What is it about professors?

Usually, I’m not the kind of girl to find much older men attractive. I guess I just like ‘em bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I know it’s perfectly normal, and even expected, for women to date older men, but I don’t see the appeal of it. I’ll take Zac Efron over George Clooney any day of the week.

I just don’t get it when my friends talk about how hot George Clooney is. Isn’t he, like, 50? I mean, come on. His skin is so leathery I can almost smell it. And when Monica dated Richard on Friends, I cringed every time they kissed. Mostly because Tom Selleck looks like my Uncle Dennis, but still. Am I really supposed to find the bushy mustache sexy?

But then all that changed a couple months ago as I sat taking notes in class…

Maybe it’s his bifocals. Maybe it’s his silver hoop earring, or his penny loafers, or the fact that he bears a striking resemblance to Benjamin Bratt (with wrinkles and gray hair). But I’ve got a serious thing for my over-the-hill film professor. It doesn’t help that his name is Mark Robinson, which has inspired more than a handful of before-bed daydreams featuring myself murmuring the phrase, “Are you trying to seduce me, Professor Robinson?” as he slowly reveals his argyle knee socks.

The way he lectures is just so…passionate. I have honestly learned more in his class than I have in any other one this semester, and it’s not just because I show up to every class and hang on his every word.

The class meets every Tuesday night from 6:00 to 10:00. First we (passionately) discuss readings, and then we watch a film together. So in my deranged and perhaps delusional mind, Professor Robinson and I  have already been on several dates. What? … He turns off the lights, and he sits in the row RIGHT next to me! It counts. It does.

Shut up. Read More »

Most of us have engaged in the verbal debate at some point. Most likely over a game of beer pong, when a guy makes that common assumption that boys are simply tougher than girls. We then launch into defense mode, listing off reasons why women are a hundred times tougher than men. It always ends in the same statement: “well men don’t have to go through labor!”

End of fight. (Hopefully you sink your next throw to send the point home).

An Australian TV anchor wanted to end this feud once and for all so he agreed to be put into simulated labor (with a machine that sends electric currents through the abdomen which feel like contraction pains). Needless to say, after only three hours he called it quits (mind you, most women are in labor for an average of 10-12 hours), concluding, “Women win. Men don’t.”

Finally, we are getting the credit we deserve. But honestly, we knew he never stood a chance. Of course men can’t handle labor! They can’t handle most of the things women put up with on a daily or monthly basis. Men could never handle being women, period. Read More »

Dude, where are all the dudes?!

Here’s some food for thought: for every 100 women at American colleges, there are only 77 men. And for every 100 women who graduate from American colleges, only 73 guys manage to snag their Bachelor’s degree.

The college gender gap isn’t a new phenomenon—women first started outnumbering men in 1982—but it is widening by a significant margin every year. I knew that there were statistically more women than men in the world of higher education (and of a much higher caliber), but I had no idea that the discrepancy was so huge. Projections show that enrollment could soon grow closer to a 60/40 ratio, making men even scarcer on campuses than they are already.

I’m really mystified by the extent of the gender gap. Where the hell are all the guys going? Haven’t they heard that college is awesome—an opportunity to open your mind and push your liver to its absolute limit, one last chance to enjoy freedom from responsibility before being unceremoniously thrust headfirst into the real world? (Can you tell I’m a senior?)  And on a more serious note, don’t they know that having a B.A. is pretty much essential if they want to get a good job?

Does the scarcity of dudes mean that a college environment is naturally more suited to girls than guys? The fact that our culture views guy-centric things like football games and wild frat parties as stereotypically “college” activities would seem to contradict this idea, but it’s hard to argue with the numbers. Read More »

I love boys. I love boys so tall they might hit their heads when they walk through a doorway and boys so short they’ve probably never entertained fantasies of basketball stardom. I love boys as dark as the blackest coffee, as white as the snow that I am not looking forward to this winter, and every shade in between. Give me a boy, any boy, and I’ll find something I love about him.

This is why even I wondered if I was slightly insane when I decided to completely abstain from boys this summer.

The decision (The Vow, as I now refer to it) was something I really had to think about. I knew that going home to Miami would mean I’d have options for a summer fling. Beautiful, jacked, sun-god-like options that seem to only exist in dreams. But, having been single for over three years, I needed a break.

I think that relationships, as amazing as they can be, sometimes just aren’t worth it. I’m incredibly busy, as are most college students, so I only want to make time in my life for someone if we have something I can’t imagine giving up. But while being single right now is best for me, it can be so exhausting. From wondering if the attractive guy digs me back to whether or not to be physical with a guy I may not have emotional connections with, I was just sick of it. So, to the surprise of my friends, I decided that for summer, I’d basically be like one of the nuns that taught me in grade school. Except I’d still curse and wear bikinis and stuff.

When people would ask my why I was doing this, I usually said something new-agey like “I just need some time to really be alone. I need to focus on myself.” And focus on myself I did. I took a mini road trip with one of my best friends to an amazing art exhibit. I re-read one of my favorite books that I haven’t read since junior year of high school. I started doing Pilates, which completely rejuvenated and calmed me. I surrounded myself with the carefree joy of children, and picked some of their confidence along the way. Read More »

“The Ultimate Hatelist” posted a list of things they assume we, the ladies of the world, like that they think are ridiculously stupid.

Okay, so maybe we do get a little excited if our horoscope says we have a romantic interest in our near future (the guy from Bio, maybe?) and a little frozen yogurt is totally refreshing on a hot day. Okay fine! Maybe we do love a lot of the things they list, which also include brunch (how fun is a mimosa date with the girls?), reality TV, and making t-shirts (we’re bonding okay?!).

But we don’t really think men should be judging, especially with the laundry list of stupid shit they like.

Read More »

Oh October Cosmo, how you make me lust for the crisp weather and Fall fashions you print on each page (that I won’t get to experience until mid-October down here in good ol’ humid-ass Florida). I can’t wait to make Katie Lee Joel’s ridiculously scrumptious looking bread pudding, and I found your expose on why Audrina is the new Heidi intellectually stimulating.

Your interview with Megan Fox had me admiring her acting talents (who could forget her as whats-her-name in that one Lindsay Lohan movie ), and getting annoyed with her while she pretended not to know she’s hot. I was beginning to worry about finding material for this month’s Cosmo Says! Then I turned to page 72, so that relationship expert Matt Titus could explain to me “Why He Calls You a Nag When You’re Not.”

Cosmo Says: Because his Mom told him what to do for 18 years, every man will resent doing what their wife or girlfriend asks them to do out of the fear that they will revert back to childhood.

Kari Says: Seriously? I understand that this article is meant to make me LOL (which it did, but I was laughing at it, not with it), however I tend to disagree. It’s one thing when Cosmo’s ladies grossly over-generalize the male population, but dude—you’re throwing your own kind under the bus here! Scientific polling of actual guys (a frat-tastic sophomore and two first year med students) shows that this is BS: guys don’t have a problem doing favors for their s.o.’s (and it doesn’t remind them of their adolescent chore-list).

Cosmo Says: Men know that calling you a nag is hitting way below the belt and will send you straight into mid-life crisis mode.

Kari Says: I don’t care if you call me a nag, but you’re going to keep hearing me repeat myself until you actually do the simple task that I asked of you. Come on, you have to already know this! Read More »

Let’s be real, dating can be an absolute nightmare. And how many times have we sent a “this just isn’t going anywhere” text, wishing that we hadn’t just wasted two months of our precious time on this guy? Time we could have spent hanging out with the girls, reading Texts From Last Night, or shaving our bikini lines.

One too many.

And that is why we’re going to help you girls out. Men are very simple creatures, so simple in fact, that they can be neatly organized into a Venn diagram with pretty colors like the ones we used to color in elementary school.

This little ditty sums up the male gender in very simple terms, making it effortless for us girls to identify what sort of person our new prospect actually is, without the wasted month of dating to find out.

And it’s 100% accurate.

If your guy is hot (mmmm!) and he’s nice, he’s dumb. The end.
If he’s nice and knows all the answers in history class? He’s a nerd.
And if he’s answering all those questions while tossing back that gorgeous hair and flexing his muscles, he’s an ass.

Of course there are varying degrees of the above types. Your gorgeous, nice boy may be able to form coherent sentences, but after three weeks of him dying all his whites pink (“Why can’t I just throw in my red boxers?”), the diagram has proved correct. Read More »

When I walk into class every morning in my carefully planned outfit, complete with meticulously-matched accessories, it really disappoints me to see all the boys looking – how shall I put this? – less than stellar. If Cher was not expected to swoon over baggy pants and a backwards cap, than neither am I. Nor should I melt for crusty armpit stains, shower sandals (and long, nasty toenails), or eye boogers that have yet to be removed.

After living on a college campus and experiencing countless pairs of basketball shorts paired with mac-and-cheese-stained hoodies, I had completely lost hope that boys know how to dress.

And then I saw this. Read More »

Forever a dreamer, I have lived through movies. I wanted to change the bad boy like Reese Witherspoon in Cruel Intentions. I wanted a wardrobe like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada. And mostly, I wanted to dance my way to sex like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing (and not in the frat party/grinding sorta way).

Keep dreaming, right?

However, after spending lots of time analyzing my favorite movies, I’ve realized that it’s not so hard for the everyday man to create a movie moment in everyday life. Sure, finding a Leonardo DiCaprio to sketch my naked body on a sinking ship might be hard (and not ideal considering the ending), but many of the most romantic gestures in movies aren’t so hard to manage, even without a script: Read More »

"Oh, I'm kicking that guy's ass? Poor guy..."

There are some things you should always apologize for, like being late to meet a friend, bumping into someone on the street, or accidentally running over your ex-boyfriend’s foot with your car (whoops).

But there are also some things that, as a woman, you shouldn’t have to say sorry for.  I don’t care what anyone says, but you should not be left feeling guilty for any of the following.

Beating a Guy at Sports: Sunk the winning shot in a battle of the sexes?  Poker faced your way to a win?  We’ve all been told not to beat men at sports so we don’t bruise their precious egos, but this is also not 1950, so don’t hold back and don’t apologize.

Bypassing Lines at Clubs: Don’t let the haters have you giving looks of remorse as the velvet ropes are lifted.  Flaunt it if you’ve got it! Read More »