Too bad we’re not good at anything. Well, anything that matters, anyway. It’s not like they’re going to be adding beer pong to the Summer Games anytime soon, or giving out golds for walking through the snow in heels. Both of which would surely earn us a medal and maybe even a Wheaties box.

And that got us thinking. If we were Olympians, what would we medal in? After all, if Curling can be considered a sport (isn’t that just Swiffering?), why not these:

Rachael – University of Miami: Definitely klutziness, socializing, and anything relating to rhetoric/debate. Clearly, athletics is not my strong point. . . .

Lauren H – The New School: My guy always says I’d take the gold in sleeping – I can nap anywhere, anytime, and I don’t drool or snore! Bring it on!

Jessica – Hofstra: I would get a gold medal for whining until I get my way, procrastinating, and shopping.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’d get a gold medal in baking. Not gonna lie, my low fat cheesecake is pretty much the shiz.

Melanie – Northeastern University: I’d take the gold in exaggerating and pounding Starbucks ice cream.

Megan – Penn State: What Michael Phelps is to swimming, I am to losing my phone.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: I would receive a gold metal in complaining about Minnesota weather, raising the roof, and a cereal (Cinnamon Toast Crunch, please) eating contest.

Jackelyn – San Francisco State University: Unfortunately, I’d get a gold medal in procrastination. It’s unbelievable how good I am at it!

Kari – Florida State: I’d go for the gold in saying incredibly awkward things and being productive while hungover.

Sara C – Fordham: If they were handing out medals for memorizing Seinfeld quotes, I’d have the gold all wrapped up!

Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: If being late were a sport, I would for sure be the world champion!

Cristina – Michigan State University: Sleeping hours past my alarm clock and being the only person I know who doesn’t gag when they smell straight vodka.

Kim – University of Delaware: Tripping/falling/waking up with bruises and having no idea where they came from.

Meg – University of Delaware: If I were an olympian, I’d definitely get gold in list making (with a sliver in checking things off), a gold in driving (too) fast and a gold in eating more than I should.

Kim – Stanford: I’d win a gold medal in kicking ass and taking names.

Carly – Grinnell: I often brag about how I would totally bag a gold for carrying groceries. I get a little carried away at the store and find myself walking home while balancing four huge paper bags and simultaneously fishing for my keys and unlocking the apartment door. YES! She nails it!!

Norah – Drake University: I’d take the gold in procrastination, snacking and knowing way too much about the Winter Olympics. I only care about sports for two weeks every four years, so I want to make it count! (Shameless self-promotion: check out my Olympics blog.)

Alex – Lakehead University: Going for the gold in wasting time. I can literally do nothing for an entire day.

Maddie – Tufts: I’d win a gold medal in painting nails… I always say it’s my fallback option for next year if I don’t get a job.

Jessica – FIT: I would have a gold medal in the art of tequila.

Brithny – Duke: If shopping were a sport, I’d be the Michael Phelps of SoHo.

Jessica – Delaware: I’d definitely get a gold medal in sarcasm and one-liners

Kelly – University of Iowa: Losing things. Honestly, if I’m carrying it in my hand I will lose it. Since college started I’ve lost my debit card 5 times, my credit card twice, and my student ID 4 times. And each are $20 to replace.

Julia – UC Berkeley: Text messaging.  I can craft any text for anybody in record time.

Hannah- Assumption College: I would score a gold medal in grocery shopping on a budget and rapping to Lil’ Wayne songs. Sometimes at the same time.

Yup, that's what $18,000 worth of Elvis hair looks like.

I’ve sold a few items on eBay, and it’s truly wild what people will buy these days (although no one wanted my used retainer… strange). Recently, a clump of Elvis’s hair sold for $18,000 at an auction in Chicago. I don’t know how I feel about this. Someone just legitimately purchased old hair follicles and dandruff for the price of a small car. This got me thinking:

What other celebrity items would make a killing on the auction block?

You know what would make a good centerpiece at the dinner table? Michael Phelps’ bong. Stick a few flowers in it and call it a vase. I mean, that’s what he was using it for, wasn’t it? Better yet, MP should put some of those luscious speed suits up on Ebay. Who wouldn’t pay a pretty penny to get that up close and personal with his junk?

And what about the prosthetic vampire teeth Robert Pattinson wears in Twilight. I bet some young pre-teen would crack open her piggy bank for that item. Used, of course. Perhaps we should add them to our New Moon gift basket. Talk about a good addition to your Halloween costume. Famous fangs!

And Lord knows Amy Winehouse has a ton of stuff to sell (to pay for her daily dose of horse tranquilizers, of course):

Amy Winehouse’s hair extensions – $50
Crack pipe – $100
I just wonder what she could get for that last shred of dignity. It’s simply priceless.

If you really want to discuss an item of value, let me offer up some authentic Richard Simmons‘ booty shorts for sale. Naturally, any pair worn in an exercise video would demand a higher price than just his daily going-to-the-grocery-store pairs, as they have a higher (ball) sweat-saturation. And Richard Simmons sweat is like the nectar of the gods. Just imagine what kind of motivation would come with the authentic essence of Rich on your lower half.

And don’t think we forgot about you, Paris. How much do you think Paris Hilton‘s house arrest ankle bracelet would sell for on eBay? It would probably be categorized as a celebrity chic fashion accessory, perfect with a pair of Louboutin (knock-off) pumps.

God, knowing how much someone spent on Elvis’s hair, I can only imagine what Balloon-boy‘s family could get for that flying saucer. If my R.A. would let me tie it to the side of my dorm, I’d buy it in a heartbeat and be a part of history!

After months of sun and sweat, it’s finally time to enjoy good TV and cozy autumnal fashion—or not. The weather is perfect: it’s warm enough to work out outdoors, if you’re into that kind of thing, but cool enough to make getting close to a special someone—meaning someone who can take direction—even more appealing… especially if you’ve already had a few.

Fall also carries a few dangers with it. We’re going to have to start resisting the temptation to take any shortcuts with our schoolwork, being vigilant about that porky flu, and keeping track of how many baked goods we eat (especially if we choose to pull a Michael Phelps. Munchies can be murder). But as long as we still get to party—responsively, of course!—it’s all good.

Also, this happened this week. It doesn’t really have anything to do with anything; we just like linking to a picture of a giant baby every now and then.

Why, you ask?  Oh, so many reasons.  One of the most important is that the dorms on my campus are chronically overheated and I come from a climate very similar to that of a tundra.  I run hot, as the saying goes.  Therefore, naked time is necessary.  However, after a couple years of stripping down to do my homework or whatever else I felt like doing, I’ve gotten used to it.  In fact, I highly recommend nudity.  Whether you have your naked time in solitude or with a friend, that’s up to you…

Here are some (non-creepy) reasons to be naked.  Enjoy:

Comfort – Fashion can be restricting.  There are days (especially in this hazy, hot summer) where the idea of waking up and putting on an outfit seems like torture.  More layers in 100 degree heat??  Absurd.  Might as well stay home and be naked.  This allows for temperature control, as well.  Plus, I guarantee you’ll not have a better night’s sleep than when you sleep naked.

Aerodynamics - Every sport (except perhaps curling and a couple of others) has a uniform specifically designed to be more aerodynamic.  The faster you are, the more you win.  Well, you can’t beat nudity for aerodynamics.  There’s no uniform closer to the skin than…skin.  Now if only professional athletes such as swimmers started competing this way (I’m talking to you, Michael Phelps)…

Attention - Going to the club?  Want some free drinks?  We all know that a little well-timed cleavage will score some free drinks.  What about nudity?  If we ignore laws about indecent exposure, clubs would be the perfect place to be naked.  You’d get loads of male attention (well, you’d get everyone’s attention, let’s not lie) and you wouldn’t be sweating your make-up off after the third song of shakin’ your booty.  Win.

Mental Health – This one is actually serious.  When you don’t have to worry about external trappings, your mind is free to relax and wander to places it may not have previously been free to go.  You fall asleep faster when you’re not thinking about how your shirt is all twisted up and your shorts are riding a bit too high (next stop, Wedgie Town).  Even homework seems to flow faster (trust me, I’ve tried this and homework is definitely easier and more fun when you’re naked. Don’t ask me why).

Saves Money – More naked time = less clothing to buy.  Enough said.

Healthier - Summer or winter, you sweat more when you wear clothes.  They restrict the flow of air to your skin and bacteria can quickly build up in certain places.  So, if you remove the clothes, then you’ll have less of a chance of rashes and skin infections.   Rashes + Skin Infections = Not Sexy.  It’s a scientific fact, my friends.

Diet - I don’t know about you, but any sight of my naked body makes me vow never to eat carbs again.  If I was naked more often, then I might actually follow through on that promise.  Have you ever tried eating while naked?  It’s awkward and seems wrong on some level.  I’m sure if I spent more time nude, I’d be rocking the best diet ever.  Anyways, I’m pretty sure McDonald’s has that No Shirt – No Shoes- No Service rule.  See?  The diet is already effective.

There’s something in the air in Madrid.

How to stress less.

WTF happened on the Lost finale!?

Clean those makeup brushes.

I’ll buy whatever Freida Pinto is sellin’.

Nicole Kidman on her marriage arrangement with Tom Cruise.

Thoughts on holey jeans?

Amy Winehouse hospitalized. And not from drugs.

Michael Phelps looks like….

Save money on that computer.

Lily Allen attacks!

Not sure I believe Brad would choose the nanny over Angie.

Michael Phelps opens up about pot picture.

John Stewart vs. Jim Cramer. Go.

Is Mandy Moore preggers?

If You Seek Amy video.

Get ready for some more affordable birth control!

Is Chanel for real with this?!

A little behind the “scenes” gossip from The Hills!

New Balance for Nine West. So cute!

Jessica Biel wants to marry JT. Um, who doesn’t?!

Lindsay Lohan is skinny cuz she’s stressed! Duh!

Conan gets ready to move to LA (and an earlier timeslot).

The perfect liquid eyeliner. So good.

Michael Phelps gets off for the bong hit.

Should you use heavier dumbbells or do more reps?

Bridging the (drinking) gender gap.

Miley Cyrus won’t be leaving Casa De Billy Ray anytime soon…

Tame those drinking habits. You know, if you want to…

MAC makes choosing the perfect color easy!

The best beauty trends of 2009…for $20 or less.

Is Katy Perry kissing Benji Madden? And if so, does she like it?

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! There’s nothing quite like having the living crap scared out of you for the sake of a little fun.  And as luck would have it, today is the day to celebrate all that is creepy, crawly and down right horrifying.

For some of us serial killers, axe murderers and zombie brides make us scream out in fear; for me, it’s just about everything else. Even the idea of mesh shirts, Mr. Clean (I can’t explain it, something about his bald head and disapproving glare terrify me) and bad Botox are enough to make me cringe. The sight of one of these alone will have me under the covers until someone soothing coaxes me out with the promise of hot cocoa and a hug.

So in honor of the most horrifying holiday of all holidays, bring on the blood, the gore, and the headless corpses because I have a list of fears that are way worse. Grab something cuddly, have the hot cocoa ready and check out ten ways to be terrified this Friday the 13th.

1. Flying in planes

2. Slipping and falling due to icy weather and a bad shoe decision

3. Brain worms (did you see Grey’s last night?!?)

4. Being forced to go home after graduation due to our failing economy.

5. Chris Brown.

6. Octomom’s humongus pregnant belly.

7.  Getting caught smoking a bong.

8. Blind dates.

9. Drunken Facebook pictures.

10. Glitter eyeshadow.

However crazy they were acting in 2008, however, they’ve all been acting pretty, well, normal lately. Lindsay’s stable relationship seems to be keeping her grounded, Amy’s getting help, and Britney’s back!  Even former Hollywood bad girls Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie seem to have grown up, too.

Boring, right? What are we supposed to obsess over? Talk about? Compare ourselves (read: make ourselves feel better about our own lives) to?

Thank god for the bad boys!

As we have all seen over and over and over, these past few weeks have been chock full of dudes gone bad: Chrisitian Bale flipped out on a movie set, Chris Brown was just arrested for assaulting Rihanna, Michael Phelps has gotten into some trouble for an unfortunate bong hit, and Oscar-nominated actor Joaquin Phoenix has been behaving, er,  strangely after quitting acting to pursue a career in hip-hop.

We knew we could always count on someone in Hollywood to keep us entertained, but it looks like  2009 is turning into the year of the male meltdown. What could be next? More Tom Cruise shenanigans? A Michael Cera drug bust? A Brad Pitt freak out?

We’ll have to see, but the way things are going so far in ’09, we are sure there will be plenty of dude drama to come.