To the 30% of women using razor’s designed for men’s skin, you’re making the rest of us look like idiots, according to a new study revealed by Venus.

Earlier today, Jezebel outlined just how the female shave company claims that women are putting their legs at risk every time they shave… with a razor whose packaging doesn’t explicitly state “Designed for WOMEN.” Cosmo magazine played double-agent detective on this one and declared that Venus isn’t playing on biases in sleek-shaving products.

Yeah, okay, sure.

Cosmo also says that the blades used in the Gillette Fusion are identical to the blades found in the Venus Embrace. Okay, so what? It’s the same blade but what’s the problem? Gillette asserts that women using razors designed for men will nick their skin too often. Yeah, and I play ball like a girl, right?

Remember when Dr. Pepper created the “made for men” line? Well, I’m crying foul play on this one, too. Sounds like Gillette is trying to fuel a campaign geared toward encouraging women to purchase the overpriced, rusty after five uses blade instead.

Sorry, but until you show me the effect of using the same razor marketed by two different gender-aimed companies, I’m not really buying the whole women vs. men sham. Next, men will be completely uninvited from using women’s body shop products. Supermarkets will be divided into aisles strictly for men and those strictly for women. Gender-mixing will be an unforgivable felony misdemeanor.

I think I’ll take my chances using the three dollar silver Gillette Fusion over the $9.64 Venus Embrace. In the meantime, though, I’m pretty hopeful that the Gillette industry will be hard at work on their amputee-rates-on-the-rise-crusade aimed at women who misuse razors designed for beard-shaving skin.

Maybe by then we’ll be a little bit more naïve.

The type of voice women are attracted to

Attack of the Network Women on Fall TV

Jon Stewart and the Burden of History

How marriage and our expectations have changed

Who are the greatest (and prettiest) singers in the world?

Dudes of America, according to regions

The 10 types of people you see at every college party

Is this the greatest Halloween costume ever??

LeBron does the whole fashion thing

Amurica: a cultural history of 9/11

The worst sex advice ever?

A better way to eat on game day

Cooking with booze…on a budget

How to become a restaurant regular

Where’s Ron Burgundy when you need him?!

The Back to the Future Nikes are real….and cost more than your education

Real life nerds who won at life

The most annoying Facebook friends

Most of us have engaged in the verbal debate at some point. Most likely over a game of beer pong, when a guy makes that common assumption that boys are simply tougher than girls. We then launch into defense mode, listing off reasons why women are a hundred times tougher than men. It always ends in the same statement: “well men don’t have to go through labor!”

End of fight. (Hopefully you sink your next throw to send the point home).

An Australian TV anchor wanted to end this feud once and for all so he agreed to be put into simulated labor (with a machine that sends electric currents through the abdomen which feel like contraction pains). Needless to say, after only three hours he called it quits (mind you, most women are in labor for an average of 10-12 hours), concluding, “Women win. Men don’t.”

Finally, we are getting the credit we deserve. But honestly, we knew he never stood a chance. Of course men can’t handle labor! They can’t handle most of the things women put up with on a daily or monthly basis. Men could never handle being women, period.

Menstruation

Let’s just get the most obvious out of the way. Men have no freakin’ clue, and no words can communicate how much our monthly gift sucks. Men turn into little boys crying for mommy when they get the sniffles, yet we can expect to feel like someone is slicing our uterus out with a chainsaw and ripping it through our vagina every month. Not to mention that we then either walk around wearing a diaper for a week, or shove a compact tube of toilet paper up our vaginas. Do either of these sound like good options to you, men? Didn’t think so.

Grooming

Men run a comb through their hair, a razor over their faces (if it’s a special occasion), and that’s that. Women have a laundry list of things that aren’t even options. Sure we could walk around with bushy eyebrows and leg hair long enough to braid, but we would be hippie tree-huggers, European or just dirty. Either way, we wouldn’t be getting much love. Our morning ritual includes a leg shave, an armpit shave, and plucking the strays from our brow. And I have two more words for you: bikini wax. Pure hell.

Hormones

It’s not our faults that we cry every time we see The Notebook, or that we get fuming mad for apparently no reason. Women have to deal with crazy hormones that are cycling all over the place, leaving us emotional and a bit bi-polar at times. Your hormones make you horny; ours take us on an emotional roller coaster…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out which is worse and which can simply be cured with a magazine and a bottle of Jergens.

Clothes

We love being girls; we love dressing up and we love fashion. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We have to shimmy into tight dresses, suck it all in until we pass out to get our Spanxx over our thighs and walk around with dental floss between our butt cheeks to prevent panty lines. And I’d like to challenge the Australian TV host to a heel-off. I bet he doesn’t last one block in a pair of stilettos.

Birth Control

You think the “loss of sensation” from a condom is bad? Try weight gain, mood swings, breakouts and tender breasts that come with The Pill.You have no idea.

Sex

Yes, it’s amazing. Yes, we love it. No, it is not always comfortable. No matter how enjoyable it ends up being, you are still shoving a cucumber through a quarter-sized hole. (Editor’s Note: If you’re lucky. But even a gherkin hurts…) We know you have your share of problems being the plug, but it isn’t easy peesy being the outlet.

What else about being a girl do you get think a guy could never endure?

[This story was originally posted by Brianna - Fordham University.]

Depending on what stage of life you’re in, your version of “ranking” the opposite sex will be different. For instance, if you’re in the post break-up or rebound stage, you’re probably seeking the confidence boost that comes with banging bagging a total hottie. After my first love broke my little heart way back when, I hunted for potential suitors until I found myself a Chad Michael Murray look alike. Did he make me laugh? Not once. Was he smart? Eh. Did he bring anything else to the table besides discussing Colt McCoy? Nada. But was he hot? Sweet Jesus, was he ever. And that was all I cared about at that point.

But after my heart (and ego) healed, I decided I was looking more for someone with whom I could have a conversation, someone whose name I cared to remember, someone I wanted to see beyond the hours of 2 and 8 AM. You know, I was looking for those kind of commitment-y qualities. Of course, attraction was still important, but it wasn’t so much that I needed to find someone who was Umm-I-need-to-change-my-underwear hot, but rather someone I was attracted to based on personality and looks combined. A guy can be the most gorgeous thing around, but a pretty face alone won’t cut it. In other words, my ranking criteria is a lot longer and more complex when I’m looking for someone to get serious with, as opposed to someone I’m just going to kick out of my bed in the morning.

So, without further ado, I give to you my personal ranking lists…sorted in order of importance.

When I’m broken and shallow and simply looking to hook up:

1. Hot. Since I’m not going to remember your name in the morning, I’d at least like to remember the outline of your abs.
2. No STDs. Enough said.
3. Your own form of transportation. Either you’ve got your own car to make your morning escape or you’ve got a wallet holding enough cash to get that taxi over, stat.

When I want to lie in bed with you until noon and hold your hand on the way to class:

1. Funny. Eating pudding with a guy who purposefully puts it on his nose and asks, “Wait, do I have something on my face?” Yes yes yes.
2. Witty. I’ve dated the Biomedical engineering major before, and the conversation rarely reached past his physics equations. So, just because you have a 4.0, doesn’t mean you’re witty or smart when it comes to conversation. I need a guy that can keep me on my toes and hold my interest.
3. Kind. Dropping some spare change into that homeless man’s cup so he can afford ninja lessons, coming over to help me ace my French final, playing with little kids and puppies…these are the things dreams are made of.
4. Attractive. Well duh, there’s gotta be some initial allure to the guy. But it only matters how I feel, not how my friends feel, about his pictures.
5. Humble. I can’t stand people who are not thankful for the things they have been given in life, so it’s especially important to me that a guy I date is appreciative for the small things and stays grounded.
6. Chivalrous. I am all for equality, but I am also all for chivalry. I get it, I’m a walking contradiction and proud of it. But when a guy is chivalrous it shows he is really taking the time to court me and make me feel like he’s truly interested, which I love. If a guy doesn’t open my doors or use manners, he’s not good enough for me!
7. Family-friendly. I have four older siblings who I am super close to, so having a guy who encourages being around family is a must for me. (And, at the very least, someone who doesn’t run away screaming at the thought of a casual dinner with my parents.)
8. Ambitious. I am one of those people who needs to be doing something productive at all times. I need a guy who has dreams for himself and who works hard to achieve them.
9. Tries with my friends. A guy who hangs around my friends as we’re discussing whether or not Zac Efron’s latest nudie scandal is true of false? I’ll take ‘em!
10. Romantic. I am the first to tell you I love rom-coms, chick-lit and photographs of so-in-love Parisian couples, but when it comes to a guy romancing me? I tend to just laugh and think to myself, “Wait, this is not how I imagined it!” Though I may not melt like other girls, I do still want a guy who tries!

So there you have it, I guess I just blabbed the criteria of my “perfect man.” (If you meet him, will you please let me know?). I really can’t begin to tell you how many nights filled with wine, girlfriends and lots of ranking discussions I’ve had. As you’ve noticed, unlike dudes who normally say she’s a 10 or four, I don’t think of ranking as a plus-minus system, (ie. plus one that he loves his mom, minus two that he’s got a chili-bowl haircut). I have to give myself more credit than that when it comes to liking someone. I’m excited to see the “He Said” for this one because I know girls over-analyze and daydream a lot more than guys about this sort of thing!

So will Coed surprise us by caring more about our personalities than our boobs, or will it be as I suspect? Head on over now and see what He Says.

Let me begin by thanking Cosmopolitan magazine for being the basis of my sex education knowledge. My conservative mother would not sign the “allow your child to take the sex ed” waiver…so I had to turn to Cosmo in the midst of my confusion and all of my wildest sexual fantasies were brought to life, or at least written on a shiny page.

So thank you, Cosmo, for your use of girly language that made everything seem way better than it actually is. For example, having an “ice cream sandwich with my man, naked”…umm no. You forgot to mention that the chocolate sides are apt to getting stuck between my teeth, therefore my go-to “flash him a sexy smile” move is instantly ruined when he mistakes me for a homeless woman and not a sex-kitten eating an ice cream sandwich.

Among the many overrated things I’ve learned from this magazine, my sex-loving friends and boyfriends over the years are certain sex positions. Don’t get me wrong here, I love sex. All day, any day. I love challenging sex, lovey-dovey sex, breakup sex, make-up sex…Okay, you get it, I like sex! In my years of sexual escapades, I’ve tried my fair share of different positions. Let me tell ya, some were mind-blowing, scream out-loud amazing. But some just didn’t make the cut. (Some did and we discussed our fave positions last week!)

Below is my list of least favorite sex positions (and no, Cosmo failed to mention that some are less pleasing than others):

Reverse Cowgirl: I know, I know! Some girls are really into the whole “my ass is in full view of your face” positions. But I, however, am not.

Position rundown: He’s laying down on his back, girl is sitting upright on his junk facing away from his head, legs on either side of his hips as if she’s a “cowgirl riding her cowboy.” It sounds worse than it is, I promise. For one, no clitoral stimulation (unless he’s going to get “handsy” with you). Two, did I mention your butt is in complete full view? As in, your raisin and all that? Somehow I just can’t feel sexy knowing he can literally see more of me than I’ve ever been able to see. And finally, since I’m not facing him, I’ve got too many things to look at and distract me! His TV playing re-runs of The Real World, a painting (for the artsy boy) or his Bob Marley poster (for the college-guy). Needless to say, as hyped-up as this one is, it doesn’t make the cut for me.

Erotic Accordion: This one just sounds bad!

Position rundown: he’s lying down on his back, girl is sitting on top in squat position with his legs over girl’s shoulders. I thought this one would be great because I like girl-on-top positions, but between feeling that I was more frog than human, my guy’s painful shrieks (he’s not the most flexible) and the fact that I was getting more of a quad workout than sexual pleasure, I realized our Erotic Accordion was not going to make anything close to pretty music. Oh yes, and his feet near my face? A total turnoff.

Any position…On a countertop: One night my guy’s roomie was out so we decided to try for a quickie in the kitchen and “spice things up” (sorry, I had to!).

Position rundown: Just like in the movies, with one swift swoop of his arm he removed mail, newspaper pages and whatever else was posted up on the countertop. (It was pretty sexy). In the midst of the naughty mood, he picked me up and placed me on the counter, then jumped on top. Things simmered fairly quick when my tailbone began to throb and his knees were rubbed raw due to the hard surface. Not to mention that the countertops hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. Bottom line: Painful and disgusting does not make for a fun sexcapade.

Standing Up: Remember when Keira Knightley and James McAvoy swiped their v-cards during that super steamy library scene in Atonement? …Only to be creepily interrupted by her little sister? Well here’s the thing, it’s not really like that! (Not the creepy interruption, the standing sex…).

Position rundown: Girl and guy face each other, hug, and he lifts her legs around his torso. Though this position has some great qualities, such as the face-to-face action and intimate closeness, it’s simply not as easy as it looks. For one, you’ve got to have a dude who cannot only lift you, but also hold you for an extended period of time. And unlike having a bed or some hard surface to push off from while thrusting, the only thing you’ve got to work with is air. This one is a fun way to start off your sexy time, but it’s not exactly going to get the job done.

Frisky Floor Show: Think of stretching in pike position while standing…and then something pokes you from behind.

Position rundown: Girl does standing pike position (girl can adjust angle degree between hands and feet), while guy penetrates from behind. As you’ve gathered, I am not a fan of displaying my full backside…and this one really puts everything on display. That’s strike one. Blood rushing to my head because my head is literally about to touch the floor. Strike two. No possibility of a good boob-grabbing (which I love) because he can’t reach your girls. Strike three. I prefer to tweak this one just a bit by laying on my stomach instead of in an awkward stretch. Much better!

Face-to-Face Fandango: I’m not a 60-year-old woman or anything, but having a history in dance and volleyball didn’t exactly leave my knees invincible to pain. This position specifically will kill you if you’ve got anything close to sensitive knees!

Position rundown: Girl is on her back with knees bent under her butt, guy on top. Aaand suddenly my pleasure moans have just turned into shouts of pain. Not only is the pain enough to push my guy off, but the feeling of my calves squished against my ass makes me feel suuuper attractive…and then my mind wanders into that extra set of squats I should have done during yesterday’s workout. Oh good, now I’m having an instant fat moment. Save yourself the agony and easily modify this position into bliss and comfort by simply folding your legs back down. Viola, missionary!

Take it from this sex-goddess (kidding), these positions are at the bottom of the barrel. Then again, what works for some just doesn’t work for others. I am always open to try new things, so if you’ve got one that sounds appealing, let me know! Or if you disagree and find one of these six to be your favorite, leave a comment below. I’m open to debate and discussion!

Find out what HE SAID at COEDMagazine.com

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

The aftermath of my most recent break-up was all at once depressing and pathetic. Like, beyond the most depressing and pathetic Lifetime movie that you’ve ever seen. (And I can say that with certainty since I watched every single one on a particularly dark Saturday-somehow-turned-Monday-and-I-haven’t-left-my-bed-in-36-hours moment of darkness.) It was depressing because everything I did and saw and watched and thought about reminded me of him. Pathetic because I spent days on end crying over my computer as Dave Matthews blasted from the speakers, stalking his FB page and the FB pages of every single girl who showed up in his pics/commented on his Wall;  and constantly returned home from class or work or a run, certain he’d be waiting for me on my porch with a dozen hydrangeas in his arms and a sheepish “I’m so, so sorry” look on his face. (Did I mention I’d make excuses to leave the house just so I could come home and discover him there? Yeah, I blame it on all those Lifetime movies.)

Of course, that never happened. Actually, despite the fact that my campus had gotten teeny tiny by the 2^nd semester of my senior year, I actually never ran into the kid again. Like, not once. (I have a feeling our mutual friends worked together to make sure of this…) Which should be a great thing; you can’t move on when you’re constantly moving backwards, right?

Only it wasn’t. Because not seeing him meant that I had no idea what he was up to. How he was handling this whole mega-break up. If he was at home crying into a box of Fruity Pebbles (our cereal), throwing things in a fit of rage whenever anything reminded him of me (which should mean broken everything), or just sorta going about his daily business….only now, with the enthusiasm of Eeyore.

So, of course, I had to fill in all those blanks myself, based on what I’ve seen from other guys I know/things I’ve heard/Lifetime movies. And maybe I’m a bit off here, but guys handle break-ups quite differently from us ladies. And in a way that I’m not quite sure I’ll ever understand. Granted, I may be totally wrong in my assumptions, but from my perspective, and that of many ladies I know, guys handle break-ups in one of 5 ways:

They Hook Up. Of course, this has less to do with the fact that they are over us and more to do with the fact that there is no easier way to mend a shattered ego than with a little peen in the vajeen. And they just need a body, any body, next to them in their empty bed/futon. And they need to puff up their chests and prove to their bros that they’re not some pussy who cries over a girl when there are so many girls “just begging for it” out there.

Right?

They Hate Us. Maybe it’s from all the jeering from their boys (“That bitch was not worth your time, brah”), but eventually they start to hate us. And curse anything that reminds them of us. And boil over at the mere mention of our names. So they call us new names. Mean names. Names that would make their mothers shudder. And talk sh*t about us to everyone they know…even that random skank they slept with a week after we split.

They Do Guy Things. Video games. Sporting events. Poker. Basketball at the gym. Push ups at the gym. Lots and lots of working out. Anything not to have to be alone and feel feelings. Because feeling things is weak and they aren’t weak. They’re dudes. Dudes who are strong and independent and don’t let some stupid break-up get them down.

They drink. A lot. Because they can (and maybe because they’re trying to numb the pain?). They’re single now. That’s what single guys do. They drink beer and take Jager shots and do Irish Car Bombs. They pee in public. They smoke a lot of pot. They make really horrible decisions.

They Hook Up. Seriously, when was the last time a guy you knew didn’t bang some random chick (who is always 3 notches down on the “attractive” scale from his ex) 5 minutes after a break-up? It’s like the only cure for the break-up blues is a few humps and grunts…

Is this what really happens? Who knows. Well, guys know, and I’m sure our resident male will clue us in to the reality shortly. But first, let’s see what he thinks we ladies do in the days following a split, see how off base he is in his assumptions. Something tells me there will be some mention of naked pillow fights….

Find out what he thinks girls do after a break up right here!

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:

“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”

Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.

For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?

Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me….

For us ladies, though, meeting the parents is a different sort of huge. We don’t need to worry about winning anyone over; just throw on a cute dress and some understated makeup (not the sort of thing we wore when we won our boy’s affections, if you know what I’m saying), be polite and sweet, and we’re in like Flynt. Who doesn’t love their son’s sweet girlfriend? What mother isn’t excited to find out that her baby boy has settled down and found himself a nice girl? As long as we don’t show up in nipple tassels and knee pads (or accept their Friend Request on Facebook), it’s a walk in the park.

What makes this moment a biggie for us is the fact that we’re MEETING HIS PARENTS. OMG. This is huge! This is serious! HE REALLY LIKES ME! He wouldn’t just invite anyone to meet his parents. There’s no way I’m just a booty call. He likes me! He so loves me.

Yeah, this moment isn’t so much about actually meeting his parents as it is about finally removing one more barrier from your relationship. It’s the last frontier. The last major hurdle between a new relationship (or a lot of “hanging out” – the college version of a new relationship) and an established, serious relationship. It’s like the 21st century version of getting pinned or getting his varsity jacket. You go to dinner with the parents and that sh*t is legit.

And you are happy. Birds are singing outside your window. Music is playing in your head as you walk down the street. Your skin is glowing. And penne a la vodka has never tasted so damn sweet. (Of course, you take care to eat it slowly so you don’t look like some undignified animal in front of his fam.)

That boy is definitely getting some tonight.

Speaking of the boy….let’s see what he has to say about things on COED Magazine.

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

So last week I listed off the 7 things about guys I really don’t understand. At all. Like male genitalia…. why does it always look so….alien-like? The purpose wasn’t so much to have someone explain them to me as it was to get a few virtual high fives from all my fellow confused ladies. But then I saw what left my male counterpart scratching his head (as opposed to the usual, his balls) when it came to us ladies and I realized this topic required further action.

I needed to explain our side of the story. Make guys understand why we do the things we do. Help break down barriers between men and women and change the way we interact forever! OK, really, I just needed to get the last word.

So without further ado, I’m going to explain what guys think is totally unexplainable. Watch out, now!

1. Horoscope/Palm Readers
He Said: “It’s unreal how much girls read into this sh*t. Well, they read into everything too much, but these two pastimes specifically.”

I Say: If you knew anything about women you’d know that about 99% of us don’t care about horoscopes and would never spend a dollar on a palm reader (unless we’re drunk and pass one on the way home from the bar, in which case it’s totally hilarious!). Saying that we all read into this sh*t too much is like saying that all girls love sparkles, the color pink and underwear pillow fights with our roommates. Have you ever actually SPOKEN to a woman?

And as for this whole “reading into everything” business? Well, maybe we wouldn’t HAVE to read into everything if you shared your feelings and communicated with us.

2. Same Sex Hatred/Cattiness
He Says: “The comments and criticism starts as soon as a girl lays eyes on another girl. Oh my god, she’s wearing that dress? Hideous. Those shoes? Gross. Make-up? Whore. CALM…DOWN.”

I say: I really have nothing to say. It’s true. Lots of girls are judgmental and, much like you guys, it’s a competitive thing. When that skanky ass bitch in the leopard mini-dress that barely covers her labia walks into the room, I already hate her because I know that every guy in the room is going to be looking at her. Is that rational? No, but it’s the truth. Another truth? It’s usually meaningless and fleeting. It may seem catty to you, but it’s really just something that happens, something to talk about with our friends and something we quickly move on from. Maybe you should, too.

3. Bags
He Says: “Jesus Christ, ladies. Chill OUT with the f***ing bags! You don’t need all that sh*t on you at all times. You guys already have enough emotional baggage (ZING!), so why add to your stress with 3 bags on each arm?”

I Say: Why the f*ck do you care how many bags I carry or what I put in there? If I’m not asking you to hold my giant bag that’s heavier than a dead body, it’s none of your damn business. Oh and by the way, where would you find lip balm/gum/a pen if it weren’t for me and all my bags, hmmm?

4. Pillows
He Says: “Those pillows serve NO PURPOSE whatsoever. You just throw them off the bed only to put ‘em back on only to throw them back off again.”

I Say: You’re right – making the bed gets really annoying with all those pillows. But they make the bed so much prettier and inviting. And they are perfect to lay on when I’m studying or watching TV or talking sh*t about the slutty girls on my hall with my roommate. Oh, and you won’t think they’re so pointless when you’re passed out next to me and you have a variety of comfy pillow to rest your head on for the night.

5. Shoes
He Says: “Legit, each woman has 1 pair for every f***ing day of the year.”

I Say: You did NOT just go and attack my shoes. YOU DID NOT. What have my 42 pairs of shoes ever done to you besides make my legs look amazingly long and add a pop of color to my going out outfit?

6. Brunch/Tapas/Dining Out
He Says: “Stuff doesn’t make you happy, ladies. My weiner does. (I guarantee women will huff over that last comment. Proof once again you girls have no idea what “sense of humor” means)”

I Say: First of all, if you’re gonna list “brunch/dining out” as something you don’t understand, why don’t you stick to that? Did you not learn the art of making an argument in 7th grade? What does “stuff” have to do with tapas? Brunch isn’t “stuff,” it’s a meal. A good meal. And a chance for us ladies to get together, hang out and talk about you. Why is that so hard to understand? You don’t see me sitting here all confused wondering why you and your bros go to bars to drink beer and watch sports, because that’s what guys do and I am normal enough to understand that.

As for your second point (that I can’t even believe I’m addressing), I know for a fact that your weiner will never make me as happy as the pair of Cole Haan nude patent pumps I just got on clearance at DSW. At least those aren’t attached to cocky bastards who stereotype women and make really poor arguments. (Although, to be fair, they did give me massive blisters the first time I wore them.)

7. Lack of Rationale/Warped Logic
He Says: “This one could be the worst. And part of me thinks it circles back to women reading too much into things. Never ask a women, “Why?” You’ll get the most convoluted, twisted, roundabout answer or a simple one-liner that makes sense to her in her own head but will completely fry your mainframe.”

I Say: There’s a difference between a woman “lacing rationale” and a guy who just doesn’t want to hear what a woman is thinking. Something tells me you’d understand us a lot more if you actually tried.

And with that, I’ve got my panties all in a bunch. And it is not comfortable. Let’s all take a moment to breathe (and pick our wedgies) then head over to CoedMagazine to hear His explanation for the 7 things I’ll never understand about dudes.

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Benjamin Franklin once said (I know, I can’t believe I’m quoting Benjamin Franklin either) “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” B. Frank was a smart man and he made a good point, but I’d like to add one more certainty to that list: confusion from the male gender.

It’s no secret that guys confuse us. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t need The Dude to explain them to us, or the entire relationship self-help aisle at Barnes and Noble. We wouldn’t spend hours trying to decipher what they meant in that last text message or find a way to ask every single person we knew why he’d ask to walk us home and then never call again. We’d all be blissfully happy and problem-free with our long-term boyfriends who are open, honest and straightforward.

But, alas, as great as some guys may be, they are still incredibly mysterious creatures that continually find new ways to confuse the the sh*t out of us. (Well, not literally. I’m not even sure that’s possible.) And while every day brings more confusion, there are 7 main things about guys I’ll never understand.

1. How they can masturbate so often: I’m not against a little self-stimulation, but I can’t even begin to wrap my head around how frequently guys take matters into their own hands. Literally. Like most ladies, I need to be in a certain mood in order to benefit from masturbation, but guys? They do it when they’re bored, when they’ve got nothing else to do, when they have the rooms to themselves, when they’re studying, when their favorite team scores. Like, seriously, doesn’t it ever get boring!?

2. How they can take everything so literally. When I tell my boyfriend that everything is “fine” and that “sure, I don’t care if you don’t come over and take care of me when I’m sick in bed so you can go play basketball with your friends,” does he genuinely take that at face value and believe it, or is that simply a conscious defense mechanism to rid him of any guilt or wrong-doing?

3. The obsession with girl on girl. Really, it’s cliche and it’s been done. And I just don’t get why it’s the ultimate guy fantasy; I mean, it’s not like they’re inviting the guys to join in.

4. Why they say one thing and do another. If you’re not going to call, DON’T. But don’t try to ease your guilt or delay the bad news by lying to me. How do guys not understand that it makes things worse? I’d rather know now then sit around and wait by the phone for a call that is never going to come. Grow some balls, show me some respect and just say what you mean. Isn’t that what guys do?

5. The pride issue. Asking for help doesn’t make you less of a man. Either does being vulnerable, admitting you’re wrong, or wanting to be in a relationship instead of boning everyone with two legs and a vagina. It’s 2011, so why must guys still play into this whole “macho man” role? It’s pathetic.

6. Their detailed knowledge of arbitrary sports stats. Like yards rushed or batting average or total points in a game….from 1989. How the hell do they retain all of that!?

7. The penis: How do you sit with that thing? Or run? Or walk? What does it feel like to have something just…hanging out down there? I just really don’t understand it.

Now, to be fair, guys aren’t the only ones to blame. Anyone with a pulse knows that we ladies aren’t the easiest people to decipher. Let’s see what we’re doing to boggle the minds of men on CoedMagazine.