And now Disney’s hopping on the makeover bandwagon, re-imagining Mickey Mouse as an angry-eyebrow-sporting curmudgeon who roams around a “cartoon wasteland,” wielding “paint and thinner thrown from a magic paintbrush” as a weapon. Seriously.

I understand why Disney is trying to give Mickey some edge—squeaky clean, anthropomorphic rodents just don’t have the same appeal that they used to. But there are tons of reasons that this gritty new version of their most well known character just isn’t going to work.

First of all, there’s the outfit—Mickey’s trademark red shorts with huge white buttons and silly yellow shoes aren’t exactly going to strike fear into the heart of, well, anyone. And outfitting Mickey in, say, a studded leather jacket and an eyebrow ring would just be wrong.

Then there’s Mickey’s familiar high-pitched voice and signature chuckle. Are they going to make the mouse go through puberty? How weird would it be if Mickey started sounding like this? I don’t see how Mickey could possibly be edgy if he still talks like Mrs. Featherbottom sans English accent, but I also don’t see how Disney could change one of the most recognizable things about Mickey without losing the soul of the character.

And how does Minnie play into all of this? Is Disney going to shorten her polka dotted dress and have her wear intense eyeliner or something? Are the new Mickey and the new Minnie going to have an unhealthy, codependent relationship? Is she going to start cheating on him with Donald, or maybe Goofy?

Okay, maybe the South Park crew managed to make Mickey pretty terrifying on an episode last year. Even so, Disney’s edgification of their mascot seems doomed from the start. Remember when Warner Brothers reimagined Daffy, Bugs and the gang as creepy, menacing “loonatics?”

Of course you don’t. Because it was terrible.

I didn’t realize Mickey and Barbie were so kinky. Based on Barbie’s after-sex-hair, though, it looks like everyone here is having a really good time. You go, Little Timmy!

Finals week drained me of a lot – my last pint of Cherry Garcia, my final cup of Folger’s, my sanity – plus the extra cash I had stashed in my wallet all semester. Cash that was supposed to help buy gifts for well, everybody, on my holiday gift list.

But it’s the holidays and sometimes magical things happen. So I’d like to extend a big THANK YOU! to the Holiday gods for sending this little gem my way: SwapStyle.com. It reminds me of my junior high days when my BFFs would bring over extra clothes for me to model and “borrow.” We all knew that “borrowing,” however, actually meant my friend would never see her A&F tee again. And she was cool with it, because she only brought it over because it made her look fat.

Yeah, so it’s just like that only on a much larger scale. Thanks to the information superhighway you can “borrow” clothes from women from all over the globe! That means you’re not limited to extra large, ratty Mickey Mouse T’s and super-flare Mudd Jeans from your somewhat-frumpy best friend’s wardrobe. Instead you can “borrow” Coach bags, Forever 21 dresses and MAC eyeshadows.

Plus, clothes-swapping is super environmentally friendly (you are reusing other people’s things instead of wasting new materials!) and the site is easy to use. Did I mention it’ s free to sign up?

Check it out here.

Then there’s the racism and sexism in all of the cartoons his company has produced.

But I guess we’d all thought, with the advent of the first ever black female lead in a Disney cartoon, that the company had turned a new, desperate leaf and was actually interested in being a culturally aware organization rather then a profit-hungry global conglomerate steeped in Nazi tradition (Did you know?: Pirates of the Caribbean is powered by the OCCULT!).

We thought wrong. Looks like theres’ a huge labor dispute going on right now between Disney and a few thousand hotel employees, which was brought to a head today when protesters marched on the California Disney locations, dressed (hilariously) as Disney characters.

Bewildered tourists in Disney T-shirts and caps, some pushing strollers, filed past the commotion and gawked at the costumed picketers getting hauled away. The protest shut down a major thoroughfare outside Disneyland and California Adventure for nearly an hour.

“It’s changing my opinion of Disneyland,” said tourist Amanda Kosato, who was visiting from north of Melbourne, Australia. “Taking away entitlements stinks.”

The dispute involves about 2,300 maids, bell hops, cooks and dishwashers at three Disney-owned hotels: the Paradise Pier, the Grand Californian and the Disneyland Hotel.

The workers’ contract expired in February and their union says Disney’s latest proposal makes health care unaffordable for hundreds of employees and creates an unfair two-tier wage system. The union also says Disney wants to create a new category of part-time employees who would receive greatly reduced benefits. (YahooNews)

Companies do this sh*t all the time. Actually, the security firm that my college (WOO LIBERAL COLLEGE REFUSING TO SUPPORT WORKERS BECAUSE IT’S JUST A PROFIT MACHINE) uses to supply guards for class buildings and dorms did this to their employees when their union contracts ran out and totally HOSED them with removal of daycare options and lower wages. Then there is the whole Congress Hotel debacle that’s been going on for five years here in Chicago…

Looks like lots of big companies enjoy screwing the little man.

Kudos Disney, spread that love.