It’s the perfect day for some online shopping.

Nicole Kidman needs a new makeup artist.

Soothe that dry skin this winter.

Melissa Rycroft has her happily ever after.

7 party perfect nail polishes.

OMG. This story scares me.

Type 1:“The Talented Celebrity.”  Think models who have shown up on the cover of Italian Vogue, actors like Brad Pitt who have starred in everything from comedy to drama, and music moguls who come out with one hit after another (think Madonna).

Type 2: “The Train Wreck- Once Famous, Now in Rehab.”  These are people like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, who are no doubt talented, but can’t keep themselves away from the bars and the drugs long enough to earn coveted longevity in Hollywood.

Type 3: “Why the Hell are They Famous?” The people who People Magazine, US Weekly, and Perez Hilton constantly cover, we all read about, and none of us are exactly sure what this person has done to deserve press coverage (think Anna Nicole Smith).  Below is a list of the ten best examples of these non-celebrities – the ones that take over our headlines, but haven’t done much to merit this press coverage.  And if anyone can tell me why we actually care what these people are up to…well, be my guest.

1. Kim Kardashian- While she is no doubt stunning, her fame stems from the fact that her rich father served as OJ Simpson’s lawyer during his criminal trial…and then she had sex with Ray J.  Her lone film, Disaster Flick, came out in 2008, and was rated the second worst film ever created at the Internet Movie Database. Sure, she’s been on Dancing With the Stars and her own reality show since then, but I must ask: why was this one ever on our radar!?

2. Heidi and Spencer Pratt- While The Hills enjoys high ratings, two young adults arguing for a 30-minute episode about their relationship, their parents, and how they should get married is not enough to give anyone celebrity status.  If America wants to watch two people argue, then MTV should come to my house and film my mom begging me to do dumb chores.  Being rich and argumentative is not enough to warrant fame.

3. Octomom – Her birth of octuplets this past year caused a national scandal when people became concerned about child neglect and proper monetary support (and the fact that she looks like Angelina…). Getting six embryos implanted in you when you already have six kids definitely does not make you a celebrity…slightly crazy, but not a celebrity.

4. Nicole Richie – Best known for her stint on The Simple Life with fellow socialite Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie’s presence in celebrity tabloids is mostly in candid photos of her and daughter Harlow, or musician husband Joel Madden of Good Charlotte.  She has yet to sing or act in anything of true merit other than being herself on a reality show and is truly a celebrity’s wife, not a celebrity herself.

5. Tila Tequila -  Tila got famous for having a lot of friends on MySpace. Don’t get me wrong, popularity is cool, but since when do we celebrate the trashy people who actually use MySpace?

6. Kevin Federline – Known mostly for his disastrous short-lived marriage to Britney Spears, Federline’s attempts to make it in “the industry” resulted in his 2006 record being one of the worst-received in music history and making him appear as an Eminem wannabe.  His short stint on One Tree Hill as an aggressive musician did little to advance his acting career, and his appearances on wrestling programming did even less to advance his image.  So, while Britney Spears seems to have come out of her funk with hits like “Circus” and “Womanizer,” Federline is now famous for changing diapers and babysitting Sean and Jayden.

7. Paris Hilton – Just another blonde socialite who formed a fashion line and had one hit song (“Stars are Blind”).  Being born rich does not make you a celebrity.  Becoming rich due to talent does.

8. Melissa Rycroft – Seriously, I’ve been dumped by plenty of guys. Where is my offer to be on the cover of a magazine?

9. Whitney Port – Starring in her very own spin-off of The Hills, Whitney Port was nicknamed “the new Carrie Bradshaw.”  Um. No. Freaking. Way. And if being on a reality show weren’t bad enough, spinning off the show that gave fame to squabbling California teenagers merits even less respect in my mind. She is no Carrie. Don’t even joke.

10. Suri Cruise - This girl gets more covers than paid actors. Just because she was born.  Why do we as consumers care what a two–year-old is wearing?

Last night’s finale of The Bachelor promised to have “the most shocking twist in Bachelor history,” according to host Chris Harrison. And boy oh boy, he wasn’t kidding.

For those of you who missed last night’s episode, here’s a quick recap: Bachelor Jason took each of the final two ladies competing for his love, Melissa and Molly, on separate day-long dates where they each met (and were grilled by!) his son and his family. Although he said in confessionals that he was torn between both women, the next day in the “final rose ceremony,” Jason tearfully dumped Molly before finally choosing Melissa. He proposed to her, and it seemed like it actually might work out for Melissa and Jason, who’s been saying for months that he’s engaged and how happy he is. Would this season of The Bachelor finally have a successful ending?

Guess not. Minutes after the fairy-tale-like finale, Jason said on the After the Rose special that he’d been having second thoughts about his choice. He explained that things had been different between him and Melissa ever since filming stopped, and revealed that he planned to end things with Melissa that night and ask Molly for a second chance. When Melissa came on stage and he revealed his feelings, she was shocked, called him a “bastard” (you go, girl), and stormed offstage.

No wonder she was pissed: she thought everything was going perfectly between them, and to find out that he didn’t feel the same way is a definite bummer. But to have her embarrassment broadcasted on NATIONAL TV, in front of millions of viewers—that’s beyond devastating, so I don’t blame her reaction.

But there may be another reason for just how upset she was. We’ve heard from a very strong source close to the show (for realz) that the real reason Melissa was so mad was because she lost her virginity to Jason! No wonder she flipped out the way she did, even though she was on TV.

Poor girl!

We all know the saying “you never forget your first,” but with her first being all over the media, Melissa won’t be able to escape him! She’s right: Jason is a total bastard. That whole “I love my son” game is totally a ploy to get into girls’ pants.