But just because Halloween happens on a weekend – allowing us to go balls to the wall without fear of vomiting in class the next day – it doesn’t mean you should disregard the basic No-No’s of this very religious holiday:

Walk of shaming- Everyone and their sister knows what you did last night when you’re walking (or even worse, biking) down the street in a sexy devil costume at 11am on November 1st.  Not that I’m condemning any Halloween nookie, but the blatantly obvious evidence the next morning ain’t so flattering.

Trying to conjure up spirits in the cemetery: Pretty sure they used to hang people for that, just F.Y.I.

Not dressing up: Don’t be that guy.  Besides, you don’t want to regret not dressing up because you’re a giant party pooper.  Yeah, times are tough; create something!

Dressing like a complete prostitute: To the point of people not knowing what the hell you’re supposed to be.  You don’t want to spend the night hearing, “Oh you didn’t hear? You were supposed to wear a costume.”

If you don’t got it, don’t flaunt it: Nothing makes me want to ralph my candy corn more than chick squeezed into a too-tight Halloween costume and walking around with a giant muffin top.  Look in the mirror and be realistic.  They don’t sell “Sexy Muffin Top” costumes for a reason, girlfriend.

Don’t slut it up too much if you have a boyfriend: Obviously the costume is meant to attract attention, but you don’t want to attract too much male attention if you’re already committed to a special someone. He’s the one who’ll be seeing you without the costume later on, but not if he catches you canoodling with Sponge Bob in the corner.

Dressing with a prop you have to carry: You really want to hold that bow and arrow all night when you know you’d rather be holding a sketchy red cup and that hottie’s hand?

Dressing with a prop you care about: If you really love your Guitar Hero guitar, leave that ish at home. Cuz it won’t be coming home with you at the end of the night.

Smashing pumpkins: Come on, that art takes time! There is smelly seed-goop to scoop, the danger of cutting your hand and some major creativity involved. No matter how tempting, leave the pumpkins alone, bro.

Most importantly: DO EFFING NOT walk around alone, especially in the skank outfit. One word:  Drunk. Predators. Love. Girls. Walking. Alone. In. Slutty. Outfits. At. Night. Okay that’s 11 words, but don’t do it.  No explanation needed. I mean, unless you’re into being attacked/murdered by some Michael Myers lookalike.

For one, if you look at them realistically, about 97% of the victims, as well as the hero, deserve to die for one reason or another, if not their own naivete. Second, if you watch these things in your living room in broad daylight, well, they are more hilarious that horror-y.

And also, I can’t help but think fondly of the scary movie that took my scary movie V-card: Scream. That movie was a total 90′s classic, and here are ten reasons why you need to take a trip down memory lane with this awesomely bad throwback, even if you’re not a fan of the horror genre:

1) The Drew Barrymore sequence that starts it all. Because let’s be serious: what was a 90′s movie without Drew and that burgundy-nearing-black lipstick? More than ten years later, she’s still got it.

2) The Courtney Cox-David Arquette love connection occurs before your eyes. Goes to show that a horror flick isn’t a bad date idea, and maybe making one is even better. It obviously worked for them!

3) Matthew Lillard. He’s hilarious (“Liver alone… Get it? Liver? Alone?!”) and I sort of have an awkward crush on him. Don’t judge – a young, blonde Rose McGowan plays his girlfriend in the movie.

4) Skeet Ulrich? What happened to that guy? Remember the ten minutes when he was plastered all over Seventeen magazine?

5) Fonzie’s cameo as a principal? Get out!

6) Even though tons of people die and the main characters are awful, God it makes you wish you grew up in California. And it doesn’t hurt to check out the late 90′s fashion, either… many a midriff was harmed in the making of this film.

7) Ingenuity of the killer (I won’t ruin the surprise for those of you who haven’t seen it) to use a thrifty, generic costume.

8 ) Before Jamie Kennedy was funny, he spent his time putting nice-guy moves on Neve Campbell. And that’s just great awkwardness to watch, predictable as it is.

9) It’s so much better than the sequels… as always proves to be the case. Doesn’t Wes Craven know the meaning of “too much of a good thing”?

10) For its time, you’ve got to admit it was terrifying. You know, when you had to sneak into theaters to see it. And you feared bathroom stalls for months (or even years).

[Photo courtesy of: www.freewebs.com]