Bad news. According to some article I read yesterday while sitting in Stats lecture, there is a severe cocoa shortage happening as we speak.

I am not really an economics/business minded person, so I can’t tell you why there is a shortage, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that there is. And I am scared. My life revolves around chocolate. I turn to my good friend Cocoa in times of happiness and times of extreme boy-related-depression. How can I go on without it?! 

- What will I nosh on late into the night when I am studying for finals?

- How will I be able to warm up without my hot cocoa after a long day of walking to class in these frigid Michigan winters?

- What will I eat to make myself feel better when my boyfriend and I get into a fight because I see him flirting with another (much skankier/worse dressing) girl at the bar?

- And, most importantly, what will I pour all over his body when he apologizes, telling me I’m the only one he wants/needs/could ever hope for, and we have mind blowing make-up sex?

Seriously, I am distraught. A life without chocolate is almost as bad as a life without my really fabulous vintage Gucci bag. Or without sex. And a life without sex drives me to eat chocolate. OH MY GOD! What if I can’t get either!? I need to get to the store now and stock up. You may think I’m crazy, but you will be singing a different tune when Nestle taps out in your time of need and I am swimming in a of Hershey’s wrappers.

Spring is here (sorta, at least). You know what that means: boxed wine on the porch, boys in khaki cargo shorts and blue button downs – mmmm – and, for me, an annual “It’s Almost Bathing Suit Season” freak out.

I didn’t even realize how close summer was until I woke up for my 9am class this morning and saw that it was already 55 degrees out. Clearly, I was excited at the prospect of leaving the house without Uggs for the first time in 5 months, but that soon passed as I realized my impending doom.

After returning from class I spent my three hour break (usually reserved for catching up on my TiVo) doing the following:

11:15 – 11:40: Stare at thunder thighs in mirror from all angles.

11:40 – 11:50: Cry.

11:50 – 12:06: Stare at beer belly from all angles.

12:06 – 12: 08: Cry.

12:08 – 12:14: Answer phone call from mom. Yell at her for genetically large thighs and belly.

12:14 – 12:25: Cry/Eat a cookie to feel better.

12:25 – 1:15: Play Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera/Awesome 80’s music and dance around my room to burn off the calories from that cookie.

1:15-1:16: Crunches (then my abs started burning, so I had to stop)

1:16 – 2:15: Concede defeat and watch American Idol on TiVo. Sidenote – Sanjaya makes me want to cry.

I eventually returned to class where I spent the duration making a list of all the people I have to call in order to prepare for the summer months; namely, Rosa, the lady who does all my “bathing suit waxing.” Winter is officially over. And, while I never thought I would say this, I am counting the days until it returns. Not because I love the cold and brown snow. More because I can bring back the oversized sweats and avoid the bi-monthly pain of Rosa’s artistry.

If your typical workout consists of about 30 minutes on the elliptical while also chatting on a cellphone, talking with friends, and reading the latest InTouch, you may want to pay attention…

“If you’re doing cardio workouts, it can take as long as 4 months before you begin to notice shapely muscle where a mound of fat used to be,” said Kara Gallagher, Ph.D, CEO of Mohr Results, a nutrition and fitness company based in Louisville, in a recent article for Prevention magazine.

“But lifting weights can cut that time in half.” Half the time to notice any type of results? I’d say that’s pretty significant. Speaking as a former cardio-holic myself, I have come to appreciate what a little bit of weight lifting can do for your figure.

I’m not suggesting you hit the bench press with the oddly tan and gross-looking body builders. But, venture over to the free weights area and pick up the lighter dumbbells and do some arm raises or bicep curls. Just try it, you’ll be glad later.

If you ever feel bloated, depressed or unhappy with your body while surfing the celeb sites or grazing the pages of the supermarket mags, Just remember:

Celebrities are people too.

Yes, real people who deal with the same problems as the rest of us… Right, Nicky?

Check out Nicky Hilton and these other “Cellulite Sporting Celebrities”.

The glamorous . Oh the flossy flossy.

I figure the worst of it’s over. Monday. Wow, that was brutal. My hang over was still lingering and all I wanted was a big fat cheeseburger and fries (uh, my mouth is watering). But instead I made myself eat “good” food (i.e. a turkey wrap, which totally didn’t cut it). Since then I’ve had a few headaches, now they’re subsiding.

Tuesday and Wednesday were tough because one of my roommate’s mothers was in town and she baked brownies and cookies for us. Do you have any idea how hard it is the resist a plate of freshly baked, chewy, delicious, warm chocolate chip cookies. I had to leave my house and calm the craving with a Cherry Coke Zero (thank the lord these were recenlty invented).

Then there was last night. Everyone was pregaming with my favorite wine, getting decked out for an off campus party and I just sat in envy, drinking my bottle of water (I’ve refilled this puppy a million times all week) in my sweats. I knew if I joined them, I’d be pressured by everyone to break the ‘tox (as I’ve come to call it). Knowing my guy friends, they’d spike my O.J. So I was lame and stayed in.

Tonight is going to be the real battle. Thirsty Thursday is my most favorite night of the week. But I’m feeling good, feeling strong. So we’ll see if I can get through ’til Saturday (the night I plan to reintroduce myself to the booze).

Wish me luck, friends. Wish me luck.

Okay so back to the point. My favorite jeans — the ones I love love love — have become quite snug. To the point where I just don’t think I should even try to wear them anymore. I don’t want to be one of those girls who can barely walk her jeans are so tight, nor do I want to sport a “muffin top.” So I’ve put them to rest … for the time being.

But what boggles my mind is that I haven’t been eating badly on a consistent basis. Come to think of it, I eat really well and I exercise like 5 days a week. So in an attempt to explain my weight gain, I started couting calories. Even beer, wine and mixed drink calories. Ya know what I learned? I’ve been sucking down between 2,000 and 3,000 liquid calories a week! Um, that’s disgusting.

I’m sorry to be the bearer of such terrible news. But it’s the truth. The thing is, I’m enjoying my social life and I think I’ll wait til I’m done with college to make any serious lifestyle changes. So I’m gonna keep on drinkin.’

Take a look at that closet of yours. Entering your closet shouldn’t be a hellish nightmare of wrinkled shirts and pants, but if it is, put on some music, get pumped, and give yourself at least a couple hours of a good closet cleanse. Refold, re-hang, and re-think some of those style choices for an updated look.

For the frequent and obsessive shopper like me, my problem isn’t keeping the closet straightened; it’s finding a way to fit everything in! The more I shop, the more clothes I accumulate. The doors can barely close at this point, and I’m afraid that some day soon, the closet will overflow and they will find me suffocated in a pile of cottons, wools, and polyesters.

If you can relate, take a look at each item in your closet. Is that pink baby tee with the words “Girls Rock!” something you haven’t worn in a pretty long time? Have you gotten good use out of those size two jeans you haven’t worn for three seasons, but keep telling yourself you’ll eventually grow back into them? Are the answers “no”? Trash them. I know it’s hard, and each piece of clothing holds a place in your heart, but they’re only taking up space. You’ll feel refreshed once that bag of rejected clothes fills up, and your closet is ready for the season’s new fashions. Donate what you don’t want and what doesn’t fit; there’s probably some one out there who believes “Girls Rock!” more than you do.

So let’s all welcome spring with a big bag of baby tees and size two jeans. Open those dusty, cluttered closets and say, “Refold, Re-hang, Re-think.” Your wardrobe will thank you!

I have absolutely no patience when it comes to my drinking time. Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got me some drinkin’ to do.

Fortunately for you and me, I came across some very useful tips @ wikihow.com – that are certain to make your drink ordering experience much more pleasureable. Take a look.

1 Get to the bar. In a heaving sweaty crowd that is three or four people deep, the critical thing is to seize any opening, no matter how small, and claim it as your own. It’s a three step procedure:

* Snake your hand through the heaving throng until it touches wood. Getting your hand on the bar top is like staking a flag in the ground. Once you’ve done it the territory is yours.

* As soon as someone moves away, turn your body flush with the bar, with both hands planted on the woodwork. You are now in the pole position.

2 Get noticed. You need to catch the nearest barkeep’s eye as soon as possible. Use everything at your disposal to make an impression. Smile, look approachable and keep your impatience to yourself. It may also be possible to “catch the bartender’s eye” with money (see Tips). Follow the barkeep’s actions closely till you catch his eye.

3 Watch for the critical moment. After he has given change to the person he’s just served, the barkeep’s eyes will flick up briefly looking for the next customer. If he looks at you immediately start saying your order.

4 Make your move. Raise your hand, open your mouth slightly and lean forward a touch. The millisecond the barkeep glances at you, call out your order in a loud, clear voice. Say you’re ordering four drinks. Hold up four fingers or say “I’ll need four…” and then name them all.

5 Tip generously. If you are planning a whole night’s drinking, smart tipping will ensure prompt service on future orders.

Read the article.

www.jupiterimages.com

TopTipsforGirls.com. Need I say more? Well yes, yes I do.

This wonderful place is where I found the answer to my question and what a freakin’ relief. (I won’t give you any specifics here, but it didn’t have to do with anything disease-like, okay? I’m no ho.) Basically it’s a collection of women’s top tips and tricks that they’ve used to solve some of life’s little problems and inconveniences. All you have to do is type in what you need the answer to or browse by category and you’re very likely to find the sensational answer you’re looking for.

So next time you need to know how to get over a mean boy or hide an unsightly cold sore (and your girls aren’t around), you know where to go.

I’ve decided that after this weekend’s beer-tastic festivities, not to mention the insane amount of bad-for-me food I shoveled in my mouth, it’s time to do a little detoxification. I hate feeling totally bloated and overall gross. So I’m saying bye-bye to alcohol this entire week. I know, good luck with that you might say. How will I not give into peer pressure and not have a beverage on Wasted Wednesday or Thirsty Thursday? But I’m really going to try.

So of course on a quest to find the best detox diet tips out there, I perused the web. It did cut into my facebooking time, but I was willing to make the sacrifice. What I came across was a bunch of “cleanses” and ”instant weightloss” diets where I could only eat certain foods and drink fruit/vegetable juice. Usually I wouldn’t be opposed to trying something insane like that. But after more research I learned that restricting myself would make me lose weight and then gain it all back, plus some when I decided to eat normally again. Screw that!

And, did you know that your body is a natural detoxifier? The liver, the kidneys, respiratory and gastrointestinal system all work together to detoxify the bod daily. It doesn’t need some kind of juice fast to help it out.

So I’ve decided to cut out all junk food. No chips, fries, ice cream, candy — It’s making me a little sad thinking about it. But I think I’ve given my body enough of that. This won’t be easy, friends, especially minus any booze. Hopefully, my willpower is strong enough.

Who’s with me?

Here’s some more info on detoxing.