Dear Dude,

I’ve been hanging out with a guy for a little over three months. We were inseparable almost from the start. When we weren’t at each others’ apartments, we were texting so a day never went by without us communicating in some way. HOWEVER, we were not dating because he “doesn’t date.” We never agreed to be exclusive and only promised to be forthcoming if things got physical with another person (it never did). Every once in a while he would make a comment about how hurt he was by his last long-term relationship and that he wasn’t interested in pursing something like that again. I know that this should have been a huge warning sign but I got caught up in how easy it was just being with him. Also, to make it clear, most of the time he seemed to be really invested in what we had together which always seemed to be a little more than casual sex.

This changed about two weeks ago. Suddenly, it seemed like I was a burden to him. I would come over and he would be standoffish and silent. I was worried that I was crowding him so I’d offer to go home but he always said that it was my choice if I wanted to stay or leave. I almost always stayed because I enjoy being around him and he would eventually unwind and act normally. Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Benjamin Franklin once said (I know, I can’t believe I’m quoting Benjamin Franklin either) “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” B. Frank was a smart man and he made a good point, but I’d like to add one more certainty to that list: confusion from the male gender.

It’s no secret that guys confuse us. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t need The Dude to explain them to us, or the entire relationship self-help aisle at Barnes and Noble. We wouldn’t spend hours trying to decipher what they meant in that last text message or find a way to ask every single person we knew why he’d ask to walk us home and then never call again. We’d all be blissfully happy and problem-free with our long-term boyfriends who are open, honest and straightforward.

But, alas, as great as some guys may be, they are still incredibly mysterious creatures that continually find new ways to confuse the the sh*t out of us. (Well, not literally. I’m not even sure that’s possible.) And while every day brings more confusion, there are 7 main things about guys I’ll never understand. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m in my first year of college, and there’s this one guy in one of my classes that I like. We aren’t what I’d call friends yet, but I’m working on the whole ‘getting to know him’ thing. So one night last week, he, I, and a couple of friends from the class went for a drink. We were discussing hair, and I was recounting a bad haircut received in my earlier youth. He replied ‘well, your hair looks really great now; you’re one of the most attractive girls on our course.’

…WTF, Dude!? I nearly choked on my drink! It literally came out of nowhere. I figured I’d just continue the becoming friends process, with few flirtations here and there. I must admit, however, I am completely terrible at flirting (I have never consciously flirted with somebody, let ALONE had a boyfriend) but I tried my best, and I thought I was getting some positive feedback…. He calls me sweetheart, I thought there was a bit of the eye contact flirty thing going on, there’s been a few more compliments, and he’s invited me to a few places. (Although with friends.)

A few days ago, we went out to a club, and I thought here was where something could potentially happen if we were all drinking. (That’s the way we all do it, right?)  Alcohol flowing through my veins, I attempted once more to be friendly, and sorta danced with him…. and…..nada. He didn’t reel back in horror, but I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for. Same sorta thing as before, but nothing incredibly obvious. Disheartened, I tried to cover myself the day after, and blamed the alcohol.

Have I completely jumped the gun here? Because in my book (however limited) guys don’t tell girls they’re the most attractive girl in their class (which isn’t true, we have a professional model in or midst for goodness sake!) unless they’re into them.

I’ve asked my guy and girl friends for advice, and opinions on the matter are firmly divided. Some think he in into me, others think he was just paying me a friendly compliment. (Even when we weren’t really friends!) So…what should I do? Am I reading too much into this? Is he into me? What the heck is going on in this boy’s head?!

Sincerely,
Mindf*cked Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,

The other weekend I met a guy through a mutual friend at breakfast, and we hit it off. I happened to run into him later that day, and we spent a good four hours just chatting and flirting while working, and he ended up inviting me to his place to watch a movie with some friends. He had his arm around me during the movie, and once everyone else left, we started making out. He started to take things further, I went along for a while but then put a stop to it, saying I should go home, since I wasn’t comfortable going that far with a guy I just met. He said I could sleep over if I wanted or he could walk me home, and he said he wanted to get breakfast in the morning. So he walked me home, and we did get that breakfast.

The next night, we were both out at separate parties, but he texted me saying to let him know if I wanted to meet up. So later that night I texted him saying that my roommate was gone for the weekend, and to meet me outside the party I was at. He comes, I proudly announce that I’m drunk, and he just laughs and starts walking me back to my place. Again, we start hooking up, but after a little I again put a stop to it, since, again, I’d just met him the day before. He says it’s fine, I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to, etc. I apologize, since by this point I’m sober enough to realize that bringing him back home was a cocktease and a half, but he insists everything’s fine. He asks if I want him to sleep over or if he should go back home, I say he can stay if he wants. He asks if I’d like that, I say yes, so for the rest of the night we just cuddle, with him occasionally kissing my forehead and such, just generally being very sweet. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,

There’s a lot of questions about guys and girls being ‘just friends’, so I have one for you. I’ve been friends with this guy since senior year of high school and we are now juniors in college. The two of us are sharing an apartment next year (just the two of us) and we hang out one-on-one all of the time. We have never gone romantic, but we have gotten physical, like wrestling around on my bed and cuddling. He quizzes me on ‘my type’ of guys but will also say my sister/friend/housemate is hot (when we are alone). He says he’s confident with people but he has also said that he lacks confidence in the sex department. I really like him but I’m worried that I never take a hint when he is flirting with me and I turn him away. So, whatcha think? Should I bring up my feelings to him?

Thank you,
The Friend

P.S. We’re both single and haven’t dated anyone since we’ve known each other.

Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,

So I met this guy at a party one night and we exchanged numbers. A few days later he texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him for some drinks. I met him at the bar and we had a great time. We had so much to talk about, there was never an awkward silence and we ended up staying pretty late. I was going to take the bus home (I go to school in Chicago and the bar was far from my place), but he refused to let me and offered to drive me home, which was in the complete opposite direction of his home. I got really awkward when we pulled up so I sorta just said my goodbye and jumped out of the car. I didn’t want him to think that meant I wasn’t interested so I texted him the next day to thank him and tell him how good of a time I had.

And then…. Nothing.

WTF? It’s fine if he’s not interested (even though that makes no sense based on how well things went) but why would he drive me all the way home if he wasn’t into me? Is it because I didn’t kiss him goodnight?

– First Date Freak Read More »

Boys. What a confusing subject. More confusing than my European History class and Biological Bases of Behavior class combined, and they’re tough enough alone as it is. You think they feel one way and it turns out they feel the exact opposite; sometimes good, other times bad. If they’re were an award on Most Mixed Messages Sent In One Night, boys would definitely take the cake. And the trophy. And then celebrate with a beer bong.

Right now there’s this guy I kind of have a crush on but I have no idea what he’s thinking so I’m not sure what to do. My sorority and his fraternity always have mixers together, and no matter whom our respective dates are we always end up dancing together in the end. At our last function we hooked up and exchanged numbers, but then, thanks to Swine Flu and a class field trip (yeah, we still have those), I couldn’t see him for weeks. We’ve been doin’ a bit of flirxting (that’s text flirting…start using it) but nothing real has happened so far. I know some people think ladies should suck it up and make a move, but I tend to hang out in the guys-always-make-the-first-move corner.

And he’s not making one. Should I?
I’m torn. Read More »

When you hand in a rough draft of your final term paper, and you get good feedback- you are no doubt shocked when your grade is much lower than anticipated right?

So you go to your professor and she explains what you did wrong, where you missed the mark. And while you are frustrated, you move on because hey, it’s Thursday night and so why not get drunk now and just remember what to fix for next time?

When you finish a crossword or sudoku puzzle, you head for most important part: the answer key. Because how annoying would it be to spend two hours on a mind game and not get any sort of validation that you did it right? (A blatant waste of time, in my opinion)

And of course, when Britney Spears makes the Worst Dressed list week after week, she doesn’t have to sit and ponder as to why she’s on there. If her poor taste in fashion isn’t obvious enough (last time I checked, fedoras and printed pajama bottoms wasn’t what they meant by “mix and match”) at least there is some comedian explaining what makes her outfit so comically tragic.

In all of these cases, there is an answer to what went askew, a reasoning behind the actions.

So why is it that when you go on a date that you think went well and then hear not-a-thing… there is nothing you can do about it? Read More »