Mac 'n cheese for now, pizza for (when you're drunk) later.

Living in college pretty much means you will be living a notch above a homeless person.  You drink cheap booze heavily, pass out in random places, smell like last night on your way to class and (pretty much) live in a box.  Luckily, we all know that is what makes college amazing.

But still, college can get pretty difficult at times.  You don’t have a car your freshman year to make constant trips to Trader Joe’s, let alone the moolah to buy nice minty tea tree shampoo and Charmin Baby soft toilet paper like Mama buys at home (sigh).  What are you ever going to do without a stocked pantry and a private hot shower (that doesn’t require flip flops and a shower caddy?!?).

Don’t fret, college loved ones!  The college campus is a gold mine for basic needs and perks.  And I promise you, one thing we have up to a homeless man is easy access to what we need.

Toilet Paper: At Texas A&M University, the opportunity to jack some TP is dwindling. Fight back! Bust into those dorm bathrooms and storage closets and stack the TP high, cradle it in your arms and for the love of all that is sanitary and hygienically sound, earn your TP!

Paper From The Lib: If you brought your own printer to school, the least your school could do for you is provide a healthy stack of paper to print out all of those essays professors are assigning.  And those weekly one-pager updates your prof is making you type up for the chapter you read in Physics?  That calls for an entire stack of HP Plain Paper…slipped inconspicuously into a binder….then shoved into your bag.

Loaves of Bread/Cereal From the Caf: Now this begins to get more tricky.  Loaves of bread are large and awkwardly shaped and the cafeteria has many sets of eyes to watch you jack one. And cereal is crunchy and loud.  But bread can construct so many foods (i.e. sandwiches, toast, french toast, garlic bread etc) and it is way worth the trouble of fetching for later.  And cereal is just plain amazing.  All you must do is sling your backpack open, recruit a fellow comrade, and have he/she slip it in your bag. Boom. Breakfast.

Cranberry Juice/Orange Juice/Soda From the Caf: Duh kiddies, these are perfect chaser material for Thursday-Sunday.  It is pretty easy to carefully pour glasses into old Aquafina water bottles and trek them to your dorm via North Face backpack.  And you don’t even have to spend a $1.50 on a flat soda in the Pepsi machine for your cheap vodka later.

Extensive Amounts of Your R.A.’s Candy: This is a given.  I’m not sure if your R.A. lets bowls of candy sit outside her dorm room like every day is Halloween on crack, but mine always did.  And mid-study sesh, it’s always OK to run over to the bowl and take more than a few for later.  I mean, that’s what they’re there for, right?

Old Magazines From the Workout Room: This may be gross (granted everyone sweats their vodka cranberries out all over them) but if you get beyond that (degrading) thought, magazines can act for a good numbing activity when you don’t want to study and you can make a collage on your bulletin board of all of the shots of Taylor Lautner prancing in the water.

Pens in the Financial Aid Office: I’m willing to bet the financial aid office is doing just fine.  One college pen that writes nicely isn’t going to kill anybody.

Free Toiletries in the Bathroom: Man, bathrooms where I went to school were stocked full of tampons.  With a life so stressful and unpredictable, who knows when you will get Aunt Flo knocking on your door? Stash up, and be prepared.

Expired Holiday Decorations: Dorm rooms really get spiced up during the holidays.  My advice? Take them for later and stash them in one of those 80 empty bins you have sitting around your dorm room.  They will look great in your new house next year, or an on campus apartment.

The Cute Boy in Your Science Class: Steal him for coffee or happy hour.  You must.

Veev:  An excellent substitute for vodka, Veev is actually manufactured from acai berries which are packed with antioxidants and anthocyanins.  What makes this drink even better, however, is the company’s commitment to the environment.  Veev donates $1 towards the Brazilian rainforest for every bottle sold, preserving their sustainable acai supply.  Veev is also the first carbon-neutral liquor company, powering all of their distillers through renewable energy.  Pass up the Smirnoff  and throw one of these back with friends (but don’t forget to toast to the Brazilian rainforest first!).

OneHope Sauvignon Blanc: I bought this baby on a whim at BevMo (5 cent sale, anyone?) and felt an instant karma boost.  With every bottle sold, OneHope donates 50% of the profits to the American Forest, a charity aimed at protecting, restoring, and enhancing our native trees and forests.  If you’re not a sauvignon blanc fan, there are several other wines to choose from, each with their own cause.  Drink chardonnay for breast cancer, merlot for AIDS, or zinfandel for our troops overseas.  Whichever you choose, you can bet you’ll feel a little buzz of goodness with every glass.

New Belgium beer:  This brewery from Fort Collins, Colorado has a long list of environmental actions and achievements.  I am not going to go through the whole list here because, well, I’m lazy.  Here are the most notable ones of the bunch:
* Decreased energy usage in their brewing and in the facility itself due to efficient lighting, sustainable building materials, and efficient brew kettles.
* Wind power and waste water are used to produce renewable energy for the factory.
* Encouragement of bike transportation by hosting an annual bike festival and giving every employee a free bike after 1 year of employment.
* Member of 1% For the Planet, meaning that they give 1% of their revenue to environmental non-profits.

ModMix organic mixers:  The name says it all – ModMix creates a line of fully organic mixers for your favorite cocktails.  This means no chemicals, no synthetic pesticides, and no harmful substances.  You can use ModMix for pretty much any drink you could imagine.  Their products include mixes for citrus margaritas, French martinis, lavender lemon drops, mojitos, pomegranate cosmos, and wasabi bloody marys.  Just be sure to mix these babies with a sustainable alcohol such as Papagayo organic rums, 4Copas tequila, or TruVodka.

Who doesn’t love having a few shots of tequila? This writer doesn’t.  I can usually manage with the lime and salt included, but still; there are tons of things I’d rather experience than the burn of tequila as it runs down my throat followed immediately by my stomach trying to send it back.

BUT, it is National Tequila Day, so the Goose (or the cheap Burnetts vodka that I normally drink) is gonna have to wait until tomorrow night. I can’t let a momentous day like this pass me by without partaking in some “festivities.” And by festivities, I clearly mean a little one tequila, two tequila, three tequila…. well, you know the ending.

And I don’t even have to do it in shot form, because there are some mighty fine lookin’ tequila cocktails out there. These badboys give you all the tequila goodness without the pain/regurgitation.

I’ll drink (tequila) to that!

I’m not good at much – just ask my IM volleyball team – but if there is one thing I’ve mastered in my lifetime, it’s the art of drinking. It’s not like it came naturally; I’ve devoted much of my adult life to hitting the bottle. It’s been a lot of hard work, dry heaves and hairs of the dogs that bit me, but I am finally a boozing master.

And being that I am a self-proclaimed expert in the subject, I think it is imperative that I share some of my hard earned knowledge with the world. You see, drinking is a difficult task and there are many things to know in order to truly be good at it. Namely: the things that don’t mix well with alcohol.

You may feel the need to go out and try these combos for yourself, but just trust me on this one and stay far, far away from the following mixers:

1. Cereal: Lucky Charms and Baileys sounds like a delicious combo, but it is not. Especially before a long day of classes.

2. Automobiles: Obviously, everyone (well, everyone besides those morons in Hollywood) knows that driving drunk is dumb. But so is riding in the back of a cab. With a window that doesn’t work. You never know how far vomit can splash until you are in that situation.

3. Going commando: There is something about the combination of alcohol and the desire to constantly lift one’s skirt that just doesn’t quite work.

4. Serious talks: If you need to have it out with someone you know, doing it while drunk is not a good idea. Unless, of course, you like screaming/crying/punching/hugging in the middle of a busy street.

5. Cameras: Dropping it and watching the screen shatter while doing the worm in the middle of a dance floor is the least of your problems. In fact, after realizing the sh*tshow that is documented on that memory card, it may just be the solution.

6. Bunk Beds: Top or bottom, you will get injured.

7. Fine Dining: You may think a fine meal isn’t complete without a (few) bottle(s) of wine, but I’m sure the bus boy who has to wipe up your vomit from under the table would disagree.

8. Tights: They look totally hot with that mini, but aren’t so wonderful after you break the seal and have to pee every 10-12 minutes for the rest of the night.

9. Fire: No explanation needed.

10. Slides: “OMGEEE IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO SLIDE DOWN THAT RIGHT NOW…FACE FIRST,” says the girl who now is missing the skin from the right side of her face.

True story. All of them. Just heed my advice and be careful out there.