[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Sex is like ice cream – it’s sweet, it’s sticky and it’s always better with hot fudge and whipped cream. Oh wait, that’s not where I was going with this. Let’s start again..

Sex is like ice cream – everyone’s got a favorite flavor. While some like Cookies ‘n Cream, others like Rum Raisin. And while some people like sex the good old fashioned way, others like to shake things up. Some like background music, others like a little dirty talkin‘. Some girls like a guy who is soft and sensual, while other girls crave hot, tie-me-up-and-take-control passion.

But no matter what we like, whether it’s lying there and enjoying the show or hopping on top for some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, there are some things guys can do that just don’t fly between the sheets. Or on the desk. Or in the bathroom stall. Or….you get the point:

The Jackhammer (also known as: The Rabbit): Come on, dude. This is sex, not road repair. Whoever thinks pounding a girl’s sensitive lady bits like he’s a jackhammer and she’s a 12-inch-thick piece of concrete should have his penis removed. If I wanted my vagina to hurt for 3 days, I’d take a Spin Class….at least then I’d burn some calories.

Porn Lingo: Dirty talk is one thing; who doesn’t want to hear how hot they are or how much the guy wants to sleep with them? Porn talk is quite another. Nothing makes a girl cringe faster than the words “pussy” and “moist,” and if you want this to end well (read: not with blue balls), you’ll steer clear of that kind of chatter.

Pelvic Exams: It’s no secret that we ladies need a little more attention to our nether regions in order to reach our blissful happy place. (Sidenote: To some guys, this IS a secret that no one’s told them.) I’m all about a little manual stimulation, but I want it to feel good, not like my yearly exam with Dr. Kaplan. That means a soft touch, fingertips only, not going elbow deep to the point that I can feel your hands in my throat. You do know where the clitoris is, right?

Sneak Attacks: Oh really, you think I’m not gonna notice you try to enter through the exit?

Too Many Questions: With all the things a guy can do wrong, it’s a welcome change when he takes interest in what we want. Of course, asking so many questions that we need to pull out a Power Point Presentation and a laser pointer to get things movin’ is a bit of a mood killer. I want to sleep with a guy who’s good at what he does, not a guy who needs GPS directions to my happy place. If we’re doing more talking than doing, I’d rather just do it all myself.

Forceful Direction: Guys like blow jobs. They like them in the morning, in the car, in the shower, in the house with a mouse… We get it, k? We don’t need you pushing down on our heads to send the message. If I want to give you one, I will. Shoving my head down south and messing up my ‘do is not going to increase your chances, bud.

What makes a guy want to go at it alone (well, besides everything)? Let’s see what He has to say.

Oh, and if you’ve got anything to add to the Do Not Do list, sound off below!

I’ve been looking for a cure for my problem for months.  Why can’t I just relax, sit back, and enjoy? What can I possibly do to block the free-flowing thoughts and get into the moment?  I know there is nothing emotionally wrong with me; I’m a normal girl and just like every other girl out there, my mind is riddled with thoughts.  Mine just happen to reproduce like a cluster of horny bunny rabbits whenever I get nakie and start doing the nasty.

Luckily, there is always a solution to my problems!  And this time, altering my mind may have a little something to do in altering my position.

A little back story:
While hiding from the Black Friday crowds in an empty bookstore last week, a certain title caught my eye. And that title was “Spectacular Sex Moves He’ll Never Forget.” I ducked down in the aisle and began flipping through, intrigued by the yoga-turned-sex moves I discovered. That night, fueled by some leftover wine, my boyfriend and I tried one out. And it was a night neither of us will soon forget.

Since then, we’ve been toying around with many fun and interesting new sex positions (which I’m sure will be even more fun when we’re no longer crashing in my parents’ basement) and I have to say, my sex life will never be the same. If you’re like me and tend to stick with the more traditional approach to sex (“I lie, you do all the work”), take it from me: it’s time to crack a book and get a little more adventurous between the sheets.

Why? I’m glad you asked.

It Brings You Closer Together
Because we were both nervous to try out a rather complicated new position, it was rather awkward for both of us.  Especially when I accidentally kicked him in the groin when my foot cramped up and he hit his head on the wall. But we fell into buckets of laughter together. Once that was out of the way, we were both free of any insecurities and I was free of the intrusive thoughts that usually get in the way of actually enjoying the moment.   It was embarrassing at first, of course, but we were both vulnerable and we worked together to accomplish something intimate and exciting. The barrier was broken and eye contact, free thoughts and comfort were welcomed with open legs arms.

It makes a long term relationship exciting again
Let’s be honest: when you’re in a long term relationship, sex can become boring and can even feel like a chore sometimes. But adding something new and different gives you something to look forward to and makes sex lively and fun again.

It’s a fun couple challenge
Beyond spicing your love life up, it’s fun to challenge yourself as a couple and try to master a brand new craft. Together, you can go above and beyond and take sexy time to the next level.  I’m always more satisfied when I feel like I’ve accomplished something and when you accomplish something as a team, more power to you.

It burns more calories
There’s no way lying there in the missionary position does much in the calorie burning department.

It makes sex more enjoyable
Since you’re out trying new things, chances are you will find a position that you like even better than all that stuff you’re used to.  Imagine that!

Like En Vogue once sang, it’s time to ‘free your mind.’  And I’m willing to believe switching up sexy positions will help you let go.  For me, it was easy to release some nervous energy with my partner, experience new things together, get a workout, spice it up, all the while enjoying a pleasurable, extravagant experience.  That’s better recognition than getting an apple sticker on my 5th grade spelling test.

So, get out there!  Crack open Spectacular Sex Moves He’ll Never Forget and try some new positions.

It’s no secret among my friends that I like being treated aggressively in the bedroom, but sometimes, I feel like I’m the only girl I know who likes getting roughed up. Perhaps that’s because my sexual propensities really are that rare, but more likely, it’s because a taboo against BDSM still exists.

Rachel Kramer Bussel, who recently wrote on The Frisky about a newly discovered desire to be choked during sex, notes that “Women, especially feminists, aren’t supposed to say they like rough sex … [There's a] misconception that consensual BDSM is a precursor to violence.” That’s something I know all too well. Last year, I blogged about an instance of rough sex on my website, Sex and the Ivy. While my entries often receive mixed reviews (because some disagree with my decision to write publicly about my sex life), I was surprised by the number of commenters who were outraged by this piece. Some of the reactions included:

“This could easily be a police report with the victim recounting a rape.”
“You deserve better.”
“True love does not seek to demean the other person.”
“The fact that he even desires to treat you this way is disgusting.”

Some commenters even engaged in a discussion about whether my account of being jerked around was effectively condoning rape. I wondered how it was possible that any of them could misconstrue my writing to mean that I was implicitly endorsing misogynistic attitudes — or worse, that I was in an abusive relationship. Beyond my irritation at being misinterpreted, I was extremely troubled by the judgments made about my sexual partner at the time, who’s my now-boyfriend and the type of political radical that would put most American “liberals” to shame. Before him, I had a hard time meeting guys who weren’t dismissive of my feminist views and my passion for LGBT activism. Pulling my hair and choking me during sex (at my request) hardly means that he doesn’t respect me or value equality. In fact, ours is the most egalitarian relationship I’ve ever had, and I’m someone who’s especially sensitive to gender issues.

When I wrote the piece, I didn’t think that my bedroom practices were too out of the ordinary, since nothing I’ve done has even approached hardcore BDSM and I really don’t have very interesting fetishes considering that I write a lot about sex. It surprised me, then, that people reacted so strongly to what I considered a rather tame example of rough play. After all, who hasn’t made jokes about spanking? How could BDSM still be considered on the fringe despite the appearance of dominatrixes in television and movies? Has it really remained that controversial given the amount of bondage gear on sale at Babeland? (But maybe none of these people were shopping at Babeland.) I was appalled by the conservatism on display and dismayed by the ignorance. A common mantra of BDSM culture is “Safe, Sane, and Consensual”, something I thought everyone knew about, but even a prominent disclaimer failed to convince the critics that I’d truly provided my consent.

And perhaps, that was what bothered me most of all. These commenters, who decried my partner as “disgusting” and my relationship as “demeaning”, were simultaneously refusing to recognize my agency in an interaction that took place between two people. Rough sex wasn’t anti-feminist; this was. I said that I had consented to all the activities, yet they refused to believe that could be true. Instead, they assumed that my partner must have somehow pressured me into it, that I couldn’t possibly have played an equal role in shaping our sexual interactions.

Not everyone may enjoy rough sex, but that doesn’t automatically make it unethical or anti-feminist, just as vanilla sex isn’t boring simply because I don’t like it. Regardless of preferences, no one is qualified to have an opinion on the consensual activities that take place in someone else’s bedroom. In other words, if you don’t judge me enjoying a good spanking (and I enjoy a good spanking), I won’t judge you for liking missionary.

Sometimes I work out these elaborate sex scenes in my head. It’s like I’m a porn star-but even cooler cause I have more creative moves and not so much lip liner. I’m usually on my way to meet some potentially sexy dude when these fantasies take place. They’re like confidence assemblies in my mind. I’m usually wearing lacey panties and have embodied Shane from The L Word, except I’m straight. So me and sexy dude meet up, and invariably, we flirt over drinks. Alcohol does its job at making me even more sold on the idea of crazy sex moves while making me more incapable of them simultaneously.

Ohhhh, alcohol.

Lets skip to the part where sexy dude and I are about to do it.

I’m blurry. It’s late. I’m tired. But I’m a f*cking sport, God-damnit, and I step up to the hot sex positions plate. I love having sex, but I don’t have it all the time because I happen to also love being single. This means I can only have sex on those days I meet a guy who doesn’t make me want to punch him. Since sex can sometimes be an infrequent thing for me, I’m sure as hell not gonna blow it by doin’ the same old, even if I am drunk and an all around mess. Nope, no way.

I’m always a fan of branching out sexually. Luckily, being wiling to try new things can pay off more than you know. Example? Here you go:

I met a dude – skanky and yet sweet enough to earn my liking – last weekend. He started biting my neck while dancing at a club. (Drool. For the record, biting is green light for kinky sex.) We came back to my place and had so much sex. So much. For days. In every way possible. It was the most marvelous thing ever.

Did you know that it is possible to have both of your feet massaged and kissed while doing the nasty? Well, it is. And it feels awesome. My point is that there is some merit to crazy sex positions. You can only feel so much doing it missionary and, let me tell you, ladies, that feeling doesn’t cut it. Not only do crazy sex positions keep sex interesting, but they also can blow. your. mind.

Cosmopolitan managed to somehow hit on my three favorite positions in one of their guides online. The fore-mentioned foot kissing one? Yeah, here ya go; it’s called the slow climb. Except the dude in this illustration isn’t kissing her feet…because he’s a bastard and not a hot skank.

Since all ladies like being referred to as dogs, go ahead and embrace the concept of the down dog. OK, the name kinda sucks, but if you keep your legs totally closed on this one, it rocks.

The lusty lap dance, finally, is not as generic as it sounds. In fact, I kind of love it as long as I like kissing the guy I’m sleeping with, which….sigh….just isn’t always the case.

So don’t let your lack of sobriety (or fear of sexjury) lead you down a dead end path of mundane sex. Screw that. Wear your hot panties and have hot sex. It’s worth it.

[Photo courtesy of About.com]

Like, say that new position you read about in Cosmo that requires you to stand on your head while he balances on one foot?

I’m here to tell you, these positions, while alluring in theory are not only an excessive amount of work (that isn’t always worth that coveted “O”), they can even be hazardous to your health…anyone ever heard of a sex injury (or as my friends and I call it, a sexjury)?

Picking up a copy of the Kama Sutra and realizing how many different options there are to twist your bodies in strange positions in order to better reach those special spots can be intimidating but also enticing. Who knew it was possible to do that? Who knew I could get off from that? Believe me, not all of us can. Not everyone has the same level of flexibility and yes, I speak from experience when I say that sometimes trying to put my leg behind my head in a new and unusual position is painful, enter a horse named Charlie.

Nothing can put a great sex session on hold as quickly as a severe leg cramp. “Oh God baby, yes” quickly turns to “Oh God that hurts!” as you ferociously throw your lover off you and jump up and down in hopes of making the pain subside as quickly as possible. And let me go out on a limb to say that searing pain can make getting back into things a lot less tempting.

Sexjuries can be a lot more severe than that, as well. Case in point; I have one male friend who has suffered from two major sexjuries; a thrown out back and a sprained penis. Yes folks, I said it, a sprained penis (insert collective “ohhhh!” and grimace here). Due to overzealousness and excitement in trying to spice things up, he and his girl managed to do a position that completely threw out his back and caused him to have to see a chiropractor for months on end, and to wear a back brace. He still suffers from minor pain when he does strenuous activity. Tell me now, is that worth it? Let’s think about that for a minute.

After the sprained penis incident, he told me that he couldn’t get an erection for a week and even after it started working again, he was so terrified of the pain, he waited another week. In my humble opinion, one amazing sack session isn’t worth losing out on two weeks of nookie.

All in all though, leg cramps, back injuries and various sprains aside, let’s be realistic and ask, in general, are these crazy forays into sexual positions worth the physical struggle, work and exhaustion it takes just to get yourself into them? Is that toe-curling “O” really that important? Yes, phenomenal orgasms are obviously the goal, but I’ve found that I can obtain them without having to bend my body in ways I never thought possible. And that’s just fine with me.

[Photo courtesy of ThorinaRose.com]

I’m not anti-religion, nor am I anti-Mormon (I actually know 3 Mormon guys, and none of them are weird or have a hankering for multiple wives), but there’s just something odd about staring lustfully at dudes who have pledged themselves to God, and have dedicated their lives to preaching pure beliefs.

According to the website, the calendar “features twelve handsome returned Mormon missionaries from across the United States who, for the first time ever, have dared to pose bare-chested.”

“These hunky young men of faith” the website goes on to say, “explode with sexuality on each calendar page.”

Besides questioning their use of the word “explode” (innuendo much?), I wonder why certain believers of the Mormon faith feel it’s so important to emphasize their sexuality?

Maybe because their religion has recently gotten a bad rap? Maybe some people see them as straight-laced and boring?

Maybe they just want to get half-naked for a good cause?

Whatever the case, I’m sure they’ll give a lot of pious girls sweet dreams. As for me, I’ll stick to ogling dudes who don’t secretly think I’m going to hell.