But a recent article now has me thinking that these girls are a whole new generation of slut, wearing their sexual history on their sleeves.

The gist of the article is that a middle school in Colorado has banned rubber bracelets because they believe the students are participating in “snap games.” No, that’s not some sort of game where you pull back the rubber bracelet and snap your friend’s wrist to make her scream bloody murder. It’s actually when students wear different bracelets to represent their participation in certain sexual acts.

Pause.
WHAT!?

I always thought these bracelets were sorta ugly, but knowing they actually represent BJs on the bus and getting down and dirty with a boy at a bar mitzvah makes me feel all kinds of gross and old. Back in my day we wore the rubber bracelets to support a meaningful cause. We had ones in remembrance of 9/11 and we had pink bracelets with the cancer ribbon to support loved ones battling the disease. We didn’t walk around with an arm full of “Suck the Penis” bracelets pledging our allegiance to the adolescent sex cause.

But what’s worse than actually taking part in this fad is the fact that administrators think banning the things is going to put the kabosh on recess romps. I’m positive that most of these girls are just wearing the stupid bracelets so that they don’t get ousted by Slutty Stacey at the next lunch table meeting. And the ones who actually are participating in this game can just text their new boyfriend their sexual resume instead of displaying it publicly on their arm.

Seriously, can we get these kids some damn sex education, please? Maybe focusing our efforts on teaching girls how to use a rubber instead of banning rubber (bracelets) would be more productive…

(Also productive: starting this fad on a college campus. If those college boys joined in it might save us all a lot of time weeding out the manwhores….)