When I was 12 I had thick bangs, giant braces and a wardrobe that consisted of my brothers’ yellow-crusted-arm-pitted-hand-me-downs. I wore Umbros – one leg green, one leg purple – and maroon reverse fit jeans (read: mom jeans). I thought I was super stylish when I threw on one of my brother’s flannel button downs…and only buttoned the middle one!

I realize times have changed and fashion is a lot more accessible to the youngsters, but this girl is really making me feel like sh*t. Even now. And I really love my wardrobe. Or, I did, until I started seeing hers.

I don’t really know who this chicadee is and I totally question who is really behind the writing of this blog (because there is no way in hell a 12 year old could write this way….and if she can, I hate her even more), but none of that really matters. This little fashionista clearly exists…and obviously does so just to make us normal people feel bad about ourselves.

The whole thing is just crazy. She struts her chic NYC style down the hallways of her middle school. She rocks vintage frocks as she jumps the swings on the playground. And she can rock a look like this without looking totally ridiculous. Read More »

I remember the first time I tried it. My close friends were hanging out one afternoon and the topic came up. Masturbation.

The room got eerily silent.

Then one of my more adventurous and experienced friends proclaimed, “I tried it for the first time in middle school.” We all gasped. “What? None of you have ever tried it?” More silence.

“No one?”

I could hear crickets.

She was astonished. Everyone she knew had done it and not just once; weekly, if not daily! We had to try it! It would change our lives!

So, we made a pact. By the end of the semester we would all try it once (and, since most of us were roommates with at least one person in the room, we vowed to let them have the room to themselves at some point to do so). And to kick off the pact, we took a fieldtrip to the campus sex store for some…er….tools.

I tried the very next day. Why not? I was curious….and my roommate had a 2 hour lecture. It didn’t take long (literally) before I realized just how right my friend was. Why had I waited so long to try it? Why did I always feel so ashamed to want to do it? It truly was life changing!

And in more ways than the obvious. Just like the wonderfully unknown benefits of exercise, masturbation comes with a whole slew of added bonuses. (Mind you, I looked these up when trying to convince one of the other pact-makers that it was not only OK to do it, but necessary for a long and fulfilling life.)

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I’ll never forget that fateful day in art class, senior year of high school. This (pardon me if I seem rash in this titling) bitch named Ashlee was in my class. She was cool in the sense of…not cool at all, with a god awful short haircut and horrible highlights and delusions that her Nike sneakers with Mudd flares threw her into some high fashion club.

She was also dating a guy–the quarterback (of course)–who had secretly had a crush on me (a fact I didn’t find out until college).

The quarterback and my sporadic and subtle flirting, combined with the fact that she hated me for not kissing her ass, lead to Ashlee on a mission to make me cry. And one day; it almost worked.

There was a spider in our classroom. Ashlee flipped out in the typical “popular” girl fashion (“oh my gawd, oh my gawd! Do something!“), and I told her to chill and went to pick it up to put it out the window. I squated down to let the spider walk onto a piece of paper and suddenly, there was her ugly grass stained Nike sneaker…smashing it on my hands. I wanted to cry but instead I stood up and said,

“God, you’re such a bitch.” Read More »

• I’m all for protecting the sexually active…just not for 11 year olds needing to be protected. I don’t think I even knew what sex was when I was 11. (Maine Sunday Telegram)

• “Thomas had entered the store and demanded that employees kneel and bow before him because he was “Almighty God” and the “King of the United States.” King of the United States = God? Amazing. (Daily Freeman)

• It’s 920 calories, 60 grams of fat…and everything I could ever want. And this is just breakfast. (Yahoo!)

• This actually happened at my high school too. Note to pranksters: Never mess with the football field. You’ll always get screwed. (ABC 12)

• Student governments are always as*holes. Especially when it comes to studednts broadcasting homemade porn on campus television. (COED Magazine)