I want that. Sigh.

With the exception of a short love affair that ended via email (which the boy addressed to Natalie), I’ve been single for a long three years. And I’ve been totally OK with that for the most part. I’ve really gotten to figure myself out; my good qualities (I’m incredibly generous to those I love) and my not-so-good qualities (I’m what some people might refer to as a judgmental bitch).

While finding a boyfriend has always been on my “things that would be nice” list (along with winning the lottery and looking like Rachel Bilson), it was never something that I was actively seeking. I don’t mind spending time by myself. I don’t mind making independent decisions. I don’t mind doing everything I want, including watching The Hills in my underwear while eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch.

But last night, as I was doing just that, something happened. When Justin Bobby handed Kristin his rocker leather coat and snuggled up to her as they watched the sunset I actually started crying. Yes, crying. Over an annoying fake couple on a bullsh*t show.

“I want that,” I thought to myself, as I used my sleeve to wipe snot from my upper lip.

My reaction surprised me. I had no idea how badly I wanted a boyfriend, but the tears-turned-deep-sobbing were telling another story. And then I realized that there were many other aspects of my life that were equally as telling.

Yeah, after taking a deeper look, I’ve realized that I am most definitely ready for a boyfriend. And by “ready,” I mean, “I’m sick of watching Sunday night TV alone and I need someone to play with my hair while I lay on their lap…now.”

Not sure if you’re ready? Here are a few tell-tale signs your jonesing for a BF:

1. Commercials for Kay Jewelers make you cry.
2. Your Netflix queue is full of movies starring Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts.
3. You lay a pillow lengthwise next to you in bed so it feels like someone else is lying next to you.
4. You start dressing up to run errands on the off-chance that you may run into your future husband.
5. You check Craigslist Missed Connections religiously to see if that cute guy you saw on your errands felt the connection too.
6. You take pleasure in the fact that strangers often mistake your guy BFF for your boyfriend.
7. You silently curse happy couples kissing/holding hands/breathing in public
8. You work out a lot more.
9. You break down and cry in the bathroom when your family members ask about your dating life.
10. You crave cuddles more than sex.

You got any more signs? Share them below!

We’ve talked about Craigslist countless times before. It’s glorious and hilarious and you can buy chairs or sell your cat. However, after a little chat with our hormonal Coed office buddies, we realized that there was an untapped ocean of entertainment on CL known as Casual Encounters. We knew all about Missed Connections (and may have looked to see, from time to time, if anyone had MC’ed us…which they never did), but had always assumed that the Casual Encounters section of Cragislist was full of skeevy people and penis pics.

So yeah, it’s full of skeevy people and ‘peen pics, but it’s also full of the strange and the weird and the desperate. How entertaining!

PS: We changed the titles and photos to fit our liking (and keep nasty ‘peen pics off our site). It’s better this way. Trust us.

Boston Man Really Supports Bush

Hi.

Interested? Let me know

LA Girl Obviously Too Perfect To Be Anything But A Porn SpamBot – But Act Like An Idiot and Email Her Anyway

I’m shy, inexpereinced in almost every way. i enjoy long days playing tennis, cool nights talking and early morning jogs. I am a fun loving, energy filled girl looking for someone who can keep up. I love to do just about anything, but some of my favorite things to do are ride 4 wheelers, hang out with friends, play games, fish, listen to country music while cruising the back roads, bowling, camping, and play sports (soccer, basketball, softball, mud football, etc.) I’m not all energy though, I do like to have quiet evenings at the house, watch TV and just hang out. Send me your pic and I’ll send you mine!

Portland Guy Is [Sexy] Not Homophobic [Sexy] And Really [Sexy] Into the Word Sexy And [Sexy] Light Drinking

I’m hoping to meet a sexy couple for sexy fun times. I’m a bachelor, very open minded and not looking to be in a relationship. I’ve done this before and it really worked out well.

It turns me on when two guys service a lady and all her sexy needs. Im not homophobic if the husband and I touch while servicing her. I love double penetration if the lady is up for it.

If you are a couple who is in shape to HWP, non smokers/light drinkers and STD free then please send me a note with a photo of both of you in it.
I will reply with my photos and contact information.
Hope to hear from you!

Las Vegas Dude Wants You To Taste The Next Level Of Your Sensuality (He also did not lose his brains yet so don’t worry)

I’m an open-minded, but did not lose my brains yet! I like to travel, visit parks, drive for hours. I love roads and trips. I have strong personality and more often than not I know exactly what I want. I was in army and I like things to be in order, but I also learned that often we just need to go with the flow. I like to wear suit (but FL makes it often difficult). I like sports and consider sex as one of them. Any type of sex! I can never get enough.

I guarantee you (as probably other 100% of men in here), I can last… Often because I like to see my partner satisfied first. What it means for you? You get an extra time to try new things, new ideas (please feel free to share). You can feel longer and probably even get a taste of the next level of your sensuality. I’m clean, D/D free. I respect your privacy and your needs. And I ask for the same in return. I like to talk to people and listen to their stories. Would you like to tell me yours?

A Man I Am Seriously Considering Emailing

Hey there, looking for a laid back, drama free girl that is interested in having her feet worshiped in exchange for me doing your chores

(Yes, that is what I am hoping he looks like….)

So we’ve been looking at Craigslist Missed Connection posts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And now I’d like to address an animal of a different color:

THE POEM.

Oh my yes, the Missed Connection poem. Some poor guy gets it into his head that writing a creepy-ass poem about the object of his affection (emphasis on object–it’s all about what he saw on her the one time he saw her, obscured by the drool creeping up from his mouth into his eyes. yes, that’s how much he drools) is the way to her heart.

Because women really love creepy love poems dedicated to them on craigslist. Observe:

Hilarious Craigslist Missed Connection:

A single strand of carelessely flung hair – m4w – 28

You shake light across your shin leather boots

at this foolish man – so eas’ly dismissed.

Humiliating. Freaky. Delightful.

Okay. I admit it. I frickin’ love this.

I mean, it’s a terrible poem. I mean, terrible terrible. But the sentiment is oddly sweet, if horrifyingly obnoxious.

And of course, if it were directed at me, I would ignore it.

Would you date this dude?

All differences aside (aren’t they what makes the world go around, anyway? Of course!), I believe those Nice Guy Vigilantes will have a hard time saying stuff about this recent CL Posting.

This post comes from a 63 year old M4W in Long Island. It’s titled “Little One“.

Are you creeped out yet? You should be.

“I am still disappointed that we couldn’t get it together last Fall.”

Really? Still disappointed? It’s Spring, dude. You’ve been feeling disappointed for 7 months about a liaison that happened last Fall? Let me flip through my Weird Stalker Dictionary and see if this…ah, yes! Right here. It says you should MOVE ON.

“Your behind could have been hot and red all this time.”

I’m assuming he means ass, but decided to go with behind because it sounds just that extra bit CREEPIER. I’m assuming he’s trying to sound like an old guy reprimanding a little girl. I’m assuming he’s totally into spanking. I’m assuming the sudden slight nauseous feeling in my stomach is directly related to reading this…

“Since everything seemed ok, how could we have made it work?”

Well, I’m no sex therapist, but did you ever think of calling her, instead of posting a random 3 sentence message on CL?! Things may have worked out better then. Also, props on getting all concerned and gentle after talking about wanting to spank her ass.

Look. Going all Old Man / Young Thang in your bedroom [as long as it's legal and not anything morally wrong] is essentially completely fine, but fretting over why the object of your butt obsession hasn’t contacted you since last fall on Missed Connections…well, that’s just plain STRANGE.

Well, I have some bad news for you guys, New York might be the worst place in the world to find someone to date.

A good friend of mine always says, “Dating in New York should be like being a kid in a candy shop, instead it’s like being a kid in Home Depot. There is all this sh*t and you don’t want any of it.”

Here is a list of places we dream of meeting someone sort of normal…and why this is in fact a dream:

The Bars: No one meets their soulmate at a bar. These might be the best places to find a casual one night stand, but nothing substantial will ever come of it. You’re drunk, he’s drunk, and with beer goggles and bad lighting who cares if he’s attractive?

All you know is he looks good and keeps buying the rounds. The next morning he may still look pretty. This is a good sign your judgement wasn’t totally off so you guys exchange numbers.

Don’t hold your breath for the phone call. It won’t happen.

The Coffee Shop: Your intentions are good. No one is drunk (hopefully), and there is always to distinct possibility that the artsy boy of your dreams will be sitting next to you reading a cool book you’ve never heard of. As you do your work you guys make eyes at each other. Rarely though does this lead to any kind of conversation.

You see, New Yorkers have an issue with pride. They don’t want to be the first ones to make the move because then they will lose precious cool points.

If you guys do talk and hit it off a date could follow. However, be leary of the man who spends his days reading in coffee shops.

You’re probably not the first girl he’s picked up there.

The Hot Waiter at the Restaurant: He’s an actor and he’s gay. Move on, please.

The Train: New York’s public transportation system should be a hotbed for singles. Especially during rush hours when the car is so crowded everyone is rubbing up against each other. The sexy stare down is an effective move on the train but chances are the two of you are getting off at different stops.

Stalking is not cute, so don’t follow him off the train. And if it was really good eye sex? Post something on Craigslist in the “Missed Connections” section.

But that’s a little sketchy too, so don’t run around telling anyone you did that.

The Workplace: The workplace or classroom is probably the best place to actually meet someone, but also the most dangerous. The positives are that you are able to get to know someone fairly well working with them everyday. You guys have similar goals and career aspirations so there’s some actual stuff in common.

Make sure it’s worth the awkwardness in the office if things don’t work out or you sleep together and he never calls. It won’t be fun for anyone.

Oh, and the married boss is just gross. Don’t go there.

The only problem? You don’t even know this person’s name, let alone their phone number. Luckily for you, there’s Craigslist. The same place where you buy your used furniture and sex is also the place to go to for your “missed connections.” Just post your ad with details about where and when you saw your future soul mate/one night stand, cross your fingers, and hope they’re on Craigslist looking for you too.

I’ll admit—I may have perused the Missed Connections section in NYC in the past. And I’m always left feeling some mixture of hopefully, disturbed, and amused. A rundown of my favorite recent missed connections:

The Good:

F train- you told me I was beautiful as you exited the train – w4m

Around 11:30 this morning (Saturday, June 30th) -

you: orange polo, great smile, got on the train somewhere in downtown brooklyn

me: brown hair, polka dotted pink dress

Exchanged smiles and eye contact. I wish I wasn’t such a pussy and had talked to you at the time. What you said to me as you were getting off the train was very sweet and has kept me smiling for the rest of the day.

Black guy w/ tatts working out near the Manu Chao concert… – w4m – 22

I spent the entire time just watching in awe. I have never seen such a beautiful human. I really like your Shiva tatt on your ribs. There must have been 4 other women on line waiting that were all talking about you.I would literally drink the sweat off your body! I hope you read this!

The Bad:

I’m almost positive we made out on the street… – w4m – 26 (East Village)

….too bad I don’t remember any of it. I was in rare form that night, so sorry if I acted like a creep.

Married Blond, Stop and Shop Amityville, This Past Friday – m4w – 44

I passed you in produce. I’m 5’9″ 160, blue eyes, short brown hair. I checked you out and you smiled. Saw your wedding ring and I’m sure you saw mine. Never done this before but thought I’d ask what might have been on your mind.

The Funny:

You Dropped Your Bible and I Saw Your Thong – m4w

I was walking down the sidewalk and you, a very good looking woman from the backside, dropped what appeared to be the Holy Bible, bent to pick it up, and through no fault of my own, I saw your thong…and wow. I know Jesus spent some time with Mary Magdalene, and likely she wore next to nothing under those sackcloths, but I have to admit, your short skirt and fluorescent pink thong were way sexier, and made me want to get to “know” you, in the Biblical sense, of course. I’m not Christian, but if we can stick to the basic 10 Commandments and leave the Pope out of it, I think we’ll be ok. Oh, by the way, I was the very tall, tan, curly-haired, non-Christian gentleman walking behind you.

LIE 5pm near exit 60 on Saturday 6/30 – m4w – 28

I doubt that you will ever see this, but this is for that smoking HOT blonde who was going down on that guy as he was driving yesterday. That was so HOT! lol Me and my girlfriend followed you guys for a while. You looked amazing at it. You were in greyish Kia or Ford I think. You had pigtails and seemed to be about 30-40. Very hot!

I have been addicted to the Missed Connections for some time now. I read them every night hoping I’ll recognize myself in one of them, but there’s never been anything remotely close to a description of me or a situation I’ve been in. But I mean, I probably have, like, seventy missed connections per day that I don’t even realize I’m having.

That’s why they’re missed connections, right? And they just fall by the wayside, into the missed connection graveyard, never to be thought about again. So I figured in this instance I’d take action.

And why not? I’m positive it’s not going to work. My M.C. was with a waiter at a popular coffee hangout near me who said he liked my shirt. Yeah, yeah. He probably likes every girl’s shirt if it means a bigger tip. I put two quarters in the tip jar! That’s half a load of laundry! This relationship is really heating up.

But he’s not going to reply. Someone else might, but how weird would that be? What would I do, meet up with him? I learned in fifth grade never to meet up with a stranger you meet on the internet. Besides, Craigslist still teeters on the line of being a socially acceptable way to sell mattresses and meet friends and a disturbing place where old men try to satisfy their S&M fantasies: Exhibit A.

But any way you approach it, it’s important to remember that you have nothing to lose. You can sell your bike and maybe even find your true love on Craigslist… depending on your definition of creepy.