Let’s face it, you can mind your manners all you want but there’ll always be that jerk that comes along and pushes you off the swing set anyway *cough-Ryan-M-from-first-grade-cough* So here are some quick guidelines of how to deal with the Ryans of this world:

During a confrontation…

1. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
If someone’s walking straight at you and expect you to get out of their way, remember that it wouldn’t kill you to move over. Yeah, it’s a pain in the butt and yeah, that person is completely rude, but is it worth ruining your day over?

2. Stay calm under pressure.
As Miss Manners, I really can’t condone rudeness; however, I do understand that everyone has bad days and sometimes people honestly don’t know that they’re being rude. So if you catch an attitude at the get-go, they might see it as you being rude first. Never fight fire with fire. No matter what, speak calmly and rationally and perhaps they’ll realize how ridiculous they sound in comparison.
DO NOT: Act patronizing. If your calmness comes off as patronizing/douche-y, that’ll only set them off again. No one likes to feel stupid and you’ll just push their buttons if they feel like you’re looking down on them.
OR: Start a shouting match, especially in public. Then both of you are being rude. Plus it’s hard to be rational when you’re screaming/being screamed at.

3. Address the rudeness.
Say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, but it was really rude of you to steal my swing like that.” If they haven’t realized by now that they’ve been rude, now they know. And if they’ve already realized it and just don’t care, this will hopefully shame them into acting dignified. Stick to the facts and explain to them exactly what’s wrong with the situation.
DO NOT: Apologize unless you mean it. We can all tell when an apology is insincere and, trust me, it doesn’t make anyone feel better [especially if it was sarcastic].

4. If all else fails, leave.
Walk away from the situation. It isn’t the “weak” way out as some drunken frat boys may argue; it’s the adult thing to do. Be the bigger person and let it go. Yes, even if you’re right. You aren’t backing down, you’re walking away, which is much more mature.

PS: Violence is not the answer, kids. Make love, not war.

So, have you gotten into any confrontations lately? Did you do the right thing? How did you handle it? Tell me about it!

Miss Manners says: Nope. It’s better and more respectable if you’re upfront with the guy rather than lead him on out of pity/kindness.  And, let’s be honest, you don’t want to have to screen your calls for the next 6 months out of fear that he’s not moving on….

Try one of these tactics to deliver the news instead:

Lie. Ahhh… The cornerstone of all etiquette: the white lie. Apologize and tell him that you have a boyfriend or tell him you dropped your brand new Blackberry down the toilet (true story). Yes, of course lying is bad and oft looked down on, but sometimes a white lie is more forgiving than the truth – as long as you don’t get too crazy with your story (“I have a penis”) and nobody gets harmed in the process.
Be wary of: Betting caught in your lie. Trust me, it’s pretty humiliating and you could end up with the “bitch” label. And news of a bitch spreads fast.

Politely excuse yourself… and run to the nearest restroom/exit. Say, “I’m sorry but I have to go,” with an air of finality so he gets the hint.
Be wary of: Him NOT getting the hint and waiting outside the bathroom door for you. Creepy? Yes. Possible? Definitely.

Try the truth (nicely). My preferred method, of course, as long as it’s delivered with tact. You don’t have to be mean about it. An apologetic, “You’re just not my type” will get your point across and you won’t have to worry about it/him haunting you in the future.
Be wary of: Hurting him – although, to be honest, any method of rejection will probably bruise his ego. And while you never want to be a mean heart-stomping bitch, it’s time to do what’s best for you and not worry about the weird creeper in the process.

So in conclusion, rejection is a dirty business, but in some cases it just has to be done. Don’t ever feel like you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with because etiquette deems it so. If you don’t want to give that turd your number, don’t.

Anyway, I’m dying to hear about your rejection stories/tips. Leave a comment and tell me all about it!

I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I always leave salons with bad hair cuts. (Although I must admit the last one was my fault- it should have tipped me off right away when I realized the hair stylist did not speak a word of English.) Anyway, last week reader Josie asked us to feature an article on hair-salon etiquette: “manners pertaining communication with your hair dresser from conversation to tips, how to react if you don’t get the expected results, etc.” So here’s to you Josie..

Small talk. For most women (and some men), their hairstylist is their therapist, best friend, psychic, and lover (you know, hypothetically speaking) all rolled into one. What you tell them is completely up to you, but remember that while there is practically an unwritten rule about the stylist-stylee confidentiality, your stylist isn’t legally obligated to keep quiet. Just because you trust her to give you a killer hair-do, doesn’t mean you can trust her to not tell everyone about your cheating on your taxes, boyfriend, calculus exam, whatever. In fact, salons are havens for gossip, so just be careful.

On another note, if you don’t want to talk to the person cutting your hair, you really don’t have to. I’ve been there; once you run out of small talk (“Yes, it is hot outside, isn’t it?”) and have nothing more to add to the conversation, the silence gets pretty awkward. If you ever find yourself in this predicament, politely escape via magazine. Relax. It’s okay; just make sure to glance up now and then to make sure your hair is coming along the way you’d like.

Bad haircuts. What should you do if you end up with a bad cut? Ask them to fix it. And by “ask” I mean “tell.” Yes, it might be a pain in the butt for them to redo your hair, but remember that you’re paying them for the service. If your hair doesn’t come out exactly the way you want it to, it’s not rude to expect someone at the salon to fix it. It’s better for them if you speak up and get a haircut you love than to walk out unhappy and tell everyone where that mullet came from.

Note: This isn’t a free pass to be bitchy or to start crying and threaten her with the scissors. If you’re unhappy with the results, calmly explain to the stylist what’s wrong with the look, why it isn’t what you asked for, and offer up a suggestion on how to fix it.  This can usually be avoided by bringing a photograph/sketch of the exact style you want from different angles or explaining beforehand your definition of “just two inches.”

Tipping.

I hope that helped clarify some things. I’ve had my fair share of salon disasters (going in for red hair…coming out with purple?), so I’m pretty confident in these tips.

And once again, if you’ve got any etiquette conundrums, questions or gray areas you need help sorting out, let me know in the comments. I’ll be sure to help you out in next week’s column!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know]

One of my oldest childhood friends is getting married this Saturday and, quite frankly, I am horrified by the thought of attending his wedding. Not that I have anything against the lovebirds; on the contrary, I’m glad he’s happy. It’s just, well… I never know how to act at weddings. There are just too many unspoken rules, too many unanswered questions: What do I wear? Black? White? Should I go casual or dressy? What do I bring? Who do I bring? Can I bring someone? And so on.

It’s enough to keep you from going to the blasted wedding at all. Well, I’m here to speak those rules and answer those questions. Buckle up my lovelies…

Dress code:
Can I wear white? NO! Never, ever wear white to a wedding.

What about black? Yes, black is perfectly acceptable at weddings. In fact, most people do. As long as you keep from looking like part of a funeral procession, you should be fine.

How revealing can I get? Well, the way my book put it, “Don’t dress like you’re there to sell anything - Tupperware, insurance or yourself,” and I think that’s pretty darn good advice. Also if the ceremony happens to be in a place of worship, remember to keep yourself decent: spaghetti straps and tube tops should be covered up with a sweater/shawl.

Overdressed or Underdressed? When in doubt, always go for the overdressed. No one will say anything if you tell them that you just came from a really fancy party/lunch/meeting/whatever. However, if everyone is standing around sipping champagne and eating caviar in cocktail dresses and you roll in wearing jeans, expect a couple of glares.

The deal on dates:
Can I bring one? Well, it depends what your invite says. If the invitation names both you and your significant other, then he/she is allowed to come. If the invitation bears your name + “guest,” then you’re welcome to bring anyone, from your dorky lab partner to that hottie bartender you’ve been drooling over. If the invitation says your name and your name only, then it’s non-negotiable. The couple is inviting you alone and unless it’s absolutely crucial for you to bring a guest (and this also depends on how close you are to the couple to begin with), then don’t bother asking. This will put them in the awkward predicament of rejecting you flat out.

Do I HAVE to bring one? Nope. Even if your invite allows it but you don’t want to bring the guy you’ve just started dating or you can’t find a date, you don’t have to bring anyone. Plus, it’s more fun flying solo anyway – you don’t have to worry about “babysitting” the new guy or introducing him to all your friends. And if you’re single, even better! What better way to meet guys than at a wedding? They already know some of the people you know and they’re less likely to be serial killers or drug dealers. Maybe you’ll even score with a couple of hot wedding crashers a la Owen Wilson (a girl can dream!).

Your presents will be your gift (Ha!):
What the hell do I give them? I remember how my mother used to freak out whenever she’d have to find her best-friend’s-half-brother’s–second-cousin’s-uncle’s-daughter a gift. I also remember telling her, “That’s why God made wedding registries.” But honestly, the wedding registry is definitely a win-win solution. Basically, the couple makes a wish-list of everything they need/want to start their new life together and it’s up to everyone else to cough up the gifts. This helps the couple because they get exactly what they ask for and it keeps you from showing up with a set of shot glasses (apparently married people don’t use those as often as we do….).

What if the couple isn’t registered anywhere? Well, then you’re screwed, aren’t you? Kidding. If the couple’s not registered, play it safe with a gift certificate or a check written out to the couple. The amount should be equal in value to how much they mean to you (seriously) or how well you know them, whatever comes out to more.

Is straight up cash acceptable? I’m not going to lie, I don’t see why not. I’ve done the “wads of bills (wads… who am I kidding?) in an envelope” before. Some couples even go around with money bags strictly for this purpose. It’s okay in most cases, but keep in mind who your recipients are – while some people will lap up the bills faster than a stripper during a lap dance, others might see this as a sign of disrespect.

Drinks in my cup:
Can I drink? It depends. Are you legal? Do your hosts care if you drink illegally? Just know that if you’re going to drink, try not to get piss drunk at someone else’s wedding. It’s rude, especially if you oh-so-classily get wasted before the ceremony. Or worse.. during!

Does open bar mean that I don’t have to tip? No.

So that’s all folks. And just in case you guys were wondering: I’m totally open to cash at my wedding (whenever that may be). Remember that.

And on a side note: I’d love to get your opinions on this feature. What do you guys want to hear about? Are there any topics you want to see featured on next week’s Miss Manners? Sound off in the Comments section!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I’m going to be honest: my last break up was over four years ago. So when my editor suggested I do a Miss Manners piece on break ups (“because we all suck so badly at that”), I really had to rack my brains for “polite” ways to conduct a break up. What I found was:

There is no polite way to break up with someone.

Yes, the cold, hard truth is, breaking up with someone is dirty business and – unless the relationship really wasn’t that serious – one of you is bound to end up looking like a mess. While there is no set in stone way of saying, “Hey, it’s over,” or “Sorry but I’m leaving you for your brother,” there are some more or less common sense rules to abide to:

Break up face to face. I know it’s tempting to pick up your iPhone and send a quick “ITS OVER. C U,” at him, but if your relationship meant anything to you at all (or if, you know, you value being a decent human being) you at least owe him that much. Same goes for IMs, and emails. Oh and changing your Facebook status to “Single” before you tell him/instead of telling him is probably not the best way to go about it either. Take him somewhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be private. Don’t break up with him in a room full of people unless you want to cause a scene. Plus it’s so humiliating when you’re forced to bawl your eyes out in front of total strangers – or worse, people you actually know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Bad times to drop the bomb on him? On his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, at family parties, etc. You get the point.

Do it privately.

Timing is crucial.

Avoid cliches. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is so overdone and transparent. What it really means is, “It’s soo you” and everyone knows it. The most important rule of etiquette is to be honest, just not brutally honest (read: “I can’t stand the sight of you naked. It makes me want to hurl.”). Tell him how you feel, where it’s all coming from, why the relationship won’t work out, etc., and let him ask questions. Let out everything that you need to say and try to walk away from it with all your issues resolved.

Don’t ever suggest break-up sex (first).

Don’t tell him he’s not good enough.

Don’t say “I love you” unless you actually mean it. Don’t tell him you still love him because you think it’ll cushion the blow. It really doesn’t.

Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon. He’s hurting and he needs time to heal – and the best way to do that is to think you’re hurting too. Flaunting your new boy toy around town will make you seem heartless and it will only break his even more.

I guess the main message here is to Be respectful – as respectful as you can, anyway. Remember that his heart and his dignity are at stake and, honestly, if your relationship was real, it deserves a real ending. Even if the relationship meant little to you, remember that he might feel completely different about it, so don’t be so quick to brush him off. You respected him enough to date him, now respect him enough to man up and end it with dignity.

If I remember correctly, these rules should serve you well, but I need your feedback. Have I been so out of touch with the breakup/makeup world that I’ve completely forgotten how it works? Please share: leave a comment on the article, tell me about your own breakup stories, remind me if I’ve left anything out, or tell me if I have it all wrong. Whatever it is, just share! I’ll be waiting to hear from you!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

So your friend borrowed your favorite sweater in Physics, promising she’d return it after class. But when the class let out, you were too busy copying notes to remind her to give it back. It’s been two months now, and all your subtle hints about how you really hate people who borrow stuff *ahem ahem* is getting you blank stares. You figure either she forgot about it… or she’s a bitch who’s playing dumb so she can keep your cute-and-perfect-for-all-seasons sweater.

What to do when the borrower just won’t give the damn thing back?

Miss Manners says:
First figure out how much the object is worth. Is a sweater/$5/a calculator/etc. worth potentially ruining your friendship over? If you can already tell that getting it back will be a struggle – perhaps one big enough to turn into a catfight – think of how much the object really means to you. If you figure it’s worth it, read on. If not, ask her one last time (outright. i.e. “Hey, remember that sweater I loaned to you forever ago? Do you think I could get it back?”) and if she refuses to budge, drop it, chalk it up as a birthday present and never let her borrow anything again.

Step 1: To be honest, the more time that passes, the more awkward it gets bringing up something that happened sooo long ago. Approach her (this usually works better if there are other people around – witnesses, you know) and ask “I know this was awhile ago, but would you happen to still have my sweater? Can you bring it to class next week?” Be direct but polite.

Step 2: If being direct is getting you nowhere, try lying. Yeah, I know lying is bad, but in terms of etiquette, small white lies are usually justifiable. Tell her you need the sweater/money for a party this weekend. Tell her you promised to lend it to your mother. Whatever it is, be sure to imply that you wouldn’t mind letting her hold on to it and of course it never crossed your mind that she wouldn’t give it back, but because of whatever urgent event coming up, you need it back.

Step 3: The [fake] party date passed and she still hasn’t returned it? At this point, she either lost it or she’s being downright rude. If she keeps making excuses, just outright ask her what the deal is. Don’t dance around the subject and don’t be afraid to be pushy; after all, she’s the one being rude, not you. Besides, what kind of friend is she if she refuses to return the stuff you lent her? Why would you want to surround yourself with people like that? You don’t have to be a bitch, but let her know that you want your stuff back and let her know that you mean it.

And if that still produces no results (which is a very rare case), walk away from it smarter. And one sweater short.
Lesson learned: Be careful about what you lend out.

You ever have a sitch like this? Give us the deets!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

Just for fun, I’ve decided to lighten up this week’s column with an article on urinal etiquette. I get such a laugh every time a guy friend walks out of a public restroom screaming, “He was staring at my penis!! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T LOOK AT ANOTHER GUY’S SHLONG!” Come to think of it, this seems to happen an awful lot. Hm.. what does this say about the company I keep? Perhaps I should work on being a little more suspicious of my friends..

Anyway, while I do that, here is some suggested reading for you guys (and interested gals). Since I lack the appendage in question, I had to enlist my dear friend and urinal expert, Justin G., to clue me in. Enjoy! ** Warning: This post is pretty crude. If you’d much rather learn about something a lot daintier, feel free to read up on how to be a good house guest or what to do when you meet his family.

Guy: Say you’re at a baseball game. The team you’re cheering on is on a roll, home run after home run. Despite not wanting to miss the moment, nature’s call begins to take its toll on you, and you run as fast as you possibly can to the restroom. You’re lucky; no line means a quick trip back to the ballgame, but the stalls are broken down. The urinal is your only option.

Say someone else runs in with the same intentions. Left with the same options, he takes his place at the urinal next to you. [WRONG! See rule 5] What follows is a long, awkward absence of speech, with the only sound being the constant pattering of your internal water supply splashing on the cold, white marble. Unable to stand it, you quickly tuck yourself back in and (after washing your hands, of course) you rush out the door- only to realize that you still need to pee. Sucks, huh?

Moral: There’s a proper etiquette to using public urinals with an audience. Following these unspoken rules can help avoid awkwardness and can lead to a pleasant, uneventful bathroom break.

Don’t Make Eye Contact - Nothing is weirder than taking a glance over at your neighbor, let alone making full eye contact. Maintaining it for the duration of your trip, however, makes the act downright disturbing and could potentially qualify as sexual harassment. Instead…

Look straight ahead. No glancing around at anyone else’s business. Stare at the wall in front of you. Mentally write your lab paper. Daydream. Think of the Family Guy episode you just watched. Read the graffiti. Trust me, the sh*t people write is so much funnier than what’s going on next to you.

Speaking of funny, Don’t Make Jokes. Randomly saying “Dropping the kids off at the pool, too, eh?” does not help you bond with your neighbor – it makes you creepy. This goes for random bursts of laughter too. Unless you’re drunk, that definitely does not fly, especially if the jacked guy right next to you thinks that you’re laughing at him.

Whether there are 3 urinals or 30 empty, pick the one furthest away from me. I hate it when there are like 7 empty urinals and I go to the one all the way in the corner and then someone follows me to that corner. . WTF? Go away! Why would you want to plop your penis RIGHTNEXT to mine??

Oh, and don’t be the ass who picks the middle urinal if there are only 3. That leaves the guy after you only two options, neither of which are pleasant. He could hold his pee until you finish OR he could say screw it and decide to relieve himself next to you.

If your only option is to pee between two guys, leave. Stand outside the door if you like and wait for one of them to come out. No point in squeezing your way in and subjecting yourself to twice the awkwardness.

Use the barriers. I hate it when people don’t use the barriers properly. Like when they stand super far back from the urinal and I can see their entire package out of my peripheral. I especially hate this because it almost always leads to drippage- where they MISS and the pee hits the barrier before spraying all over the place. Also high on the list: when they’re standing so far back from the urinal (extra douchebag points if they’re also leaning back) that their golden shower falls short of the urinal and rains down onto the ground…splashing my new Jordans. Accidents only happen if you let them. I once had the unfortunate experience of someone urinating on my leg. Granted, it was a “friend” that did it and it certainly wasn’t an accident.

No noises. Yeah, I’m glad you can finally relieve your bladder but don’t start making any satisfied noises. No sighs. No moans. No “Ahhhhh”s and “Oooohh”s. And definitely no “Oh yeah”s. I don’t ever want to hear another man moan while my pants are down and my penis is exposed. Oh, and for heaven’s sake- no grunting!

Don’t poop in the urinal. I’ve never actually seen this one happen, but my friends swear to me that they have. Gross. Urinals are for number 1, guys, not 2.

Wash your hands. I’ll admit that I’m lazy. Sometimes I wear the same outfit for a week, sometimes I “forget” to shower, and, when the remote is all the way across the room, I call up my roommate and make him get it. As lazy as I am though, I ALWAYS (okay, mostly always) wash my hands. You should too. Sorry, but I don’t want to shake your hand right after you’ve held your penis. Stay out of the bowl of nuts on the bar too, people actually eat those.

Skinny jeans. I don’t know if this counts, but I can’t stand it when other guys wear skinny jeans that are so tight that they have to completely pull down their pants to take a piss. When I walk into the bathroom, I don’t want to be assaulted by the image of your bare ass as you pee. It’s a bathroom, keep it classy (well.. as classy as it can get in the guys bathroom, anyway).

… and that’s all for now folks.

Whew! I never thought being a guy was that hard. Really, I thought being able to stand up and pee was the best thing since cupcakes. Looks like the boys have a lot more to worry about in the bathroom.

Now it’s your turn – any embarrassing bathroom stories you’d like to share (girls welcome too)? Do you have any other tips that weren’t mentioned? Ever been peed on? Tell us in the comments section!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

This past weekend, my bf invited me to have Easter dinner with his family. After already weaseling my way out of both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, I knew I was going to have to come up with a GOOD excuse this time. Unfortunately, he caught me off guard and I think I stammered something along the lines of “Er… can’t…. brother… stay home… babysit… sorry!” into the phone. His response? “Great! Bring him with you.” Crap. So in honor of my 2 hours of awkwardness (kidding!!! uh..sorta), here is how to manage:

1. Milk your boyfriend.
[NO! Not like that! Put the udder down!] I meant for information. This is something I didn’t do but should have. It’s always good to know about his grandmother’s shopping addiction and his uncle’s super conservative political stance (“Of course I voted for McCain, Uncle Bob” *cough cough*) beforehand. Okay, so maybe you don’t have to get too personal with your digging (Great Aunt Ethel’s stomach issues), but always inquire about family traditions and taboo discussion topics before the meal. It helps to be prepared.

2. Greet each family member personally.
I know you want to suck up to his parents, but don’t forget the rest of the family. Be polite when introducing yourself and be prepared for anything from handshakes to hugs and kisses.

3. “Mr. and Mrs.”
I get it, we’re growing up. Even though Mr. and Mrs. Jones might feel more like Mike and Sue to you, greet them with respect and treat them as Mr. and Mrs. until they give you permission to refer to them otherwise.

4. Be prepared for 50,0000 questions
You’re the new girl and as such you will attract a crowd of curious family members like, well, a new girlfriend. Expect to be asked a million questions. Sample: “How long have you known blahblah?” “What are you majoring in?” “How old are you really?” “How many kids do you plan on having?” and “What are your intentions with my son?”

5. Stay out of family drama.
When drunken Uncle Bob gets into a heated argument with Grandpa about gay marriages, stay out of it. Your first meet-the-family function should definitely not be the time to seem disagreeable or garner enemies. If you must voice your opinion, make sure they know that you are well informed about the topic. Don’t get involved in age-old drama either. Smile and wait until the topic changes.

6. Bring a share-able gift
You certainly aren’t obliged to bring a gift, but if you do make sure it is something that can be enjoyed by everyone there. The clichéd bottle of wine will work just fine, but only if you are of legal drinking age (trust me, you don’t want to have to explain to his mom how you obtained the item in question. Plus it’ll make her wonder if you’re a drinker, which is never good.) If you’re a baker, bring desserts for everyone! Be creative. I love making chocolates, so I made a bunch of white chocolate candies for his family. So what if I chickened out and never took them out of my bag? It’s the thought that counts right?

7. Don’t drink…
Too much. Enough said.

Bottom line is, no matter how much you try to fight it, meeting the parents is pretty much inevitable. Just be yourself and when it’s all said and done, be grateful that you finally went through it – your man will find ways to thank you later.

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I love sleepovers. They are always so reminiscent of fifth grade slumber parties when, for one whole night, you and your BFF would stay up eating sundaes and talking about your favorite N*Sync member (<3 Lance).

Anyway, I still love sleepovers. Only now there are no sundaes (because we all know what happens when we scarf down a pound of ice cream at midnight), my beloved Lance is gay (in hindsight, I probably should have seen that coming), and the friend sleeping over part usually lasts waayyyy longer than just one night. Sometimes, the friend stays for weeks and instead of it being the super fun party you remembered, it kind of… sucks. I can’t complain though, I’ve done it myself – once I spent the entire summer at a friend’s while my house was being remodeled. So given the response to my last cheat sheet, I’ve decided to make another one: Miss Manner’s guide to being a good house guest…

Always clean up after yourself: If you even have to be asked to clean up after yourself, you probably aren’t being the best house guest. This is very simple rule: if you make a mess, clean it.

Offer to do chores: Yes, you may be the guest, but if the hosts are kind enough to let you stay rent-free, try to show your gratitude by offering to buy groceries or do the dishes. Even if they decline, at least they’ll know that you’re not just a lazy freeloader. It’s the thought that counts.

Don’t have visitors over without asking: While some hosts are generally okay with you having a friend over, it is always wise to clear it with them first. This is especially true if you are planning on having someone over at a weird hour (booty call) or if you wanted to invite someone to dinner (prep-time needed).

Always leave a note if you plan on staying out/not coming home: It might suck always having to answer to someone during your stay, but if you plan on sleeping at your bf’s for the night, remember to tell your hosts so that they don’t worry.

Don’t talk excessively on the land line: You have to be very careful about this one. I know it’s hard to believe but not everyone has unlimited calling and the host might not be so happy with her $500 phone bill. Watch out for long distance calling too. I once vacationed at a friend’s house in Texas and a bout of homesickness caused me to constantly call my parents- in NY! Boy, did I learn my lesson when her father came home steaming mad with the phone bill.

Replace anything you finish: If you use up the host’s [juice/lotion/conditioner/paper/ink/etc.], it is common house guest courtesy to replace it immediately, even if you bought it to begin with.

Don’t go too heavy on the water/electricity: Some people are generally more careful with how they use their electricity and water. Try not to run up their utility bills by taking hour-long showers or leaving a multitude of unnecessary lights on, especially if you know that your hosts have gone green. Actually, even if they aren’t into the whole conservation thing, you should still keep in mind that after you leave they’ll be the ones paying the bill.

Integrate yourself into the host’s schedule: If you know that the host has a strict rule about 11 pm bedtimes, then don’t fight it. Do not listen to music on full blast while they are trying to sleep. Do not talk on the phone until four in the morning. If you truly cannot stand their erratic schedule, try to work out a compromise. But under no circumstances should you b*tch and complain that they are being unreasonable. I hate to break it to ya, but as long as you are under their roof, you abide by their rules.

Last, always remember that you are a guest: Remember to be gracious – they are, after all, letting you stay in their home. I’m not saying you have to pay them (though I often feel obliged to leave something equal in value to a stay at a hotel if I stay especially long), but always let them know that you appreciate their kindness. If anything, offer to reciprocate the favor by opening up your home to them in the future.

Is there anything I forgot to add? Remind me in the comments section!