’t so much about actually meeting his parents as it is about finally removing one more barrier from your relationship. It’s the last frontier. The last major hurdle between a new relationship (or a lot of “hanging out” – the college version of a new relationship) and an established, serious relationship. It’s like the 21st century version of getting pinned or getting his varsity jacket. You go to dinner with the parents and that sh*t is legit.

And you are happy. Birds are singing outside your window. Music is playing in your head as you walk down the street. Your skin is glowing. And penne a la vodka has never tasted so damn sweet. (Of course, you take care to eat it slowly so you don’t look like some undignified animal in front of his fam.)

That boy is definitely getting some tonight.

Speaking of the boy….let’s see what he has to say about things on COED Magazine.

Looking back, though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the search for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21^st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.

2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.

4. Do not drink MD 20/20: Even if the frat-mixed mojitos are watered down and tasting a bit like a dirty dance floor, stay away from the MD.

5. Do experience a Pimms with Lemonade: Although you probably have never heard of this drink before, Pimms with Lemonade is a London pub staple. The Pimms is to Wimbledon, as the mint julep is to the Kentucky Derby. This fresh tasting, fruity cocktail will may be enough to convince you to study abroad for a semester. It’s to die for.

6. Puppy Love = True Love: Dogs truly give the most unconditional love. Even though my boyfriend got a dog back in September and it has been a ton of work, I can’t help but keep falling in love with the little darling. You can’t have a bad day whenever a puppy is around. However, at the same time, the realization that having a puppy is a huge responsibility is constant and serves as amazing birth control for many, many years to come.

7. The VS Miraculous Push Up Bra is a miracle: The Victoria’s Secret new Miraculous Push Up bra is the greatest and latest thing to come into the world of retail. With a level 5 design to push up and lift, this push up bra is not playing around – it increases your breast size by two full cups. Unlike a lot of push up bras, this bra actually makes your boob size look believable, all while supplying comfort.

8. Hell No to the Snow: I can never live where it snows on a daily basis during the winter. After what I deemed the Great Snow of ’09 in Virginia (in which 24 inches of snow fell in two days), this has re-arranged my life geographically for good. Those applications to Illinois for graduate school?  Out the window. My dream of always visiting Maine? Only if it’s summer.  Multiple inches of snow at a time? No thanks.

9. Reading is magical: Taking the time to read for pleasure in between reading for class is one of the best ways to relax. This past year, I have rediscovered my love for reading, all while falling in love with some great stories. Need something to restart your love of reading? Read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon or Train to Trieste by Domnica Radulescu.

10. “That’s So You!” It’s important to have your signature piece, be it clothing, music or opinion. This has made my life simpler and more defined.

11.  Meeting the Parents: Meeting the parents is scary. However, whether they like you or not is out of your hands. You can be the sweetest girl they have ever met, but if they don’t like the idea of their kid being with someone without the qualifications they are looking for (i.e.: money, a professional school degree), it doesn’t matter how amazing you are or how much you have going on for yourself. Just accept it and try not to take it to heart … too much.

12.  Post-Grad is intimidating: Graduate, law, and business school applications are a lot more comprehensive than they lead you to believe on first glance. Those statements of intent and optional essays are really unlike anything you have written in the past, unless you are a professional graduate school applicant. Starting early is the only way to preserve your sanity as senior year rolls around. And taking the GRE or LSAT, well those should have occurred a year ago. Oops!

13.  “Welcome to the real world, she said to me…:” Although the quarter-life crisis often seems inevitable, I have learned that I definitely do not want to go down the John Mayer permanent-existential-life-crisis road. While his never-ending misery will supply good music for more and more years to come (without a doubt), I choose to not dwell. It’s much healthier this way, even if I do enjoy indulging in his misery sometimes.

14.  Stop reading beauty magazines: I’ve stopped buying magazines and I feel much more enlightened.  Instead, I have stopped giving my $3.99 to advice on how to make a man moan and enjoy the in-depth features in the feminist friendly Bust magazine, and the musically progressive Paste.

15.  Give a Little Bit: Helping others is amazing and it makes you feel better than anything else can.

16.  It’s Overrated: Being a senior is overrated. I have had more work and more responsibility than ever before and I feel like with every passing day, more and more obligations come my way. While it seems that a lot of seniors are spending their nights partying and hanging out, I am writing 20-page papers and doing graduate school rain dances to promote a surplus of acceptance letters.

17.  To Thine Own Self, Be True: To be a writer, you need to have extremely thick skin. Regardless of what your stance is, someone is always going to go against it and you have to be true to yourself and the piece you are writing. The same goes for all facets of life; you gotta be you and that’s that.

18.  Big birthday parties don’t prove anything: Big birthday parties aren’t all that they are cracked up to be. After years of over-the-top Disney birthday,  the whole high school teenage hang-out-birthday scene, and the exuberantly drunk and pretentiously planned college birthday, I will take the quiet and intimate birthday dinner over anything else.  It’s better to celebrate with those that actually matter.

19.  Lady Gaga is a goddess: She’s given us greatness, i.e.: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin,” disco-bras, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roman-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!,” and perhaps the greatest line of them, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” Her stage presence is to die for, and her genuine, authentic, down-to-Earth personality (come on, didn’t you see her on Oprah?) is addictive. Plus, I’ve seen a slew of live performances and I have to say, Gaga outperforms the rest with her Monster Ball.

20.  Say No to Parent Drama: If your parents are magnificent – great. If they aren’t, it is time to accept it and move on, instead of constantly wishing for your mother to be someone she is not.

21.  The Little Things Count: It’s important to relish the little things. In college, so much happens at once, it feels like the world can pass you by – especially once you turn 21 and the end of college seems very near. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to take time doing something you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you want to get crazy drunk on a Friday night or take an extra art class, but do what gives you the most pleasure. Make time for more sex. Make time to cook dinner with your roommates. Just make time! As each year goes by, it is also important to look back to see what you’ve learned (whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or silly).

[This post is a favorite of CollegeCandy fan, Rose...and also of The Huffington Post. So Yay Charlsie...and thanks Rose for picking out one of the best!]

Just last February, I was planning my 21^st birthday party. Now, I’m facing 22 (or as I like to call it 21+1) straight on. Even though the last twelve months have gone by, it feels like just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas. For my 21st. Because just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas.

Looking back though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the hunt for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21^st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.

2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable (and there are plenty that are!), really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.

4. Do not drink MD 20/20: Even if the frat-mixed mojitos are watered down and tasting a bit like a dirty dance floor, stay away from the MD.

5. Do experience a Pimms with Lemonade: Although you probably have never heard of this drink before, Pimms with Lemonade is a London pub staple. The Pimms is to Wimbledon, as the mint julep is to the Kentucky Derby. This fresh tasting, fruity cocktail will may be enough to convince you to study abroad for a semester. It’s to die for.

6. Puppy Love = True Love: Dogs truly give the most unconditional love. Even though my boyfriend got a dog back in September and it has been a ton of work, I can’t help but keep falling in love with the little darling. You can’t have a bad day whenever a puppy is around. However, at the same time, the realization that having a puppy is a huge responsibility is constant and serves as amazing birth control for many, many years to come.

7. The VS Miraculous Push Up Bra is a miracle: The Victoria’s Secret new Miraculous Push Up bra is the greatest and latest thing to come into the world of retail. With a level 5 design to push up and lift, this push up bra is not playing around – it increases your breast size by two full cups. Unlike a lot of push up bras, this bra actually makes your boob size look believable, all while supplying comfort.

8. Hell No to the Snow: I can never live where it snows on a daily basis during the winter. After what I deemed the Great Snow of ’09 in Virginia (in which 24 inches of snow fell in two days), this has re-arranged my life geographically for good. Those applications to Illinois for graduate school?  Out the window. My dream of always visiting Maine? Only if it’s summer.  Multiple inches of snow at a time? No thanks.

9. Reading is magical: Taking the time to read for pleasure in between reading for class is one of the best ways to relax. This past year, I have rediscovered my love for reading, all while falling in love with some great stories. Need something to restart your love of reading? Read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon or Train to Trieste by Domnica Radulescu.

10. “That’s So You!” It’s important to have your signature piece, be it clothing, music or opinion. This has made my life simpler and more defined.

11.  Meeting the Parents: Meeting the parents is scary. However, whether they like you or not is out of your hands. You can be the sweetest girl they have ever met, but if they don’t like the idea of their kid being with someone without the qualifications they are looking for (i.e.: money, a professional school degree), it doesn’t matter how amazing you are or how much you have going on for yourself. Just accept it and try not to take it to heart … too much.

12.  Post-Grad is intimidating: Graduate, law, and business school applications are a lot more comprehensive than they lead you to believe on first glance. Those statements of intent and optional essays are really unlike anything you have written in the past, unless you are a professional graduate school applicant. Starting early is the only way to preserve your sanity as senior year rolls around. And taking the GRE or LSAT, well those should have occurred a year ago. Oops!

13.  “Welcome to the real world, she said to me…:” Although the quarter-life crisis often seems inevitable, I have learned that I definitely do not want to go down the John Mayer permanent-existential-life-crisis road. While his never-ending misery will supply good music for more and more years to come (without a doubt), I choose to not dwell. It’s much healthier this way, even if I do enjoy indulging in his misery sometimes.

14.  Stop reading beauty magazines: I’ve stopped buying magazines and I feel much more enlightened.  Instead, I have stopped giving my $3.99 to advice on how to make a man moan and enjoy the in-depth features in the feminist friendly Bust magazine, and the musically progressive Paste.

15.  Give a Little Bit: Helping others is amazing and it makes you feel better than anything else can.

16.  It’s Overrated: Being a senior is overrated. I have had more work and more responsibility than ever before and I feel like with every passing day, more and more obligations come my way. While it seems that a lot of seniors are spending their nights partying and hanging out, I am writing 20-page papers and doing graduate school rain dances to promote a surplus of acceptance letters.

17.  To Thine Own Self, Be True: To be a writer, you need to have extremely thick skin. Regardless of what your stance is, someone is always going to go against it and you have to be true to yourself and the piece you are writing. The same goes for all facets of life; you gotta be you and that’s that.

18.  Big birthday parties don’t prove anything: Big birthday parties aren’t all that they are cracked up to be. After years of over-the-top Disney birthday,  the whole high school teenage hang-out-birthday scene, and the exuberantly drunk and pretentiously planned college birthday, I will take the quiet and intimate birthday dinner over anything else.  It’s better to celebrate with those that actually matter.

19.  Lady Gaga is a goddess: She’s given us greatness, i.e.: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin,” disco-bras, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roman-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!,” and perhaps the greatest line of them, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” Her stage presence is to die for, and her genuine, authentic, down-to-Earth personality (come on, didn’t you see her on Oprah?) is addictive. Plus, I’ve seen a slew of live performances and I have to say, Gaga outperforms the rest with her Monster Ball.

20.  Say No to Parent Drama: If your parents are magnificent – great. If they aren’t, it is time to accept it and move on, instead of constantly wishing for your mother to be someone she is not.

21.  The Little Things Count: It’s important to relish the little things. In college, so much happens at once, it feels like the world can pass you by – especially once you turn 21 and the end of college seems very near. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to take time doing something you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you want to get crazy drunk on a Friday night or take an extra art class, but do what gives you the most pleasure. Make time for more sex. Make time to cook dinner with your roommates. Just make time! As each year goes by, it is also important to look back to see what you’ve learned (whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or silly).

[This story was originally posted by Charlsie - Hollins University.]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

#9: Reading for pleasure is magical. Make time for it!

Just last February, I was planning my 21^st birthday party. Now, I’m facing 22 (or as I like to call it 21+1) straight on. Even though the last twelve months have gone by, it feels like just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas. For my 21st. Because just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas.

Looking back, though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the search for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21^st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.

2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.

4. Do not drink MD 20/20: Even if the frat-mixed mojitos are watered down and tasting a bit like a dirty dance floor, stay away from the MD.

5. Do experience a Pimms with Lemonade: Although you probably have never heard of this drink before, Pimms with Lemonade is a London pub staple. The Pimms is to Wimbledon, as the mint julep is to the Kentucky Derby. This fresh tasting, fruity cocktail will may be enough to convince you to study abroad for a semester. It’s to die for.

6. Puppy Love = True Love: Dogs truly give the most unconditional love. Even though my boyfriend got a dog back in September and it has been a ton of work, I can’t help but keep falling in love with the little darling. You can’t have a bad day whenever a puppy is around. However, at the same time, the realization that having a puppy is a huge responsibility is constant and serves as amazing birth control for many, many years to come.

7. The VS Miraculous Push Up Bra is a miracle: The Victoria’s Secret new Miraculous Push Up bra is the greatest and latest thing to come into the world of retail. With a level 5 design to push up and lift, this push up bra is not playing around – it increases your breast size by two full cups. Unlike a lot of push up bras, this bra actually makes your boob size look believable, all while supplying comfort.

8. Hell No to the Snow: I can never live where it snows on a daily basis during the winter. After what I deemed the Great Snow of ’09 in Virginia (in which 24 inches of snow fell in two days), this has re-arranged my life geographically for good. Those applications to Illinois for graduate school?  Out the window. My dream of always visiting Maine? Only if it’s summer.  Multiple inches of snow at a time? No thanks.

9. Reading is magical: Taking the time to read for pleasure in between reading for class is one of the best ways to relax. This past year, I have rediscovered my love for reading, all while falling in love with some great stories. Need something to restart your love of reading? Read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon or Train to Trieste by Domnica Radulescu.

10. “That’s So You!” It’s important to have your signature piece, be it clothing, music or opinion. This has made my life simpler and more defined.

11.  Meeting the Parents: Meeting the parents is scary. However, whether they like you or not is out of your hands. You can be the sweetest girl they have ever met, but if they don’t like the idea of their kid being with someone without the qualifications they are looking for (i.e.: money, a professional school degree), it doesn’t matter how amazing you are or how much you have going on for yourself. Just accept it and try not to take it to heart … too much.

12.  Post-Grad is intimidating: Graduate, law, and business school applications are a lot more comprehensive than they lead you to believe on first glance. Those statements of intent and optional essays are really unlike anything you have written in the past, unless you are a professional graduate school applicant. Starting early is the only way to preserve your sanity as senior year rolls around. And taking the GRE or LSAT, well those should have occurred a year ago. Oops!

13.  “Welcome to the real world, she said to me…:” Although the quarter-life crisis often seems inevitable, I have learned that I definitely do not want to go down the John Mayer permanent-existential-life-crisis road. While his never-ending misery will supply good music for more and more years to come (without a doubt), I choose to not dwell. It’s much healthier this way, even if I do enjoy indulging in his misery sometimes.

14.  Stop reading beauty magazines: I’ve stopped buying magazines and I feel much more enlightened.  Instead, I have stopped giving my $3.99 to advice on how to make a man moan and enjoy the in-depth features in the feminist friendly Bust magazine, and the musically progressive Paste.

15.  Give a Little Bit: Helping others is amazing and it makes you feel better than anything else can.

16.  It’s Overrated: Being a senior is overrated. I have had more work and more responsibility than ever before and I feel like with every passing day, more and more obligations come my way. While it seems that a lot of seniors are spending their nights partying and hanging out, I am writing 20-page papers and doing graduate school rain dances to promote a surplus of acceptance letters.

17.  To Thine Own Self, Be True: To be a writer, you need to have extremely thick skin. Regardless of what your stance is, someone is always going to go against it and you have to be true to yourself and the piece you are writing. The same goes for all facets of life; you gotta be you and that’s that.

18.  Big birthday parties don’t prove anything: Big birthday parties aren’t all that they are cracked up to be. After years of over-the-top Disney birthday,  the whole high school teenage hang-out-birthday scene, and the exuberantly drunk and pretentiously planned college birthday, I will take the quiet and intimate birthday dinner over anything else.  It’s better to celebrate with those that actually matter.

19.  Lady Gaga is a goddess: She’s given us greatness, i.e.: “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin,” disco-bras, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roman-mamaa! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!,” and perhaps the greatest line of them, “I’m a free bitch, baby!” Her stage presence is to die for, and her genuine, authentic, down-to-Earth personality (come on, didn’t you see her on Oprah?) is addictive. Plus, I’ve seen a slew of live performances and I have to say, Gaga outperforms the rest with her Monster Ball.

20.  Say No to Parent Drama: If your parents are magnificent – great. If they aren’t, it is time to accept it and move on, instead of constantly wishing for your mother to be someone she is not.

21.  The Little Things Count: It’s important to relish the little things. In college, so much happens at once, it feels like the world can pass you by – especially once you turn 21 and the end of college seems very near. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to take time doing something you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you want to get crazy drunk on a Friday night or take an extra art class, but do what gives you the most pleasure. Make time for more sex. Make time to cook dinner with your roommates. Just make time! As each year goes by, it is also important to look back to see what you’ve learned (whether it’s good, bad, ugly, or silly).

What has been the most ground-breaking discovery of your 21st year or your last birthday? Share!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been with my boyfriend for a couple weeks now. We are still getting to know each other and trying to take it slow. He is a 21 year old that has a steady job, his own place and a nice car; he’s definitely got it together. He’s planning on going back to school for his Master’s next fall. Here”s the problem: he is an ex gang member and I`m pretty sure he used to deal drugs as well.

All of that happened when he was fairly young, I wanna say maybe when he was 13 till he was about 16 or 17. He was very honest about his past and the way he explains it is that he had friends who did it and so he got caught up in it as well. He’s by no means proud of his past but he is definitely willing to talk about it if there`s questions. He has tattoos, most of which are not visible but he does have the three dots on both hands representing the gang he was in. The tattoos are very faded now, but if you pay close attention you can see them. I really like this guy and believe that people can change, especially when they have done something like that at such a young age. He basically moved away from all the gang activity and drugs to start over.

My only concern with this entire situation is that he may one day go back to all of that. Also, how will all of this affect him in the future? How will it affect our relationship? His past worries me because of what my family is going to think about him. How do I prepare them for him and his past? How do I go about this so that they dont freak out? I’m sure once they meet him they’ll think differently but until then they wanna know about him and this is something I can’t keep from them. What should I do?

Thanks,
Does the past really stay in the past

Dear Does the Past,

I gotta level with you. When I saw the phrase “ex gang member,” my heart sank.

This is dangerous territory, honey. Gangs are nothing to be messed with. So let’s look at this from a couple of angles:

(1) He may still be in a gang. From what Tuffy understands, it’s really, really, really hard to leave gangs once you’ve joined them, especially if you were involved in stuff that was illegal. You need to find out the truth here. Sit him down and have a real heart-to-heart. When did he last work for these people? What, exactly, was his involvement? Did he ever do anything violent? Did he ever go to jail?

From there, you need to decide if he seems like he’s still violent (if he ever was, chances are he still has the capacity for violence) and whether or not you believe that he’s really done with that gang lifestyle. You didn’t say what he’s doing for a job now, but you did imply he’s got money. Make sure it’s really coming from his day job.

You do NOT want to hook up with a guy in a gang. It’s very dangerous. Don’t get yourself into a situation you can’t get out of.

Or:

(2) He really has left that all behind him. Look, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Maybe his childhood was less than desirable and he got caught up in some shiz he now, as a good person and functioning adult, regrets. If this is the case, there’s no reason to be embarrassed of him. If he really has reformed, what does it matter what he did for three years of his teens? As long as he would never, ever, EVER go there again, there shouldn’t be a problem.

But! If it is number 2 and you still find yourself being ashamed, there’s no point in continuing the relationship. If you’re not okay with his past, you shouldn’t string him along hoping you’ll eventually get over it. At this early stage in the relationship, it’s all about your comfort level, baby.

Be careful, girl. I really hope he’s legit and cool now and that that’s all behind him. Just make sure you know for real before you start investing too much into a guy you may or may not be able to trust.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

"...I just farted."

I am pretty confident in my long-term relationship knowledge. Actually, at this point, I am pretty much an expert, as I am going on 8 years.

Yes, I heard the gasp. Someone just dropped her plate. Someone else is chocking on her Ramen. It isn’t common that you come across a college girl who is one half of a committed relationship, especially one with their high school sweetheart. But here I am. I do exist.

That being said, I know what it means to be a “real” couple. I’ve gone from the butterflies and blushing to knowing what he is thinking without even saying a word. We’ve been at this so long we’ve hit every milestone….more than once. And I’m talking about them all, from the biggies (like the first Valentine’s Day to meeting the parents) to the ones that people often forget, but which are the actual gauges of how serious your relationship really is.

The Fart
Undoubtedly one of the most important markers (and most disgusting, might I add) is farting. Yes, I had a couple excruciating years of holding them in every time we were together, and if one slipped out on accident I immediately blamed the dog. But there comes a point where you are comfortable enough with the other person to just let em’ rip  (of course my boyfriend probably wishes I was not this comfortable, but that’s besides the point).

Taking the Kids to The Pool
Pooping usually come around the same time as farting; once you reach the point where you can outright say “Babe, I have to go take a dump,” instead of making up another excuse to be gone for ten minutes, you know you’re getting somewhere. While this excretion process is best done behind closed doors regardless of how close you are (because nothing says I Love You quite like protecting someone from the scent of fecal matter), being pee-shy is just a translation of feelings in the relationship at large. Yes, being able to drop your pants and do a little numero uno while he’s brushing his teeth is a sign of true love and comfort.

Leave the Stubble
For a while I would shave before he came over…even if that was 5 days in a row, because I would have been mortified if he nicked himself on my stubble. But eventually I was able to grow a fleece blanket up to my knees and not think twice about it. I knew for sure that he’d love me, no matter how beastly my legs.

Without Your Face
The same goes for makeup. There was a point when my boyfriend would call to say he was stopping by last minute and I’d sprint into the bathroom and throw on my five-minute face. Now he’s one of the only people that I don’t feel self conscious around without mascara and some cover-up. When you hit that point where you feel at ease just being yourself, you know you’re a real couple. (When my boyfriend found out I was flat as a board without my bra and had a couple zits under that makeup and didn’t run for the hills, I knew he was a keeper).

Silence on the Other Line
I’d say the phone silence is the last major milestone. For a while phone silences are extremely awkward and you’ll do anything to fill the pause. (Like tell a really bad joke. Then tell it again when he doesn’t laugh cuz you think maybe he didn’t hear it….) But after you have been together for so long you literally become the person’s other half and it’s not necessary to fill every second of the phone conversation with sound. When you can sit on the phone in pure silence, with the exception of a couple farts, you know you’re a real couple.

Does anyone else have milestones for marking yourself as a “real” couple?