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This weekend, Patti Stanger did the unthinkable.  She called off her engagement to her boyfriend of six years because she said, “You have to agree on the non-negotiables.”  In their case, children were the dividing factor- she wanted them, he didn’t.  But at 49, Patti’s move was both ballsy and…well, kinda smart.

Every girl has her own set of non-negotiables.  Maybe you could never date someone who listened to Enya, perhaps you couldn’t commit to a vegan.  Whatever your deal breakers, and whatever your reasoning behind them, it becomes hard to stick to your guns when you get caught up in an otherwise great relationship.

In college, the Land of Random Hook-Ups and Other Unplanned Physical Attractions, it’s completely impossible to predict whom you’ll find yourself dating.  Friends that turn into boyfriends, one night stands that stick around for three semesters, frat bros looking to (gasp!) settle…it’s all very curious terrain.  Where does this leave you?  Frequently, throwing aside your “criteria” in favor that kid from Spanish class who no hablo inglés.

While I encourage you to experiment, explore, and date all the foreign exchange students you could ever want, you also need to take a note from Patti and realize that there is no middle ground on some topics.  Here’s cheat sheet to romantic red flags:

Bicoastal Lovin’
Sure, it’s great when he’s living on the hall one flight up, but come summer your West Coast cutie isn’t going to be moving into your parents’ spare bedroom in Rhode Island (I hope).  As a loyal CollegeCandy reader, you should be aware of the struggles of an LDR.  Months apart, endlessly wondering what he’s up to, who’s he with… Really consider if that’s something you’re willing to deal with. (And don’t even get me started on graduation, because I don’t care what he says – you two won’t “just make it work.”)

Christmukkah
If one or both of you isn’t super into your religion, you can skip this one.  But if you get a girl-boner over Christmas tree shaped cookies and Easter egg hunts while he spins the dreidel like a champ, you may need to revise your relationship.  In college it may seem like only a small snag- you go to Atheists Anonymous, he went on Birthright (twice) and visits his temple four days a week…who cares?

Outside the walls of higher education, though, things get a little trickier.  Families become involved, holidays are shared, your shared kitchen table won’t accommodate both the Kwanzaa candles and menorah.  It’s tough stuff, but another one you’ve got to be honest with yourself about.

Must Love Dogs
So you grew up watching Lassie, sleeping with ten stuffed animals, donating your allowance to the ASPCA.  He hates animals.  Runs them over with his SUV to make roadkill burgers.  Tells puppies they’re ugly.  Turns into a sneezy, sniffly, itchy Visene commercial upon being with cats.  He thinks Seabiscuit should have lost.  (Oh snap!)

So what to do when you’re wondering how much is that doggy in the window and he’s learning to make squirrel salad from Ted Nugent?  Visit the student union and rescue a homeless PETA member, STAT.

Pull a Patti
I know we’re a bit young to be thinking of kids, but just recognize the following:  Somewhere in the future, be it in five years of fifteen, you will have a serious talk about a serious issue with your potential husband (or Brangelina-style BF).  Know what you want and what he wants.  Know that neither one of you will likely change your mind.  Know that it’s better to be 49 and single than 29 and unhappy for the rest of your life.

Be honest with yourself and be honest with your mate. It will save you a lot of heartache down the road.

What are your dating deal breakers?

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The Rabbi’s argument was that Patti’s club is superficial and that if it is exclusive to millionaires, then those who join the club are essentially marrying for money, and not for any of the “right” reasons.  Patti defended herself insisting that her services provide men with the tools they need to have a successful relationship, and provide women with the comfort of knowing that their potential mate will be able to give them a safe and secure life if a match is made.

My first thought: If only this were the topic of discussion on the Bimah at my own Bat Mitzvah, I may have been able to stay awake.
My second thought: Wait a second, Rabbi may have a point.
My third thought: Uh oh, does this make me a crazy feminist?

Well I’m not ready to stop shaving my armpits quite yet, but I do think The Bearded One has a point.

For men, the club membership fees range from $25,000 to $150,000.  For women….it’s free.  So any women (whose physique is acceptable by Patti’s standards, of course) can be a member of the club.  They’re single, looking for love, and by joining, they may or may not be paired with the love of their life…who can jet them off to Paris for a first date.  Does this make them gold diggers?  According to the Rabbi, it does.  Money should not be the first thing that attracts a woman to a man; his wealth should be unknown until after a connection is made.

What happened to equality?  Are Patti and her efforts taking a step backward in making women equal to men when it comes to wealth and relationships? Let’s evaluate: to join, or not to join?

To join:

- For women, the club is free, so… why not? We have nothing to lose.

- It is a great jumping off point to meet men who are established professionally.

- Accoding to Patti, joining does NOT make a woman a gold digger.  It means she is interested in meeting a man that is financially stable.  It takes much more than money to make a connection, and Patti tells her girls not to put up with a guy’s “bullsh*t” even if he does have money.

- It does not make women less equal to men than if they were to meet them any other way.  Just because they are being set up on dates with millionaires, does not mean that they can’t be successful themselves.

Not to join:

- Money does not guarantee security or a life of stability. From the outside, yes, these guys look like they have their sh*t together.  Some do, I’m not claiming that all men who are successful are secretly a**holes, but I am taking a stance that just because a guy has money does NOT mean he is “stable” by any means.  A millionaire could have just as many emotional problems, if not more, than any average Joe lurking the streets.

- It is no secret that money provides us with comfort.  However, as cliché as it may sound, money cannot buy happiness.  No diamond is worth flaunting on your hand if the man who gave it to you does not make you happy every day.

- In order to join the club, men must prove themselves with money, and women with their looks.  This does sound superficial and sexist, and it does take a step backward from women reaching equality.

Like my mom always says: there’s a top for every pot.  If a loaded pot want to pay upwards of $50,000 to meet his top, well, power to him.  So, now it’s up to you…to join, or not to join?

"Is your picker off?"

The time has come, ladies!

The holidays are over, winter break is in full swing (or completely over, for some of us) and we no longer have to rely on “MADE” re-runs to satiate our hunger for reality TV. Lots of our favorite (read: guiltiest pleasure) shows are coming back this month. So whether you’re still chillaxin on mama’s couch nomming on those delish little leftover Ferrero Rocher chocolates (just me?) or back on campus and in dire need of an escape from “Human Communication 101,” here’s CC’s guide to winter 2010 TV premieres:

The Millionaire Matchmaker: Tues, Jan. 19 @ 10pm EST on Bravo.
Patti’s heart-shaped engagement ring is pretty fug, but the hot-mess-millionaires are totes worth watching.

Project Runway: Thursday, Jan. 14 @ 10 EST on Lifetime. Followed by The Models of the Runway.
It will never be as good as its Bravo days, but it still has Tim and Heidi. And the token hilarious gay guy.

Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew: Thurs., Jan. 7 on VH1.
OH.EM.GEE!

Nip/Tuck: Weds., Jan. 6 @ 10 on FX.
The.Final.Season. About time, right?

Iron Chef America: Sunday, Jan. 10 on Food Network.
Nom nom nom.

What Not to Wear: Friday, Jan. 8 @ 9 EST on TLC.
Clinton Kelly is straight, right? I mean, I have a chance with him?

The Buried Life: Monday, Jan. 18 @ 10 EST on MTV.
MTV moves away from the trashy and attempts to inspire us all to do good. Plus the four main guys are totally cute. I know I’ll be watching.

The Vampire Diaries: Thurs., Jan. 21 @ 8 EST on CW.
Because vampires are hot.

American Idol: Tues., Jan. 11 @ 8 EST on Fox.
Goodbye Paula (and incoherent ramblings). Hellooooooo, Ellen!

Parks and Recreation: Thurs., Jan. 14 @ 8:30 EST on NBC.
Nestled nicely between Community and The Office, this show is hard to miss. So don’t miss it.

Lost : Tues., Feb. 2 @ 9 EST on ABC.
Finally, I can find out what the eff is happening.

The Office: Thurs., Feb. 4 @ 9 EST on NBC.
Jim and Pam baby. Jim and Pam baby. Jim and Pam BABY!!

And just in case you were too busy catching up on world news or, more realistically, watching reruns of Jersey Shore for the 6th time, here are a few shows that kicked it off this week. Don’t worry – you can catch the reruns online.

The Biggest Loser: Tuesdays @ 8 EST on NBC.
The first episode is always pretty boring anyway…

The Bachelor: Mondays @ 8 EST on ABC.
Do you really need to see the first episode to get dragged in to the dramz? Hell no.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Mondays @ 8 EST on ABC Family.
This show is good. Really good. Start watching!

Giuliana & Bill: Sundays @ 9 EST on Style
Yeah, we don’t want to care about these two either, but they’re so damn cute we just can’t stop.

The Millionaire Matchmaker is officially matched.

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Is Paris going after Jessica Simpson’s leftovers?

Aaaand I’m never eating McDonalds again.

Michelle Obama got a haircut. Why do we care?

Considering I had never met the guy, I had my doubts that he asked for my number. Nonetheless I gave my grandmother permission to give it to him. Then I promptly forgot about the whole yentil-style-matchmaker-ambush and went back to my daily life of interning and unsuccessful haggling with street vendors.

And then, a few days later, like a missed call in shining armor, I received the following voicemail. Try not to swoon.

“Hi Jenni, this is Ben, my grandmother is making me call you, I don’t know what the hell is going on. I guess call me back at 867-5309. You know what, or don’t this is so awkward.”

It’s almost unnecessary to say but after that charming message, we began dating, one thing led to another, and we’re getting married in the Plaza over the fourth of July weekend. Slash NOT.

I have yet to return the call. I don’t remember this happening to anyone during Fiddler on the Roof and that’s the only experience I have with being set up by my elders. I’m tempted to just text him this blog link, but then again he is my only prospect at the moment (sure he’s playing a little hard to get) and I don’t want to ruin my chances.

After all, I’m not in college anymore and I can’t just meet guys and immediately classify them by their fraternity affiliation. I have no idea who anyone is or how to tell the difference between a genuinely awesome guy and one who meets and murders girls off of eHarmony.

Am I going to have to depend on being set-up by friends (not relatives) from now on? Even worse, do I need to get professional head shots taken so I can use the Millionaire Matchmaker service (and make my grandparents proud)?

Another thing I’m going to have to figure out.

Life would be a whole lot easier if money weren’t an issue, right? You wouldn’t have to worry about those pesky bills, you could travel the world in style, enjoy daily shopping trips at your favorite boutiques…

Whoa. Sorry – zoned out there for a minute.

Anywho, even if people don’t want to admit it, marrying someone with money would be pretty fan-effing-tastic, no?  Just look at all those Real Housewives – their lives aren’t too shabby. Who wouldn’t want to have all that (minus the ridiculous dramz, of course)?

So, is there anything wrong with trying to find a wealthy man to sweep you off your feet? And does looking for a man with a cushy bank account make you a – how did my friend put it? – prostitute? There’s a fine line between liking someone with money and liking someone for money, but, at the end of the day, is either one really ok?

See both sides below, then weigh in on the topic in the comment section!

Yeah.

Not that I mind being single – I have actually gotten quite used to it – I just worry that spending so much time depending on myself and myself only has sorta made me….too single.

I don’t remember what it’s like to be in a relationship anymore; to answer to someone else, to plan around someone else, to make decisions with someone else. I sleep in the middle of my bed – and I hog all the pillows. I spend my evenings with takeout food and TLC reality shows that no guy would ever watch. I sometimes go days without washing my hair and months without getting a wax. I devote any and all time to hanging out with my friends. I take out my own garbage and buy my own drinks.

I change my own flat tires.

I enjoy being a truly independent woman, but I am starting to wonder if all that “I can do it”-ness is preventing me from finding someone. If my contentedness is preventing me from actually getting out there and bringin’ home a boy. Well, a boyfriend. I have gotten quite good at just bringing home a boy.

A friend recently told me (drunk at 3 a.m., mind you) that the key to getting a guy is playing the damsel in distress. Not in all aspects of your life, but in some. Her weapon is a lack of car; she always needs the guy to drive, so he feels good taking care of her. And guys keep lining up to give this girl a ride (pun not intended)..

Even Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, would agree (and not when she’s drunk at 3 a.m.). Guys need to be guys and they need to feel needed. They may admire a woman who can do it all herself, but it steps on their manly toes a bit when she does.

The fact that I’ve done it all myself for the past few years, then, may be the reason its been so long. I’m so used to being out of a relationship that I may be preventing myself from getting into one.

I think I’m officially too single. Is that possible?

You see, I am not your typical girl who is always on the man-hunt. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, or enjoy flirting at the bar and the like – it’s just that there are things I L.O.V.E about being a single lady. Things that I’m not so keen on giving up. Things I want to enjoy for as long as possible now before I get married to some dude who thinks a fun weeknight involves South Park and Dutch Oven-ing me.

So here is this weeks Love List: Why all my single ladies love being single.

1) My legs keep me a lot warmer in the winter than my taken friends. I live in Chicago and it is COLD. Actually cold doesn’t even describe it – it’s like an arctic tundra (do those words even go together?). And being single makes that not-s0-bad. How? I love that I don’t have to shave my legs in the winter if I don’t want to. Is it a little embarrassing in yoga when my teacher happens to see that my ankle hair could be braided and beaded like I just spent a week in Jamaica? Sure, but at least my legs keep me warmer than those soft Jergened up legs of yours.

2) I can wear grandma undies whenever I want to. Call me what you will but I am not a fan of thongs and Hanky Pankys are just uncomfortable (yes I said it). I am a happier camper in regular undies and thanks to my single status, there is no one to impress with a lacey piece of floss up my butt.

3) After a long day I can come home, sit on my couch, watch my girly TV shows and my chick flicks without someone saying I have no taste in TV. I can shop online and spend ‘that long’ debating over which color I should get those wedges in. I can play around with makeup, throw different products on my face and spend all day watching The Millionaire Matchmaker while reading fashion magazines and not feel guilty about making someone else do it with me. And I don’t have to pretend that I care about No Country for Old Men. Or knowing every line in Anchorman and quoting it like a religious person quotes the bible.  Because I don’t. I really, really don’t.

4) No Bikini Waxes! (Unless I plan on wearing a bathing suit). This really needs no explanation. Which leads me to my next point…

5) I save a whole lot of moolah which can be used for other things than the painfulness that is overpriced Brazilian waxes. $60 can buy me a lot of things (like said shoes mentioned in #3) so for that I LOVE being single. Sure I may be a little hairier, but I’m also a little bit richer.

What do you LOVE about being single?