I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of talking about Lindsay, Britney, Speidi, Mel, and the rest of those knuckleheads. This week involved a lot of court dates and things with those crazies, but I wanted to focus on the rest of Hollywood instead. Because, contrary to popular belief, there are other things going on, both exciting and sad. So come on in; the water’s fine in Tinsel Town.

Hot tubbin’

1. Comedian Greg Giraldo passed away after a prescription drug overdose put him in a coma. Greg was in a coma for five days until he was taken off life support. Reports say it was not a suicide. A memorial is planned for Friday in New York at the Governor’s Comedy Club. Our thoughts are with his friends and family during this difficult time.

2. Titanic actress, Gloria Stuart, passed away this week at the age of 100. So sad, this lady was awesome. She was the oldest woman ever to be nominated for an Academy Award for her role of Rose in Titanic. Our thoughts are also with her friends and family.

3. Dr. Ryan, who sadly passed away in an accident on Pacific Coast Highway, is having a plastic surgery scandal. His rival surgeon, Dr. Gary Motykie, is trying to get Dr. Ryan’s former patients! Apparently, some of Dr. Ryan’s staff went over to Dr. Motykie’s office and patients have received emails offering Dr. Motykie’s services. Awkward much? Imagine having some doctor email you saying he’ll do your boob job. Well, people are pissed! Although sharing information is allowed for medical purposes, it’s still kind of weird.

4. Our favorite silver fox, Anderson Cooper, is getting a daytime show! He’s going to be hosting the new show starting next fall. It’s going to focus on all kinds of things ranging from pop culture to social issues. Sounds pretty interesting A-Coop, but honestly I’ll watch anything with your beautiful face on it.

5. Emma Watson vs. Kristen Stewart? Think again. Early reports this week claimed that Kristen is super jealous of Miss Watson because she and Rob are rumored to be filming a movie together. Sources said that Kristen was really jealous because Rob and Emma have a lot in common…like their accents. Well, Emma denied it today saying the reports are “absurd and totally fabricated.” Still, we wish it were true. RPatz needs a classy lady.

Lukewarm Bath

1. Miranda Kerr stomped down the Balenciaga runway five months pregnant and fabulous! Only she can pull that off.

2. Heidi Klum retired from Victoria’s Secret. Sad face. The “Body” retiring? Who’s next?! Brett Favre? Maybe? Bueller?

3. WTF is up with Robert Pattinson’s beard?

4. Glee’s Britney tribute episode brought in over 13 million viewers on Tuesday! Yowza, that’s their highest rated show to date! Could it be the Britney phenomenon, or was it Heather Morris’ amazing performance/abs?

5. Not a sexy photo, but even better: Justin Timberlake rapping with Jimmy Fallon.

Well, that’s gonna be a gorgeous child.

Rainbow chasers are awesome.

Would you get a vatoo?

Just in time: 5 ways to prevent pit stains.

Wanna be J-Lo’s assitant? (Editor’s Note: HELL NO)

What are the best colleges in the country?

Getting a man is tough stuff.  Getting a man to marry you…now that’s nearly impossible.  Luckily the stars can once again be our guides and help sad women everywhere navigate the rocky path to monogamy.  Get out a paper and pencil; you’ll want to remember all the golden advice recent celebrity brides are doling out.

Megan Fox

Do you wonder how nub thumbs found love?  It definitely wasn’t her intellect that attracted Brian Austin Green.  Dumb it down, way down, as you flaunt your boobs into a stable marriage based on good looks and empty conversation.  Take a note from our pro Megan: big words are off putting, just get some bootleg Angelina tattoos and never read something thicker than a comic book.  Follow these steps and soon you’ll be calling a 90210 has-been your husband.

Carrie Prejean

Homophobia is the newest aphrodisiac, apparently.  After bashing the gays’ right to marry, Ms. Prejean has somehow found true love with a good (and straight) man.  And he’s a quarterback!  Take note, men love a woman who hates on equal rights.  It’s unannounced whether the wedding vows will double as a platform speech on what it defines marriage and family, though you can guess Carrie will be glowing with hetero pride as she says her I Do’s.

Sienna Miller

Want to be more forgiving?  Take your ex-fiancé back after he cheats on you with the nanny.  Want to rebound?  Do it with a married man (but please make sure his children aren’t on the boat while you sun topless with their dad). Class is overrated when it comes to the desires of the male species.  Steal a few tricks from Sienna’s playbook and maybe Jude Law will be crawling under your sheets the night before his wedding.  It should be noted that a desirable woman also turns her head to her husband’s indiscretions.

Miranda Kerr

Just be a pretty person.  Like the earth shatteringly, heartbreakingly gorgeous type of pretty.  Men who look like Orlando Bloom don’t date ogres.

Bethenny Frankel

Her desire to become a proper housewife of New York drove her to…oops!…accidentally get pregnant with her BFs baby.  If your dude doesn’t want to commit to you, just trick him and throw a kid in the mix.  Remember: a shotgun wedding is a wedding all the same.

Jane Lynch

If all else fails, there are always women…

Looks like I don’t have a chance, after all.

Hm. Maybe I should start watching Dancing With The Stars…

And the color of the year is….

Chris Brown is angry, people.

Metallic makeup 101.

An end to paparazzi photos?

Ever wonder what Santa Clause’s inbox looks like?

The cutest thing about this Christmas card is the dog…yikes!

Imagine smelling a fragrance via your compooper!!

Adorable ideas for winter dates with your hottie…

Gifts that keep on givin’!

This woman sets back feminism about..forever, but I feel bad.

Tina Fey lookin’ mighty fine (and patriotic) on the cover of Vanity Fair…

Hugh Jackman at gay clubs?! WHAT?!

Just because we like seeing people fall…

Miranda Kerr..we hate her cuz she’s beautiful AND dating Orlando Bloom!

Donatella Versace is always entertaining…cuz she looks like a man.

We’ve used our breasts for good (like getting drinks); now women use them for evil.

Tina Fey’s mom may not like her Sarah Palin impression…

College kids prefer Time magazine to Cosmo. Either we are more serious, or we already know everything we need to know about pleasing our man.

When looking for a job, you may want to interview your interviewer.

A movie about “hook up culture.” This has got to be good.

Treat yourself: the hottest stuff under $100.

Some celebs like to hide from the cameras, but not Paris.

College kids are stressed out!

Good news: Orlando Bloom is still on the market!