The US Airways flight was brought down by a bird?!

Fergie works it for MAC.

Barack Obama trading cards.

Top Shop is finally coming to the US!

Brad Pitt is just like me loves the pot.

There is a silver lining to the current economic situation.

It’s time to do some beauty detox.

What a cute little teddy….oh, wait. That’s Mini Me.

Amy Poehler’s got a new show! Woopy!

Cheap (and cute) ways to organize that jewelry.

Working out without working out? Sign me up!!And this is why I never take the bus.

Finally, an action movie with a strong female lead!

10 Best Songs for Doing the Dirty, Dirty

Brangelina’s twins already worth more than I will be in my lifetime.

Why haven’t I heard about this summer blockbuster yet?

Newlyweds spend wedding night in the slammer. Romance…. <sigh>

Gossip Girl is ruining the youth of this country!

Late again! Yesterday was National Orgasm Day. Perhaps we could still celebrate? Any takers?

Mini Me got beat up…by a girl. Girl power!

Giant cat getting molested on live TV? Yes, it is a slow news day…

[Photo courtesy of the New York Times]

Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Monica Lewinski must be green with envy. Sure, she got a book deal, but she could have found “true love” in front of millions of strangers, and the producers would probably have thrown in a mansion as well!

If the dating show falls through, I’d like to pitch some backup ideas to Dupre’s new producers:

1. Dupre’s Deal or No Deal- Combination dating-slash-game show: Dupre’s bachelors be able to buy some sex after their “one-on-one” dates. But what about after elimination?

2. Hooker and the Geek- 10 prostitutes and 10 geeks are paired up to learn from each other. The geeks teach the girls financial skills and politics (so they can find themselves their own Spitzer prototype), and, well, you can guess how the ladies reciprocate.

3. What Not to Wear: Escort Edition- I think the name says it all.

4. Real World: The Brothel- This is the true story of seven pimps and prostitutes picked to live in a house…

5. Are You Smarter than a Harlot?- Jeff Foxworthy would host this one for free!

6. The Slutty-real Life- Okay, so my Surreal Life pun needs work. But they can invite back reality skanks Trishelle Cannatella and Adrianne Curry, and let the STD’s begin!

Shows that probably won’t end up in TV Guide: Made: I Want to Have Sex for Money; So You Think You Can Screw; Celebrity F*** Club.

If programming catapults Ashley Dupre to the top of the celebutante ladder, why stop there? Throw in a record deal! If Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag can cut an album, it might be a charttopping success! They can also add a movie deal, creating a modernized version of Pretty Woman… but in the end, instead of Richard Gere showing up with a limo, a money-hungry producer shows up with a TV contract.

Seriously, though, where are we going to go when this novelty wears off? How dirty is reality television going to get before draw the line? How many talentless nymphomaniacs are going to get rich while we struggle to pay off our student loans? I, personally, am sick of seeing these women re-objectify the gender every week and make a bad name for sexually liberated women who don’t need the cameras rolling 24/7. I prefer my walks of shame to go unrecorded, thank you very much.

Dear God, I wish I didn’t see this. Can someone please get this woman into rehab? (Or my bikini waxer?)

With airline ticket costs soaring, some people are coming up with more creative ways to travel.

Thank God for United States Postal Workers; delivering our mail…and finding old ladies trapped under cars.

Mini Me isn’t so mini…if you know what I’m sayin’.

Women aren’t the only ones with a biological clock.

Everyone loves bacon!

Retro Sexy: Dita Von Teese does it best

Corey Haim just can’t win.

John McCain hates bloggers. Well, Mr. McCain: we hate you too.

I can’t believe that I’m going to say this – but if you forget the infidelity and the fact that he probably gets his hair Japanese straightened, Mario Lopez has a smokin’ body.

Song of the week

Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”.

I hate this song.

Freak Show

Verne Troyer/Mini-Me sex tape. Why don’t they just pour acid on our eyes?

Am I the only one who thinks that Jennifer Lopez would be absolutely frightening if you pissed her off even just a tiny bit? FYI, you may get the store discount if you ask nicely and don’t have your bodyguard show a gun to the shop girl.

OK! Magazine paid Jamie Lynn Spears $1 million for baby pictures. A million. For Jamie. Lynn. Spears?

Splitsville?

Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce rumors have been in and out of the rags for years, but it seems Madonna is getting a bit more serious this time.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are so rarely photographed together that I’m not surprised that the separation rumor is floating around. Still, I don’t want to believe it.

Is there a worse way for a relationship to end? Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend is going to jail for a loooong time. Further proof that celebrities are not perfect: they don’t know how to pick ‘em either.

Movies

Am I the only one who is just waiting out this wave of crappy movies for “The Dark Night” to come out? I miss my boyfriend (in my head).

Couple of the Week

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I love them together.

[Photo courtesy of Espn950.com]

The movie has a ridiculous cast, including Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake and Mini Me!, and is sure to be an instant hit. We have been playing on the site/watching the trailer all week at the CC office and we can’t get enough. There is something about Mike Myers with an Indian accent that is just too good to be true.

Because we are so completely excited for Friday night (and may or may not have already purchased tickets…don’t tell), we thought we would kick off the celebration early and award one lucky CollegeCandy reader with a Love Guru prize pack.

It includes:

- The Love Guru soundtrack (which you can listen to here. Heeeelarious)

- A Love Guru t-shirt

- A Love Guru poster autographed by Mike Myers

This movie is guaranteed to be a mega-hit and how awesome would you look with that poster hanging over your bed? (Bonus: that boy you bring with you would l-o-v-e it.)

It is easy to enter and easy to win. Simply enter your favorite Mike Myers quote/dialogue in the comments section below and we – self-proclaimed Mike Myers experts – will choose our favorite as the winner! Yes, your fate is in our hands. Mwa hahahaah (that is our evil laugh).

You have until Friday at noon to get your entries in before we start picking and choosing, so get on it. The winner will be chosen next week. Unfortunately for us, we can’t win. Which is too bad; Lauren has been compiling her quotes all day. She really wants that poster.