Ahhh – the romantic sex on the beach, or steamy encounter in the office bathroom. The stuff of romance novels and erotica everywhere. Personally, the beach was never my thing – too much sand (and it gets EVERYWHERE) – but the office bathroom isn’t too bad for a quick romp.

Sex in public places – yes, please!

There’s a certain amount of danger and excitement in sex in a public place that makes the original thrill of bumping uglies just that much better. It’s everyone’s fantasy isn’t it? Titillating and only steps away from being a scandal. Sure it’s awkward and not really as hot as they make it seem on TV, but still worth the while.

For me, it’s never been a planned operation; it’s not like me and my menfolk were passing notes on secret meeting places and which skirt I would wear (because skirts are a must for quick sex in a public place). It was just something that happened – he was horny, I was horny, and, apparently, we were both feeling a little adventurous.

There’s no real formula to sex in public places; you just do it. If you’re smart, you do it quietly, because there are people out there and they can hear you (no, rows at the movie theatre do not have a magical sound barrier between them). And you do it quickly, because the trip on the elevator might not be long enough otherwise. Read More »

After a stint of boy craziness that’s lasted maybe ten years, I’ve had one bad break-up too many and recently entered a period of no-men-under-any-circumstances- and-I-mean-it, lasting indefinitely.

Don’t get me wrong– I like being single. I’m pretty independent. I can still study and interact with other humans. I function. But when it comes to the menfolk, I get easily distracted. And attempting to stay celibate in college is like asking Whitney Houston to get clean in a crack house. So, thinking that the best offense is a good defense, I’m using a plethora of methods to stay on track and focused.

These are the ones that didn’t work.

Fattening Food I started eating pizza every day. Like, a lot of pizza. There’s this place down the street from my house that serves whole pies for five dollars. (I get the “Oahu,” which is just fancy-pants for Hawaiian. Eating an entire pie in less than three minutes almost helps you forget you’re totally pathetic.) And the first few days I was feeling all blob-like and disgusting, but that’s actually passed. Because after a few weeks I’ve plumped up a bit, and now my skin glows (read: has a greasy sheen) from the extra calories. It kind of makes me want to have a baby. Which is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Read More »